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[cowboyhat29748]

Chris Alonso imagine

She walks through the door and is looking at me with a bit more defeated posture than her usual strong confident self and I can immediately tell that something is off.

I know she’s a very straight forward person so I try to match her energy and just call it how I see it. “What’s wrong babe” Chris simply replies “nothing” like I can’t tell when she’s feeling down after knowing her for so long “I can tell when something’s wrong with you Chris” I address, but she sarcastically responds with “so you can read me now huh” 

Not like I didn’t expect her typical defense mechanisms, she’s usually a very guarded person and with being a swat officer she has learned not to show her emotions and bury them instead

I responded with “of course I can” she role her eyes and I chuckle “but seriously baby just tell me what’s going on, I know you think it might be too much for me but swat or not I can handle everything you tell me but clearly you need someone to help you handle it as well” she sighs and look everywhere but me. I can tell I’m starting to get her to consider opening up, 

“it’s ok Chris” 

She slowly and cautiously starts talking about some victims, teen girls, who were DOA at a scene she arrived on today and she talks about the guilt she felt for not being able to save them, shes tearing up during the confession and after she’s done I get up and pull her into a hug which she melts into, as soon as our bodies touch she breaks like glass that’s been hit one too many times.

It’s rare to see her cry but I’ve never seen her sob, not like this at least. She lets out all the emotions she’s been holding in and I just hold her in my arms comforting her “it’s ok baby girl I got you let it out” she mumbles apologies about crying and not being able to be in control of her emotions and i try and just give her those reassurances she needs, I know she needs to cry so I’ll hold her as long as she needs, just being thankful she trusts me enough to let her carefully guarded wall down in front of me.

 I gently pull back from the hug and cup her face with my hands, making her look at me. "It's okay, Chris," I say softly, "Let it all out." I wipe away her tears with my thumbs and continue, "But you can't hold it all in forever. You need to talk to someone about it. Maybe a therapist or someone else on the team who has been through similar things, or, and this is my favorite option, me."

She nods, sniffling, and leans back into my embrace. We sit there for a while longer, until she calms down and her breathing returns to normal. "Thanks" she whispers.

I kiss her forehead and hold her tighter. “I always got your six" I promise. "No matter what."