cornyonmains

[cornyonmains]

Two days. That's how long it took me to isolate the root cause of a locale bleed at work and propose an issue.

The developers had two years.

I am not being paid enough.

[cornyonmains]

I don't know if Sims intended this, but those girls are giving 'about to play fuck the fox'. IYKYK.

this sims 2 ad has like such deep gay energy to it. Like this feels like queer history to me

[cornyonmains]

Tumblr will never let this joke die. Same with the copper guy. I love it though. The consistency comforts me.

So, I follow this “bad commercial interior design” Facebook page and-

[cornyonmains]

5 simple exercises to awaken dormant muscles

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[cornyonmains]

Was on one of those Reddit threads asking people for opinions they have that would get them torched by the general public. Mine was that I think Saint Basil’s Cathedral is hideous.

As it turns out, more than a few people were holding that one in. The catharsis is real.

[cornyonmains]

It’s 2 AM and I feel like explaining my neuroses.

A little under two decades ago I stepped out of my house, which was in rural Appalachia at the time, and a flying saucer just poofed in from out of the clear blue cosmic fuck you and started doing tricks for me.

I don’t care if anyone believes me, but that’s what happened. I had a close encounter of the out of pocket kind.

Anyways, with all this ufo talk on the news, my best friend, who is a professional artist, is going to sketch the ufo I saw. Then we’re going to take a picture proving the day it was made, so I can tell all of humanity I told them so when Marvin the Martian rolls back up with friends.

Mutuals, you guys know I’m the polar opposite of a clout goblin. I don’t even hashtag my posts. Also, if I want engagement I can just over analyze gay shit and have way more success. A bitch has options.

I’m just posting this to get it off my chest. You would too if ET decided to give you an existential crisis while checking the mail.

[cornyonmains]

ATTENTION ALL OF TUMBLR!

THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE.

IN 2014, IN SCHAUMBURG , ILLINOIS, USA

THERE

WILL

BE

A

TUMBLR CONVENTION!!!

THESE ARE THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE THAT ARE MAKING IT HAPPEN

SIGNAL BOOST THIS GUYS

I WANNA SEE EVERYONE THERE!!

[cornyonmains]

Pizza Hut ghosted my niece I for July 4th. They're dead to me.

[cornyonmains]

My grandma got my niece one of those credit cards for kids, and one of the first things she did with it was buy me my favorite cotton candy for 4th of July. 😢🥺

[cornyonmains]

Lmaoooooo My clients are as petty as I am. Not only did I get my job back, they made my managerial team give me a raise to just add to the pain.

[cornyonmains]

I'm going to donate money to a charity when I get paid this week. I need to get some good vibes back in the air after the bad mood I've been in this last month. I need the universe to start missing me with this evil shit.

[cornyonmains]

★彡["ꜱʟᴇᴇᴘ ᴛɪɢʜᴛ."]彡★

[cornyonmains]

Person who used to raise ducks here. Note the chopped lettuce. You guys can make salads for them using all the listed ingredients and they'll go bananas for it. You can even include apples, strawberries, pears, bananas etc.... Feeding the ducks is a great way to clear out your fridge without wasting food and most people can do it with what's already in their fridge.

Oh, and for people into fishing, spare earthworms are a big treat as well. Almost everyone has something in their fridge that can safely feed a duck, is the good news. They're not nearly as picky as dogs or cats. Fresh fruit and vegetables are fine, for the most part. Just look up how to cut them properly so they don't present a choking hazard.

[cornyonmains]

God, I miss when Valve used to make games.

[cornyonmains]

All this talk about Dark Souls and no talk about how they once found an illegal and fully furnished movie theater inside it is proof we're failing as a society.

I love the very idea of the paris catacombs like. yeah sure the real-life city of paris has a straight-up megadungeon sprawling under it. Why not.

[cornyonmains]

Here's how I know I'm getting old. I just watched a man clean a cast iron pan with soap and water and nearly had a fucking stroke.