cozygirlfromthebook-blog

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

նամակ քեզ

Ավագ դպրոցում բոլորը սիրում էին շաբաթ ու կիրակի օրերը:Ես՝երկուշաբթիները:Գիտեմ,բոլորը ատում են երկուշաբթիները,սպասում են հանգստի օրերին:Բայց ես սկսեցի սիրել երկուշաբթիները:Միակ օրն էր շաբաթվա մեջ,երբ ես քեզ ավելի մոտիկից էի տեսնում,նայում էի քեզ,մեկ-մեկ էլ ինձ հաջողվում էր քեզնից հայացք խլել:Շաբաթվա մեջ 1 օր,ամսվա մեջ՝ 4,տարվա մեջ՝ 36 (ամառային արձակուրդներին քեզ քիչ էի տեսնում):Քեզ կհերիքեր 36-ը կարոտդ առնելու համար?Ինձ չէր հերիքում:Բայց դա միակ օրն էր,որ քեզ տեսնում էի:

Շաբաթ ու կիրակի օրերին բոլորը հանգստանում էին,ուրախ էին:Ես լարվում էի,շատ:Մտածում էի՝ինչ եմ հագնելու,մազերս ինչ եմ անելու,որտեղ եմ կանգնելու դպրոցի դահլիճում,որ քեզ ավելի լավ տեսնեմ...Պլանավորում էի ամեն ինչ:Ու երկուշաբթվա 20-30 րոպեն դպրոցի դահլիճում դառնում էին իմ կյանքի երջանիկ պահերը,հատկապես,երբ նայում էիր ինձ:

Սիրում էի ես երկուշաբթիները...

Հիշում եմ մեր առաջինը (Մեր,ինչ աբսուրդա հնչում:Մենք ինչ որ բան երբևէ չենք ունեցել միասին):Դու ինձնից մի քիչ հեռու էիր կանգնած,մեր մեջ փոքր հեռավորություն կար,մի քանի քայլ հեռավորություն,որը երբեք չփոքրացավ:Դու հագել էիր ջինս ու վարդագույն վերնաշապիկ:Նայում էիր ինձ,չգիտեմ՝առաջին անգամ էիր տեսնում թե չէ:Ես էլ սկսեցի քեզ նայել:Երբեք ոչ մի տղա ինձ չէր ստիպել դա զգալ:Չգիտեմ՝ինչ էր:Անծանոթ,բայց հաճելի զգացողություն,որ 2013-ից մինչև հիմա ինձ հետա:Դու գրավեցիր ուշադրությունս,սկսեցի թաքուն հետաքրքրվել քեզանով,անունդ իմացա:’’Շատ լավա տղայա’’:Բոլորը դա էին ասում:Բայց դա չէր պատճառը,որ սկսեցի քեզ...Մի խոսքով:Չգիտեմ ինչի հենց դու:Չգիտեմ:Ու ես սկսեցի սիրել երկուշաբթիները...

Հիշում եմ՝մի անգամ ես կանգնած էի,պատին հենված,ընկերուհուս հետ:Դու մտար դահլիճ:Միանգամից նկատեցի:Քայլում էիր ուղիղ դեպի ինձ,ու սիրտս սկսեց շատ արագ խփել:Մտածում էի՝միգուցե մոտենա ու խոսացնի:Ինչ եմ ասելու?Ինչ եմ անելու?Բայց չխոսեցիր:Մոտեցար,կանգնեցիր կողքս:Հենվեցիր պատին:Շատ մոտ էիր ինձ:Կպած:Ընկերուհիս ավելի հեռու կանգնեց,բայց ես չշարժվեցի:Չէի ուզում:Առաջին անգամ չէի ուզում հեռու մնալ հակառակ սեռից:Քեզ մոտ լինելով ինձ պաշտպանված էի զգում,հաճելի էր շատ:Չէի ուզում,որ էտ երկուշաբթին վերջանար:Ուզում էի տարիներ տևեր:Կամ,գոնե,կրկնվեր էլի:Չկրկնվեց...

