corona-journal

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My circus, my monkeys

During the pandemic, Banksy circulated a cartoon of a child playing with superhero toys. I misinterpreted his image, and thought that the child was playing with a monkey dressed as a superhero. I thought this was entirely fitting, during an era in which healthcare workers were portrayed as heroes. I thought Banksy was making some profound statement about monkeys in healthcare, which to me was outrageously hilarious and also communicating some complex profound truth. Exactly what that truth was, I am not absolutely sure but there was definitely some depth to whatever statement Banksy was making. Mostly, I thought it was exceedingly funny.

I posted this to my Facebook feed whereby it was highlighted to me that this was not a monkey, but a nurse. This was an image of a nurse dressed up as a superhero. Actually, this was an image of a nurse that looks like a monkey dressed up as a superhero. Am I suggesting that healthcare professionals are monkeys? Not at all, although as with all rules, there are always exceptions. Where in this story does the anthropoid primate feature? Be patient, and you shall see the ape emerge.

I dislike the labelling of healthcare workers as heroes for so many reasons. And this forms the basis of my blog today – though I tread upon perilous grounds and wage war with the egos that squirt obscure liquids out the ends of sharp objects intended to sedate or confuse their prey into acceptance.

A colleague and dear friend of mine opened a discussion on this topic which presented me with a new perspective that I had not yet considered. The concept of a hero is someone with extraordinary powers, who sacrifices themselves for the well-being of ‘good’. And who decides what this good is? A hero has been gifted something supernatural. A hero is more than human. Healthcare workers are no such thing, and labelling us thus detracts from the years of training we undergo in various specialities, the role of the nurse or doctor as a professional who has strived, studied, collaborated with peers, been mentored and nurtured by seniors and likewise has nurtured and mentored juniors in turn. It removes us from the workplace safety requirements we deserve, the breaks, the days off, the holidays, the ongoing support and the mental breakdowns we need. Against what I am sure is intended, the term trivialises us to a realm of ‘mysterious’ and ‘superhuman’. What we actually need is to be recognised as human. To be treated as human. To be respected, as human.

This was not the reason I so dislike the term, but it certainly adds to my perspective on this label. My problem with the concept of ‘heroes’ in healthcare is that it divides us. This term does not resonate with people who feel insecure in their skill and knowledge (I admit to being this person, and in such an admission I recognise that this post presents an incredibly biased perspective). These people feel undeserving of the term ‘hero’ and so this compounds a sense of inferiority, reduces confidence further and promotes us to identify ourselves by the vast wealth of knowledge that we do not have. On the flip side are the healthcare workers who do perceive themselves as heroes, who have some tendency towards a God-complex and hold their own intellect or skill as far superior than the qualities of the average person. Ironically, it is the average person whose health and well-being they must improve in order to maintain their own status.

Both of these personalities are dangerous within health care.

The person too timid and afraid of being an arse to flag concerns, or lacking confidence in our ability to identify and intervene in a potentially life-threatening situation - This person is a problem.

The person so determined to promote their own sense of grandeur that they hinder communication, they create chaos and drama where there ought to be none, and they bring the team down – This person is a problem.

Recently, I have encountered these latter personalities too frequently. I find it emotionally exhausting. I find it makes me feel smaller. And then I feel even smaller because I am so weak to be influenced by other people thus.

A few weeks ago I was involved in the care of someone in ICU. They were sedated and intubated. After an unexpected bout of violent coughing the ventilator seemed to stop delivering breaths adequately, pressures going up, oxygen levels plummeting, lots of alarms and all that nonsense. The bedside nurse hit the big red button that calls every wanker in the hospital to help (and quite a few non-wankers as well, I should add). There was a senior doctor who rushed in to help. She was clearly stressed, her face was tense but she was calm. She was clear. She was also wearing a lovely perfume I noticed, which is not part of the story at all. She disconnected the ventilator, and started bagging the patient. Somehow I had ended up next to the chest, so I had a quick listen of the patient’s chest and informed the doctor that there was no air entry. Essentially, the breathing tube was either blocked or not positioned correctly. A few brief trouble shooting moments later (nothing up on suction, no problems with cuff, seems tube markings were way off etc.) she decided to remove the breathing tube, bag-mask the patient to get the oxygen up and then re-intubate. Another senior nurse went to grab some scissors to help remove the breathing tube.

By this time the wanker alarm had summoned it’s people and approximately 98 thousand people were arriving with various degrees of enthusiasm and nosiness. Now, don’t get me wrong, the team is important. You cannot do this type of thing as a one man show. It would be a disaster. But what is important within this team is the need to talk, be gentle, be calm, work out who is the team leader, follow their lead, throw your two cents in then shut up.

