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steam cloud going down right as i am about to try to distract myself from having a crashout of epic proportions by playing deltarune... god really is testing me... I AM NOT YOUR STRONGEST SOLDIER

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started watching yellowjackets and i actually started laughing out loud today when the scene with jeff playing 'last resort' in the car came on

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I have deep love for the cat.

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I spent a lot of time handcuffed and in a cage in high school, for a charity bit the grocery store I worked at would do

the bit was that I was "put in jail for having too big a heart" and customers could donate to my bail to get me out (and the money would go to a children's hospital or something)

now. I was very clearly a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a large cage. and I would honestly tell people that I had been in there for hours. and people would say, that's terrible! that's awful! and I would show them my wrists red from the tight handcuffs, and say but I'm sooooooo close to making bail.

and then they would dump some cash in the basket, I'd thank them, and they'd walk away.

and every so often, one of the managers would come by and collect some of the cash, so I could keep being soooooo close to making bail.

I was very good with this bit. Parents with small kids would pay $5-10 if I told their children I had been placed in jail for not cleaning my room/doing my homework, etc. For people in their 20s, I'd threaten that I was very bad at playing the harmonica, but I WOULD play it and we'd all suffer unless they paid me. and for the most amount of money, older men in suits would almost always pay $20s if I avoided eye contact and stammered a lot.

eventually, the managers started to feel bad because I was in the cage so fucking long and often, that I'd need someone to brace me when I got out because I'd have no feeling in my legs. wobbling like a newborn giraffe.

but I would also rake in at LEAST $100 an hour in charity.

so they were like, hey champ. can we, uh, give you a pillow to sit on. in the cage. would you like a pillow so you're not just sitting on a cold metal slab. can we give you a pillow.

and I had to explain to them that if they gave me a pillow, people would think I was more comfortable, so they wouldn't feel as bad, so I'd bring in less money.

the compromise was that they'd bring me a nice coffee every couple hours, which I would have to try to block with my body from the customers.

all this money went to charity. that's what the money was for. it's what was on the sign. but how much they were willing to pay was very contingent on how comfortable I looked, never mind the fact that I was still a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a cage.

and out of the dozens of shifts I did this on, not ONCE did ANYONE say, hey kid I'm going to go talk to your manager because what the fuck is going on here. they would just drop money in the basket, and I'd thank them and sip from my secret drink.

I actually had people get MAD at me that I told them I was far away from bail, they donated like $15, and then 20 minutes I got let out because my shift ended.

again. the money was for charity. it was on the sign that was very clearly placed on the upper half of my cage.

so yeah. even when people think they mean well. people can be really, really fucking stupid.

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*doctor voice* hmmmm…..have you tried this revolutionary method called painmaxxxing? it is where you do not bother me and adjust to being in agony all the time and we do nothing to resolve the root cause or treat the symptoms. you don’t wish to try painmaxxxing? you’re being non-compliant with the treatment plan I have just provided you?

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man, i havent been on tumblr or posted anything in 5 months. i dont know why really. its weird because on other social media i dont even post or share anything at all, just scroll. but i forgot how nice it can be to actually just make a post and send my thoughts into the world. personal updates below

anyway, my boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me in january to be with someone he had only met 2 months prior. the whole situation is convoluted but it fucked me up, my whole world turned upside down. we moved in together and i can't easily move back out. i don't want to make him sleep on the couch when i know it'll fuck up his back, so i told him he can still sleep in the bed with me until we figure something else out. this morning i woke up to him trying to cuddle and kiss me in his sleep, and mumbling that he loved me. he was genuinely asleep. then he called me his new girlfriend's name. i didn't fully wake up myself until i heard that. got out of bed immediately, didn't wake him up. i genuinely feel like i'm living a nightmare. like this shit can't even be real, this is the kind of stuff you see in a movie and it seems to exaggeratedly fake that you can't believe it. it feels insane that this is just my life now

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had the thought “kids used to brag about never breaking a bone and now they brag about never cracking the screen of their phone” but then my anti-banksy collar shocked me and now I’m in the hospital

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hypothetical scenario for you all: the real king arthur returns. you meet him and you welcome him into your home. what is the first thing you do with him? keep in mind, this is a man from the 500s (he died in 542), and you are from the 21st century (2024).

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if you are the type of person to tell a girl to stop driving around with an adult sized plastic skeleton strapped into the backseat of her car do not imagine even for one second that you could ever score a girl who would drive around with an adult sized plastic skeleton in the backseat of her car

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waking up from a caffeine-induced stress nightmare mid panic attack after not quite enough sleep sweatier than I've ever been in my life: I do this all for the Shareholders. my life for them

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the beauty of watching star trek is that one episode is 4.7/5 stars with an absolutely groundbreaking concept and worldwide critical acclaim and the very next episode is the worst thing aired on television that decade

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forgot to post these awhile ago

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yarrow and thistle for devotion everlasting