Բայց ես էլի սիրում եմ երկուշաբթիները...Մեր երկուշաբթիները...Իմ՝քեզ տեսնելու միակ հնարավորությունները:Իմ 64 երկուշաբթիները քեզ ճանաչելուս 1.5 տարվա ընթացքում:

1.5 տարի միշտ սպասել եմ երկուշաբթիներին:Որ քեզ տեսնեմ:Ու դեռ սպասում եմ,արդեն 5 տարի:Քանի երկուշաբթի դեռ պետքա անցնի,որ քեզ էլի տեսնեմ,նայես ինձ առաջին անգամվա պես,մոտենաս,կանգնես կողքս,ու ես ինձ պաշտպանված զգամ...Սիրում եմ...երկուշաբթիները...

#MEMM

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

story time

Last time in English we were playing a game in which we had to describe a person and then guess who that person was.One of the girls was talking about me and when she said “she’s very kind and she helps everyone when they need it” another girls guessed that it was me and she turned out to be right.

I was so touched to see how people have started noticing my good side.The side that’s real and that’s always shown.

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

feels

One thing that I’ve realized about myself recently is that I’m not the person I used to be and present myself.

Before,I wanted to show everyone that I was strong and I didn’t care about anything,I wanted people to think that I was rude and unavailable and unreachable,I wanted them to know that I had high standards and that I could solve my own problems.What it brought to was that people actually started thinking that way of me.Everyone has always thought that I’m very strong,not caring,very smart,a person of career and job,cold-hearted,someone who never cries and who is very rude.People were very cautious to me and when they were communicating to me I felt like they were kinda scared.And I was surprised not realizing that it’s because it was the way I presented myself.And that was wrong cause it wasn’t the real me.The real me doesn’t have those qualities and I’ve realized that recently.By changing the way I present myself I’ve also noticed changes in the way people accept me as a person and the way they communicate with me.

I know who I am now and I present myself that way even if there are some things I don’t like myself for.

I am not strong,not at all.I am a very weak person by all means.I’m not brave the way people think,I am not cold-hearted:I cried last night from a sad video about animals,I cried during some movies and listening to some songs.I cry some night because I love someone and I wish he knew it.I’m not a career person at all.Honestly,I wanna get a job only so that I can help my parents and sister later.What I actually wanna do with my life is having my little house with my husband and kids,being a good woman for my husband,a great mother for my kids and a good housewife.I wanna have my own corner,clean my house,have a small garden,decorate the rooms,cook for my family and create coziness and home.I wanna make breakfast for my husband and kids every morning,then send them to work and to school,walk and feed our dog,wait for them to come back,help my kids with classes,make our evenings cozy and warm,make good meals for them and just keep being happy.I feel very feminine and that’s exactly all I wanna do with my life:create a home for my husband and kids.

I’m a very kind person.I can never be rude or impolite to anyone,ever and it hurts my feelings when people are like that to me.My mom has taught me that I always have to be nice to EVERYONE no matter what and I try to do my best.

This is the person I’ve become and I like it a lot.I love myself and I love my life.It’s not perfect of course but it’s not bad either.I love it.And I know that everything is just gonna be better...

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

the story of today

Never understood people who are not nice.

Maybe I’m sometimes one of them,maybe.But I guess I’d never do it intentionally.Some people know me but they kinda won’t admit it.They see me,they look at me and they know they have to at least smile,but they don’t.They simply ignore and move on,move on to the popular kids.The group I’ll never been in and I don’t want to either.I have a few close friends,2 actually that are from FLEX.They are super nice and they’re not ashamed to admit that they know me.I respect those people with my whole heart and truly can say that I love them.These are people that do not care about your looks,or your popularity,or how cool you are.They just accept you the way you are and that’s the main reason that I respect them.

I don’t need anyone’s attention,truly,I don’t.I’ll never chase people for that.But I hate it when people know me and they pretend that they don’t.I can ignore them and get it over with but that’s not smth that I respect and if I don’t respect someone I can’t just admit them as a friend or as a nice person.I’ve had this kinda people in my life before and I feel like I always will.But the thing is that maybe everyone does.But that’s not a reason to act rude and ignore someone you know.I try to at least say hi and smile.Whatever,I’m over it,I don’t really care,just stating facts and not judging.But let’s move on cause the good things are more in my life than the negative ones.

