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countjason · 6 months ago

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Jason’s 14th Annual Post/Pre-Year Review/Goals

UPDATE LINK: https://countjason.blogspot.com/2024/11/jasons-14th-annual-postpre-year.html?

Here we go again...14 years… Christ, I'm getting old. I think this is probably the earliest I've started this, but that's fine. With one month remaining, my goals and where I landed are pretty locked in. Besides, as everyone celebrates Thanksgiving with their family, I'll go to my mom's and see my brother/sister-in-law and their son this afternoon for food, so I have time.

My opinion of 2024 was a year of change. This was the first year I was by myself in almost 10 years and trying to navigate being recently divorced, being a dad to a toddler, and managing through work. I moved out into a "meh" 2B/1B apartment, sold the "forever" home, and started over with what I'll only describe as a "minor setback." I don't have too much to complain about. I've been relatively happier, which is great. I did therapy until my therapist, and I felt I was as about as good as I was going to get with the transition, and things have been pretty good. I've been extremely optimistic as of late with all the great things happening right now. So while this has been a transition year, it's been for the best.

With that, let's assess last year:

GOALS FOR 2024

Be a good dad - this is easy and hard at the same time. It's easy when I can just focus on my son which is every other weekend I have him and I don't work. It's hard when I have him and I have to work the other weekend, or I travel and miss my time that I rarely have made up. While I get the luxury of working from home, being tied to a computer with a 3-year-old running around is very hard. I thank God I don't have to work in an office and be forced to give up further custody since my ex-wife won't let me use my family, hirer a babysitter, or take him to a work-space that watches children as you work. I try to just remind myself I am luck I do get to see him make a mess 10 feet from me as I'm on a call than not knowing what's happening if he was in daycare.

[Accomplished] The first half of the year was tough. He got to the age where he wasn't ready for preschool yet, so I had him while I worked from home, which, as anyone can tell you, a toddler is rocket fuel and craziness wrapped into one. It was so hard to watch him and give him the time he wanted, it sucked. It always broke my heart when he'd come up to me and say, "Daddy, can you play with me?" and I had to tell him, "Sorry buddy, daddies at work, but if he gets a moment, I will go into your room and play with your toys, and I'll be there when I can."

*Internally sob like a bitch*

I mean, I didn't sign up to be a single dad. The only reason the mom was allowed to be a stay at home was to avoid this but here we were. In any case, that moment passed, and he started pre-school which was good because I felt he was super smart but needed more social skills. With this guilt out of the way, I was able to focus exclusively on him when I had him and in that area, I think I've been a pretty good dad. Each time I get him, I always try to do something special because I know this moment in time is short and it's critical that I celebrate this time with him given I don't see him every day.

Get back into shape - this has been slow progress but always seems to be on my list. I go to the gym semi-regularly these days and even as I write this, I'm planning on going to the gym when I'm done. I lost a lot of weight in 2023 and I don't want to gain it back.

[Kinda - still in progress] This is the goal...that never ends...this is the goal that neeeeeeverrends.

I mean, what can I say, I'm not where I want to be. I'm not going to blame "life" or "I'm in my 40's" or anything else just yet. Once I moved into the apartment, I got an annual membership to the gym and I'm back to going most days unless I have Dante. I did workout at moments that are traditionally not times you work out like on the cruise I went on.

Live Life - I'm not going to dwell on what could have been. I need to just move forward despite unplanned setbacks. What that means is if I lost my partner in crime, then I move on without. This was her choice not to forgive me. It was my choice not to put what I did on the same level as physical adultery cheating. I always liked going out and having fun. I liked meeting new people and getting new friends that I sorta stopped doing or retracted from when I was in my marriage so when I don't have my son, I am going to live my life by my rules. It's weird still but again, I don't have to ask permission to go out; the compromising I made now goes away.

[Accomplished] When I have Dante, I do something with him. When I don't have Dante, I do whatever I want for me - plain and simple. Early in the year, I made an active effort to reach out to all my friends that I stopped talking to BECAUSE I was told I couldn't talk to them; not because I wanted to. Some accepted me back. Others did not. That's their choice as I shouldn't have put such a choice on people to begin with and it was my fault I chose to listen to my ex-wife. So, I take 100% responsibility for my friend situation.

I also did things for me again - I went on a gothic cruise because I wanted to. I went to a vampire ball because I wanted to. I went events that I wanted to. It was nice to have some independence again with no everything I wanted to do leading to me having a guilty conscience.

The key I'm working on is balance.

Sell the house - this isn't so much of goal as it is a reality. However, with the market the way it is and needing to obtain a set dollar amount, I need to get out of this house so I can move closer to my son. I don't like driving 45 mins to get him or drive that far to get to Tampa where things are happening. New Port Richey is nice if you want to settle down and raise a family but that that opportunity has passed so now, I need to get back closer to Tampa.

[Begruntle Accomplished] - It sold and not for anywhere it's worth, but I couldn't keep forking over 60% of my income effectively to my ex-wife. She got the money, I promised her a bit more, I'm slowly legally-volunteering giving her a bit more because I'm a good guy and a man of my word so that is that.

Vacation my way - I think the last 10 years, most vacations have been to please my ex-wife. The only one I recall that was something I wanted to do was Las Vegas but even then that was during the pandemic, so I haven't gone since to see shows and stuff. I also would like to go on maybe a themed cruise as I've been eye-balling the 2024 Gothic Cruise.

Yeah, going by myself will suck but I've managed going to things by myself in the past all the time and at least I don't have to worry about someone else's happiness the whole time, I can focus on mine.

[Accomplished] I did the cruise as I said, and it was a blast. I met a lot of new friends that I hope to be in contact with during future travels, but it was so refreshing to get a vacation I wanted to do for a change.

Of course, that was planned in early 2023 so what was unknown at the time was my trip to New Orleans. While it started as a trip to go to a vampire ball, it morphed into a great experience with "Pastel" and Lila and MAAAAAAAAN was that a good time. This is definitely the beginning of much more good times ahead.

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Dance - God I missed dancing. At least now, I can go out and just dance and not care. Yeah, I'm turning into that old dude that looks 10 years too old trying too hard but you know what? I don't care. I enjoy it. Besides, at The Castle, the Senator proved to me early on, if you love something do it and F&$k what others think. I also, if I want to, can go into VRChat and dance. It's nice to be able to do what you like, without judgement over your head of things you're NOT doing, and focusing on what you ARE doing.

[Accomplished] Informal dancing has been something I do periodically. I don't go out every weekend nor do I want to in a sense that I want to have the option to pick and choose my battles since I'm balancing my time as a parent. I mean the last thing I want to do is be exhausted because I went out the night before and have Dante so it's all about picking my battles these days. What I will say is formal dancing is something that may be a new thing that is presenting itself as an option. Ms. Lila is a dancer and the two of us have been really excited for the future of dancing.

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Succeed at work - work is harder these days being the equivalent of a Project Director but it's rewarding. The biggest issue I have right now is the future of the contract and if the company has a strategic change in future contract types that result in me traveling or living outside Florida. Some of this is in my control while other aspects aren't. However, the best I can do is do my best and continue to work hard, share my knowledge, give back to the team, and work on improving myself everyday.

[Accomplished] While I consider myself one of the premier Program Managers at my company, my worries that I had last year still exist. With the exiting of my previous boss who I felt was a primary issue that was playing into my concerns, it's still hard to say what the future will hold. I'm hoping for the best but that's all we can do.

The company didn't win the Germany contract so my worries with that were removed which plays into my current living situation too, but I know the company is willing to promote me if the opportunities are there, it's just the opportunities haven't been there yet.

Jason's Mojo Dojo Casa House - When I do sell the house, make the house mine. I can't tell if I want a house or a condo.

Current Possible Living Situations

I've eyeballed both. I know location matters as I want to be closer to my son first and foremost. I also want to be closer to things that are going on so if that means moving to downtown Tampa, that's an option. When I do move, I want to work around what I was trying to do with the mancave and make it my home. I don't foresee myself buying anything with the expressed plan to have anyone move in with me; so, I want to make sure it fits my new life. A nice 2B/1B is the most I need. I can see my bedroom being gothic designed like Nadja's bar was with the living room being an 80's style arcade. We'll see. I've seen plenty of houses I've wanted come and go because the sale of the house is extremely slow.

[Failed with a caveat] So shortly after receiving the offer for being the Deputy Program Manager for the contract we were potentially going to win, I moved into a "meh" apartment near where I used to live on Waters Ave in Tampa which accomplished a couple of things. For starters, it was about 15 minutes from my ex-wife which helps in the transit of transferring Dante. Prior too, it was almost an hour drive from New Port Richey so this helped. Second, it was close to the Tampa office and airport which helps in terms of management of my travel I do for work. Lastly, it's not ultra expensive but considering the economy, it's laughably expensive compared to my mortgage which is just part of throwing away money and into a new world we're in where even at how much I make, in order to sustain the type of living I want to do, where I put my shit and my head at night is almost less important than it used to be. My company didn't win the contract so for now, I'm riding out the apartment lease but hate it here with all the problems I've had.

Tattoos - I decided that I wanted to finish my sleeve, so I got my right arm updated with the zombie candy corn apocalypse.

I want to refresh (re-tattoo) the older candy corn to freshen them up and maybe make the Las Vegas girl on my shoulder that's REALLY old a zombie pin-up refresh. I recently got Lydia and Beetlejuice on my forearms which represent "something that made me happy when I was a kid" and "love" whereby Lydia loved Beetlejuice no matter how horrible a person he could be (and goth girl...I mean, come on!), and Beetlejuice loved Lydia for being his only/best friend cared about her despite being selfish, gross, and cruel. It reminds me love of that kind does exist out there. Maybe I had it, but it's gone so having it at least reminds me it exists. I have a blank spot on my left arm that I think I want to reserve for drawing done by my son. Not sure so I'll pause there until I figure it out. Tattoos to me never had too much meaning so I can get away with it. Plus, speaking of getting away with it, the position I'm in at work and the acceptance of tattoos in the workplace make things a lot easier than it was 10 years ago.

[Accomplished] Sleeve complete. It even goes a bit beyond a normal sleeve but whatever. I will probably freshen up the older tattoos with redo's but that is not a primary goal and will fall off a goal list. I think the whole reason it was on the list in 2024 was because while I probably could previously, I would have felt guilty with spending that kinda money with my ex-wife because if it wasn't on bills, food, Dante, or her, it was a waste so I took a step back in what I wanted especially every time I bought something, I got an earful of grief.

Teach my son - This goes into maybe being a good dad, but I specifically want to teach my son things. I already am not able to teach him to fish since Luis beat me to it. So I'll probably find something like teach him to play video games, play the drums, play the guitar or other things. I want to pass something to him since there was so much I respected and loved my dad for but I didn't get any skills from him.

Ok - Hopefully 2024 is good - it's definitely a new beginning.

[Failed with a caveat] I really don't know what I can say I successfully accomplished teaching my son. Maybe some small things here or there I'm not giving myself credit for but using the goal from last year as a benchmark, I think the only thing I got him into, as of recently was playing "Just Beats and Shapes" which he gets super frustrated with but loves the music and watching Dad play until he wants to play again. It's encouraging because he gets frustrated too easily so his ability to bounce back is good.

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So that's 2024 in a nutshell. Now let's talk about goals for 2025.

Be a good dad - Topping the charts at number #1 this year is being a good dad. This will probably be numero uno for a LONG time. The subgoal to measure how I did for this goal, I think is, is he developing into a good boy that makes good choices. I think I will do my part in being firm when I need but fun loving when I don't need to be. I mean the fact remains, I don't even get a chance to be more than 30% time share with the ex-wife for a long time so there's some leeway I give myself that I wouldn't necessarily give myself if I had in 50% or greater.

