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[craftingdisaster]

You had one job

I’ve been trying to expand my baking horizons lately. And while I mentioned in the last post that I would be attempting to make the Gerber Honey Cookies, that stalled because I’d typed out the entire post and then SOMEONE (*nudge nudge tumblr*) deleted the entire post and out of spite and anger I just didn’t rewrite it. Suffice it to say, they were not good.

But part of my new endeavor is wanting to try new things to cook, bake, etc. And that led me to actually try some of the stuff I was always watching on old episodes of Good Eats (ah, Alton Brown, you inspire me so).

For Mother’s Day my husband bought me a candy thermometer, since my old one got left in New England during our move to Texas. And excited to try it out, I made a batch of his Salted Caramels with soy sauce (I know, it sounds weird).

They came out delicious but REALLY dark and with a slightly odd after taste. So this time I decided to try them with vanilla instead of soy sauce. Well, again, they were coming out really dark during the caramel coloring part of this. According to the recipe, they were supposed to turn “deep amber” but these were straight “brown”, and had that vaguely burned sugar smell.

So I took it off the heat early, added the butter and cream, and kept going, but I pulled out my other thermometer (for checking turkey internal temps, etc.) and did a comparison.

And you know what? There was over a FIVE DEGREE DIFFERENCE in my thermometers. Meaning that my candy thermometer, when it was reading “soft ball” stage, it was actually almost hitting “hard ball” stage. For those that do stuff with a candy thermometer, that is a HUGE difference!

I’m not sure if I should take my candy thermometer back to the fancy schmancy cooking store where my husband bought it for me, or if I should just accept that I need to give at least a five degree window from now on. But I’m 98% sure that my caramel is burned and doesn’t have the soy sauce flavor to cover it up this time. So there goes almost a pound of sugar. Hurray... - K

[craftingdisaster]

FOR SCIENCE!

Dang, it’s been a really long time since we’ve posted in here. Mostly because I at least forgot the password. And, you know, life. Which got crazy. Shortly after my last post, wherein my husband and I had recently moved into a new apartment (mid-July 2014), a friend from college called and offered me large amounts of money to move across the country to start a really intense albeit awesome job immediately (late August). So I did.

That was almost four years ago now. And while I’ve taken many pictures of the things I’ve baked and crafted and tried really hard to keep up, the fact that tumblr doesn’t let you backdate things has made me somewhat lose my motivation to post. But NO MORE!

I sit here today a different person. Older (early 30s), wiser (finally completed my Master’s Degree), and more mature (I almost always clean the cat box on time). In addition, I’m also now a mom. I have twin daughters who are almost 17 months old and they’re rad. And this is what has brought me here today.

I don’t know how many of you have children, nieces and nephews, whatever. But have any of you ever tried the Gerber organic gluten-free biscuits? I don’t know what they put in them, but I would not be surprised if it was a mildly addictive chemical. They’re delicious. I’m sure there will be some of you out there going “Toddler cookies? Really? I tried them, they’re not for me.”

Well good for you, random person. But I love them. As in “I’ll eat upwards of half a bag of cookies meant for my children” love them. But that gets pricey. And Pinterest, in all her hipster/home baker glory has failed me. So what’s that saying? “If you want something done right, do it yourself”. Guess it’s on me.

And since there’s another saying that goes “The only difference between science and screwing around is writing it down”, I’m writing it down for posterity’s sake. I will, over hopefully the next few weeks (and not months/years) be putting different methods of attempting to make this cookie for a home version. They also make an apple version, but according to the recipe, it requires “dried apple purée”, and that just sounds like way too much work. So I’ll start with honey. FOR SCIENCE!!

-K

[craftingdisaster]

Tiramisu foreword

Have you ever undertaken something that you just know is going to bomb as you start doing it? Yeah, that was me tonight. Pictures and details forthcoming, but just know: it wasn't great. I mean, it could've been worse. But it definitely could've been a lot better. - K

[craftingdisaster]

Why I refuse to let people bash DC.

Friendly reminder that Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are actually Dr. Harleen Quinzel and Dr. Pamela Isley. Two of the most beautiful, complex and well-known DC villains are doctors. Harley Quinn went through med school and Poison Ivy has a PhD. Do not forget this. Do not reduce these characters to sex symbols because they are so much more than that.

