corvidvampiricus

[corvidvampiricus]

Sinner

How lucky am I

To be graced with one of gods angels

And how wretched am I

To stain her feathers with my blood

How lucky I am

To hear her voice sing out

And how rotten am I

To fill hear ears with my wailing

How lucky am I

To be apart of her life

And how selfish am I

To want her to be apart of mine

How lucky am I

To share in her sorrows

And how filthy am I

To take her pain and make it mine

How lucky am I

To be told I can revel in her presence

And how guilty am I

When my world revolves around her

How lucky am I

To receive her grace

And how spoiled am I

To try and give her my heart

How lucky am I

To be loved by an angel

And how disgusting am I

To love her back

[corvidvampiricus]

came to me in a vision actually.

[corvidvampiricus]

You ask me if you’re enough

“Always my love” I reply

And it’s true, you’re more than enough

You’re everything I’ve wanted since I was a little girl

But every spin, every time your brain gives it a whirl

I’m reminded of the fact that I’m not enough

That I’m hard to love

I’m scarred, you said you didn’t care

But every night a finger is pointed at me

“Dirty, foul, unclean” you don’t say the words but I see them

“Broken, used, deformed” you don’t say the words but I hear them

“I love you, but I wish you were different” you don’t say the words…but I feel them

How can I be enough when there’s so much you yourself admit you would change

I could be less

Less used

Less broken

Less of a mess

Less scared

I could be more

More obsessive

More perverted

I wish there was a machine, you could throw me in and make me perfect for you

Remove my past

Fix my brain

Make me taller

Larger

Bigger tits

Smaller waist

Turn my hair ginger

Make me perfect

Make me someone you’re proud to call yours

[corvidvampiricus]

You say I make you happy

And yet everything I do seems to make you sad

You say I make you happy

But everything about me makes you mad

You say I make you happy

But how many sleepless nights until I don’t

You say I make you happy

But you won’t want me much more

You say I make you happy

But I’m just a filthy whore

You say I make you happy

And everyday I hope you’re right

“It’s okay” I cry to myself every night

“He isn’t some silly bird who’s going to take flight”

I can promise you this, I’m not going to run

I hope you don’t either, when alls said and done

I guess I should thank you, that much is true

A poet who’s not lovesick, is like me without you

[corvidvampiricus]

Halfway-

I’m trying to be me

But I can’t meet myself halfway

Artist halfway

Musician halfway

Story teller halfway

Poet halfway

Reader halfway

Jack of all trades

Master of none.

A bird who can’t succeed in flying is hardly a bird at all

A wolf that can only hunt halfway isn’t a wolf at all

So what am I? A girl halfway done? Halfway finished?

I sit in the bathtub bleeding out, but even then I don’t die

Suicide, halfway done.

[corvidvampiricus]

♕ 𝙲𝙷𝙸𝚅𝙰𝚁𝙻𝚈 𝙸𝚂𝙽𝚃 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳 𝙸𝚃𝚂 𝙲𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙳 𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙰𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙲 𝙴𝙳𝙶𝙸𝙽𝙶 ♕

My knight is headstrong in duty, submissive in his servitude. He commands the garrison with an iron fist, but strokes those same knuckles, tender, across my cheek.

[Closer...] Brushes of hands in passing, finding every excuse to trade good words. I tuck sprigs of rosemary beneath his breastplate for safe keeping, He adjusts my cloak to stave off the chill. I bring him fresh figs to share with the men, He pours me half a tankard of ale, lest it go to my head.

[Closer...]

I braid back his hair. He touches up my rouge with a gentle swipe. I perfume under his helm with lavender, He brings me peonies from the morning market. And in the gardens, we whisper wishes of a life far from this.

[Closer...]

He walks me back against the wall, wisteria weeps to enshroud us, we trade chaste kisses, over the cold steel of his helm. [I can feel you...] Armor clad fingers inscribe the line of my jaw, his heat seeps into me.

[Closer, please—closer...]

He escorts me to my chambers. Silence hangs heavy between us, each held breath a fraying tether, each unspoken word too loud to bear. [Take me...] “Sleep well, your highness.” [No, please don't go...] The oak-scented barricade separates us once more.

My heart stammers, prey-like, thoughts wandering, to his hands—gentle, reverent—roaming. The serpent of sin coils ready to strike. [Patience]

I breathe his name like a prayer. He exhales mine back like a hymn.

[Close... so close...]

We wake the next morning, sleep-eyed and flushed with knowing— “I am always thinking of you.”

One Day, when our heads and hearts align, we will finally break. [I need you]

[corvidvampiricus]

Did you ever realize that love is like a cigarette?

Try it one time and then you’re hooked

And will spend the rest of your days and nights to get your fix

I belong in your hands

And as the cigarette ashes fall, do you think of me?

Do you think of that night we shared one cuddled up on the bench together?

