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@spirestar : 'do you always act like this?' ( maybe from cam? accidental meeting while gwen is universe hopping? )

"Oh, yeah, for sure," the ghost replies as she pokes at the rip in her suit and the truly gnarly wound beneath it. Gwen can barely feel it, adrenaline still shouting and, more than that, she's just used to this. "Humor as a shitty coping mechanism's SORTA MY THING."

At least when she's got the mask on. Spider - Woman may suck, but she's better than the girl who uses her to hide. She's an easier person to be.

This universe has some GNARLY baddies in it, but it's nothing she hasn't dealt with, more or less — and she'd had help, so that's always nice. MIGUEL PROBABLY WOULDN'T THINK SO. Her head shakes to banish the thought. The other — Cam, she thinks she said her name was? — doesn't seem particularly amused with her whole Stepford Snarker routine, but it's about all Gwen has left, so.

"We've got a whole club for it, back where I come from. Big - time heroes who physically can't take anything seriously." She pushes herself to stand, ignoring the irritated - slash - worried sound that Cam makes when she does. The wound doesn't start bleeding MORE, which is a good sign. "Do you always act like this? Is your niche 'joyless hardass?'"

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@arachnik : “ don’t ever take anyone’s bullshit. ” / hobie <3 / accepting.

She looks up from his sink, hair wet, tips a brighter shade of pink than they'd been a few hours prior — her eyes won't focus for a second, rendering the boy who'd saved her blurry at the edges. He comes into focus a beat later, and she can't breathe around his concerned expression. She looks back down at the stained white porcelain, wringing out her hair and shedding only a little magenta as she does.

"I'll clean the dye out of your sink when I'm done," she says instead of I'm the bullshit, I'm the one who hurts people. Jessica — and Miguel, if with clenched teeth — are letting her go to Miles's universe soon. Miles, who she left, who she could have seen earlier and was too afraid to risk the ire of another father figure. Miles, who cares about her so so much. Miles, who she'll have to either ignore or lie to. Miles, who she ——

Miles saved her, like Hobie's saving her, like Jessica saved her. LIKE PETER SAVED HER. And she, Judas, again and again betraying her messiahs with her useless love. Her hands tighten against the sink.

"Gwendy," he says, voice worried but not pressing, moving closer — he tucks himself closer, leaning against the wall beside the sink.

"I know, I know. Don't ever take anyone's bullshit," she says to prove she heard him. She knows he worries about Miguel and how much Gwen needs Miguel to let her stay. But it's fine. It's all good. She'll handle it. She'll keep it good. She has to. If the others send her home, she —

It can't happen. It's not worth thinking about.

"The dye job looks like ass, by the way," Hobie says after a long beat, and Gwen barks out a surprised laugh, head ducking, then looks to him with a grin.

"That just makes it more punk, right?" she says, instead of I hope I don't fuck you up, too.

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gwen is religious; she was raised and baptized catholic, but these days tends to mix and match from various denominations. ( she and her dad get in arguments about the closed eucharist sometimes. ) she was pretty devout as a little kid, but realizing she was trans complicated lots of things, including her faith. for a long time she felt like she had to choose being queer or being religious. it was actually peter who talked it through with her, among others, and she reached a more stable thought with it all. while she still identifies as christian — and, if pressed, catholic — the long period when she was actively avoiding thinking of religion at all means that it's definitely more in the back seat for her these days. she still has some complex feelings regarding religion and her identity, which lends itself in a bad way to her mounting feelings of guilt. catholic guilt mixing together with normal - guilt. "oh, god. i'm judas, aren't i?"

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thinking abt gwen and hobie and what his community means and meant to her, how cool she thinks he is, how kind, how fucking smart. she ADORES hobie, dude. she thinks he's the coolest ever. he's her best friend, right alongside miles. she'd do just about anything he asked and considers him the best person she knows

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new followers! hi! it usually takes me a few days to go thru new folks and check out rules and all that, so thanks in advance for ur patience! i hope ur all having a lovely day!

