corvuscanus

[corvuscanus]

"man, i hate to throw your words back at you, but you just said you're going crazy in here." one-meal replacements. seoho's mother would have a conniption if she ever heard him so much as suggest that he hadn't had a single decent meal. it's not even that he doesn't get it - convenience is so tempting - but he'd start losing his mind too if all his calories were liquid.

jaeyoon doesn't as much as glance at all the junk seoho's thrown into his virtual cart, which is probably for the best. he swivels himself closer to the desk, claims some space of his own. the bottle of liquor gets pushed back a bit in the process, towards the edge where it's not close enough for anyone to start grabbing it like it's a water bottle.

"what's the vision?," he asks, because sometimes you get more from words than you do from whatever music filters through the speakers next. but then he shuts up, leans into the backrest and rocks to the beat. it's not even that it's bad. a little overworked, maybe, to seoho's ears, but jaeyoon has been working on it for a while now, and seoho can be a bit picky about these things sometimes. it's pretty obvious why jaeyoon's been picking over it for so long though; there's a discord somewhere, the narration breaking down. seoho reaches over for the mouse when the music fades out, plays through it again just to make sure he's not missing anything obvious. when he glances back down, the app tells him that their food is five minutes out.

"i think, maybe-- let's try it on a keyboard. the structure's all there but i don't get where you're trying to take it." probably all jaeyoon needs to get it is a bit of conversation and a break from the screen, both of which he's very happy to provide.

corvuscanus:

"when i hit that point, i usually close the file and let it stew for a few days. come back to it with more brainpower." it's advice that's a little barbed, if only because it's pretty obvious what seoho thinks of the state of the room. he leans in closer, slides jaeyoon's phone over the table and back to him to let him have a look at the order, and props up his chin on the back of his hand. "let's hear it then."

for every reaction, there's an equal and balanced opposite reaction. and in jaeyoon's case, the trade-off for slaving away, eyes burned into the screen of his computer, becomes nothing more than the ability to just breathe. "my brain works fine without it." he mumbles back the words laden in some validity. no hunger, no sleep. it's the hyperfixation like a moth to a flame that keeps his one-tracked mind at bay. but the times of collaboration and the sheer camaraderie that inevitably forms from bouncing one idea to another becomes his crutch, forcing him to at least consider the thought of chicken.

they say starving artists are nothing more than performative show.

(maybe, he's just buying right into it).

"they have things like one-meal replacements in drinks. at least, that's what someone told me the other day." because as of lately, it's become nothing more than the repetition of bodies stumbling in-and-out of his studio space, and his out-of-body visceral reaction to giving the same faux show responses each time.

but he knows seoho's better than that. so, by the time he turns his chair back around to face him, picking up the phone at hand. one quick glance, and it's one for show by how quickly the notification from the transaction comes in a following text. in reality, he's restless and far astray from harboring any opinions on what will come in the next twenty minutes.

"i've been letting this one on the back burner for a while. but hear me out - i've got a vision. let me know what you think." there's a half lie laced with the matter-of-fact push he leads his words with: five songs at once, working in rotation - a chronic worker letting each one burn till the steam courses it empty. but he won't let seoho in on the unnecessary details of his days. instead, he presses on letting the melody take reign.

[corvuscanus]

what about tonight has motivated yerin to come and seek him out may be a question seoho will take to his grave, forever unasked. but yerin's chosen this moment well: not backstage at some event they've both ended up at, away from the questioning eyes of groupmates they're both close to. seoho's relaxed, comfortable, enough so that her sudden appearance doesn't have him tensing up. it's a hand well played.

her choice of conversational avenue is one hell of a softball, though. "ah, it's been good. honestly, i didn't think i'd enjoy it as much as i do now." that first initial offer - a while back - to fill in as a guest host had come out of nowhere, but now he feels more settled behind the mic. the working hours have been serving him well, the setting feels intimate enough that he doesn't feel awkward asking fellow idols to talk about their music and the hobbies they've been getting into recently. it's the sort of career step he wouldn't have imagined himself taking five years ago, but seoho has learned to appreciate the steadiness of it. as much as he hates to admit it, he does better with a set schedule that repeats itself across the days of the week.

the table in front of them is a display of an abandoned game of beer pong. while yerin starts stacking empty cups, seoho reaches out and plucks up the white plastic ball the group had been using. it's a little sticky, but that's easily remedied when he wipes the residue off on a crumpled-up napkin.

if seoho were a kinder person, he'd ask yerin about her own work in return; he's seen clips of her fridge interview pop up here and there, and it's impossible to avoid learning about what she's up to what with her closeness to one of seoho's best friends. instead of making it easy for her, seoho (quite characteristically) goes for the throat.