Enter the hero of ICU. Another senior registrar. Also wearing nice perfume. She physically pushed past me, shoving me out of the way. Apparently, I am not any one significant playing any kind of important role in this piece. She listens to the patient’s chest and loudly announces that there is, in fact, no air entry.

Thank you. That was very helpful.

She starts barking orders despite the previous doctor already having established a plan. Now everyone is confused. The nurse who has arrived with scissors is now confused, the breathing tube’s tapes are cut and the doctor at the end of the bed has no idea if we are extubating, bagging and reintubating because actually now no one has a clue what is going on. No one is setting up for re-intubation. The patient’s oxygenation saturations are falling – during this madness they are still not breathing.

There are too many people involved at this point, there is confusion and too much noise, and so I leave. I found out later that after much fussing and dithering, and barking orders and confusion, the patient was extubated, bagged and reintubated. The patient’s breathing improved. Their oxygen levels restored. And they were fine. The OG doctor was right. She was calm. She was confident. She had a clear plan and a few people working with her on this plan. A hero emerged, turned a minor blip into chaos and madness and essentially delayed the entire process potentially leaving the patient with a protracted hypoxia. It is pure luck and good fortune that the patient had no residual damage from this exercise.

Such a hero.

This same hero posts to their Facebook wall the following summary of their shift

In another social media conversation we have another hero posting

What is this intended to mean? Is this a genuine ‘yay’ that they are excited by such violence and suffering? Are they attempting to portray how busy they, with a sardonic ‘yay’, but have thus posted the most violent images of unwell patients that they could? A not-so-gory sepsis, a late stage asthmatic patient, an aggressive and frightened dementia patient or treatment resistant depression may all be significantly more complex, challenging and time consuming to treat than these injuries. But these are not attention seeking enough, these are not shocking enough. These don’t portray cleanly how much of a hero the medical professional is.

Take a moment, please reader, to let this sink in. "I love level 6 trauma".

Ah.... what? Are you a psychopath doctor?! Do you realise that this is a human being? This is someone's baby having their body torn to shreds?

What drives this I wonder? Is it a desire to prove to the world that they are intelligent? I do not think anyone doubts the level of intelligence of these people. This is not in question. But ultimately, no one cares how intelligent you are if you display the professional insight and emotional maturity of a faecally liberated projectile-philic chimpanzee.

Is this narcissism, and these personalities genuinely think they are uniquely superior? Then why waste their talents saving the inferior population? I’m not entirely sure where this hero problem comes from. Whatever it is, it makes me angry. It makes me want to leave healthcare.

I use this as an example, and intend no specific attack on the individuals involved in these instances. This is merely a commentary on the nature of a personality type. A personality who may appear to care about you, who may appear to want what is best for the human on the other side of the suffering. But mostly, it is very important that everyone knows what a hero they are.

Perhaps you are offended by my bitterness or frustration at these characters. Perhaps you recognise this as a narrative of my own insecurities. Indeed, this certainly is this. My blog was designed to help me write. To help me process thoughts and emotions. It is a personal space, where I wish to shine a light on the dark side of nursing and healthcare. As promised in my first post, this is not what you think it is.

We are not your heroes.

Source: My circus, my monkeys

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Also preserved in our archive

Governments around the world are afraid to address covid in any way. I wonder why? Isn't "the pandemic over"?

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.....so apt......

Just losing track of the days ....

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Yes!

Very isolating and lonely, working from home...

Only heard about loss of work second hand...

It was a shit time....

25 April 2025.

Seems like a revisionist narrative about the lockdowns are emerging where a simplistic “stayed home and did stupid hobbies” versus “worked shit jobs during a pandemic before vaccines” binary is presented and I want to challenge that binary by reminding you that tens of millions of workers lost their jobs at that time which ignited a multi-year problem with rental debts, evictions, poverty and homelessness.

It feels like people are conflating “stayed at home” with “worked at home because they had a middle class office job” and I want to remind you tens of millions of working people lost their jobs at that time which resulted in a consequential rise in homelessness, etc. And jumping off what I saw a friend say, for those workers staying home it wasn’t “fun” it was isolating and terrifying.

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Seems the gravity pull of "usual before the pandemic" is greater than the "new mode of work/life balance"...

Plus empty offices don't earn income for the real estate market...

This life altering global event is already a fading memory...

19 April 2025

Return-to-office is fashion's hot new trend I guess land holding companies do not like having empty buildings not filled revenue producing workers.....

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Source

A great, well-sourced primer for those who are uninformed.

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AND that covid virus is enveloped in a droplet 10 to 100 times its size! The human brain is really really bad at understanding the scale of really really big things and really really small things. Don't let your brain's bullshit get in the way of your understanding of physics and reality.