Relationships - without giving away my current private life, I've been on cloud nine as of late. I'm working on a particular relationship right now and it seems to be going really well. While there's clear challenges this current situation faces, I'm willing to work towards overcoming as much obstacles as I can, take EVERYTHING I've learned, and improve upon it as well as just be what I've always been - me. Since assessing this goal is technically not my assessment to make, I'll go with vibe and what's the situation next year.

Vacation - I have about 17 days Personal Time off going into 2025 and I'm a firm believer in the phrase "work hard, but play harder" and for 2025 I have some things I'm eyeballing but they are just ideas so if I don't do them, that's not to say I failed my goal unless I can't at least list 2 things next year. For now, I'm eyeballing a trip to Las Vegas at maybe a rockabilly weekend, I've been researching on-and-off a vintage cruise from England to New York, and I'm sure between now and next year there will something I'm not thinking about.

Promotion at work - I want Deputy or equivalent. I didn't get the Germany contract which is fine, I spend more time with my son than I would have and if you read my last post on Tumblr, it was letting God take the steering wheel and he said, "Jason, you're staying" so I'm 100% okay with that but I'd like to advance my career a tad more. I'm not ready to abandon ship yet but if things don't appear like there's viable advancement, it's something I may look stronger into. I love my company and job, but I also don't like hitting walls.

Better Living Situation - noticed how I phrased that. Last year, I was looking into buying a house or condo, but that Germany contract really threw a wrench in the gears which resulted in the current living situation. However, my apartment kinda sucks. The A/C barely works in the summer, it took 2 weeks to get a replacement refrigerator when it broke which is just unacceptable, and I do kinda miss taking Dante outside to play which I just don't feel comfortable with today. I did get pre-approved for a VA loan but I don't know if the market is the best timing either. Prices are just too damn high even for me. So, what I know right now is I want to move out of this apartment which I will do in April 2025. What I don't know is where. I do have Dante to consider and if things play out in the relationship department, that also plays a factor. I have a crazy idea I'm kicking around in my head but not something I'm going to disclose here so for now, the goal is better living situation.

Formal Dance - Oh let's do this. It would be great to get really good at formal dancing. I've always been a fan of dance but just never jumped 100% into it. This is a lofty goal but completely manageable, I think.

Lose some weight - OH SHUT UP...I KNOW...EVERY YEAR, I KNOW.

Continue to drink less - I would say I've dialed back my alcohol a lot which is a goal since things went south in my marriage as a crutch to how I was hiding my depression. I'm currently a social drinker to close the deal at work and a weekend beer drinker at best. This is great and I think I can do better because, to be honest, it adds no value overall, probably hasn't helped with goal #7 for years, and frankly, I've been happy as of late so it's been a lot easier. It also helps there's people around me that don't drink or eat bad, so this is something that makes things easier.

Host an Event - OK NOW we're getting lofty but you know what? Fuck it, let's throw it on the list of shit and if it fails, okay...we can attack it again (like goal 7 for the last decade). It would be cool to maybe save up, rent out a bar, and throw an event. Even if I lose money, whatever, you can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs.

Get out of the divorce debt - In 2024, one of the first things I did was take out a consolidated loan for 2 years to get the debt I obtained trying to cater to my ex-wife, ultimately failing, and then trying to manage bills while they house sat unsold forever. I'll be more or less halfway by April so this should be a reasonable goal overall. Granted, I'm okay with some debt - I mean, I can't take the money with me when I die but I need get that period of my life behind me where I accumulated that debt and once that's done, I'll have much more flexibility in other areas.

(BONUS) - If I get Deputy Program Manager or equivalent, I want to reward myself with a goal of getting a Black C7 Chevy Corvette. Don't get my wrong, my 2016 Dodge Challenger R/T shaker with all black trim, shaker hood scoop, gothic esthetic did to it, and sounds like America when you start the car and rev the engine is GREAT, but I do love the super car look and if I get Deputy, I want to set a goal to treat myself with this purchase.

Ok - so with one more month of 2024 left, the big rocks to get through is Christmas and onward and upward to 2025! 2024 was the year of change. 2025 is the year of renewal.

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countjason · 1 year ago

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Pivot shift crisis

I’m sitting at a bar thinking about how my life’s plan failed me. When I was in the navy, I didn’t get into any relationships because I was scared to want to start a family and always be gone underway or be tied down to re-enlisting to support a family like so many shipmates of mine did. Who could blame them, we were in our early 20s, we made good money all things considering, and we had the means to take care of a family - if you signed the dotted line.

Family has always been important to me despite not always getting along with the one I had. Dad and I got into it quite a bit but I always respected the man. Mom was always there to and despite being raised poor money wise, I felt rich with a family.

Fast forward to today where my life is flipped upside down. After divorcing Caitlin because that relationship was a loveless marriage she couldn’t forgive me for emotionally cheating on her, I’m left with a horrible existence of 30% custody of my son and everything I had hoped for thrown out the window resorting to going into any comfort space which was the shit I used to do 10 years ago.

And while I do enjoy the freedom again at times, I was ready to settle down and be a father but that was taken from me. Now I’m left with a leach of a ex-wife who may or may not be self-sufficient because this is better for her than be with me since I’m such a horrible human, seeing my son so rare that on paper, my 30% amounts to 2 weekends a month once he starts school and no extra-curricular activities to watch my son on my non-custody days because Caitlin and I can’t get along, and things are so bad that even now I’m considering taking up a job opportunity for advancement in Germany and completely leaving all together and be a “Zoom” dad because frankly, that’s not too much worse than it is today or especially when he starts school.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do but everything I wanted to avoid happened so now my give a fuck is out the window because despite ones strongest best effort to avoid something and it still happens anyway, what’s the point in trying to control the outcome. I feel bad for Dante is the innocent bystander in this whole situation and I can’t forgive myself enough for what’s potentially going to happen if I do get this job in Germany but I’m going to let go of the steering wheel and see what happens with this work situation because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that fate is real and the world will deal you cards and it’s how you react that make you a man until you die and you go back into nothingness that you remember existed before your first memory.

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countjason · 1 year ago

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Jason’s 13th Annual Post/Pre-Year Review/Goals

Each year. I reflect on the previous year and set new goals for myself for the next year. 2023 was a very hard year for me. I got divorced and my dad died were the two hardest things that happened to me. It really started around the end of 2022 which is why there is no 12th addition of this. I was in damage control almost immediately so reflection and goal setting wasn't top of mind. So what I plan to do instead is explain for historical purpose reasons and then set goals for 2024.

22 NOVEMBER 2022

For starters, the downfall of 2023 started 22 November 2022. On that day, my wife found out I had talked to girls on Onlyfans. At first, I thought we could work through it and agreed to give up a lot of control in my life and seek help to prove I made a mistake and would never do it again, after all, my intentions were never to hookup and have sex with anyone so how was this cheating? I had already canceled the subscription before I was caught and tried to figure out how to stop getting emails. I started researching adultery with several self-help books and agreed to get mental health diagnosis and treatment. This was when I learned about emotional cheating and what I did. I own this definition of cheating but to my wife, cheating is cheating, it doesn't matter if it was emotional, physical, or anything, it was cheating.

I also played along begrudgingly to the "new rules" that my wife established which were extreme but felt I had to try. Rules like "I couldn't be on a computer unsupervised, I had to give up my phone after work, I couldn't go into my mancave with my stuff without being supervised, I couldn't play video games without being supervised and only for 1 hour on select days, I had to get rid of my bar and I had to quit drinking, I couldn't watch porn, etc. Not all bad things mind you but just the amount the leash was put on my throat was very tight. Furthermore, all intimacy of any kind was cut off indefinitely. I was only allowed to work and not work. I continued to try to do my default which is invest energy into building out the house to show I was investing in us. I tried to focus more energy on my son and going to the gym since that was the only thing I was allowed to do more or less. I started going to individual counseling and work on my mental health to resolve the underline problem of why I did what I did and work towards improvement as a person to be a better person 1st and husband/father second. I desperately wanted to regain my wife's trust, but I had shattered it to what seemed like damaged but not completely unrepairable.

However, in this time frame fights did happen. One such instance involved her packing up all here stuff in February 2023 to basically take down everything and put it in boxes as if she was planning on moving out. I had hoped over time me doing my part would allow here to put things back up to show alittle good faith that I was working on us, but that never happened. I was growing frustrated with the rules, the fights, and just the lack of intimacy. I couldn't touch my wife. No hugs, kisses, let alone anything else. It started to really weigh on me and breaking me that maybe between the fights in the past, all the things I did wrong in the past, and now here we are, maybe this isn't going to get fixed. The fights on and off continued through mid-2023. I made mistakes along the way like got caught sneaking drinking a beer during the Daytona 500 which resulted in a fight. It didn't help at all that my side of the family was involved to some degree in that she didn't like my family and there were problems there. My father died in his sleep in April 2023 spinning my world into further depressionary limbo.

I tried so hard that even for her birthday, I took her to St. Augustine for what would end up the last time and hoped to mend the marriage right there but I was so scared of being rejected and the rules being constantly reinforced, I never attempted to kiss/hug her as she made it clear to me so many times that was off limits. To this day, I have nightmares about when I was meeting back up with her at the central park as she went to go write her book and I was coming back from the hotel on Anistasia Island, I saw her, and I walked towards her and just stopped in front of her and said "ok let's go" - I should have just kissed her there. If I got slapped, it would have been at least a nail sooner in the coffin, but I should have tried.

Anyway, so after some fight around July 2023, we both said, enough is enough and we agreed to divorce as separation was out of the question for her - it was either we're together or we're divorced - no middle. I refused to put what I did on the same level as physical cheating, and she wanted me to admit I cheated as cheating in any form is cheating and is equal. I constantly used the analogy that the difference between manslaughter and murder has significant differences, but the outcome was someone still died. I own what I did as emotional cheating and apologized profusely, but I did not feel what I did was the same level of intent as "hooking up with my secretary and let's keep that a secret from my wife" type of cheating and talking online to someone on the other side of the planet with the convo primary consisting of "so what do you do for fun in XXX besides this crap?" She's allowed her feelings, and I am allowed mine - this was a mountain we both would die on, and we did. Plus, with no intimacy, no show of goodwill things was getting better as things were still in boxes, and our son always seeing us fight - the final straw occurred.

We put the "forever home" I wanted on the market for sale, and we both agreed that for the sake of Dante to not see his parents always fighting and never happy, this was the best for him. We tried living together for a period that even the lawyer thought was strange but that didn't work after some fight, so she moved out early to live with her mom's and took my son with her. The rest of 2023 has been pretty much the same - I live in the house still up for sale. The house sale has been slow because part of the divorce agreement was instead of alimony, she gets the net proceeds from the sale of the house, so she put the house on the market far beyond the value of it and has slowly been coming down. It's getting so bad; I may actually end up refinancing the house and keeping it albeit at a higher interest rate and payments just so she can be paid off.

Meanwhile, my son has been slowly getting used to it. He's too young to understand why mommy and daddy aren't together but he's happy because he sees Nonna and Papa daily and I've effectively gave Luis fathering duties in my absence. I have 30% custody of my son which hurts a lot but that's mostly because my job doesn't easily afford differently.

So 2023 was a shit show. I lost my true love and my dad, which I didn't speak too here but at least that was somewhat planned or knew it was going to happen soon. I think I will always love her. Yeah, near the end there were problems and we both changed but she lives rent free in my head for the good times we did have. I'm glad I had my son with her. The only good thing that came out of 2023 has been work has been good but even that has moments. So as far as goals for 2023, I never set them up here but if I was to judge myself, I would say I failed in some areas and did okay in others, nothing overly great.

GOALS FOR 2024

Jason's Mojo Dojo Casa House - When I do sell the house, make the house mine. I can't tell if I want a house or a condo.

Current Possible Living Situations

Tattoos - I decided that I wanted to finish my sleeve, so I got my right arm updated with the zombie candy corn apocalypse.