[craftingdisaster]

Does this even need explaining? - K

[craftingdisaster]

American as...

I know the saying goes "As American as apple pie", but I'm going to make a strong case for Strawberry Shortcake Pie. And it being Independence Day (AKA "The Fourth"), I figured the time was right to do the huge undertaking of pie. I say huge because I started making this pie at around 2 this afternoon and I only finished about 9 p.m.

To start, I got this recipe from a cooking magazine called Cuisine at Home. I love it. My grandma started getting me a subscription to it about six years ago. It only comes every other month, but it has some great ideas for things. Plus it breaks everything down fairly simply.

First, you start with the crust. This is actually the only pie crust I've ever taken an active role in making from scratch. Unfortunately, the last time I made this pie was about three years ago, and my mother-in-law was there to help me. The woman is a godsend, and was able to give me little hints that made the process much less daunting. Nevertheless, I attempted it alone and without any assistance. 

The only real changes I made to the crust were that I used ingredients I had on hand, as opposed to buying specifically for the recipe. This means that instead of buying an orange for the orange zest, I used zest from limes we had for margaritas. And instead of using plain yogurt, I used the fat free greek vanilla in the fridge.

After I'd assembled the crust, it turned out much crumblier than I was expecting. In retrospect, I probably should have added a tablespoon or so of ice water to it prior to attempting to roll it out. But of course I didn't figure this out until I had dumped the entire bowl onto the rolling pad. As it was, I made do. I did have to have my husband help me transfer the rolled out dough into the pan. It was kind of a tricky half flip, half dump thing. But the extra set of hands were very useful.

I checked the crust every five minutes as it was baking to ensure that the crust didn't slip down the pan, but it really didn't (it didn't last time, either). I also took it out around 18 minutes, but my oven is touchy.

For the custard cream, I used heavy cream instead of whole milk, because when we went to the store I didn't have this recipe on me, and just thought "Oh, heavy cream will be fine!" As a result, the custard turned out great, but MUCH thicker than I was expecting. When it thickened as it was cooking, it went from liquid to done so quickly I was worried it had curdled and I would have to scrap the entire batch, but it ended up being quite tasty. And again, I used the vanilla greek yogurt (but still added vanilla). The husband's hands were used a second time to stir the egg mixture while I poured half of the milk in. After the initial pour, I took over stirring and he was released.

I essentially followed the strawberry portion of the recipe exactly, although I did mess up a bit on blooming the gelatin. I accidentally added the gelatin first, so we had to slightly heat it up with a little extra water in the microwave to liquefy it away from the lumpy mass it had become.

The strawberries added to the gelatin mixture:

Once it was all assembled, it looked absolutely awesome. I haven't tried any yet, as I'm waiting for the husband's return (as he did technically help make it), but I couldn't wait to share my excitement at making it! :D

After the custard cream was added:

The final product:

This is also a somewhat bittersweet baking day for me. My husband and I are moving into a slightly bigger apartment next week, so this will most likely be the last thing that I bake here.

And even though I'm ecstatic to be moving to a place that has actual counter space, I've grown to love this tiny apartment and its shallow counters and having to be inventive as to where everything has to go in the baking process (let alone when I'm in the middle of a baking frenzy and attempt multiple projects at once).

This is the apartment we've lived in for two years; it's the first place he and I chose together as opposed to random chance when we moved to the East Coast. It's where he proposed and where we came home to after we got married. And almost as important as all those other things, its where I spent hours in the tiny kitchen with its terrible counters engaging in the stress relief of baking for people that would eventually become family to me.

Luckily, this sadness is tempered with a delicious pie that I've been craving for weeks. So at least my final baking was a successful one.

- K

Strawberry Shortcake Pie Recipe:

Dough:

Makes 9-inch pie crust

Preheat oven to 400 degrees

Whisk:

1 1/2 c all-purpose flour

1 Tbsp sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

Cut:

6 Tbsp cold unsalted butter, cubed

6 Tbsp heavy cream

1/4 c plain yogurt

Minced zest of 1 orange

Whisk flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a bowl.

Cut butter into flour mixture using a pastry blender or two forks until pea-sized.

Stir together cream, yogurt, and zest in another bowl and add to flour mixture; blend with a fork, just until dough comes together.

Roll out the dough on a lightly-floured surface to 1/4 in thick. Transfer dough to a 9-inch deep-dish pie plate.

