corgibuttwrites

[corgibuttwrites]

The Songs of Life (Simon Riley Fanfic)

Song- It Took Me By Surprise by Maria Mena

Lianna couldn't stop the pacing of her feet any more than she could stop the racing of her heart. A drum playing in her chest to its own tune, beating louder at every passing second that she waited in anticipation. Her hand stopped feeling clammy a good twenty minutes ago, now they felt cold as ice as the tendrils of doubt crept in.

What am I doing? Why am I still here?

Lianna didn't imagine this ending well, for anyone on the team, much less for herself. She made a swear to not involve the team in her person life, for their safety and for hers. She'd broken that vow and now the consequences would cost her. She was sure of it.

Hence the incessant twirling of her dogtags, a comforting habit she'd been tried to avoid but at this moment was her only grounding solace.

Waiting outside the training rooms wasn't the smartest plan she'd ever come up with, but with her second trimester hormones raging, she'd felt more anxious waiting in the Simons office.

The training room doors flew on their hinges with a bang, rattling the bulletproof windows as they slammed against the brick walls on either side. The two men that emerged had Lianna stopping in her tracks, a salute to them both an automatic response accordance to rank.

Simon Riley led the charge out, his eyes locked on his trailing Sargeant, the two almost always two steps away from each other. Depp in conversation and ignoring the world around them as usual. It was a wonder Lianna got into this situation by how much time the two spent together.

I can do this! He has a right to know.

Steeling herself, Lianna marched towards the two, her feet carrying her with a stronger will than her heart.

"Riley, we need to talk." She tried to make herself sound as confident as possible but the crack at the end didn't convey the same message.

Both men whipped around from their conversation, Jonny Mctavish shooting her roughish grin, as he'd always had a soft spot for her. Out of pity or genuine friendship, Lianna couldn't tell anymore.

"Stitches!" The thick accent of the sergeant was comfortingly familiar, something she'd heard a million times over the radiowaves. "Say lass, might want to come spar with us sometime," The Scott didn't mean the way the words were edged like a blade. "Price will have the Lutenuints head if you aren't in fighting shape come wheels up."

Lianna couldn't help the way the comment rubbed her the wrong way; she knew he meant nothing by at. At least she hoped he didn't.

"Simon, we need to talk," At Johnnys non-moving feet, she added timidly, "In private. Please."

Simon Riley was a difficult man, that he was well aware of. He prided himself on how his only attachment was to one other living soul, and not with the one that was desperately hoping it was with her.

"I'll catch up to you," The baritone tone was nothing new to Lianna, she'd only heard his voice soften when she'd spent three days unconscious after a mission gone wrong. She'd saw it as a sign, her chance to catch his attention, which had worked for a whole 12 hours of memorable pleasure, but as the weeks traversed into months, the thought of that night brought nothing to her but agonizing pain.

With a parting look of curiosity, and a reassuring look of spilled tea from Simon, the Scott departed and left the two with more privacy than they'd had in months.

The positive test was burning a hole through Liannas pocket, but with it just the two of them now, her mouth felt as dry as the Saihara desert.

"He isn't wrong Stich, " The pet name used to make her heart flutter, now it just made her stomach churn. "You've been skipping morning drills."

The reminder was painful, almost as excruciating as the hours she'd spent hugging a toilet seat and sobbing alone because she knew he wouldn't come if she called. "I know."

The admission was soft, and a hushed silence fell over the two. She didn't know what to say, this was unfamiliar territory that she hadn't faced. Much like handing in her resignation letter two weeks ago, and getting her reassignment orders this morning. Everything was changing and she didn't know how to stop it. She wished she could take it all back. She meant nothing to him, and the way he'd ignored her since that night only proved it.

"I haven't got all day stitches," Simon's patience was running thin, he didn't know what she was clearly so worked up about, but he had no time to deal with whatever it was that was causing her to treat Johnny so rudely. "Spit it out already."

"I'm transferring." The words felt like lead on her tongue, strange to her ears was the amount of sadness that carried in them.