Ok - Hopefully 2024 is good - it's definitely a new beginning.

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countjason · 3 years ago

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Jason’s 11th Annual Post/Pre-Year Review/Goals

Once again, we’ve reached that time of year when I log into Tumblr for its the only purpose in my life and reflect and set goals for the forthcoming year. What a year this was for everyone. With the pandemic continuing, moving to a new home, raising Dante, Caitlin graduating, this was an eventful year. So let’s look back first and see what I said entering 2021 and reflect.

Be a good father - This is my number one continuation goal. So far, I am going to start Florida Pre-Pay college for Dante, and I don’t know how long this “stay at home” father deal will last. When he's old enough, we need to interact socially, but I am not a baby expert, so I don’t know if that is necessary between now and next year. As long as I continue to be the best I can be, I should be okay. All I strive to do is take the best qualities of what I imagine a good father should be, add to what my dad did right for me, remove what I think didn’t work for me, and hope for the best. Will it work 100%? Absolutely not, but it’s a start.

(Achieved - I think) - I can’t say I did wrong; the boy is still alive. As I write this, he’s taking a nap after playing in the sand outside and getting a bath. I did start the Florida Pre-Pay, so I feel good knowing college is one less thing later, but for now, is I think I did alright for now. We’ll find out later if this was true or not.

He is getting to be a bit harder to handle working from home with, but fortunately, the family has stepped up where I seem to be floundering.

Be a good husband - I feel this goes without saying, but then again, looking at my finalized 2020 post, I didn’t include this, so I guess if I was a dick to my wife last year, I could say that’s why.

I want to make sure my wife is happy. This includes doing the small shit and the big shit. I hope 2021 includes her graduating mortuary studies. I may die that day from partying too hard.

(Good relatively speaking) - I mean, are things perfect? No. Are things bad? No. So I think this is okay. There are always areas to improve on, but I also think I did a lot of good, too, and I try to focus on that more. Caitlin did graduate college, so we went to Salem, MA, and stayed at “haunted places” even though the only thing happened, happened to me and it was just lights flickering (I have a thing with talking to ghosts through lamps for some reason).

Racing career resurgence - My bar is set low, but at the same time, I want to raise the bar eventually. At the time of authoring this, my car’s brakes aren’t, or appear, to not work correctly; my biggest problem thus far is having confidence in my vehicle. For car #1, the brakes pedal went straight to the floor, and I hit the wall. The brakes worked for car #2, but I locked them up, thinking I could go faster than I could and hit the wall. I painted Auburndale speedway with the dead caucuses of my cars in 2020. I did take the #7 car out for practices, but the brakes were questionable the whole time, and now, I will miss the last race of 2020 because when I went to bleed the brakes this morning, the brakes went straight to the floor.

I’m over this. I will have the car looked at and hopefully put in a race-ready shape, so I can start the 2021 season proper. I hope to create and race enough to be “competitive,” but I don’t think I will win a race in 2021. I want to run when I can and as appropriate with my responsibilities right now. I would like to learn this damn thing, so maybe someday I can “retire” and crew chief Dante and take everything I learned and behave a “thing” we can participate together in (see goal #1).

(Failed) - I did have the car looked at, and I did race once on asphalt, and frankly, I was a joke to myself and my family witnessing it. I think mentally, I damaged more than the car when I had two accidents, and now I just don’t trust driving those Legends Cars on asphalt for fear the brakes will fail, and you can’t race with anxiety and be competitive. Maybe time will heal that wound; we shall see. I did race dirt and plan to race some dirt in 2022, but I’m really pissed off at the fact that nobody officiated the race I did race and was treated like it never happened. Given Auburndale and some private messages I’ve received, along with how help at the track was a joke, this comes as no surprise from the source.

I own the car for now and start it to maintain it once a week, but I will likely sell it off since it really just sits in the garage, but I can’t complain. I tried and did something many people don’t do, so I accomplished something small.

Vacation - So good news - there are 2 events planned in 2021. I convinced my wife to go to Las Vegas for my 40th birthday in January, so we plan that now. Hopefully, when I write about this in 2021 in my retrospective, it will be as fun as I had hoped. Also, the 2nd planned event, I hope it is just as unique as I planned. I can’t say anything now because that would give too much away because this 2nd planned vacation is my 5th marriage anniversary, but I hope that is as special as I hope too5th. There will likely be more, so this goal seems achievable today.

(Accomplished) - Vegas was fun. Caitlin and I gambled a bit on Keno, and she had fun there as well, which I was happy about. She said she wouldn’t like it, but I think I proved her wrong. We went to the Body’s Exhibit, Zack “Friends with my boy Post Malone” Baggins Haunted whatever, and the Titanic Exhibit.

The “surprise” mentioned fell through as it was a 3-day cruise, but COVID killed that plan. We ended up going to a local place not too far away and swimming with a manatee. Those suckers were big, and I was scared.

As I mentioned, we also went to Salem, MA, as a way to celebrate Caitlin finally graduating college.

I’m very proud of her as I know the road was long and painful.

Get a raise - I am still one of the most underpaid project managers I work with. Don’t get me wrong, I really have nothing to complain about because my current job was the first to put faith in me. So they should get some rewards for giving me my first shot at being a no-shit project manager and not spending a decade of my life underutilized. Still, at the same time, it would be nice to get paid the same as someone who is hired off the streets and just so happen to have a resume that suggests they are good. The best thing about my career was getting hired where I work. The worst thing that happened to my job was underselling myself, as usual, to get away from bad situations. Now I pay the price for underselling myself earlier on and making myself seem more valuable now. The good news is my immediate supervisors know what they got…it’s just a matter of convincing HR who don’t even know me.

(Accomplished) - After winning the MARLINS contract, I pleaded my case for a raise and got it. This is huge because it makes life easier.

Pay off Debt - This is moving atm quickly. I think this is super important, even if it’s not the number #2 or #3 ones I’ve posted, because it will be essential once Caitlin finishes school and we start considering moving. One thing we know is Caitlin, and I don’t intend to live at our current house much longer. I would say the moment Dante hit’s 3 years old, if we are still living at our current house, there’s a problem.

(Accomplished) - we did pay off a bulk of our debt when we sold our house with the positive equate we obtained. We have very little debt at the moment, with the bulk of it being the house, cars, and some small debt to buy new furniture and stuff. This is always something to monitor and keep low.

Health - I got to live for my boy and my wife. Since the gyms closed, the good news is that I bought a home elliptical. The goal is to get exercise and still work on the weight - much like everyone at 40.

Anyway, I think that’s a reasonable goal for 2021. This isn’t my usual “10 things,” but I don’t think I’ve done 10 things in several years, and for the most part, I want to focus on what I CAN do more than what I should do and failed at because I said I wanted to do something to fill in #9 or #10 like previous years.

With age comes wisdom, and maybe this is wise.

(Meh) - this seems like always something I say I’m going to work on but don’t. The excellent news with looking forward to 2022 is that Caitlin stopped drinking altogether, so that makes not drinking too easier, and I’d say that’s where I gained the most weight. I’m already on a diet and lost 10lbs, and I’d say from 2021, I’ve lost 20lbs. Looking at some of those pictures, I’m like, “good god...”

*****

Moving ahead to 2022, we have some things to report that weren’t part of the goals from last year. For starters, we moved. That’s right, we left 1601 and moved to New Port Richey in a beautiful Victorian-style house complete with an in-law suite converted to be my man cave.

While this house is a longer drive for Caitlin to get to work, I work from home, so it works out for me. Plus, this is a GREAT area to raise Dante outside of 1601. We moved here in July 2021, so we are slowly making this our forever home.

Now...onto goals for 2022.

1) Be a good father - Once again, numero uno on my list. At the time of authoring, he is 1 year 5 months, so by the time I respond to this, he will be 2 years 5 months, and I’m sure a lot will be different. For starters, I hope he interacts with more kids. He and Levi seem to kick it off really well, and I’d like to continue that. I don’t think we’re going to take him into daycare given 2023 plans I can’t discuss publicly, but I think for me, continue to try to make the hamster feel loved and all that gooshy stuff.

2) Be a good husband - I need to be better with my attitude. I get so frustrated sometimes that my frustration gets the better of me. The good news is we communicate pretty well, maybe not as good as it was or could be but still areas of improvement. I need to be more supportive of her too. Health has been a concern as of late and, while I hope it gets better, there are no guarantees, and I need to be more supportive than how I usually am.

3) Find a new hobby - This isn’t a replacement for racing per se; I just need a goal that is not family or work-related. Not sure what this is, but it needs to be something different. I joke about being a “giraffe trainer” since most of my hobbies end up being hair-brain ideas that sound crazy, but that’s pretty much how I’ve always been.

4) Health - For me, I’m going to lose some weight. I think this should be “easy” since, as I stated, Caitlin doesn’t drink, and I think that’s what hurt me the most. I’m not necessarily going to stop drinking altogether as Caitlin did, but basically, dial it down to a 2, which means nights on the weekend after Dante is in bed. Yeah...listening to music, dancing around the house, and things aren’t the same anymore, but hopefully, I can find pleasure in other things. A

5) Build out the house - The wife will keep me busy with this one, but the goal for 2022, at a minimum, is to replace the floors. There are other things like repairing the bathroom, renovating some things, and building the man cave, but most are doable.

6) Vacation - So, unlike last year, we don’t have definitive plans going into 2022. We kick around the idea of going to Ireland, but I need to pull the trigger. I’m not sure what we have in mind, but let’s go with one vacation as a goal.

7) Professional certification - This is digging into the bottom of the barrel, but I may try something like this. I won’t be disappointed if I get this, but I don’t want to say I stopped learning either.

8) Teach Dante to ride a tricycle - He should be old enough sometime this year for this to be possible.

9) Go to a convention for fun - idk...it’s been a while. Maybe take Dante to Spooky Empire or the wife to a tattoo convention.

10) Start considering opportunities in business - I LOVE my job but maybe start looking at how I can expand beyond my current career and find a side hustle. I don’t know. This is very unlikely but worth looking into.

Well...there you have it. Goals and reflection on 2021 and 2022. Away we go!

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countjason · 4 years ago

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Jason’s 10th Annual Post/Pre-Year Review/Goal

I don’t think anyone could have predicted what was to come in 2020. 2020 was a joke to most people. I think 2020 will go down in modern history as the worst year in....years. We had so much go wrong that what went right is something that should be cherished. The Australian wildfires in January was NOTHING compared to what was to come - even the monoliths and the “murder hornets.”

However, as I lived through 2020, let’s see how the goals panned out give the apocalypse occurred with the Corona Virus Pandemic occurring.

***

Be a good dad – That’s right all, after 38 years of life, the wife and I decided to become parents.

At the time of writing this, my wife is 10 weeks pregnant and we’re expecting “baby bat” in July 2020. We won’t know gender until later but we’ve already started thinking about names (Dante if it’s a boy or Nadja if it’s a girl). I hope that regardless, we can do this which I think we will. We’re currently planning on converting the library (Caitlin’s space) into the baby room and starting initial baby stuff now.

(Accomplished - so far) - So as expressed above, we had a healthy baby boy and we did name him Dante. I did end up converting the library to the baby room. Here’s a photo with Binx being a little shit.

As you can see, it still has library qualities but we installed the crib and I ended up finding a black drawer up the road so you room looks good. I feel bad that Caitlin’s room got over taken but to play devil’s advocate, before Dante, she never walked into the room so I don’t feel that bad.

I think I’m a good father. One thing I didn’t expect to do was be a “stay at home” father however if there is one good thing about the Pandemic of 2020 was it shifted me to be 100% work from home and that allowed me to be with you more than I ever expected. The first 3 month’s of Dante’s life it was a back-and-forth game with Caitlin where she took care of Dante during the day and I took him at night. Afterwards, Caitlin’s mom and I took him most days. Dante and I bond really well though it’s not always perfect. I don’t want to hold him as much attention as he wants but I take care of him ALL the time and work really hard to make sure I’m always thinking beyond what I want. I do feel bad when I’m on a meeting and I can hear him crying but it’s still better than day care. Besides, I think he likes me right now.

