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Hiba. Someone heard your prayers. Please. In this time, just be okay. Ill let you know when it’s time to talk.
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Yeah, I do. I need to gather and process everything though. That was a lot to take in, coming from her.
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She told me everything. It kinda broke me. I didn’t realize that’s how you felt.
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I didn’t.. I just wanted some answers. I wanted someone to hear me..
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Whenever.. what works for you? In person or over the phone? And we can figure it from there.
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You wrote, “I’d spent years wishing you’d love me. Love me love me. Fall madly in love with me. Give me all of you..”
And your wish became true. I do love you and i want a future with you. That day in the back seat of my car, when i sat on top of you, i looked at you and said i want to be the mother of your children and your wife, and since then I’ve known in my heart.. that’s what I want. And I’m here telling you that’s what i want today. Alvin I just need you to speak to me and tell me what you want. Maybe i fucked up in the past but right now I believe I’m here for a reason. That I went through what I had to realize this what i need to be fighting for. But right now, we DONT have time to be playing games. Either you tell me what you want or you don’t.. my life isn’t a joke anymore, and neither is yours. I want to see you happy.. and myself happy. You’re talking to someone right now. And for the life of me I cannot begin to understand why you’re trying to make the same mistake again.. if you’re about being that person, then be that person but not with me. I will disappear and I will really stop fighting this fight alone. I knew I had nothing left to loose.. so I kept trying. I let go of my own self respect. I figured maybe one day he’ll come around.. maybe he’ll realize that he’s letting me slip away and come back before it’s too late.. Maybe you were confused. Maybe you ARE confused. I left. I did the worse thing possible and I left. But i need you to understand, understand that If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have the strength to do this today.. I had to go through what I did to understand MYSELF that i don’t want love to be hard. I don’t want games.. i don’t want the perfect Pakistani family with a Pakistani guy… i want you. I want what makes ME happy. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for leaving you at the time I did. But right now.. you need to tell me what you want.. I’m not going to judge you I’m not going to blame you or myself for where i am today.. nor will I question you. You can choose to do WHATEVER you want. I just need to know now.. I’m at that point in my life where i want to move forward in certain areas in my life.. i want to move out and get my nikkah.. I need to MOVE ON from you if that’s what you want me to do.. so i can persue that with someone else. Now i need you to take this chance and tell me so I can let myself live.. please alvin, please.. take this chance and be honest with me. Whether you don’t want a relationship with me, if you’re scared about the future or whatever it is, tell me. I’ll understand. Just speak to me.. Enough is enough. We can’t keep going in circles. Life moves on. Things change, trust me i get it. I told you how I feel now. Now just tell me how you feel and we can move on..
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I love you Hiba Mahmood. I love you with all of me. I just hope you know that. All this ^ is in my head daily. You’re in my head daily. Its like you being gone .. only makes me realize just how much you shouldn’t be.
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I don’t know how I’ll fall in love with someone all over again when I know he’s the one.
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