I’m truly very blessed for those 2 people that I spent my time today with at the gathering.They’re the nicest and the best.And like I said they don’t care about the things that don’t really matter for which I respect them very much.

Next good thing was that I actually had a good time there and some fun too.And generally my whole day went great for which I’m really thankful...

There’s always more good and kind than bad and evil.And I forgive all the rude people,I respect all the nice people and I’m thankful for this wonderful day!

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

new me?

Recently I’ve been avoiding all kinds of communication,like every kind.I didn’t wanna go out with friends,hang out with them,spend time with them.I’ve kinda been feeling like I wanna go home and just lay down and that’d be a real happiness for me.And that’s what I was craving and trying to do every day.And I stressed about having to hang out with them cause I kinda felt like I wasn’t in the group because I wasn’t talking much enough.

But today it was different,it was kinda magical.I found out a new me when I drunk a glass of cherry beer and some wine.I suddenly opened up and started actually talking to people and having fun.I was happy amongst friends today and for the first time in a long time I actually wanted to stay with them a little longer to have more fun.For the first time I enjoyed being around other people,talking to them and just spending time with them.I was confident,I was being totally myself and I loved it.Every minute of it.Even though I was drunk and maybe that was the cause of my so much confidence but not that I didn’t know what I was doing or saying.So,now I kinda know who I should be and what I should do around others.

Just be confident and be myself...Maybe that’s very hard cause it’s been a long time since I’ve been trying to be so but I was drunk today and I was the real me.

I’m gonna be the real me for the rest of my time...or I’ll try :))))

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

my 2nd letter to you

I still remember,the first time I saw you.That day.Nothing was like this back then.I even remember what you were wearing:a pink shirt and jeans.We had a very little space between us and you were looking at me.I looked back but couldn’t stare.I still can’t.From then on I started liking Mondays.Those were the only chances I could see you except the little ones that sometimes came up at school.I was attracted to you but I didn’t wanna admit to myself that it was love.I didn’t know what love was.Maybe I still don’t.But that little space between us.It’s kinda always been there.

I remember another Monday.I was standing by the wall with my friend and you came and stood right by my side.Soooo close.I can still feel you when I close my eyes.I remember it all very clearly.The principal called my name and you looked down at me.I could feel you looking at me and for a moment I wanted to hold your hand.I felt something familiar from you,smth warm and trustworthy.But I wasn’t brave enough.

I still can’t look at you,smile at you though if you asked I’d do anything.Cause you’re worth it.

I love you,not scared to admit it anymore.I need you,I know.I hope you’ll once realize this but I feel like that’s not what you think.What have they told you about me?I’m rude and cold and a boring person.Not true.I’m like that towards people who don’t deserve me in my best.But you do.And I wish I could give myself to you.The best version of me.My love and warmth and care.Everything that no one has ever gotten from me.Just give me a chance to do so.I’ll prove that I’m a lover.

Wanna talk about my favorite picture?It’s a screenshot.Of you.Sending me friend request.I was jumping on the sofas.My heart was beating very fast.There have been lots of requests and every time I saw I had a request from someone I wished it was you.And when it wasn’t you I felt very upset.I’d been waiting for your request for 6 years.And I waited for your message.All day.I followed when you were online but you didn’t text me.I’m  not losing my hope though.I believe in the strength of love.

I don’t know about you but I love you.I’d do anything.I’d stay in Armenia if you asked me.I wouldn’t wear that skirt if you told me so.I’d give myself to you.Please,give me a chance.I’ll give you the best version of me...

15 sept. 2018

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

summer 2k18

This summer was all about finding myself or I should say creating myself.

I had completely different plans and literally none of them was done.I wanted to be #1 in college but it didn’t turn out well.I wanted to get a job and I couldn’t both in Yerevan and in Yeghegnadzor.And I wanted to do more other things that I didn’t.