Trim dough so only 1/2 in hangs over the edge of the pie plate. Roll dough edge under itself, then crimp. Firmly press dough to the sides of the pie plate.

Bake crust until golden, about 20 minutes, then cool on a wire rack to room temperature. If crust starts to shrink or slide down the side of the pie plate during baking, use a spoon to gently press the crust back up the sides.

Vanilla Pastry Cream:

Makes about 2 cups

Whisk:

6 Tbsp sugar

3 Tbsp cornstarch

1/4 tsp salt

1 egg

1 egg yolk

Heat:

1 1/2 c whole milk

Off Heat, Whisk:

3 Tbsp plain yogurt

1 tsp vanilla extract

Whisk together sugar, cornstarch, sat, egg, and egg yolk in a bowl.

Heat milk in a saucepan over medium until steam rises from pan. Slowly ladle half of the milk into the egg mixture, whisking constantly. Pour egg-milk mixture into remaining milk in pan; bring to a boil, whisking constantly until pastry cream is thickened, about 1 minute.

Off heat, whisk in yogurt and vanilla. Transfer pastry cream to a bowl. Cover surface with plastic wrap to prevent a skin from forming and chill until cold.

Strawberry Mixture:

For the strawberries, puree:

3 lb strawberries, hulled, divided

1 c sugar

2 Tbsp light corn syrup

2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice

Pinch of salt

Sprinkle:

2 tsp unsweetened gelatin

4 Tbsp water, divided

1 Tbsp cornstarch

For the strawberries, puree 1 lb strawberries in a food processor or blender until smooth; transfer to a large saute pan with sugar, corn syrup, lemon juice, and salt.

Sprinkle gelatin over 3 Tbsp water in a small bowl; let sit at least 5 minutes. Whisk together remaining 1 Tbsp water and cornstarch for the slurry; set aside.

Reduce strawberry mixture over medium-high heat to 1 1/2 cups, 20-25 minutes. Once reduced, whisk in slurry and simmer 1 minute. Add gelatin mixture; whisk to melt and combine. Transfer mixture to a bowl to cool to room temperature. Quarter remaining 2 lb strawberries (about 6 cups); stir into cooked strawberry mixture.

To assemble pie, spread pastry cream into bottom of pie crust. Top pastry cream with strawberry mixture, cover with plastic wrap, and chill at least 3 hours.

[craftingdisaster]

Copied this from a thumbnail on Pinterest. Mechanical pencil, and HB pencil.  I haven't quite gotten to the point where both eyes are the same size. So you only get one. Worst part of drawing-symmetry. -B.

[craftingdisaster]

Tried my hand at making a lamp. By "making" I mean carousing local antique stores for a Parisian inspired wine jug dipped in mercury glaze. (Trying to bring more light into the living room.) Then I bought two different lamp kits from Lowes: One with a cork base to sit in the jug and another to hold up the lampshade. The lampshade is from Target. The jug is made by a local artist named Aiden Grey. -B.

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We’ve been trying to find a bread recipe that works for awhile now, and I think we may have done it.

It’s fast, flaky, light, fluffy, and yeasty.

I’m happy. A bit more tinkering and I think it could be perfect. We froze half the dough, so the next trick will be to see if thawing it works. - K

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Of course I’m out of the country every time they make it to the Superbowl. Gah! Anyone know where you can catch the game in Thailand?

[craftingdisaster]

My husband left town today. Seeing as how he’s the chef in our house, I fully intended on living on Totino’s pizza rolls all week. However, when we were grocery shopping yesterday, he mentioned the ingredients we had at the house:

Cooked chicken Celery hearts Onions Baby carrots Pasta

And as I’m insane, I decided on the supreme undertaking of making chicken noodle soup.

I should also like to mention that my husband left at the crack of false dawn this morning, which unfortunately got me up for all day. Currently, I’ve been conscious for over 20 hours. I got home from work around 10 p.m., making my task even more daunting.

My brothy taste of choice is my mom’s beef stew. We do a thin stew with large chunks of beef that basically melts in your mouth, along with carrots, potatoes, and onions. So with my sleep deprived brain I decided to try a mental combination of our beef stew and canned chicken soup.