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MORE QUESTION PROMPTS *  assorted questions, adjust as necessary

when were you going to tell me the truth about this?

there's another way to solve this, isn't there?

why did you pretend for so long?

could you just wait until i'm ready?

how long has this been going on?

do you think there's more out there?

were you really the person i thought you were?

how many times have i asked you to do this?

how long have you loved me?

you've known all along and you never told me?

how am i supposed to be normal about this?

did you ever think this could affect me, too?

how can you be so selfish?

when was the last time you slept?

you've done this before, haven't you?

what do you mean, you don't know?

do you believe in a higher power?

will you make me something?

why did you lie to me?

are you dressed?

will you please sit down for two seconds?

how can i make you understand?

how often does this happen?

is this a regular thing for you?

do you come here often?

mind if i buy you a drink?

did you ever consider it might hurt my feelings?

do you wanna get out of here?

why don't we find somewhere quiet?

do you need some help with that?

is that all you brought?

is it hard being this stupid?

do you think you could do that again?

when was the last time you were here?

did you hear what i said?

can i come in?

do you consider us friends?

why should i tell you anything?

did you go without me?

what if that was you?

do you think you'll ever trust me again?

do you realize how hard i've worked to get here?

why do you never consider my feelings?

do you think i should try again?

can you hold me for a while?

was that what you expected?

will you please put that away and pay attention?

what if there's no way out of this?

what if we're stuck here forever?

where did it all go wrong?

do you always act like this?

mind if i smoke?

would you shut the door on the way out?

how long did it take you to get here?

when was the last time someone made you feel truly loved?

are you sure you know what you're doing?

what if i mess this all up?

why do you need to know?

when did you stop loving me?

did you just wake up?

did you expect me to walk away?

did you hear that noise?

could you come pick me up?

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SHE COULD GO HOME, BUT SHE'S NOT GOING TO. independent & private gwen stacy rp blog, primarily based on into / across the spider - verse. by rain.

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gwen does have romantic feelings for miles! this seems really overt to me, but some folks read 'em differently ( which is cool, obvi ) so it feels worth mentioning, and i will write her as such! that shouldn't be read as me forcing the ship, especially since —

well, for starters, "in every universe, gwen stacy falls for spider - man. and...it never ends well." she acknowledges her own feelings but is afraid to act on them in a meaningful way because she knows there's a nonzero chance that doing so means she dies. she's not sure how it would work out, since she's obviously a very different gwen than the gwen stacy any number of the peters back at hq knew — she tells herself she's very different, even when they stare at her too long, too sad — but just the chance itself is frightening.

she is passively suicidal, even if she's not consciously aware of it — she doesn't care that much if she dies, though she's not going to actively act on it in any conscious way. that being said, she wouldn't risk putting miles — or any other spiderperson she might fall for — through the pain of losing her. of killing her.

( also? it's really, really bad, mentally, to know that in most other universes you die to traumatize the boy you love. that the boy you love kills you trying to save you. it's an existential kind of misery, to know that in most universes you're just a sacrificial lamb for him, and to still prefer that to the universe where he's the sacrificial lamb for you. )

but even beyond all that — she'd be really hesitant to commit to a romance, even if she didn't have to worry that doing so might kill her. ( which — given that she's learning flexible the canon is, she'll get there. ) because gwen doesn't like herself! she doesn't think she's capable or strong! she doesn't even particularly think she's good! she says it to her dad — she can't do good! she doesn't know how! she doesn't know how to do anything!

she killed her best friend ( who she also had feelings for ), hurt miles in their first adventure, can't make or keep any friends, is pushing her dad away, her dad who's a cop before he's her dad, her dad who loves her but can't do shit to show it —— who's hunting her. she stands back and listens and doesn't fight when miguel says her dad has to die, accepts that like she's the murderer he thinks she is. and now she's hurting miles and fucking it all up even more!

miles is a better spider - man than she is. and he's a better person, too. he deserves a hell of a lot better than gwen stacy.

most people do.

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i thought about this while thinking about gwen's enneagram, because one common difference between types is their relationship to authority; that is, do they let others make decisions for them, even if those decisions go against the type's beliefs / preferences. and i really don't think gwen used to be that way, and isn't that way naturally. she's independent and knows what she believes and she sticks to it!

which just makes me feel kind of miserable that in ATSV she's entirely supplanted her own beliefs and instincts with following the decisions that miguel makes. the most daring thing she does until the end is sneaking off to see miles. she says it herself — her gut says that miles can do both, can save everyone! but she's not following her gut, she's letting someone else make decisions for her.