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Begin my race car career – wait what? That’s right, after playing iracing for awhile and getting a decent raise at work, I decided to purchase a Legends car and will start my racing career in early 2020. I started “Head2Bed Racing” as the name of the race “team” in honor of Dad and I look for this to be my new hobby/equivalent to a bowling league.

http://head2bedracing.com/index.html

My goal is to be in the top 10 in points at season conclusion. I don’t have a goal to win just yet, I’m more concerned with racing and keeping the car under me. I would hate to damage the car to the point that would end my racing for a while. I already know I won’t be able to make all the races scheduled and I don’t know how I’m going to drag my wife into this (I hope she does and doesn’t want to leave me – lol). Wish me luck.

(Goal failed but mission somewhat accomplished) -

I have several photos that sum up 2020′s racing career.

That’s not a mistake - that’s 2 cars destroyed with the 3rd (white 7) still giving me problems with the brakes. I’m really disappointed how things went but I can say I didn’t quit even if my ego (and bank account) took a hit. Caitlin was really supportive through 2020 with this...probably more than she should have been but here’s hoping 2021 is better. The best news about 2020 was I finished NOT LAST!!

Vacation – This is ambiguous. I don’t have hard plans just yet but I know my window of reasonable opportunity is closing fast with a baby on the way. I need to talk to Caitlin about this one more but I’d like to find something we can do either before she gets too big and becomes the boulder from Indian Jones...

or, if we can pawn the baby to one of our parents, do something post pregnancy. Caitlin’s mom probably wouldn’t mind the later.

(Failed) - The good news was I got my wife a passport in early 2020. The bad news was we didn’t vacation that much. We ended up doing a couple mini-vacations such as Daytona and St. Augustine but no real vacation. At least we got to see the lighthouse in St. Augustine which was on Caitlin’s to-do for awhile.

Health – The goal for 2020 given the wife is pregnant and not drinking is get my weight to 225 lbs. This is for a few reasons – 1) I looked pretty okay at that weight looking at older pictures 2) That will inevitably have impact to racing a Legends Car as my parents so kindly pointed out 3) It’s a reasonable goal that I should be able to accomplish relatively early in 2020.

(ehhh) - So in 2019, I started testosterones shots as a way to help in some aspects of life. In working into doing this, I discovered I had high blood pressure and cholesterol. So in 2020, I started getting labs done and started going to the doctor more even though I hate doctors. I haven’t died so I guess that’s a positive but I could always do better too. I accomplished some aspects of better health in 2020 but Caitlin and I are still fat, dumb, and happy so I guess I can’t complain too much.

Professional Development – I state it like that because I don’t exactly know the exact goal to accomplish this. I don’t want to restart the doctorate program just yet, I don’t know if I’m eligible for the PgMP certificate yet and even if I was, I haven’t committed myself to studying to the level I need to and even if I got it, I don’t know the career impact. I’ll leave this open ended for now and see what I have to say next year.

(Failed) - I didn’t really commit to anything for 2020. I’m not eligible for the PgPM yet so once I am, then maybe. No use trying to get a bunch of certifications that have no value added.

Pay off Debt – With the new job, I “should” be able to clear off a lot of debt. This will help in the goal later in getting Caitlin a new car and a new house before the kid hits 3 years old.

(ehh) - so yes and no - I did pay off some debts but as you can see with the racecar, not as fast as I could have.

Friends (again) – I would like to find more friends. This, in theory, should occur because of the phases in life after getting out of the Navy. The first phase was my hair-on-fire party all the time phase. That ended shortly after settling down with Caitlin. Then there was the “retirement” period (I don’t know what to call it) where I stopped going out and the friends I did have before sorta just went away so it was just myself and Caitlin. With me getting a new hobby here in actual racing, I’m hoping to meet friends that way and with the kid, we may somehow meet other parents and meet people that way too. Bottom line, I need to be better at these whole “friends” thing.

(Accomplished) - So with the race car and a few “trying to be more social” I was able to hangout more with people like Eric and Aaron. I didn’t really get any racecar buddies since I didn’t race much in 2020 but that doesn’t mean it’s still not possible.

***

So with 2021 - let’s start talking about what we need to do!

Be a good father - This is my number one continuation goal. So far, I am going to start Florida Pre-Pay college for Dante and I don’t know how long this “stay at home” father deal will last. I think at some point we need to get him socially interacting when he’s old enough but I am not baby expert so I don’t know that is necessary between now and next year. I think as long as I continue to be the best I can, I should be okay. All I strive to do is take the best qualities of what I imagine a good father should be, add to what my dad did right for me, remove what I think didn’t work for me and hope for the best. Will it work 100%? Absolutely not but it’s a start.

Be a good husband - I feel this goes without saying but then again, looking at my finalized 2020 post, I didn’t include this so I guess if I was a dick to my wife last year, I can say that’s why.

I want to make sure my wife is happy. This includes doing the small shit and the big shit. I hope 2021 includes her graduating mortuary studies. I may die that day from partying too hard.

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Racing career resurgence - My bar is set low but at the same time I want to raise the bar eventually. Right now, at the time of authoring this, my car’s brakes aren’t, or appear, to not work properly, My biggest problem thus far is having confidence in my car. For car #1, the brakes pedal went straight to the floor and I hit the wall. For car #2, the brakes worked but I locked them up thinking I could go faster than I could and hit the wall. I painted Auburndale speedway with the dead caucuses of my cars in 2020. I did take the #7 car out for practices but the brakes were questionable the whole time and now, I will miss the last race of 2020 because when I went to bleed the brakes this morning, the brakes went straight to the floor.

I’m over this. I am going to have the car looked at and hopefully put in a race ready shape so I can start the 2021 season proper. It’s my hope to start and race enough to be “competitive” but I don’t think I will win a race in 2021. I want to run when I can and as appropriate with the responsibilities I have right now. I would like to learn this damn thing so maybe someday I can “retire” and crew chief Dante and take everything I learned and be have a “thing” we can participate together in (see goal #1).

Vacation - So good news - there are 2 events planned in 2021. One in January where I convinced my wife to allow us to go to Las Vegas for my 40th birthday so we are starting to plan that now. Hopefully when I write about this in 2021 in my retrospective, it was as fun as I had hoped. Also, the 2nd planned event, I hope it is just as special as I planned. I can’t say anything now because that would give too much away because this 2nd planned vacation is my 5 year marriage anniversary but I hope that is as special as I hope too. There will likely be more so this goal seem achievable as of today.

Get a raise - I am still one of the most underpaid project managers where I work. Don’t get me wrong, I really have nothing to complain about because my current job was the first to put faith in me and so they should get some rewards for giving me my first shot at being a no-shit project manager and not spend a decade of my life being underutilized but at the same time, it would be nice to get paid the same as someone who is hired off the streets and just so happen to has a resume that suggest they are good. The best thing that happened to my career was getting hired where I work. The worst thing that happened to my career is underselling myself as per usual to get away from bad situations and now I pay the price for underselling myself earlier on and now try to make myself seem more valuable now. The good news is my immediate supervisors know what they got...it’s just a matter of convincing HR who don’t even know me.

Pay off Debt - This is moving quickly atm. I think this is super important even if it’s not the number #2 or #3 one’s I’ve posted because it’s going to be really important once Caitlin finishes school and we start considering moving. One thing we know is Caitlin and I don’t intend to live at our current house much longer. I would say the moment Dante hit’s 3 years old, if we are still living at our current house, there’s a problem.

Health - I got to live for my boy and my wife. The good news is since the gyms closed, I went ahead and bought a home elliptical. The goal with it is to get exercise and still work on the weight - much like everyone at 40.

Anyway, I think that’s reasonable goals for 2021. This isn’t by normal “10 things” but I don’t think I’ve done 10 things in several years and for the most part, I want to focus on what I CAN do more than what I should do and failed at because I said I wanted to do something to fill in #9 or #10 like previous years.

With age comes wisdom and maybe this is wise.

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countjason · 5 years ago

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Jason’s 9th Annual Post/Pre-Year Review/Goal

It’s that time of year again, the only reason I have a tumblr account is this annual reflection and goal setting exercise I do each year. This represents the 9th year I’ve done this in some form or fashion so let’s kick off the goals from last year and where I stand:

Get a new job – This one is important since 90% of my waking existence is at a job. If I’m not happy there, it’s too my core and I’m not happy in general. I wish I was better in this area since Caitlin works in the funeral business and has a better appreciation toward the little things but it’s still a thing since it is 90% of my waking life and I’ve worked since I was 16 yrs old. I would obviously like to get paid what I feel I’m deserved too – not just get a job to get away from another job.

(Accomplished) – As I recall, this was 90% expected to be achieved at the time I wrote last year’s goals since I was actively looking but this happened REALLY early in 2019. I remember trying to get a raise as a program manager at Aero Simulation Inc after being a project scheduler (most…boring…job…ever!) and being told I need at least 10 years’ experience in the simulation industry before even being considered. They handed me an annual raise, sent me off on the 2-week shutdown vacation and the wife and I went to Ashville.

Upon my return, I got notified that I was hired to start at Smartronix – this hands down was the best timing and possibly the best move I have ever made. I’m so happy working at Smartronix and working as a real program manager after what felt like an eternity working at places and either doing lesser jobs, jobs I didn’t have any interest in doing all for the sake of paying for my family, being bored to tears, or underappreciated and under paid.

Vacations – I have a cruise planned in May which is almost paid for and I would like to eventually go to Las Vegas. I wouldn’t want to go to Vegas without a little money in my pocket, but we’ll see. I also have the Bristol night race in August which represents the final bucket list race I could want to do with my Dad. Does that mean I’m done after Bristol? Probably not but I could certainly wish my Dad off should he die knowing I got him there, Talladega, Daytona, Homestead, and Atlanta.

(Accomplished) – I did go on the cruise and that was fun. It would have been better with the drink package which is just a lesson’s learned for cruising next time but it was a fun experience considering I missed cruises in the past. I did not go to Vegas and that’s still a hard sell with my wife considering she doesn’t want to go as much as I do. Maybe I can convince her one day considering all the other vacations we’ve had that were compromises.

Bristol was everything I expected and more.

Adam told me that Dad wasn’t doing so well and this race, in all likelihood, represents the last race I go with Dad. So for this, I booked suites which was the best! I think Dad and Adam were happy.

School – I got a long way to go for a DBA but I’d like to get the main classes started in 2019. I gotta wait until money isn’t so tight or there are options like tuition assistance but I’d like to get started in that.

(Failed) – This goal trailed off early after it became apparent I had to still pay for Caitlin’s school. Now, to be clear, that’s not the only reason, I was sorta going down the DBA route at first because it was something to do since I was getting bored but may get at it again in the future just not now. I don’t really have a pressing reason for a DBA career wise and there are other fish I could fry which I’ll discuss shortly but let’s put it this way, what I am about to do to cure my boredom is not something my wife is thrilled about….

Find more friends – A lot of my friends 8 years ago I don’t really relate to now. I’m simply not the same person. Those people, in most cases, are the EXACT same people and we don’t relate. Going back to 90% of my day with work, I need to find work friends but certainly not at my current job where everyone I work with me is 20 years older than me or are unsociable. I mean it can’t get any worse than now where I have a co-worker literally 5 feet behind me and insist to communicate primarily through email. Even if it’s not “work” friends, I need friends that have the same goals, likes, and what not. That’s why I like people like Eric or James– they have ambition in areas I like today. I still need to find a NASCAR buddy too but that’s surprisingly hard.