So I was thinking about this and how all my plans got broken and stuff and I realized that it was for a good reason cause instead of all those things I did some other things during summer and I kinda found myself and what I wanna do with my life.So let’s make this into a list:

I didn’t get a job.At first I thought that it was the end of the world cause I’d planned to save some money and get a nose job next summer.I was very upset and I didn’t even know what I was gonna do all summer.Then,I started doing house chores and cooking.The good thing is that I learned cooking and it turns out very surprisingly that I’m actually a very good cook and I can make a very good housewife lol.So,by staying home and not getting a job I learned grocery shopping,cleaning the house and cooking.Here I created a perfect housewife in me.

I found coziness in me.I started my notebook-diary in which I write about my thought and ideas and I put cute illustrations.It’s smth very bright and when I look at it I get all the cozy vibes.It brings me positivity.I also have a collection online of cute pics and deep sayings.With the help of these pics and posts I’ve found in myself kindness,coziness and a dreamer.

I’ve read a lot of books and recently I’ve been reading “Fascinating womanhood’’ which to me is pretty much a help to become a great woman.This feminine vibe started out when I began listening to Sabrina.This book just helps me a lot to realise lots of things and to create a feminine woman in myself.

Smth very very important.The fact that God has been keeping me away from E.For the last time I got persuaded in this and now I fully believe that we kinda weren’t for each other and I’m just being saved for someone great and I feel like I know who that person is.We actually talked and after that nothing happened and I don’t even know if I’m supposed to say hi to him or not.So i realized I should keep away from him and focus on someone else.

I made my relationships healthier and better.With all the free time that I had during this summer I made time for my friends and my family.I had some issues with my besties and I could make everything right between us.We’re now in a very good friendship.I could spend more time with my sister and my parents and family in general.I tried to give them more love and affection.

SOOOOO,to wrap this all up,I wanna say what I’ve achieved and what this summer gave me.First of all,I learned who I should stop thinking about.Then I realized who I actually am (a feminine woman),what I’d rather do with my life (create a family and support my husband) and where I am headed (to creating a cozy home).I learned how to clean the house and cook very delicious meals,so I learned how to be a good housewife and a good cook.I realized how much coziness and kidness I have in myself.I now have better relationships with my friends and family.I’ve learned how to be a loving and caring person.

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

still having that feminine energy

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

Всегда будь лучшей версией себя. Будь добрым, даже когда ты устал. Будь отзывчивым, даже когда ты злишься. Делай больше, чем нужно и не проси ничего взамен. И не ожидай награды. Слушай, когда кто-то говорит и перестань думать, что ответить. Говори людям, что ты их любишь и ценишь. Делай всё, что ты можешь для других. Будь самым прекрасным человеком, которым ты только можешь быть, и если ты допустишь ошибку, исправь это в следующую минуту или день. Единственное, что ты никогда не должен делать? Никогда не трать своё время, чтобы доказать людям какой ты хороший, твои поступки будут говорить сами за себя, у нас ограниченное время на этой земле, не растрачивай его зря. Если кто-то не видит твои лучи света, не беспокойся. Как и мотыльков, хороших людей привлекает огонь и свет. Подожди немножко и тогда в твоей жизни появятся хорошие, тёплые люди.

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

Dreaming about the streets of Paris and wishing I could live there for a while.

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

diary ideas

some of  these have been taken from pinterest and some are mine so:

My heart map.

Books I’ve read

Quote of the day

10 good things that happened to me during the day

100 things I’m thankful for

Recipes of random things

Printed illustrations

My dreams 

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

10 good things that happened today:

I woke up

I got my period

I felt happy

I had a good time with my sister

I could teach something

my mom was happy

I saw my friends

I was kind and nice

I feel complete

I’m thankful for all my blessings.

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

aug 7/more happiness and dissappointment

so today was a good day.I woke up and put on my music.I did what I do as usual.then I went to the library with D and got my books.I’ve also taken the pillow I’d ordered.