"you didn't come here to ask about youngstreet, though."

despite all she tried to make it seem— that he had been culled from memory and effortlessly kept at the distance she once upon a time so vehemently thought was best— she was not as unfamiliar with seoho as all that. she had, in true yerin form, been completely and utterly found incapable of letting it go. so yes, she knew what he had been up to, generally, in a round about way. and she had heard his voice, in content, when around doan, too.

it's different when it's close. so clear, so low, without audio compression and a layer of guilt that left him hazy like listening from below water. "ah, i see." she shouldn't be bothered by things she doesn't know; otherwise, everything would be the end of her with how much she doesn't know about him.

her smile widens, overcompensating perhaps, but it looks normal on her face— (when was her smile not overcompensating, these days?) she can't tell if he wants her here or not, but he invited her, and she takes that at face value as best as she can. she settles near him but not too near, knees close together and palms clutching two beer bottles in her lap to take up as little space as possible. "i saw you across the way and thought i'd come and say hi." her stilted softness is quite genuine as she looks between him and around the room for a beat of time. (she moves the beer she'd offered him off somewhere, and decides to drink some of her own, to have something to do for a second). "i thought about you recently," she says, too honest and she feels silly about that, "about kuro's youngstreet; how's that been for you?" she fills in, then asks.

again she's overcome with nerves, a need to do something lest she speak her mind and truly, really truly, that would be the worst thing actually imaginable if she told him the truth. so she reaches out and starts neatly organizing empty disposable cups on the table in front of them.

[corvuscanus]

fifty shades enjoyers are bound to enjoy him more cleaned up than a hulking, hair-pulling seoho ripped straight from his own nightmares. seoho's seen the edits: shaky footage of the group of them in suits befitting whatever occasion they'd been papped at, set over a track that sounds like it's been ripped right off abel tesfaye's hard drive, bass boosted. but if he were to say this then that'd be a reference right back to kiha's unenviable dilemma - this being the fact that he's about to go on stage dressed just like that, playing at the charming gentleman eager to ravish the self-insert heroine once they get back to his house. with whips and chains, maybe, if he feels like it.

"gentle creatures of humility and charity do best when there's piles of gold to give away, you know." it's a huge fucking joke, but when seoho looks at kiha he does think he'd make for a pretty decent dad. not that anyone could ever offer him enough cold hard cash to admit to that, or any of the other sappy feelings he buries down deep under brotherly bickering. "i'm so sorry kiha, truly. i wish your kids weren't such losers, but that's the hand they'll be dealt, i guess."

he's grinning through it, foot shoved halfway into the leg of his jeans (conveniently located on the hanger, where he perhaps should've been looking to start with). the thanks comes somewhat unexpected, but it serves well to soften him up a bit, too; seoho's shoulders drop, his smile grows a little wider. "what for?," he asks, as if he has no idea what kiha's talking about. if there were any more time left, he'd have fun pushing a little, but it's not the right moment for that. instead, he waves him off. "go kill it out there."

kiha  makes  extra  sure  to  telegraph  his  swinging  fist,  though  he's  sure  seoho  doesn't  need  him  to.  just  for  fun,  he  hisses  sharply  through  his  teeth  as  his  arm  buzzes  harmlessly  over  the  other's  head.  there's  a  reason  why  he's  scooping  up  all  of  the  acting  credits  in  the  group  —  obviously.  ❝  i'm  sure  all  those  fifty  shades  enjoyers  will  be  very  happy  to  see  that  you've  reached  your  final  hulking,  hair-pulling  form,  ❞  kiha  grumbles.  a  part  of  him  wanted  to  hear  seoho  keep  going  —  caught  between  appalled  that  the  little  baby  of  his  memory  could  spit  such  vile  things  (what's  that?  all  of  seoho's  lyrics  are  picture-perfect  innocent  in  kiha's  flawless  memory,  thank  you  very  much)  and  wanting  to  see  if  seoho  could  set  the  world  record  for  reaching  the  center  of  the  earth.

it's  for  the  best,  though.  cameras  and  microphones  could  be  anywhere.  with  how  rapidly  technological  advancement  keeps  marching  on,  envelope-pushing  over  pondering  morality  (and  hm,  doesn't  that  quite  sound  familiar?),  kiha's  not  sure  his  paranoia  will  ever  abate.  sooner  or  later,  everything  about  their  lives  will  come  to  light  —  whether  in  the  name  of  content  or  dug  out  by  a  particularly  zealous  fan  with  too  much  time  and/or  money  on  their  hands.  kiha  wonders  if  this  little  debacle  will  become  public  knowledge  soon  enough.  if  not  seoho  thinking  this  a  funny  enough  anecdote  to  bring  up  as  blackmail,  kiha  could  perhaps  see  yet  another  controversy  down  the  line.  lazy  and  entitled,  the  phantom  headlines  scream.  thinks  he's  better  than  pyro,  thinks  he  shouldn't  have  to  perform  a  song  he  doesn't  like.