and it's just so sad because she's a kid and her dad shot a gun to threaten her and pointed it at her and couldn't stop being a cop to be her dad — and so, eventually, ceased being a cop at all, but that's not the point — and she's alone, literally dimensionally homeless, after the trauma of losing peter and making a single new friend only to immediately lose him again, and so long being hunted by her dad culminating in All That...she's so broken down and desperate for guidance and community, for someone else to tell her what's right because she clearly doesn't know what that is, that she ends up doing awful, unthinkable things to her best friend and crush because she's so scared to lose the approval of a father figure again and because gwen stacy can't trust herself to make the right choices, ever

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I'm becoming consistently worse everyday And I am turning into someone I really hate And time just ticks on The final day will never come I can't give up So I am forced to keep on All I've wanted is suddenly so grey and dull Aspirations have turned into a muddy blob Nothing spikes me And nothing ever really stays Only person I trusted to suddenly went away

Doing all the things I shouldn't (mm mm mm mmm) Picking fights and acting stupid

No one really sees me do they? If they did why are they hеre then? All I do is make thеm sad All I do is always bad

How I wish I never mattered to anyone Disappointing is worse when it's someone you love And that's what I do Consistently I'll let you down I promise you it's better if you get out now All I've wanted is suddenly so out of reach How I miss it, the hopeful naïvety Back when I dreamed

All I do is push my luck All I do is always wrong

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from the work of  amanda lovelace  ,  the mermaid’s voice returns in this one   (  consider supporting the author  ) .  pronouns  (  he , she , they , i , etc  )  &  tenses can be adjusted as needed

“ i’m dropping my sword ” “ i’m not sure which of us i’m trying to convince ” “ there was no one i could have told ” “ there was nothing i could have done ” “ do you ever find yourself nostalgic for the life you never got to have ? ” “ do you ever find yourself nostalgic for the person you never got to be ? ” “ i never meant to be here for so long ” “ when will it be my turn ? ” “ who was i before you ? ” “ you can’t fix someone else ” “ you were the first one i believed ” “ i don’t mean to frighten you ” “ i would seriously consider drinking the atlantic whole if only you asked me to ” “ what wouldn’t i do for you ? ” “ i wish you had been my first love ” “ you were always my favorite wreck ” “ why wasn’t i smart enough to stay away from you ? ” “ this isn’t that kind of fairy tale ” “ cages are still cages even when they’re designed to look just like castles ” “ staying with you is nothing more than muscle memory ” “ how can you just walk away ? ” “ sometimes we have to feed ourselves lies just to live ” “ i still have every part of myself ” “ you don’t get to say it’s my fault for staying ” “ i’m but a work in progress ” “ i’m still alive and therefore so is hope ” “ i’m my own sunrise ” “ be stronger than the villains ” “ your voice could sink spaceships ” “ you need to try anyway ” “ you have been known to pry the scabs open  ,  bleed them out ” “ i woke up the next morning and i did not feel brave ” “ we talk about survival like it’s a thing that makes you stronger ” “ i was a bird before this ” “ i remember everything ” “ my healing is ugly ” “ there always exists more than one opportunity for you to grow ” “ i meant to break open to make room for stars ” “ it’s time you give yourself a fair chance ” “ it was never as pretty as you like to pretend it was ” “ i’m used to it by now ” “ don’t ever take anyone’s bullshit ” “ you did not disappear unnoticed ” “ your scraped knees will always mend ” “ just keep singing yourself to sleep ” “ eventually your monsters will stop haunting  you ” “ you are not sad forever ” “ maybe the difference between remembering and hurting is just me ” “ does your pain have a voice ? ” “ you are worth spoiling ” “ when i was a child  ,  i used to believe anyone ” “ you did all you could do ” “ now you must learn what it means for you to live ” “ i’ve never been a river nor a lake for you to peer into ” “ my story has never been your story ” “ rip this page out and keep it with you ” “ be victorious in everything you do ” “ disturb the gods  ,  if that’s what it takes ”

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#GWEN : I AM AFRAID TO OWN A BODY / I AM ALIVE I GUESS.

an independent & low - activity roleplay blog for gwen stacy of into & across the spider - verse, written by rain ( they / she / he  ).  headcanon - based, not spoiler free.  RULES & ABOUT.

#BLOGROLL : sunhalf, pokechosen, badnikbreaker, ahlite, devolusion, esperhood, ghoullest, hichai, biasfactor, protectrule, couldntsave.