crashtesting

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I’m just going to leave this here

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Sometimes it feels like you've lived your whole life in a house that's always a little bit on fire. Like it's usually just in one room and you make sure to wet the walls around it so it doesn't spread and that usually works. You were expected to take more responsibility over fire containment when you were like seven because it's not like you can expect your parents to always be 100% on guard about making sure the whole house doesn't catch fire, and you figure that's just how things are like.

And sometimes as a kid you visit your friends' homes and some of then whisper to you - grimacing with embarrassment - about how they're not supposed to tell anyone this, but there's a whole room in their house that's currently on fire. And you're like yeah it's ok I'm not supposed to tell people about the way our house is a little bit on fire all the time, too. And then you visit some other friend's house and there's no trace of fire anywhere, and you think "wow, these people are really good at hiding their house fire."

And one day you show up to work like "hey sorry I'm late, I forgot to wet the walls before going to bed last night and my whole house burned down", and you're startled by the way people react, acting like that must be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And you're just like "chill, it's been years since the last time this happened, and it wasn't even that bad this time", and that just makes people more shocked, acting like that's the weirdest and most concerning thing they've ever heard anyone say, which only confuses you more.

And then someone tries to explain to you that people aren't supposed to have an ongoing house fire. Most people actually never experience a house fire in their lives. Like not even once. Not even a little bit. The normal amount of having your house be currently on fire is zero.

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happy toxic lesbian vampires day, to all who celebrate 💙

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some of y'all fundamentally misunderstand my favorite characters but im being sooooo normal and mature about it. i haven't even killed anyone yet

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guys this is your friendly reminder to comment on ao3 fics, from a commenter myself. the amount of times authors reply to me saying ive made their day with my comments is honestly insane; and with the way their replies make my day too, its really a win win situation for everybody

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(scary dom voice) call the restaurant, slut. im too shy

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showering:

pros: you get to feel clean. you get non greasy hair, non oily feeling skin, it just in general makes you feel better, more energised, refreshed.

cons: there are so many steps. oh my god are there so many steps. before getting into the shower there are steps. during the shower there are steps. and once youve gotten out of the shower? guess what!!! more fucking steps!!!!!!!! UGHHHH

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1 minute of washing machine time is like 10 minutes human time. they live on a completely different scale that we could never begin to conceptualize

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couldn’t have said it better myself.

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national holiday

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in this terrifying world you continuously have the power to offer someone else a little relief . why would you withhold that. do you remember what a little relief feels like? it feels like a lot

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Happy Pride Marik! ft. characters who appeared in battle city atleast once

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local mob boss, puffing on a cigarette angrily:

goon:

Batman, tied to a chair six feet away:

mob boss: did ya have to tie him to the chair with his legs spread open like that?

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commuting to the bit. yeah ill be there in about 40 minutes just keep stalling

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I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

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one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math

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hate when I see the comment "big news for unemployed people" on internet drama. really discounting the dedication of us chronically online employed people. does my 15 minutes in a public restroom at work scrolling online mean nothing to you...