he  has  half  a  mind  to  turn  his  jacket  inside  out  to  check  for  any  devices,  if  not  just  to  stall.  but  no,  the  time  for  that  is  past.  kiha  supposes  the  little  jaunt  was  fun,  if  nothing  else.  just  as  futile  as  he  thought  it  would  be.  what  a  lovely  confirmation  of  his  worldview;  nothing  would  save  him  except  for  hard  work  and  perseverance.  no  need  for  the  spoonful  of  sugar  —  just  swallow  the  medicine  and  get  it  all  over  with.

even  so,  his  costume  fully  repaired  and  his  mic  pack  securely  tucked  into  his  belt,  kiha  can't  resist  getting  one  last  barb  in.  ❝  as  if  i  want  my  children  corrupted  by  the  sin  of  greed.  keep  your  piles  of�� gold  away,  i'm  going  to  raise  gentle  creatures  of  humility  and  charity.  ❞  just  look  at  his  mother;  she  didn't  even  need  kiha's  prompting  to  give  everything  away!  probably  not  the  best  thing  to  think  about  right  before  going  on  stage,  but  he's  out  of  time  to  come  up  with  something  else.  kiha  lingers  in  the  threshold  anyway,  ignoring  the  heated  stare  digging  into  the  back  of  his  head  and  the  chirpy  walkies  nearby,  and  makes  sure  he  locks  eyes  with  seoho  one  last  time.  ❝  hey.  thanks.  ❞  he  knows  what  he  means.

and  then  he's  off.

[corvuscanus]

"no kidding." commitment to the bit seems to be massive here - daon would've done great on the planning team, given a complementary theme. the macarons shown off, seoho carefully puts them back into his tote, then ties the plastic bag filled with his candy back up and slides it down next to the other stuff accumulating in his bag.

with nothing better to do and nowhere to be for another few minutes, seoho trails after jiho on her quest to buy - the best ice cream? the prettiest looking dessert? "alright, shoot. character assignments. i won't lie, i'm no expert." definitely not enough of one to guess at what she might like best. seoho clacks the candy against the inside of his bottom teeth. "you got any favourites?" his own closest connection the sanrio universe is his little sister in her infinite pre-teen wisdom. briefly, he wonders whether he should make a point to pick up merch for her, but from what he's gathered through his dad's messages there's a planned family trip in her future anyway. not that seoho would ever acknowledge he's read any of them.

"if keroppi is pistachio, what flavour do you think kuromi would be?" they're close enough now that he can get a peek at the food on display, but the guesswork of it is the fun part to him.

with the success of hot, girl code was just starting to get into warmer waters when it came to public reception, so jiho didn't want to risk getting swarmed in unnecessary rumors. it's why she's all masked up, her baseball cap pretty much covering the upper region of her face. however, she didn't want to miss out on these spring celebrations either. an hour or two around here couldn't hurt, right?

"wow, they really went all out with the theme." having just gotten here, she hadn't had a chance to look around properly just yet. she leaned over to glance at the macarons seoho had picked up, making a mental note to herself to buy some for her members before she headed back home as well.

letting out a hum, she came down to her decision. "i think i'm going to decide my character. i mean, that's the fun of the whole event, right?" with a chuckle, she started walking toward the ice cream booth. "plus, i think the colors from the characters will help guess what the flavors will be. for example, i'm pretty sure keroppi is going to be like pistachio or something because it's green," she explained.

[corvuscanus]

time heals all wounds. it doesn't work that way for seoho - he picks at them, re-opens the scabs and learns to live with the scars until they become part of him, just another one of those textured details that make people human. the best he can hope for is a nice fade, a silvery reminder he doesn't think about at all - until he does, spending an evening agonising over them.

this comment had been a joke, though, not something he'll even remember come evening. seoho waves her off. "i'm more the forgiving type." not forgetting. and maybe this isn't entirely the truth, because seoho can hold grudges long enough for the initial disagreement to be so far in their collective rearview mirrors nobody can make them out well enough for discernment. but between the two of them, it's another one of those unsaid things. eunbin might not feel like she'd done anything that'd need forgiving - seoho certainly had never brought it up - but he'd felt that way, all until he'd spread out the mess of his life in front of him and taken to dissecting it.

