couchie - Tumblr blog

[couchie]

hey don’t cry. trees grow out of the ground.

[couchie]

Hi real quick does anyone have the cat gif that goes like this

[couchie]

we are not immune to thinking about a character going "i'll take care of you :)" that is the introject printer button. now that you've thought about it yours is probably going now too. i am so sorry (lighthearted sorry)

[couchie]

I need every public place to have detailed descriptions of the entire place + how to behave and what behavior is acceptable or not and i need it all as straightforward as humanly possible

[couchie]

fuck with me

[couchie]

Biden better plant some votes if he wants that election bc I don’t see it for that hoe at all….. he better go to them Illuminati meetings and pop some pussy otherwise it’s curtains for grandpa

[couchie]

night sky+planet dividers

source▪️f2u (please don't claim as your own)

requested by anon

[couchie]

night sky+planet dividers

source▪️f2u (please don't claim as your own)

requested by anon

[couchie]

So tonight I joined my parents, and the neighbours, at the local pub quiz. We won, and won the bonus round, much to the annoyance of the other teams. Apparently my parents and their friends win every other week. Nerds. So to prank them the landlord had a special “Super Hard Pub Question” for us for double or nothing on our prize (vouchers for a gallon of beer) to let the rest of the pub feel better because we were “guaranteed to lose” since there was “no way we could know the answer.” I got picked to answer it because I’m the youngest and have less General Knowledge.

The question?

“What is the word for beer in Ancient Egyptian?”

Pub: *loud raucous laughter and cheering*

Landlord: *looks smug*

Me: Do you want that in English or in the original Hieroglyphs?

Landlord: The hieroglyphs of course!

Pub: *more laughter*

Me: *scribbles quickly in the 10 seconds I had to answer*

Landlord: Fuck. Me. 

Pub: *utter silence broken only by someone at the back exclaiming WTF* 

Landlord: How did you even know that?

Me: You picked the one person here who can read them?

Landlord: Oh shit it’s you isn’t it?

Dad yelling from the back: SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It’s safe to say we’re simultaneously fucking legends/not very popular at the local right now.

[couchie]

if the truman show came out in 2020 trumans life would be livestreamed 24/7 and the twitch chat would be absolutely wildin. poggers

[couchie]

"what do you do when you're alone for hours on end" watch cartoons and color. some things never change, apparently

[couchie]

everytime i make a post i feel like this image

[couchie]

I think we need more "unnecessary" gore in horror movies actually I think people should explode into a giant mess of blood and tissue and viscera during random scenes in horror movies

[couchie]

Base idea: there is a language which has two alphabets, and their use is gendered. Men use one, women use another.

Like imagine if English but men write only in lowercase and women write only in uppercase.

Or print/cursive.

[couchie]

daily affirmations

I am a vortex of Bullshit

I attract Toxicity

I attract Negative energy

Wealth and Success flee from me

Angelic guides Abandon me due to my Personality Disorder

My Higher Self is trapped inside of a Prism and being tortured by Demons

Powerful Forces are conspiring for my Downfall

My Crystal's are Busted

My Chakras are Spinning Backeards

My Pineal Gland is replaced.with a Deer Pellet

I suck Positive Vibes out of the Room and Replace them with Rancidity and Hatred

I attract Drama

My Children Hate me

Bugs Grow in my Whiote Girl Dreds

My Twin Flame left me for a Pleadiean Bitch with 6 Penise's

My OF is Failing

My SoundCloud is Shadowbanned

My Volkswagon Golf has a Catastrophic Oil Leak

I have Ozempic Face

I have Nothing

My life is Fucked

My life is Fucked

My life is Fucked

MY LIFE IS fucked.

[couchie]

i??????? sksjsbzvsvshdhsbdb

[couchie]

dream job is pair of eyeballs that fly around and look at shit