coruscating-regrets

[coruscating-regrets]

The values of science and the values of democracy are concordant, in many cases indistinguishable…Both demand adequate reason, coherent argument, rigorous standards of evidence and honesty…But democracy can also be subverted more thoroughly through the products of science than any pre-industrial demagogue ever dreamed.

Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion and bamboozle requires vigilance, dedication, and courage. But if we don’t practice these tough habits of thought, we cannot hope to solve the truly serious problems that face us — and we risk becoming a nation of suckers, a world of suckers, up for grabs by the next charlatan who saunters along.

- Carl Sagan, The Demond Haunted World, 1996

[coruscating-regrets]

“American Airlines” sounds like such a fake airline like fuck off

[coruscating-regrets]

Kelly Link I The New Yorker Interview [ID IN ALT]

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Yo why the poets these days not be making acrostic poems anymore

[coruscating-regrets]

For a long time,

camaraderie was mischief. Friendships built on sharing knowing smiles in secret. Bonding in breaking; the rules never made sense.

We declared with brilliant confidence that we were never getting older, and fuck the laws of physics. It seemed true and it sounded good.

And damn did it feel good.

And I can’t ignore the calendar as it flips. My friends are slowly nodding to time, acknowledging its inevitability. Eyes sparkling with excitement for new chapters. A glint I used to relate to, weirdly making me feel left behind.

Being honest, I don’t think I’m excited for what’s to come. I was happy with who I was supposed to be then.

Part of me understands I’m the problem. Moving on and forward seems like incontestible success. But there’s always a small part of me insisting that youth is only losing its luster because it’s inevitably creeping further away. Might as well look forward if you can’t return to what you see over your shoulder. But if you could…? Why bow down and obey these physical certainties? The mind isn’t quite so physical, right?

New life stages are coming. I know I can’t function when they do if I refuse to grow.

I just find myself clawing to every last crumb of the before, before it’s gone forever. Things I see behind me are still within arm’s reach today, so why leave them behind so soon?

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been able to let a good feeling go. Maybe it’s regrets I wish I could rewind. Maybe it’s just a memory

[coruscating-regrets]

First it’s yesterday, almost coexisting with today.

Then it’s last week, last month - breakfasts are forgotten but your person is unchanged.

Three months isn’t a life-altering amount of time.

But four and five could be. Six and seven may conjure a threshold.

One where you look back and realize - wait - that *was* a different time.

Something’s changed. I’ve grown, learned, regressed - but what was once equivalent to now, no longer is.

I *am* a little different now.

I can listen to a song I heard then, resurrect a mindset that I didn’t even realize had shifted.

Time marches on overtly every day, but it carries you to new places completely imperceptibly.

[coruscating-regrets]

Something’s gotta give soon

Or I’m gonna lose it

[coruscating-regrets]

What if I accomplish

Nothing

What if I make enough to live until I die and leave no mark behind

What’s wrong

With that

Any long term goals feel…silly,

With the speed at which the world has changed

Any kind of plan of 5, 10, 15 years,

Good luck to you and cheers

Nobody’s got

That range

I just want to walk in the woods with a friend before everything ends

Play a videogame in a world that’s pretend

Fall in love read a book play the piano learn to cook

Have an interesting life til it stops

What if I accomplish…

Nothing

Ian McConnell; Accomplish Nothing

[coruscating-regrets]

I swear I saw a pic just like this on here months ago and it randomly pops into my brain

[coruscating-regrets]

i fucking love standing on my apartment balcony in the cold and watching the headlights from the highway through the trees and hearing the chaos of man made transportation insanity while the wind gives me goosebumps and I imagine what it would be like if I had to stay out here forever - while in reality there’s gas heated, warm glow comfort mere inches away. when I turn around and look into the sliding glass door at the table and the kitchen and the projector it’s like I’m looking into someone else’s life, a big glowing picture frame against the black of the night and some part of me doesn’t want to go back inside, some part of me wants to stay out here without my coat and keep bracing against the wind

[coruscating-regrets]

I miss the Covid lockdown.

It wasn’t just staying at home and avoiding people. It was an entirely new life I’ll probably never get back.

Existing in my room for a few months. Working from home and quasi-attached to the outside world but not really. I closed my laptop when the sun started blinding me and suddenly, my whole life was only what I could see in front of me. Suddenly the perspective I had on the world as a child was back, suddenly the world was small. When the house held incalculable secrets behind every item it contained, when its contents were the entire universe, new dimensions of reality behind every nook and cranny.

At home. Living with my family just a little bit longer, though I was on the cusp of adult life and moving out before.

Walking the dog was exploring the cosmos. For some reason everything held a weird, weird significance.

And I could just be.

Selfish given the circumstances. But memories of that time trigger a powerful, painful feeling. A mixture of I-wish-i-still-was-that-person and I-wish-the-circumstances-were-still-like-that that really can’t be combined.

[coruscating-regrets]

I have a vague memory of watching this show in like 2005. I was like 8 and for some reason this show about teenagers hanging on their own at the mall made me feel so cool.

Is this anyone else's comfort show?

[coruscating-regrets]

The current calendar’s

numbers make me sick and tired and sad.

But come each January, i paint those old digits with love. I wash them in sweet spring water then wring them dry of a once tactile, material reality, until almost every unwanted drop is gone.

I’m left with glimmering orbs of two-thousand-and-somethings. The past is full of pearls that weren’t opalescent when I had them in my hand.

Maybe a way to finally force my head from backward glances to forward thoughts is to anticipate a whole array of future, gleaming pasts.

[coruscating-regrets]

Today is July 17th, the day the Emoji World Is Perpetually Stuck Within 📅

[coruscating-regrets]

if the toaster finishes toasting my bagel before I’m done cutting the veggies for my bagel sandwich, I Die

[coruscating-regrets]

I like the ocean because it’s so eager to share its secrets. It spills its shells and seaweed and starfish and urchins and teeth onto the shore for us to find.

Lakes hide their fun in the deep and keep it there. But the ocean is forever lapping the sand and offering its contents and becoming part of our next discovery.

[coruscating-regrets]

Yeah I’m chilling out I’m vibing but in a scared way