And,most importantly,I got my period.So again I’m feeling very feminine and all cozy,you know.

But also today D wasn’t behaving again.I mean she just keeps showing that she doesn’t like me or my company and it’s really boring with me but the fact is that I feel the same way.I mean,she’s a good girl and a good friend but we don’t have a lot in common so she feels like I’m really boring and that I’m not a very good person.But that’s not true,I know.

I’m kind and capable of anything so I’m not gonna overreact.I’m gonna let her do whatever and I’m gonna be my way.

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

100 things (there’s a lot more) I’m thankful for today:

I’m alive

I’m healthy

I can see

Hear

Smell

Move

Talk

Think

I have a family

Oh,I have two families :)

I have a house

I have something to eat

and drink

I have friends

I have people who understand me

my country’s not at war

I have clothes to wear

I have electronics

I have shoes

I’m beautiful

I have long and healthy hair

beautiful brows

cute toenails

elegant legs

arms and fingers

good posture

pretty green eyes

cute smile

the body that I want

I eat and I don’t gain weight :)

I speak 4 languages fluently

I can cook

I bought presents today so I gave today

I have dreams

and wishes

I believe in God

in myself

in my ability to do whatever 

I can get what I want

I’m smart

and pretty

and caring

understanding

loving

sharing and spreading love

I’m kind

respectful

loyal

I’m good at keeping secrets

making a person feel better

listening to someone who just wants to talk

making masks

exercising

learning languages

learning anything

reading

I’m kind

I care about animals

and my family

and the people that I love

they come first

I can become a good manager

a good student

a better person

a good wife

a great mother

a good worker

a caring friend

and a shoulder to cry on

I believe in fairytales

and Disney movies

in princesses

and princes

I belive in finding a true love

finding my prince

my other half

my soul

my everything

I appreciate what I have

who I am

what I am becoming

where I am going

what I am building

who I am trying to find

I’m capable of anything 

I’m powerful

strong mentally

a little bit physically

and spiritually

I’m feminine

and elegant

and show respect for others no matter who they are to me

I don’t judge anyone

I don’t bully

I don’t take revenges on anyone

I forgive

I forget

I try to make everything right

I smile a lot and a lot and lot

I’M BLESSED!!!!

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

appreciating little things

these last 2 days have been intense cause my mom and dad got into a fight again.My mom even wanted to leave.I was crying.

Now I’m back to happiness again.I thought my life was like empty and stuff but then I realized I need to fill it in myself.I thought I needed a bf but now I know that I can live my fullest without a bf too.

I’ve been watching some movies like “The notebook” and “Me before you”.These movies changed my view.I’m back to being all cute,caring,loving,friendly you know.I now see my life at its fullest and I appreciate the little things in my life.Now I can find happiness in little things and get excited by them.

I finally washed my shoes,bought some presents,did my class,went to the church,watched the movie “Wonder”.I hang out with N,texted some other friends to see how they were doing,left cute and loving comments under almost everyone’s picture.I felt fully happy today.My mom finally bought her shoes wich makes me happy too.

Going to church made me feel really good because I could be thankful for the things I have and I now feel better.I’m kinda becoming an enthusiastic person.I listen to Ed Sheeran,Norah Jones and Sarah McLachlan,I enjoy cooking,I watch kind and caring movies,I text people I love and call them.I keep smiling and this everything feels really good.

I’m genuinely happy now and I hope this will last long.

Thank you God for everything...

[cozygirlfromthebook-blog]

I don’t really know how this all started but recently I’ve been thinking about A a lot and I mean a lot.I also think it’s because rn I  have nothing else to do like I don’t really have a life so what I do all day long is I lay down listen to some romantic music about love and imagine cute things that are hopefully gonna happen to me and A .I imagine the way we’re gonna actually meet in real life,how it’s gonna go and what we’re gonna do.I’ve even imagined about our wedding and really for the first time in my life I actually wanna have a wedding like a fairytale.I remembered this couple and I got very inspired from them.

So I keep working hard and daydreaming all day long about my Prince A.

Dear God,please let everything work out well.