(Failed) – I wouldn’t say I gained more friends. I have the same friends as I previously did and while I get along with people I work with, I wouldn’t go so far as considering them “friends”

Health – Anyone that says getting older doesn’t suck can blow me. I know less than 5 years ago, I could run in the morning and had gym buddies which motivated me. Granted I was walking around like I was crippled half the time afterward, but it was fun. I really don’t have that same motivation these days. I still go to the gym periodically but not as I used too. ��I joke about my fat head so maybe in 2019, I’ll find that extra gas in the tank and while I’ve accepted not being 180 lbs again, maybe just looking better which will make me feel better as well.

(Not accomplished but not failed) – I would say it’s improving. Since the wife got pregnant and she had to stop drinking, to support her, I did the same and already lost 20 lbs. I’m pretty sure the rate I’m going I’ll lose another 20lbs by May so while my health improved, early this year, I really didn’t try that hard and my weight reached a point where I started to become self-conscience. This goal always ends up on my list and will likely again.

Financially working in the right direction – To get my house, I had to use retirement money. To fix the carpet that got destroyed in Caitlin’s library, I had to use more. I have quite a bit of old debt and new debt that is higher than I like but there’s always been this assumption that I’m just waiting for the right job to pay me what I deserve, AND Caitlin will finally pull her weight since I support her. Once one or both those things happen, we will be able to work off that debt and maybe see the chances of retirement….eventually.

(Accomplished) – The new job helped out SIGNIFANTLY! I finally am getting paid what I’m deserved and as such, I feel much better financially. I still have some debt to pay off and Caitlin is STILL in school but overall, this goal has moved rather well for the things I can do and control.

Potentially Move? – Given the job prospects, I’ve been looking at opportunities to leave Florida. I am so over “hot, humid, high of 100” every-freakin-day. Part of the upcoming North Carolina trip is to expose Caitlin to the cold. If she tolerates it, the option to move up north is more present. I mean hell, our house is an igloo anyway. Even still talking about moving north, moving east in Florida has the same possibilities. I know 2019 may be too soon given the dependency I have with Caitlin but given the right situation, it’s entirely possible.

(Failed but…) – With the new job and it being in Tampa, I did not move. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate the “hot, humid, high of 100” every day but the current salary and baby situation (more on that), changes things a lot.

Help Caitlin – I could jokingly say “well this is a huge project” but I don’t mean it like that. She’s been fighting her demons and I’ve been helping. I would also foresee myself assisting in her passing her classes and exams she needs to take but that’s really all on her and if she asks for it. In all, I just hope to continue to be a good(ish) role-model and help when I can.

(Accomplished…I guess) – Depends on who you ask. While I did try to help her study from time to time, it wasn’t consistent and it really was something Caitlin should address more than me. With drinking and the baby, I stopped drinking, as I said, to support and help and I think that’s helping her as well.

Iracing – 2 more to 10…geez, we’re hitting the bottom of the barrel now. This is just a hobby, be it an expensive hobby I built up, but I hope to continue doing well in the game and not get bored with it lol. It’s just too expensive to not.

(Failed) – I play it but I haven’t played it like I think I meant to with this goal in mind. I did get bored with some of it but not for the lack of desire to race, on the contrary, it made me want to race for real.

House Upgrades – I would like to upgrade the floors in the man cave and the bedroom in 2019.

This is a lot of work and shifting of things since I have the master bed which is huge in one room and the racing rig and desk in the other. I have the supplies sitting in the corner collecting dust waiting to be done, but I would need to shift so much around to do it, I’ve told myself it can only be done if we move. We’ll see, not putting a lot of hope in this one but it’s number 10 on the list.

(Accomplished) – I did complete the floor in the man cave and the bedroom.

***

Now for 2020 goals and this one has significantly different legs than the last couple years.

Be a good dad – That’s right all, after 38 years of life, the wife and I decided to become parents.

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http://head2bedracing.com/index.html

or, if we can pawn the baby to one of our parents, do something post pregnancy. Caitlin’s mom probably wouldn’t mind the later.

Pay off Debt – With the new job, I “should” be able to clear off a lot of debt. This will help in the goal later in getting Caitlin a new car and a new house before the kid hits 3 years old.

I normally try to shoot for 10 but I’m coming up short and I don’t want to set goals for the sake of setting goals. I already failed several last year so if I focus on what I have coming, I’ll be better suited to accomplish the goals. So here we go, 2020…another decade. Let’s do this!

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countjason · 6 years ago

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Jason’s 8th Annual Post/Pre-Year Review/Goal

Last year, I didn’t do this so is this 8 or is this one again? Maybe’s it’s 7? Idk…let’s assume it’s 8.

I forget why I didn’t do this since I’ve been pretty good over the course of the decade in both setting goals and reflecting, both good and bad on the outcome of those goals. I couldn't give you an answer why 2018 was so different than the previous 6 years. For good or bad, these entries are the only ones I do and maybe the last on Tumblr now that the platform may be dying due to porn. Either way, I will reflect in the best I can given I didn’t set goals for 2018 and start anew with goals for 2019.

2018 Reflection

Work

2018 was hard. It started strong with the new position at my new job as a scheduler. I soon realized, however, I made an ill-made choice. I can't say it was a "bad" decision because, at the time, I wasn't happy on what became of me being a configuration, change, release manager and the prospect of me being a project manager was slim with the ongoing fight between our contract prime and my company at the time. The decision to leave seemed easy since my current company had a pay increase so, hey, follow the money right?

Well, six months in and I began to grow tired of the sheer boredom of the job. Here I go from running a major project, flying to Germany to work with the customer, addressing changes and being active (though be it not what I wanted to do) NOW basically perform statuses once a month and learning nothing new. It’s almost to the point where I think I’m forgetting some skills like my SharePoint knowledge since they don’t use that tool at all and caught in their own ways (and anytime you try to change or show them a better way, you’re immediately dismissed).

I can pinpoint the exact day that started the ongoing job hunt. It was not after I graduated - no, it in September 2018 when my company posted a position for a project manager and I immediately inquired to my boss for which I was told I don't have enough experience for the role. Not enough experience? How the heck am I supposed to get experience when I’m not mentored, spinning in my chair picking my nose half the month and told there’s nothing else I need to do or I’m not physically doing any aspect of the job to gain said experience you want in a project manager here? Do you really think I would leave you hung out to dry or wouldn't know where to ask for help should I needed it (which was likely)? Are you so concerned with your company image that the slightest ignorance in any area is a death sentence? Here I was familiar with the protocol the company did for financials, scheduling, and other areas that I learned over the course of nine months but because I wasn't an engineer, I was told they wanted to more likely recruit talent from a competitor and more engineering minded despite the fact all the previous PMs had little to no engineering experience at all. Mind you this was after graduating with my master’s degree in Project Management, have more certifications that are gold standards for my line of work, and just having a background in previous project management type functions and keep in mind folks - a PM is not necessarily the subject matter expert, they are what keeps the project rolling so you really don’t need to know every aspect of a program, just who to talk to and where to look.

They made me a “Deputy Program Manager” after this conversation but the bulk of my job has been the same as I started...

It didn’t help they screwed over one of my only friends I barely made at my company and he quit. I’m horrible at making friends and I respected this guy because he was one of the few people that valued my input and didn’t treat me like a high-school intern (“ok children, today we’ll learn what a work breakdown structure is…”).

Now to continue and conclude with the job topic because this horse is beat’in to death (Sorry, Not Sorry PETA), I will say that the outlook VERY recently is looking good. I have a few more interviews between a couple more companies and hopefully, I can land where my talent is useful.

School

I graduated college in 2018 the 3rd time.

This time with a master’s degree in project management as I previously mentioned. It was never my desire after graduating in 2011 to go back to school but in 2015, after watching Caitlin struggle with part-time work and full-time school, I wanted to set somewhat of an example in that you can work full-time work and school and get done with things. Fast forward to 2018 and I’m done with that and Caitlin is still in school. I am proud of this accomplishment since the 21-year-old Jason would have never believed I’d have a master’s degree.

There's some internal vindication for all those Navy Officers that were "better than me since they were Officers" or Chief’s that said “leaving the Navy would be the worst decision I ever made” that I now have a higher education than over half of them a decade later. They say revenge doesn't feel good – they are full a shit or I'm messed up. I got to fly my parents to Maryland to witness the graduation in person so at least I know they got to see that. I did enroll at Columbia Southern University in 2018 to work toward my DBA. I finished all my prerequisite classes but had to put my school on hold due to the expense of Caitlin's school doubling on me. More on this in 2019 goals. I’m looking to start that back up in the summer if all aligns properly.

Entertainment

If there’s one thing that I like to do these days is follow NASCAR. I turned into my father but don’t hate it really. Here’s me running at New Smyra Speedway this past past weekend.

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Unfortunately, when it came to going to NASCAR races this year, we bet and lost on rain occurring in Atlanta (we ended up getting a cat named “Rain De’Lay” as a result and I watched the race happen on TV even though every weatherman said it was going to pour!) and Dad got sick this year and he couldn’t come to the Roval race we planned as well. We did plan the Bristol night race in 2019 so hopefully, I can have that. Caitlin was a trooper for going to the Charlotte race with me which I know she didn’t overly like which was expected...

BUT…she did go camping and see the north which leads to later this month in us going to the Asheville area of North Carolina for Christmas vacation. If there’s one time in my life I want snow to happen it’s coming up here soon.

Also in entertainment, we had mini-adventures that’s needed – I went to St. Augustine overnight hunting ghosts (or talking to a lamp) at the British Pub’s upstairs apartment.

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Worth noting but technically out-of-bounds for this topic is Caitlin and I went to New Orleans LATE December 2017 (so almost 2018). I also rode in a boat during the Gasperilla festival which is a whole new level of experience. I am curious to know how many water balloons we will have this year?

We went to Daytona several times this year including our annual family stay at the timeshare and mini-getaways as recent as last week. We also explored Washington DC and Baltimore during my graduation trip.

Okay – now planning/goals out 2019…

School – I got a long way to go for a DBA but I’d like to get the main classes started in 2019. I gotta wait until money isn't so tight or there are options like tuition assistance but I'd like to get started in that.

Find more friends – A lot of my friends 8 years ago I don't really relate to now. I'm simply not the same person. Those people, in most cases, are the EXACT same people and we don't relate. Going back to 90% of my day with work, I need to find work friends but certainly not at my current job where everyone I work with me is 20 years older than me or are unsociable. I mean it can't get any worse than now where I have a co-worker literally 5 feet behind me and insist to communicate primarily through email. Even if it's not "work" friends, I need friends that have the same goals, likes, and what not. That's why I like people like Eric or James– they have ambition in areas I like today. I still need to find a NASCAR buddy too but that’s surprisingly hard.

Health – Anyone that says getting older doesn’t suck can blow me. I know less than 5 years ago, I could run in the morning and had gym buddies which motivated me. Granted I was walking around like I was crippled half the time afterward, but it was fun. I really don't have that same motivation these days. I still go to the gym periodically but not as I used too. I joke about my fat head so maybe in 2019, I'll find that extra gas in the tank and while I've accepted not being 180 lbs again, maybe just looking better which will make me feel better as well.

House Upgrades – I would like to upgrade the floors in the man cave and the bedroom in 2019. This is a lot of work and shifting of things since I have the master bed which is huge in one room and the racing rig and desk in the other. I have the supplies sitting in the corner collecting dust waiting to be done, but I would need to shift so much around to do it, I’ve told myself it can only be done if we move. We’ll see, not putting a lot of hope in this one but it’s number 10 on the list.

Well that’s 2019′s plans for you and some reflection on 2018. Talk to you next year Jason (and anyone else that reads my rhetoric).

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countjason · 8 years ago

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Jason’s 6th Annual Post/Pre-Year Review/Goal

This is the 6th year I’ve been doing this. This is my way of looking back and reflecting on the goals I’ve set for myself, comment on them, and then set new goals based on the direction I wish to continue towards. Sometimes I do this AFTER Christmas when people give a shit about “change” but I would rather just set up what we already know (and I’m off). With that, let’s see what I said about 2016 and where I landed.