I don’t know how I managed it, but I made some kickass chicken noodle soup. I sauteed the celery and onions in olive oil with some garlic powder for about 10 minutes before adding the chopped precooked chicken.

Then I added chicken stock, a bit of water, and seasonings of:

Parsley Oregano Salt Black pepper Frank’s Red Hot sauce (I also added a smidge of cayenne before I saw the Frank’s in the cupboard, but I love spicy food)

The original plan involved cooking the soup for an hour before adding baby carrots. Instead I felt the broth was well developed half an hour in (and I was hungry) so I threw in a few handfuls of baby carrots and cooked it for an additional 30 minutes. I cooked the pasta separately (and way too much of the heaven based starch) to preserve the noodles.

Next time I’ll probably cook the soup a bit longer and sautee the celery a bit less to retain texture, but for a first effort I’m immensely pleased.

BTW, the second picture is a random baby carrot doing an apt impression of Stephen Marchent. It was cute, so I decided to share.

-K

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Retried the Madaleines. They definitely came out better, but my oven is quite temperamental and cooked the bottoms more than the top. - K

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I decided to make Madeleines tonight, but misread the recipe. Instead of melting the butter and folding it in at the last, I added it first…way too late to change it (I had already added all the eggs and sugar - and I HATE wasting food) so I decided to just see how they came out… - K

[craftingdisaster]

Snacking Qualifiers

While browsing the glories of Pinterest today, I came across a pin for "100 Healthy Snack Ideas". Seeing as how I'm a big fan of both healthy and delicious things, I decided to check it out.

This is the link for the blog:

http://redandhoney.com/2012/03/100-healthy-snack-ideas-real-food-style/

In the introduction to the list, the author talked about finding another list that claimed healthy eats, but did too much calorie-counting and contained too much processed food to be considered "healthy" in their book.

Now, she raises some good points. Her criteria for a healthy snack list were:

- not processed, including no ingredient list unless homemade by the author

- not low-fat or low-calorie

- no limit on how often to eat fruit

- not relying heavily on grains (as author mentions being gluten-free)

- and includes lots of healthy probiotics, healthy fats, raw and high in protein

And I agree with most if not all of these in theory (I'm not gluten free). I see no reason why overly processed foods or calorie counting is needed when trying to eat healthy.

Now most of these things were good ideas. Some were even fantastic ideas. The recipe for the no-bake chocolate macaroons is definitely something I'll try out for myself sometime soon. And I love how she doesn't shy about using butter. However, I was a bit baffled by a few of the things that qualify as "snacks" in this woman's book. I would qualify that they were good accompaniments to the snacks, but I would not go so far as to call them "snacks" in and of themselves. I have labeled each one as it was in the list. Beneath it is the reason why I question its placement on the list.

14. Green tea

- Green tea is not a snack. A snack is something that provides sustenance, nutrition, and has the capacity to fill you up. Where in that description does one find "green tea"? I mean, maybe if you loaded it with sugar (or honey, according to her criteria).

35. A cup of homemade chicken bone broth

- A cup of broth? Really? When I first read this, I was instantly reminded of the line in "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" where Ron White is talking about being friends with a vegetarian who gets sick after eating vegetable soup with beef broth in it. He responds with "Your system's kicking back broth?" as if to say "Broth does in no way constitute food, so why is your body rejecting it?" I agree completely. It is not a snack unless someone has just survived a grievous wound in a cheesy romance novel. 

40. Peanut butter balls

- There are too many ways for this to be construed and misconstrued. Be more specific by what you mean.

76. Crackers & pate (from grass-fed organic something)

- I'm sure in the realm of possible snack options anywhere, crackers and pate do in fact make a good snack. I had pate once. I had to refer to it as the "wonky peanut butter" to keep from getting skeeved out that I was eating liver. (I have issues with organs). But I highly doubt that most average Joe people keep pate in their cupboards and I doubt even more that anyone's kids (including hers) are going to go crazy about the prospect of eating liver - even if she calls it wonky peanut butter.

87. Dried anchovies

- No. I say no. Just...no. Lovely, sweet Canadians or not, just no.

So that's my deal. But in the grand scheme of things, the list looks pretty good, and I admit, I'm sure it is somewhat hard to come up with 100 things that meet both her criteria and don't involve too many repeats.

Thoughts?

- K

[craftingdisaster]

Motivation for me to work off all the tasty baked goods I'll be making.