Simon was taken aback, he'd never would've pegged her for someone that ran at the first sign of trouble. "Because of what happened in Qatar?"

"Yes."

"You signed up for this Stitch," The reminder was unnecessary, she knew what her contract said. She also knew the general lifespan she had signed up for, but the tiny organism inside her didn't sign those papers.

"I know what I signed up for Riley, but things have changed." She was losing her edge and fast, "Things changed between us."

Simon could hardly believe his ears, seeing as how she'd avoided that night like the plague, made him think she regretted it. "Nothing's changed Stitches," It was true for him at least, he could easily pretend it never happened. He'd done it before.

Frustration bubbling up inside her, mostly at herself but she'd never admit it, came rushing to the surface. "Everything's changed Riley!"

The outburst surprised him, considering how soft spoken and timid she tended to be.

"You would know that if you bother to show me an ounce of attention!" The words sounded more like they belonged to that of a teenage girl, but her hormones wouldn't leave her well enough alone.

"Seriously?! That's what this is about?" Crossing his arms was the only outward example of his frustration with the conversation. "We fucked once, what'd you except?"

"Anything!" It felt good to let it out, all the bottled months of suffering alone and feeling insane for feeling this way.

"Well, I hate to burst your bubble Stitch, but we weren't even supposed to do that in the first place." Throwing his hands up in frustration, he looks her dead center and delivers a devastating blow. "Did you forget it could both cost us our jobs if Price found out?"

She hadn't. That's why when Price had asked for her reasoning, she'd told him the father was a guy she met stateside. To protect him. But it was out of her mouth before she could stop it, a jab meant to cut as deep as his did. "That's never stopped you and Johnny before."

She'd heard the rumors. The whole base had. A lutentint that spends a little too much one-on-one time with his officer, and the protective streak he had over Johnny didn't help.

Simon was fuming inside, he knew of the gossip pool about him, but no one had ever had the guts to confirm it to his face. No one had ever had that death wish. Before he could articulate a rebuttal, she steamrolled on, no giving the man a moment to think.

"I didn't come here to tell you what you did or didn't do wrong Simon, I came to tell you goodbye."

"This is one hell of a way to say that then!" Simon wasn't just going to stand here and listen to her nonsense anymore. His boot hit the ground, one in front of the other before he could even think.

"Simon, you can't just walk away from everything!" she needed him to know. She needed to leave with her conscious clear of this one thing at least. "Please this is important!"

He wasn't stopping, nothing she could say would make him stop.

"I did it because I thought one day you'd love me the same way I loved you Simon," She was keeping pace with him despite his lengthened stride. "But I see how wrong I was now, and I'm making my peace with it. But that doesn't mean I'm going to sit around and watch it happen."

Simon didn't want to listen to this anymore, he didn't want to be reminded of how much they'd hurt each other since Qatar. They would never work; he knew that after seeing her nearly take her last breath scared him shitless. Love has no place in a life like his.

"Good!" Simon wanted to take it back, wanted to slap his hand over his mouth but the words wouldn't stop tumbling out. "Clearly you don't belong here if you could think for even a second, I'd feel the same!"

The tears were red hot and left a burning trail down Lianna's cheeks. The realization put into words that he'd truly never feel the same was a searing knife through what remained of her already shattered heart.

If he could never love me, what does that mean for our child?

Lianna couldn't do that to the child she now carried. Allow them to ever once feel as though they weren't wanted. She knew in this moment; she would never see Simon again.

"I hope you have a good rest of your life Simon," The words were like bile in her throat, "Thank you for being my friend and teammate. I won't forget this team." Or you. With what she intended to say hanging in the air between them, she turned on her heel and marched straight ahead.

She couldn't bring herself to look back, but she could feel his eyes trailing her as she disappeared from his view. This was for the best, she had to keep telling herself, her hand coming to rest on her growing bump.

Just you and me now little one.

She didn't know how she was going to do this alone, but she'd figure it out. She had to. With nothing left to keep her here, she headed to the base airport, each step taking her further away from him and closer to her new life. To her new beginning.

I'll take care of you little one, I promise.