*********************************** 2016 *******************************************

1) Find a better Job - A lot of what makes me happy is a sense of accomplishment and job satisfaction. This year has taken a lot of that away from me which has resulted in other areas of my life taking a hit. I’m looking for a Project Management job right now as I get the most satisfaction when I’m leading and producing something - either in a team environment or by myself. I could get this at my current employment, but I honestly don’t have the same values as they do. Between sending jobs overseas, upper-management making ridiculous decisions, the potential of being shipped up north to do other people’s jobs because the company can’t agree to a union contract, and my current relationship with my manager; it’s really just a matter of time. Plus I’m EXTREMELY underpaid for what I do. So…2016 - a better job!

Accomplished – What sucks is I wrote this in December 2015, and I still couldn’t avoid the Strike. I did quit Verizon and will never work for that company again in its current state. The Strike showed me a side of people that made be both hate people more and makes me hate Unions with a passion. It’s not like I had a real choice in the matter with no new jobs available when the strike happened, and I didn’t have any backup way to quit my job and ride out being unemployed when it did happen. I now work for Trace Systems as a project coordinator/change manager, and despite being not perfect, it’s a heck of a lot better than Verizon ever was.

2) Marriage - I may get grief of this not being my first thought but this is going to happen. For 3 years, I’ve been with Caitlin and really, I think it’s time. Shit…we are practically married now technically, this is a just formality. We’re getting married March 19, 2016, in St. Augustine, Florida assuming I don’t run again. Caitlin’s got a really big net this time, so I’m not sure I’ll get too far.

Accomplished – This probably represents the highlight of 2015 despite a string of crap. I love Caitlin a lot. I don’t know how to express it well, but I am happy I did get married and solidify this partnership.

3) Lose some weight - I think this consistently gets on my list as I’ve always wanted a balance of getting bigger with weight lifting and being relatively thin. Stress at work has contributed to me going the other direction, but I’m still doing my best. Damn you beer….damn you to hell - lol.

Failed – What I miss the most about Verizon is I was able to go to work and use the gym they had there and worked out with a team. Then the strike happened, and I feel off the wagon, and with the sudden job shift, I never was able to realign my consistent workout. Also, Caitlin wants to work out at night, and I prefer getting it done out of the way, so I don’t really have a good “work out partner” from Caitlin. I think this is something we both need to work on but since this is my story, let’s just say I need to improve here. Hell, even Adam, my brother, made fun of the extra weight I had gotten over the last year. So yeah, we need to tighten this ship up…but first. Cake.

4) Certificate - I’m currently studying in my off-college time to take and pass the CAPM exam. This is a PMI junior certification that will help in both my current job and potential new one. I could probably get with my work and start getting hours evaluated to take the PMP, but I’ll start here first…assuming I can figure out where to find an extra $225. I’m sure in 2016 that will occur.

Accomplished: I completed CAPM, ITIL V3 Foundations, and ITIL Practitioner. I have ITIL RCV (Release, Control, and Validation), Project+, and PMP scheduled in my study plan.

5) Master’s Degree - Along the same lines, in 2015, I decided my break was over. This was partially me wanting to get back in the game of getting my degree and be the 1st Long to have a Master’s Degree and particularly to kick Caitlin in the ass to be an example.

Accomplished (ish): I am still in school and finished all my core classes recently, so the only thing I have left is to get the electives done. If all goes to plan, I will be done in 2018. I didn’t set an example for Caitlin as she ultimately quit school and I paid it. Maybe one day she’ll get something higher than a high school diploma considering how smart she is.

6) Webmaster/App Development - I’ve gotten into Android App development recently as a hobby. I’m currently building one for Wolf’s Museum which I should have published in the near future. I gave up my previous clients for better or worse, so I’ve not been involved in this lately. Maybe in 2016 I can leverage this in a positive manner. It’s certainly a skill I can use that has demand and brings money if I find the right client.

50/50 – While I did complete the Wolf’s App, it’s only on Amazon and probably has never been downloaded once. I created a few generic websites like a resume website and my favorite, a revenge website for a bad experience at Fright Night Campout. I would share the URL but the subscription recently expired, and I gotta wait until my next paycheck to restore service. Other than that, I also became the Director of Mobile Apps for the Tampa Bay Project Management Institute which is cool.

7) Adventure - In between being broke-as-fuck, I do find time for this. I’m not sure what’s left though as I think I’ve almost done everything in Florida. I may pack-up shop and find adventure elsewhere which leads to number 8…

50/50 – I did have an adventure but not all of it was good. The strike resulted in at least the opportunity to go to New York City with Caitlin, and we had the opportunity to walk through a major city. We did the standard adventures I normally do (Daytona with Caitlin, Atlanta with pop, etc.) but I never had anything like Las Vegas or anything else really interesting.

8) Move out of Florida - As I go deeper-and-deeper in this list, things get less certain, this one is certainly one of them. I have nothing left for Florida aside from family and a few friends I rarely, if ever see. I’ve always had 10 year runs where I’ll be in one place and just go. I’ve done this in some capacity all my life. With that, between wanting to have seasons again (just not super cold but 89 degrees in December is ridiculous), wanting a change of scenery, Adventure and Find a Better Job, I’m wanting this now more than ever. I have lots stacked against me such as jobs don’t like hiring out of state people, my current job can’t transfer me anywhere I’d “like” to go, my parents getting older and Caitlin “needing” to stay in Florida for her school…I may well be trapped here a bit longer…we’ll see. Can’t wait to review this in 2017…

Failed – I didn’t find a new job to move out of state with which resulted in me still here. I guess this isn’t all that bad for now as I bought my first house which I consider a 3-5 year investment and maybe after that I’ll move elsewhere…we’ll see

9) Friends - I’m a hermit these days and the friends I do have don’t come over, I don’t see them when I go out anymore, rarely text/call, etc. It’s probably my fault but either way, I’d like to fix this. I know it’s a give-and-take thing but sometimes I want to just have a beer with a friend.

Failed – Still a hermit. I have a few friends I hang out with like Eric but not something I consider regular. I guess that’s fine.

10) Sell more crack - just kidding, I can’t think of 10. I have enough bigger issues to worry about the small shit.

So 2016 = 35 years old too… I sometimes feel it. I have gray hairs coming in my beard, and I’m constantly picking them out. Caitlin will sometimes come up to my side and pluck one out of my sideburns…I’m not where I’d like to be at 35, but I think I’m heading down a good path. Let’s do this shit.

***************************************2017 ***************************************

1) Work-Life-Balance – Since I’m really busy between my current day job, finding time to study and get my Master’s Degree and certification, staying active to go to the gym, and trying to be a good husband; my plate is full. Since I’m a single focused person, I tend to have something slip usually, and I’d like to get better at that. My goal in 2017 that I most need to work on is balancing being everything I need to be. What that is consist of a hardworking, smart, healthy, loving husband that kicks ass. Balancing everything is the biggest challenge I have.

2) Certifications – I’m going to throw this as a continuation of other goals. I don’t necessarily consider this “2nd” priority, but it’s still important. The goal this year as I explained earlier is the current pipeline certification of ITIL RCV, Project+, and the BIG one, the PMP. After that, I’d like to earn at LEAST one more ITIL Intermediate certification and either PRINCE2 or PMP Agile. As you can see, this is a lot, but I think it’ll pay off.

3) Master’s Degree – Again, a repeat but this is important to finish and now that I’m very far along, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some of this will be out of pocket expense, but the good news about 2016 is I “found” money with the GI Bill remaining so it helped out a LOT! Hopefully, when I do this again next December, I will replace this goal with “Vacation with the whole family to Maryland to walk as a Master’s Degree Student.”

4) Be a Better Husband – I don’t feel I’m a bad husband, but I also know I’m not the best. I’m certainly no prince charming. I am cold, blunt, and a joker. I think Caitlin knew what she was walking into but I also could improve. I think I have …scratch that, I know I have, but there’s always room for improvement. The good news is she’s patient which is something others, including myself, aren’t. She’s my best friend and I’m happy to have her, but I could be better…even if it’s just 1% improvement in 2017. I may keep this as a repeater because even a 1% improvement year-after-year is a good thing. I wish I could do more for her demons, though. For example, I don’t believe her when she says she’ll stop smoking or do this and that for her health because I ultimately know she will not do what she says she’ll do. I call her out for it because she knows it too, but I wish I could figure out how to be what she needs, so she finds the strength in herself to accomplish her goals – whether its health, school, or anything else she has a passion for like writing (insert family guy joke here).

5) Lose Weight – Okay so we’re hitting the big 36 (crossing the threshold) and I’m also confined to a desk job and studying a lot (also sitting in front of a computer). I also drink a fair amount of beer, and my back hurts a lot of the time resulting in me lying on the couch all the time instead of having “the king’s throne” so I need to figure out a better plan here. Not sure exactly how to accomplish this since I personally need to do this since I don’t have anyone kicking my ass. When I worked for Verizon, I had a team of friends that motivated each other. I don’t have that anymore. I don’t have that at home either from Caitlin to kick my ass. This will be a challenge given the current environment, but maybe we can figure something out in 2017. Caitlin wants to get a home gym which I haven’t ruled out, but it still requires motivation and being pushed (plus taking over the 3rd bedroom which is Caitlin’s). Sometimes someone kicking my ass is what I need to accomplish goals, I just don’t have that right now. I have to kick my own ass most the time.

6) Improve the House – Every day I’m off, I do something with the new house I bought in 2016 which funny enough, wasn’t part of the 2016 plan. Whether it be small things like maintain the garden in the morning to ensure our tomato plant is happy or decorating the yard for holidays or paint the steps, I’d like to continue building out the house. In 2017, I’d like to get rid of the stump we have in the front yard, complete a privacy fence in the back yard, and add onto the house in general so that in 3-5 years, I can sell the house at a profit which right now is at the $100K mark. I have a man cave which is nice, so I’d like to expand on that as well. Right now, I want a NASCAR racing rig and expand on that as my man cave super toy. I already watched 2 room transform to “Caitlin’s, ” but I don’t have “Jason’s” fully fleshed out. This is not to say I don’t think Caitlin’s aren’t cool…I mean we have a haunted mansion bathroom – HOW COOL IS THAT?!

7) Dance More – I have been pretty hard on myself for not wanting to go out and what not. I should improve on this since I’ve enjoyed it in the past. Caitlin misses this a lot that I can tell; but I’d like to find moments more where I’m Gomez Addams and just do it because. I think it’s pretty obvious at the Christmas Company Party I will not hesitate to dance if the opportunity presence itself.

8) Make More Money – Let’s face it, why do I give a flying F about certifications or master’s degree? It’s basically the goal to make more money, be satisfied with the day job I work for, and provide really nice stuff for both myself and my wife. I sometimes forget that money isn’t what she wants, but it feels REALLY good when I can get her something she wants (or something for myself). I would love to be able to be at a point where between Caitlin and I, we cross the 100K NET point and can afford the adventures and stuff I never had before.

9) NASCAR – I’m looking forward to the 3rd annual pilgrimage to Atlanta Motor Speedway. This year, in addition to pop and I who’ve been the last two that have always gone, this year we will add Adam and Brandy. I’m super excited about this. Additionally, this is 100% my gifts to them because with the exception of Brandy’s ticket; everything was paid for by me. No, it’s not Bristol, and one of my biggest fears is pop won’t live to see Bristol, I think this is special since it’s now a family tradition. Ironically, yesterday was cold enough where I was grilling hot dogs, and it felt like Atlanta in my head (even if I was drinking a little to feel that way). I should mark the tree we’re under with something special…I wonder if I can do that?

10) Close down the Crack Dealing Business – It’s not needed anymore. I’m good for 2017 J

As it appears, I may not post again on Tumblr in 2017 but that’s fine, it’s not like social media is important – I don’t use Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook most the time.

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countjason · 9 years ago

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Jason’s 5th Annual Post/Pre-Year Review/Goal

Each year I do this...I think for 5 years now...It’s what keeps me going and keeps goals and thoughts in perspective. So with that, let’s begin. Let’s first analysis 2015′s expectations and results.

*************************************** 2015 **********************************************

NOTE: BOLD IS my response today to my goal a year ago.

What lies ahead in 2015

CRAP…I need 10….I feel like things slipped and I may not be able to provide a quality 10….I’ll try.

Casa De **fill in the blank** works out: I am moving back into the old apartment and I ACTUALLY start the move tomorrow. Planned to live with me is Caitlin and Devon. This whole things sounds like a crap idea since the only stable one is myself but I think we can make this all work. My end goal is maybe look into getting a house in 2016 but I’m not there yet so this is both a good start and maybe making up for the lack of people that ever came to Casa De Longmantis….plus, the benefits of less rent and closer to work means good things for me.

Yup - still live in the guetto with the same people. Not likely to get a house in 2016 though as I’m basically paying for 2 people and barely getting by with that. Come pay day the refrigerator is empty as hell. Plus between bills that never get lower, decreased income due to freelance website work ending, and actually needing Caitlin to make “some” money to cover our habits, I can’t see a house until 2018 at this rate.

Gym goals: My goals and my lifestyle simply aren’t going to meet in the middle and with 34 years approaching, I don’t know how much longer I have but I’d like to work toward a better body. Not that I’m a soggy bag of shit or anything but I think personnel improvement is always good. I failed in an unlisted goal of bench pressing 300lbs by December but I hope I can make improvements into 2015.

I didn’t get there...in fact I probably went down in the last few months because some personal motivation has left me. I think I’m around 260lbs at present for the bench press but right now I’m just focusing on cardo so I’m getting back into running but even that’s hard when motivation has gone. I know what needs to happen and that’s have some excitement in life again during my day so that it motivates me across the board.

Las Vegas: I really should go there….It’s been too long. SO yeah.

Nope - while I had to take a forced vacation because of a union strike that never happened, I went other places however because of that, this was put on the number one spot for the next vacation - no questions asked.

Dad: pop doesn’t sound well…I’m not sure how much longer he has to live and I know that bastard is as stubborn as me so he won’t go to a doctor. I want to ensure that I get to maximize this year with him. We talked about going to some races and even the Championship Weekend in Vegas next year but I hope this happens.

We went to two races this year - one where we both camped out and froze our nuts off in Atlanta and another were I won a small sum of money (about $1,000) from Draftkings so we went to Daytona. We’ll be going again to Atlanta in late February but better prepared for the winter weather I think.

Move up in the day job: I think this is a stretch but I think maybe I have potential to move up in my day job and that would be cool.

Negative - if anything, I should be happy I have a job given the direction of the company and my relationship currently with my manager.

Just dance: I really want to take up dance or do it more. That is all.

Can’t say I’ve found my way to the Castle to dance as much as I used to. It’s particle money issues, particle wanting to not be around people, and particle waking up at 5am most days and by the time I get out there, I have zero-to-little energy.

New car?: You know, I think maybe I should look soon into getting a new ride. I like the whole “no full insurance/no car payment” thing but my car is getting beat up and it may be time to start looking for a new car.

YES!! - 3 words: 2015 Ford Mustang

Reality TV? - Sounds like crap and it is but this has more legs than many people realize and while I can’t get into specifics, I will say this is possible and could be cool…even if a pilot.

Nope - Was thinking this was a possibility given some things but this never happened and truthfully, from what I gather, this is for the best....I’ll forget about this one easily.

Prove I’m both a good friend and a great BF - sometimes I feel that this is impossible but I really do want this.

I think I did this one - It’s not my call to say.

Kick ass - take names: because I’m Jason and would you expect less?

I’m 50/50 on this.

Okay kids, I don’t post here often accept for auto-posts from instagram mostly but thanks for listening. I’ll try to see where things go from here and hopefully things are better than expected :)

************************************** 2016 ***********************************************

Okay so 2016 - here we go...let’s regret these next year shall we :P

1) Find a better Job - A lot of what makes me happy is a sense of accomplishment and job satisfaction. This year has taken a lot of that away from me which has resulted in other areas of my life taking a hit. I’m looking for a Project Management job right now as I get the most satisfaction when I’m leading and producing something - either in a team environment or by myself. I could get this at my current employment but I honestly don’t have the same values as they do. Between sending jobs overseas, upper-management making ridiculous decisions, the potential of being shipped up north to do other people’s jobs because the company can’t agree to a union contract, and my current relationship with my manager; it’s really just a matter of time. Plus I’m EXTREMELY underpaid for what I do. So...2016 - a better job!

2) Marriage - I may get grief of this not being my first thought but this is going to happen. For 3 years, I’ve been with Caitlin and really, I think it’s time. Shit...we are practically married now technically, this is just formality. We’re getting married March 19, 2016 in St. Augustine, Florida assuming I don’t run again. Caitlin’s got a really big net this time so I’m not sure I’ll get too far.

3) Lose some weight - I think this consistently gets on my list as I’ve always wanted a balance of getting bigger with weight lifting and being relatively thin. Stress at work has contributed to me going the other direction but I’m still doing my best. Damn you beer....damn you to hell - lol.

4) Certificate - I’m currently studying in my off-college time to take and pass the CAPM exam. This is a PMI junior certification that will help in both my current job and potential new one. I could probably get with my work and start getting hours evaluated to take the PMP but I’ll start here first...assuming I can figure out where to find an extra $225. I’m sure in 2016 that will occur.

6) Webmaster/App Development - I’ve gotten into Android App development recently as a hobby. I’m currently building one for Wolf’s Museum which I should have published in the near future. I gave up my previous clients for better or worse so I’ve not been involved in this lately. Maybe in 2016 I can leverage this in a positive manner. It’s certainly a skill I can use that has demand and brings money if I find the right client.

8) Move out of Florida - As I go deeper-and-deeper in this list, things get less certain, this one is certainly one of them. I have nothing left for Florida aside from family and a few friends I rarely, if ever see. I’ve always had 10 year runs where I’ll be in one place and just go. I’ve done this in some capacity all my life. With that, between wanting to have seasons again (just not super cold but 89 degrees in December is ridiculous), wanting a change of scenery, Adventure and Find a Better Job, I’m wanting this now more than ever. I have lots stacked against me such as jobs don’t like hiring out of state people, my current job can’t transfer me anywhere I’d “like” to go, my parents getting older and Caitlin “needing” to stay in Florida for her school...I may well be trapped here a bit longer...we’ll see. Can’t wait to review this in 2017...

9) Friends - I’m a hermit these days and the friends I do have don’t come over, I don’t see them when I go out anymore, rarely text/call, etc It’s probably my fault but either way, I’d like to fix this. I know it’s a give-and-take things but sometimes I want to just have a beer with a friend.

10) Sell more crack - just kidding, I can’t think of 10. I have enough bigger issues to worry about the small shit.

So 2016 = 35 years old too... I sometimes feel it. I have gray hairs coming in my beard and I’m constantly picking them out. Caitlin will sometimes come up to my side and pluck one out of my sideburns...I’m not where I’d like to be at 35 but I think I’m heading down a good path. Let’s do this shit.

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countjason · 10 years ago

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Jason's 2014/2015

It's that time of year again...where I been and where I'm going. I try to do this to keep me on track. It's good to have goals as they say and this keeps me in check on where I am so with that, let's review 2014 and my comment on my success or failure shall we?

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WHAT LIES AHEAD IN 2013

Well…here we are..the stuff I will judge myself on next year…

Make Casa De LongMantis our home - I failed at Casa De LongBoyd since I couldn’t make the place a home with no money.

I failed. It was a good run while it lasted but really it failed because of relationship issues and rent going up. The good news is all is not lost and I actually am moving BACK into the Casa De LongBoyd apartment complex which is both bigger, closer to my day jobs and cheaper rent. I met my neighbors too and they don't seem that bad. I do have some challenges to face moving into the new place but I think we're heading in a better direction.

Lose some weight - now…hold on..I want to be clear, I’m NOT fat so I’m not saying I need to lose weight because of that. What I mean is lose some weight so I’m leaner than I already am while retaining my bulk. I jokingly say “I’m working on my Hugh Jackson body” so that’s a goal. I really could afford to drink less beer.

I can say I had mixed results. I didn't lose weight so at first glance, I failed but I got much bigger than the skinny kid I once was. I think I still could use some work but we all think that I guess and the good news is I know what kills me - beer.

Go to Saint Augustine with Caitlin

Mission Complete - I think I left an amazing memory...if it wasn't for the memories I left the day I returned and 2 weeks later, I'd feel more comfortable but if you remove that, I can say I definitely did this and had a GREAT time.

Have Casa De LongMantis be a hub for friends - I’d really like people that visit to be invited to stay more than I did at Casa De LongBoyd. I have a few friends in New York, California, Oregon, and around the state of Florida that if they visited, Casa De LongMantis would be a place people felt welcome to be at.

Failed - We never had anyone over. We had the house warming party but we never were a hub for shit.

Pay off more debt.

Failed - While I got the new job, I always wanted to do something or do something that never caused progress here. Oh well...memories are better.

Be better at managing the websites I manage - I currently manage ravensandrockers.com,thepreymantissideshow.com, and of course my dead travelingfreaks.com. I’d like to do a better job at it and not let side shit distract me so much.

Mixed - The reason I say this is I lost ravensandrockers.com for a good reason of I just wasn't able to be in the "know" like the actual employees. Now that's not to say that site has been taken care of the best since my release but I'm an adviser ANYTIME they need me and of course I'm still featured on their site which is cool.

I let praymantissideshow.com go because both Caitlin and I broke up when the site came up for renew and really...she doesn't do photos anymore. It never was updated anyway.

Travelingfreaks.com finally died too...I didn't renew the domain name and that piece of me died a long time ago.

Now....I say mixed because lilastarlet.com is out and I work that. I like the progress with it and helping a friend. My biggest client is being the lead webmaster for Lambee Co now which includes the big one: Steamgirl.com. This is really cool for me and while I'm not the extreme expert, I love the challenge.

Expand my side projects - this is VERY vague but rightfully so. In 2012, I did a lot of SFX makeup for movies and such…I fell out of that in 2013. I take things as they come and being a creative person in nature I am not just passionate about one thing but lots and can lose interest fast. I never considered myself a “model” but I have done quite a bit of things I would consider very impressive that deals with modeling this past year. I like the creative element of the process - I usually come up with the theme, outfit, and don’t do photos for the sake of doing them which is why when photographers contact me, I want to know the project and if I find out it’s “because I want you in my port” - I generally decline. Having done Gothic Beauty and Ladies of Steampunk and approaching 33, I’m not done but I don’t know where to go from here. I’m sure something will come to me as it usually does and if not, I’m satisifed. As far as acting/performing - I take things as they come. I am a weekend warrior when it comes to that kind of stuff. I dragged Caitlin into that kind of stuff but uncertain how she feels about all that since I know a lot of stuff she done in 2013 was to impress me. I’d like to incorporate more dancing in this field - I know the ladies I’ve worked with are looking to add men to their acts but I’m physically not there yet enough for me to be satisfied that I’m on the level I should be for anything like that. I don’t want to be the “fat stripper” equivalent - lolz

Failed...mostly - I did participate in a show for Franky but I haven't don't anything last year.

Do the best job at work and continue to own that shit.

Vacations/Travel outside the state of Florida - baby steps with this goal. I said Atlanta last year and that never happened. I do have vacation time I’m planning and aside from one vacation plan that I said I’d go to Saint Augustine with Caitlin, another to have a long time internet friend visit and I’d be a host, I’d like another to be to be outside the State of Florida for a change. This years is hopefully the year I get a REAL vacation which I sorely miss.

Accomplished - I went to SLC and Washington as part of the team of steamgirl.com. I haven't left the country yet but don't forsee that either in the near future.

Be the best person I can be to all my family and friends.

I lost more friends than I gained so I think I failed.

I'd like to think so but I know my closest friends from last year barely talk to me so it's hard to say.

Continue to make life my bitch but do a better job at it.

Fuckin-A - you know it.

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What I did in 2014

2014 was a challenging year. I started it pretty strong having just being promoted to a Project Manager for my day job and taking full time responsibility for Lambee Co websites but I also faced many personnel challenges. I had just settled in with Caitlin and all was going according to plan....

Then things went south.

I really don't want to get into specifics in fear of blame or accusations but what I will say was things weren't going well. I think we can't point fingers all day long but ultimately, I wasn't happy and so despite some good times, Caitlin and I called off the wedding. In fact, we split. In my "single Jason" mode I did go on some vacations that I really did to get away. It's really hard to talk about the mid-section of 2014 because things I wanted to workout failed miserably. I was able to meet some friends for the first time like Kate which I consider really cool highlight of 2014. I can't say if I was better or worse without her or vice verse but what I can say is it didn't matter and I missed by partner in crime - even if she was spitting venom at me and I made her life worse just by being a part of it. It took a tragedy to look past the bullshit and I can happily report Caitlin and I are dating again. It's still going to be a challenge moving forward I feel but we'll see.

On a positive note I went to Daytona with POP again and we had some shit talking during the previous season of NASCAR fantasy league. I took Caitlin to both St. Augustine and Daytona - double win and I also did a show this year as a male model for burlesque show which is a memorial first. hmmm...not sure what else. I really focused on work a lot this year. I had plenty of mini-adventures like Ringling Bro tour with Caitlin, Jacksonville adventure with Amber, Universal with Lyn, and god knows what else.

So I guess we move on to the next section

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What lies ahead in 2015

CRAP...I need 10....I feel like things slipped and I may not be able to provide a quality 10....I'll try.

Casa De **fill in the blank** works out: I am moving back into the old apartment and I ACTUALLY start the move tomorrow. Planned to live with me is Caitlin and Devon. This whole things sounds like a crap idea since the only stable one is myself but I think we can make this all work. My end goal is maybe look into getting a house in 2016 but I'm not there yet so this is both a good start and maybe making up for the lack of people that ever came to Casa De Longmantis....plus, the benefits of less rent and closer to work means good things for me.

Gym goals: My goals and my lifestyle simply aren't going to meet in the middle and with 34 years approaching, I don't know how much longer I have but I'd like to work toward a better body. Not that I'm a soggy bag of shit or anything but I think personnel improvement is always good. I failed in an unlisted goal of bench pressing 300lbs by December but I hope I can make improvements into 2015.

Las Vegas: I really should go there....It's been too long. SO yeah.

Dad: pop doesn't sound well...I'm not sure how much longer he has to live and I know that bastard is as stubborn as me so he won't go to a doctor. I want to ensure that I get to maximize this year with him. We talked about going to some races and even the Championship Weekend in Vegas next year but I hope this happens.

Move up in the day job: I think this is a stretch but I think maybe I have potential to move up in my day job and that would be cool.

Just dance: I really want to take up dance or do it more. That is all.

New car?: You know, I think maybe I should look soon into getting a new ride. I like the whole "no full insurance/no car payment" thing but my car is getting beat up and it may be time to start looking for a new car.

Reality TV? - Sounds like crap and it is but this has more legs than many people realize and while I can't get into specifics, I will say this is possible and could be cool...even if a pilot.

Prove I'm both a good friend and a great BF - sometimes I feel that this is impossible but I really do want this.

Kick ass - take names: because I'm Jason and would you expect less?

Okay kids, I don't post here often accept for auto-posts from instagram mostly but thanks for listening. I'll try to see where things go from here and hopefully things are better than expected :)

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countjason · 11 years ago

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Jason's 2013/2014

I do this every year around this time of year. I reflect and then set goals for myself for the upcoming year. Last years can be found here

Let's just roll right into this shall we?

WHAT LIES AHEAD IN 2013

I will cut back on drinking and work towards getting more in shape. Try to get my BFI to around 15-18. I think I’m around 22-23 at the moment. - I think this goal went okay at best. I joined my works workout group in the morning and we do lots of weights and cardo. I got bigger in 2013 but not like fat bigger just bigger stronger. That wasn't my true intent getting started nor is my goal now. I'm trying to get leaner and more tone but keep my strength which has been a challenge. That, and the fact I love beer makes things difficult.

Event promoting - I wanta throw my hands in that. - I did this...kindof... I actually did Rockerween which I considered a failure. Don't get me wrong, it was fun, but I didn't get the help from some people I had hoped in the same way I promoted their stuff and it kinda bombed. But, without failure, you can't have success so it's a start.

Cruise! I wanta go on a cruise. - Nope...didn't happen. I actually sold my cruise to Tori so she and one of her friends could go since I was still recovering from unemployment at the time my cruise voucher was expiring. I chose to have SOMEONE use it than not use it at all.

Drive a NASCAR. - I DID THIS!! I did 20 laps in a late-model stock car with my Dad. I didn't go super fast but it was fun!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XINhL6TL904

Actually visit Atlanta again. - Didn't happen. I just can't seem to get my ass out there. I missed DragonCon and other than random other events, I just haven't partake in that lovely 8 hour drive.

Fly to either England or Germany - I owe a visit to someone. Maaaaaaaaaaan…I hope I can get real time off for this… - No comment.

Continue to be the best person I know how. - I like to think I'm doing this. I think I set this goal because I was extremely depressed this time of year last year and I needed to motivate myself.

Disney with an Internet friend I’ve been harassing for well over 4 years. This one would be one of those - when I’m on my deathbed, ‘I did this - I lived’ moments. - Positponed. However, there's a good chance that this will happen in 2014.

Whatever “real” job actually hires me - own that shit. - Mission Accomplished. Not only was I part of the entry-level job of IT helpdesk for less than 1 year and stood out so well that I was moved to Project Management (which is unheard of according to some management). I feel that I moved my talent to a company that truly appreciates me and I'm finally using aspects of what my Management Information Systems degree taught me. All that "tone" stuff was just an excuse after actually working for a company that records calls and issues measurable surveys - I know now that it was a personality conflict between myself and the owner of WebStarts that lead to my dismissal and all that shit I was told at my "review/termination" was just the same stuff that they tell their customers: complete bullshit.

Work on being a “happier” person. - I think I am. I'm told I'm emotionless and actually SHOWING myself happy is few and far between but I am proud of what I've done.

Continue to make life my bitch but do a better job at it. - ongoing.

WHAT HAPPENED IN 2013?

After 4 months of unemployment and due to working at a 1099 job, I buried myself in credit card debt to pay the rent at Casa De LongBoyd. However, we had a roof over our head and never went hungry so I can't complain too much.

I was hired at Verizon as IT Helpdesk which is the internal helpdesk for employees. I was offered 35k per year and when I was finally brought on board, my pay was reduced based on "their assessment of my background" - I scoffed at this one but took the job - beggers can't be choosie.

I did a road trip to Miami for a circus theme event with Caitlin.

I went to both the Daytona 500 and Last race of the 2013 NASCAR season with pop and even dragged Caitlin.

After 1 year, Tori and I departed ways and got out of Casa De LongBoyd where I moved back home for a few months to get caught up on my bills I acquired while I was unemployed. Tori moved back with her sister. We don't really have the same type of relationship we used to but we're still friends.

I finally did an event on stilts - I fell on my ass only once, but it was fun.

In August, I found out and subsequently my movie DEAD BUZZ was not going to appear in the film festival at Spooky Empire. It furthermore was not entered in any other film festivals during the month of October and at this point, I consider that project unfortunately...dead.

http://vimeo.com/62958110

I did a commercial for a steampunk video game that doesn't appear to be taking off very fast due to funding but that's not dead.

Spooky Empire the whole time except this time had Caitlin with me the whole time instead of group adventures as I had in the past and also sprinkle in a little Alice Copper - it was a BLAST!!!

Due to some major dose of fate and luck, I modeled for BLK LABEL and was in GOTHIC BEAUTY MAGAZINE. So...I hold a really fun little cool-card.

I was featured in BLUR Magazine and something I'm super proud of, I was the 2nd featured male model for LADIES OF STEAMPUNK MAGAZINE. So between Gothic Beauty and this, I did both steampunk and goth - I don't think I can top that one.

Caitlin and I got engaged. We haven't really planned much more than that - I know she has been planning like a typical woman (lolz) but we haven't really planned dates or anything. I'm excited, scared, happy, and a mixture of other emotions and any time I get too much emotions on a subject, I shutdown.

I was promoted to a Project Manager role after less than 1 year at the help desk. Most people spend 2-3 years working the help desk before a promotion but I'm that good.

I moved into Casa De LongMantis with Caitlin. It's been an interesting ride to say the least but I expect a wonderful 2014 in our home.

WHAT LIES AHEAD IN 2013

Well...here we are..the stuff I will judge myself on next year...

Make Casa De LongMantis our home - I failed at Casa De LongBoyd since I couldn't make the place a home with no money.

Lose some weight - now...hold on..I want to be clear, I'm NOT fat so I'm not saying I need to lose weight because of that. What I mean is lose some weight so I'm leaner than I already am while retaining my bulk. I jokingly say "I'm working on my Hugh Jackson body" so that's a goal. I really could afford to drink less beer.

Go to Saint Augustine with Caitlin

Have Casa De LongMantis be a hub for friends - I'd really like people that visit to be invited to stay more than I did at Casa De LongBoyd. I have a few friends in New York, California, Oregon, and around the state of Florida that if they visited, Casa De LongMantis would be a place people felt welcome to be at.

Pay off more debt.

Be better at managing the websites I manage - I currently manage ravensandrockers.com, thepreymantissideshow.com, and of course my dead travelingfreaks.com. I'd like to do a better job at it and not let side shit distract me so much.

Expand my side projects - this is VERY vague but rightfully so. In 2012, I did a lot of SFX makeup for movies and such...I fell out of that in 2013. I take things as they come and being a creative person in nature I am not just passionate about one thing but lots and can lose interest fast. I never considered myself a "model" but I have done quite a bit of things I would consider very impressive that deals with modeling this past year. I like the creative element of the process - I usually come up with the theme, outfit, and don't do photos for the sake of doing them which is why when photographers contact me, I want to know the project and if I find out it's "because I want you in my port" - I generally decline. Having done Gothic Beauty and Ladies of Steampunk and approaching 33, I'm not done but I don't know where to go from here. I'm sure something will come to me as it usually does and if not, I'm satisifed. As far as acting/performing - I take things as they come. I am a weekend warrior when it comes to that kind of stuff. I dragged Caitlin into that kind of stuff but uncertain how she feels about all that since I know a lot of stuff she done in 2013 was to impress me. I'd like to incorporate more dancing in this field - I know the ladies I've worked with are looking to add men to their acts but I'm physically not there yet enough for me to be satisfied that I'm on the level I should be for anything like that. I don't want to be the "fat stripper" equivalent - lolz

Do the best job at work and continue to own that shit.

Vacations/Travel outside the state of Florida - baby steps with this goal. I said Atlanta last year and that never happened. I do have vacation time I'm planning and aside from one vacation plan that I said I'd go to Saint Augustine with Caitlin, another to have a long time internet friend visit and I'd be a host, I'd like another to be to be outside the State of Florida for a change. This years is hopefully the year I get a REAL vacation which I sorely miss.

Be the best person I can be to all my family and friends.

Continue to make life my bitch but do a better job at it.

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