craniumsquirrel

[craniumsquirrel]

CRYING at (hammer) (hammer again)

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When my mother forgets a word, she is the queen of coming up with new words. Words that would take a third National Treasure movie to fully decipher. I was talking to her yesterday, and she said this: “You know the time for los jibbities is coming up. You must be so excited!” Oh, is it time for los jibbities already? I must have missed it on my calendar. Are we celebrating something? “Of course! We should all be celebrating, shouldn’t we?” OK, so los jibbities is a happy thing. It’s not like something is giving you the heebie-jeebies, which would have been my one and only guess. “Los heebie-jeebies? Now you’re making things up...and this is my show.” You’re right. The time for los jibbities is coming up. Is this a season? “Yes, the season for love. The season for pride.” OK, los jibbities. “Yeah, sound it out.” Los…jibbities. LGBTs! “Sí, mira cuz you’re gay!” “You couldn’t just say pride season? You couldn’t just… *laughs*

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If I may momentarily break keyfabe, I think the deal with D.B. Cooper is most likely that cops are just bad at finding people.

[craniumsquirrel]

Rob Zombie making brownies

EGGS milk and flour BAKE for half an hour and FROST with the back of my SPATULA

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You all seemed to like the last one of these so um *tosses this at you and evaporates *

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Mongolians are cool because they’ve merged their traditional and modern ways of life so rather than having poverty due to losing all their important skills they just live in their yurts with their cows and 827474874mbs internet

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hey kids did you know that computers didn't used to automatically connect to the internet. it used to make this screaming noise. we should have listened.

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I need a waxing gibbous fish or this ritual won't work!

can anyone tell me what the fuck is going on on this calendar

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fuckin based and also really fuckin funny, thank you FBG

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If this pops up while you’re scrolling, I wish you unconditional love and massive success.

[craniumsquirrel]

The liquid in LCD screens is called Resolution Juice and I will not be taking questions at this time.

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Why do we say “slept like a baby” when babies literally wake up screaming every two hours?

I want to sleep like a middle-aged dad who “rests his eyes” during a Marvel movie and wakes up refreshed, confused, and ready to barbecue.

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i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.

as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."

NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING

[craniumsquirrel]

Apparently boomer Democrats are having meltdowns over a gen-z progressive who is primarying an 80 year old Democrat because she "went on trans podcasts" and wore a Charizard kigurumi