I do

Everytime I take a puff

I know I don’t light up for you the way you need me to

please don’t put me back

I’m still learning how to burn for you

I don’t think I could live

If I saw you smoking another cigarette

[corvidvampiricus]

I'm not a selfish person

And I'm not a greedy person

Yet I can't help but feel like I ask too much

That I need too much

I can't

Having so much love in my heart is a wonderful thing I was told

I was always told to dream

It's amazing up until I'm in my room late at night clutching my chest whimpering like the mutt I am

I am consumed by an overwhelming loneliness

I stare at the ceiling as I long for something I can't name

I worry that this longing will hurt me forever

I put on a mask and pretend it doesn’t bother me but it does

It does…

I’m scared I’ll remember

Where do I store all this heartache?

I don’t fear being close

I fear standing before you emotionally raw

And you being repulsed

[corvidvampiricus]

The rain

Drip

drip

drop

“When does the water stop?”

When the nightmares end

Drip

drip

drop

"When does the water stop?"

When i no longer feel your hands

Drip

drip

drop

"When does the water stop?"

When I can sleep again

Drip

drip

drop

"When does the water stop?"

When the tears stop falling

Drip

drip

drop

"When does the blood stop?"

When we take our final breath

[corvidvampiricus]

I swear when I kiss you there’s a lingering hunger,

a hint of sadness when I pull away

That when our lips part, there’s blood unspilled and flesh untouched

When I kiss you there’s a warmth that pulses in my veins

And when you pull away There’s an ice that soon follows

To feel is to devour, and I’m scared to devour you dear

I want you inside of me, but if I do I’ll lose you I fear

[corvidvampiricus]

I wish you knew

I wish you knew

Just how much you meant to me

That I think about you more than I think about myself

That I carry this unripe fruit

I’m worried you think I don’t care

Or that I’m simply holding your hand so I can lead you off a cliff

That my body is cold to the touch, despite me saying I’ll warm you

for opening my arms to you, despite my bed being made of roses, thorns and all

Yet I know I’m not ripe, nor warm, nor soft enough to be what you need

So I wait for the fruit to ripen so that I may peel it and hand it to you

So I add embers to my furnace, to make it glow brighter

So I spend every day trimming off the thorns off my roses so that I can offer you a soft petal bed

[corvidvampiricus]

One long afternoon, sitting listening to a lecture

I see sitting on the ground

A younger version of me

Staring up with starry eyes

"A great writer" the professor says

And I can hear her gasp

A childlike noise, full of hope and love for the world

Despite the nihilistic lecture, she seems enamored, desperate to join the writers on the board

I want to reach out and touch her, she seems so real to me

But I do not, lest I look more insane than I already do

And so I watch her sit there on the floor soaking in every word with the happiest grin on her face

I want to warn her, to yell "it's not possible" I can only think these thoughts, as I hopelessly watch, as her hope grows I do not think

Even if she turned around

I could meet her eye

[corvidvampiricus]

Three words

I have lived 10 lives so far

A different version of my self each time

And with the birth of each one, three words cut through the fog to bring me forward,

Cradling my newborn head with care

Three words sustained my life

Kept me going when

The rain fell

The stars went out

And the moon waned.

And those same three words, cut my life short

Each time, ripping my breath out of my lungs

Stolen from me

My happiness, my life, my joy

And yet again I’m born

Light, blinding

Sound crashing into my eardrums

You speak me into existence with only three words

Three words my sun and I the moon

But I carry the weight of many lives

And those three words sound so different in your mouth

So I want to believe them this time

But three words can kill me

And I don’t want to die

So forgive me when I flinch when you say

Three words

[corvidvampiricus]

[corvidvampiricus]

Something is wrong in my garden

I’ve planted the right seeds

Watered it daily

And yet it starts to wilt

Something is wrong in my garden

I give it fertilizer the high quality kind

Prune out all the weeds that might strangle my flowers

And yet it starts to wilt

“Something is wrong in my garden”

I tell my friend, surely they can help me

“Nothing is wrong in your garden” I’m told

And yet it starts to wilt

Something is wrong in my garden

The flowers rot

The grass turns brown

And still it continues to wilt

Something is wrong in my garden

Too late I learn, the seeds were poisoned

By the very farmers trusted to sell them to me

And so now, with all my soil used up

I watch my garden wilt

[corvidvampiricus]

I feel like a rotten pomegranate

“Worth the mess” you say

But do you understand I’m rotten inside

Why bother to pull me apart if my flesh is dull and brown

Why bother eating my fruit if it’s gone sour

everything starts off nice

Skin bright and red

You promise you can hold me

Of course you can, a pretty fruit is easy to hold

But

when the rot starts to drip out and onto their hands?

Staining their life with my diseased body

they drop me in disgust.

And so I’ll send out my worms

To bite your hands before you touch my rot

My final act of love

To spare you the mess that festers near my pit

[corvidvampiricus]

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted