cowboycrusader

[cowboycrusader]

I'm proud of you for making it this far.

[cowboycrusader]

How am I supposed to believe I’m worthy of love if I’ve had to beg for it my whole life?

[cowboycrusader]

“what’s wrong, talk to me”

“let’s fix this, i can’t lose you”

“we’ll work it out together”

[cowboycrusader]

[cowboycrusader]

i want to get my shit together so badly

i also want to just give up

[cowboycrusader]

i promise i can be worth it if you let me try

[cowboycrusader]

[cowboycrusader]

i want to be loved in the same amount that i love.

[cowboycrusader]

hey ! do you have anything on emotional permanence in bpd ? esp in relation to other people

emotional permanence (things like not being able to remember feeling loved even though you were happily cuddling your partner an hour ago, or being angry and feeling like no other emotion exists apart from anger) is very common in BPD (and other PDs). it's why we split - it's the whole mechanism behind splitting, actually. emotions seem to only exist in the time that we're feeling them. relationships are only secure (the borderline only feels secure) when we're actively being reassured of its security. if you and your friend are fighting, you can't recall ever feeling loved and wanted by your friend and they must only hate you. cue splitting!

ways to deal with emotional permanence:

keep physical reminders of your friends' & family's love for you (photos of a trip you took together, a birthday present, etc)

keep nice texts and voice messages sent to you

come up with a list of reasons why they love you (all the nice things they do for you, etc)

practice dialectical thinking (x and y can both be true at the same time; e.g. you can be angry at yourself and love yourself at the same time)

practice other DBT skills like wise mind (keeping a balance between your emotional mind and your rational mind)

keep a diary or mood tracker - this way you can see when you've felt other emotions and remind yourself that other emotions do exist and you do experience them (good or bad)

schedule times frequently (how frequent is up to you) to keep in contact with loved ones so you have periodic reminders of their love

(emotional permanence doesn't just apply to relationships, and not just romantic relationships (therapeutic relationships are a big one), and it's not just BPD that experiences it - it's also a part of dissociative disorders, (C)PTSD, ADHD, and probably any other disorder that comes with emotional dysregulation and interpersonal difficulties)

[cowboycrusader]

i love when a character has something terrible happen to them and as a result they see themself as, essentially if not literally, a ghost. and so that means they only can (and have to) do what ghosts do, ie get revenge and then cease to exist. easy as that. but then halfway through this ghost vengeance they realize hey actually i might still be a human person. with human needs. that’s incredibly inconvenient, considering how much i’ve invested in this whole ghost thing

[cowboycrusader]

[cowboycrusader]

oh I see. it was the crime of wanting. that's why I deserve it.

[cowboycrusader]

once i learn how to properly communicate and understand my own emotions it’s over for you bitches

[cowboycrusader]

Kinda nonhuman because mental illness, kinda nonhuman because not being properly socialized as a kid, kinda nonhuman because queer, kinda nonhuman because angry at humanity, kinda nonhuman because longing for the unconditional love of a pet and it’s master, and kinda nonhuman because secret sixth thing.

[cowboycrusader]

[cowboycrusader]

therapy? who needs it. whenever something's wrong I just make a tumblr post that will be read by hundreds of strangers

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✋

[cowboycrusader]