"you look good in blue, and you look good in this." he idly taps the nail of his finger against the stem of the glass he'd been given at the entrance. the visual effect is ruined a bit by his choice of drink: the orange juice looks a little garish. seoho softens up the set of his shoulders, gives her a smile. "it was a compliment, eunbin. feel free to take it."

corvuscanus:

seoho leans back in his chair just in case there's anyone catching this interaction on camera. "i still think so." the lavender isn't that far off in shade. "both can be true." he's not trying to start a fight, but seoho's always been a bit reactionary.

laughter paints itself in blues, clouded by the early years of heartbreak in silent sobs. the affair of dissociation, and she's primed herself to become a master over the years — refining, re-doing. avoiding. refreshing. and it's her greatest cinematic scene when she foots the laughter with the quirk of her chin, and a gaze she casts back over towards the crowd of people now nearing by.

because physically at meters apart, the dissonance is almost too painfully human to underpin.

years past, she used to be half-human — a walking shell teetering on the edge of ruination and self-doubt. and maybe, she's still an outline of her past when fragility's become engrained and each second chips away at the mask she's woven together.

"luckily, i know a thing or two about healing wounds." no bark, no bite. unintentional, the words slip under a murmur of her breath, disregarding the nebulous eyes in the vicinity. "give it time. avoid, and the rest you'll learn to forget." it feels criminal how she masks the underlyings of the read-between-the lines with precipitous apathy.

but she'll manage. he'll manage — just as they've always done.

her eyes rove back towards seoho, eyes narrowed for a split second. (one, two) — they soften at the helm of her words. "i said three statements, and you still have me guessing on which two are true." she pauses, silence beats as her fingers press into the crook of her elbow. "i guess time doesn't change everything."

[corvuscanus]

they make their way halfway towards the exit before seoho bothers replying. jaeyoon's tone has taken on that district quality it does when the man's too far gone to be reasoned with, anyway - seoho could say whatever he wanted and none of it would change their circumstances. but if there's one thing seoho is, it's stubborn, and so he doesn't abandon jaeyoon to the crowd and whatever crisis he's currently very publicly going through.

"if nobody liked it you'd be a commercial flop." it's something he'd laugh about in any other situation. now: seoho makes a grab for the pack of cigarettes in jaeyoon's hand and pushes them into his own pocket. there's just no way they're going to attract any additional attention by jaeyoon ill-advisedly lighting one of those indoors. "you think my early work is bad, jae? that what you're trying to tell me?"

whether the diversion works or not - they push through the doors into clean air, the little courtyard he'd scoped out earlier when he'd needed a break of his own. the chance of someone snapping a picture of them is miniscule enough for seoho not to worry about the possible non-scandal of blue and kuro smoking out back; it's probably something their fans would expect of them anyway. "i'm not saying the old stuff is better, but there's a time and place. what's this hissy fit about, huh?" he digs the pack back out, fishes out a single smoke and hands it over as a peace offer.

corvuscanus:

"you wrote that shit. c'mon, don't pull this. let's go." he manages to pass off jaeyoon's empty glass somehow, and gets them a little closer towards the exit in the process. he's pretty sure there were snacks earlier. might be good to get something to soak up all that alcohol. "at least pretend you like your work so everyone who does doesn't feel dumb for it."

the reckoning comes like a punch of seoho's single word. it's effect? humorous by how instinctively a curbed chuckle spills from his mouth. lately, life's feeling like a bad midday sitcom with how many times life yells cut, and how many times he's subjected himself into the replays of obedience.

but still, joo jaeyoon follows suit.

leaning into seoho, ignorance plays a role when his eyes miss contact with each crowd they pass by. even bigger is when he lands his gaze straight to the ground, his steps growing heavier — in reality, he's too drunk to tell. better yet, he's too elated with the stupor lighting the path with his dulled murmured hums and peace signs he throws in the air.

"yeah, i wrote that shit a long time ago." he echoes, allowing himself to fight gravity by leaning against the wall. there's his works he's proud of, then the festering contempt he's learned to deal with sitting deep in his hard drive. sometimes, you just learn how to deal.

his hand fishes for the cigarettes buried deep in his pockets, and there's an antsiness that plays when he can't quite grab one from twelve. "does anyone even like this work?" he reiterates. nothing wrong with bad tunes, just that he's feeling like a cheap carbon copy of the days of his youth. "lets be real — you've heard the other stuff. you can't possibly say the shit i put out was better than the stuff stowed away in the studio, right?"

[corvuscanus]

—spill, ft. @witheredflowxrs dazed korea anniversary party

the bar isn't the most convenient spot to camp out at and people watch right now. seoho knows this because he'd been on the other side of the room earlier - the crowd is more dense here, people waiting for their turn to talk to the bartender in-between sets. he's been sitting on a stool for what cannot have been more than five minutes, nursing a glass of ginger ale, and in those five minutes three people have approached him: some editor he's never met but who apparently knows him well enough to have asked about his cat, one of the midas staff members, and an actor he's rubbed shoulders with twice.

hana's much better company than all three combined, but seoho's admittedly distracted when he spots her and waves her over. while she's trying to talk to the bartender, seoho lets his gaze rove over the people around them and catches on a couple only a few meters to their left. the woman's got a disgusted look on her face; the guy is gesturing wildly. over the noise it's very hard to make out what they're saying, but there's clearly an ongoing argument happening right in front of his nose, and seoho's always been a gossip.

"hana, check this out." once she's gotten her drink he nudges her elbow, subtly gesturing towards the couple. "i think we may be about to witness something grand." and then, because it's probably a bad look to start off with that: "how are you liking the party?"

[corvuscanus]

If you're our KURO, does that make us your cawcaw...?

🐦‍⬛: are you brainstorming fandom names now? 🐦‍⬛: but wouldn't it be cooler if you were part of the flock... 🐦‍⬛: a conspiracy. crowspiracy? hmm. 🐦‍⬛: i think rave would be best, but we'll have to put our own spin on it 🐦‍⬛: please send in your ideas 🙂

[corvuscanus]

"i'm going through a tough break up right now, and i think i still miss them. how do you get through a break up when you haven't fully closed the chapter? is it pathetic to keep the door open?"

🐦‍⬛: ah honestly, doesn't that depend on outside factors? 🐦‍⬛: you should talk to a friend who knows your situation well

[corvuscanus]

S 🪐 [240721] Instagram Update "☀️"

[corvuscanus]

i ❤️ n9 family~~ are u close to any nymth members!

🐦‍⬛: of course 😎 🐦‍⬛: some of us trained together haha 🐦‍⬛: please ask the company for a collab i think it'd be fun 👍 🐦‍⬛: bother them lots okay?

[corvuscanus]

which member do you spend the most time with lately?

🐦‍⬛: i've actually been seeing kiha the most lately… he seems really bored 🐦‍⬛: you should go talk to him more, he's been so lonely LOLOL 🐦‍⬛: but i've been working on something with yuchan too! it's a secret though

[corvuscanus]

is it normal to be in love with someone who doesn’t know i exist but also changed my life? kevin yoon these days..... it’s getting bad. (btw mr. yoon if you’re reading this, i’ll be emotionally available starting next thursday!)

🐦‍⬛: kevin yoon?!?!? 🐦‍⬛: i'm sorry lol this is so shocking 🐦‍⬛: please send me your number and i'll pass it on 🐦‍⬛: you've come to the right person i'll make sure you'll get to meet him 🫡

[corvuscanus]

✩ // lately, i feel like i’ve lost motivation for everything.... how do you stay inspired when things get tough?

🐦‍⬛: really, i hope you feel better soon... i know what you're feeling and that sometimes even the small things can be very tough 🐦‍⬛: sometimes i'm just not inspired at all for a while. if you find a workaround for that, please share haha 🐦‍⬛: but honestly, for me, what's most important are the people around me. seeing everyone in the group want to succeed is seriously so motivating, and i have a lot of friends i can rely on in tough times. if there's anyone like that in your life i think you should reach out and share your worries 🐦‍⬛: and medicine helps a lot too 🐦‍⬛: the most important thing is that you keep going! you can't stop! note: seoho wouldn't react to this on hi-u, but he would in an insta live / if a fan asked him in person - so let's pretend that's what's going on here : )

[corvuscanus]

who's your angelix bias?

🐦‍⬛: ah i think i told you this, i was really such a fan of siah 🐦‍⬛: but isn't eunbin really cool? my mum watches everything she's in

[corvuscanus]

33. what boy group do you like lately?

🐦‍⬛: you guys... 🐦‍⬛: of course it's always remedy 🐦‍⬛: but our yuchan worked on sodapop's new release, so please check it out & support it!

[corvuscanus]

if your stage name were a perfume, what notes would it have?

🐦‍⬛: ah, really... 🐦‍⬛: what does a crow smell like? 🐦‍⬛: i think it's better not to answer... 🐦‍⬛: but if you ask the company they'd probably add pepper haha