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How hard do you think your very first kissing scene would be after your boyfriend passed away?

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It's time to have Cory back now, right?

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I'll never forget this day! He was shaking my hand here. <3

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I feel like my whole heart has just burst again and I've lost a few more pieces of it.

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Bringing it up again and again doesn't make it any easier

I'm not sure why you're even saying this to me.

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So many times, on so many days, I think to myself, "Today is the day he comes back."

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I have so many pictures of Cory from my Bonnie dune travels. I think it's time to start sharing them.

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Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you. Baby, I'm not moving on, I'll love you long after you're gone. 

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A life remembered.

I know that I said that I would be gone from tumblr, and really, I am. But this is the best place for me to write right now. Twitter can only offer so much and I have so much to say in regards to all of this. SO much to say about Cory. So, that's what I am going to do. I'm just going to write. The good, the bad, and everything in between because ..I just need to.

Nothing. I know that the answer is nothing because if his friends and loved ones couldn't do it, how could we? But it doesn't change those thoughts. It doesn't change the fact that I want to go back in time and erase this. Start over. 

Make this null and void. 

I tried bargaining. But I got nothing. Not even so much as ..he died from natural causes.  Because, I think that then, I would have found more peace in his passing. Terrible still? Yes. But so much easier to comprehend. I've said, "I just don't understand." at least a thousand times. I'll continue to say it. Because I'll never understand. I'll never understand why, if he had to, didn't he just pick one? Would that have changed things? 

We know now that his struggles were far deeper than anyone could have ever imagined. He was quite the actor, wasn't he? None of us could tell. None of us knew because he was THAT good at hiding it. I know reports have come out and said that there was an intervention. That Lea told him get help or she was gone. And I understand it. I appreciate it. 

When you love someone SO much you want nothing but the best for them, and sometimes that means giving them a dose of tough love. It means opening their eyes to the things that they could lose. And god love him, he tried. He tried SO hard. But this time, it wasn't enough. 

And I do not for one second believe he set out to do anything that would take his life. This was a terrible and tragic accident. Something, like I said, I'll never understand. I'll never understand how there are people in this world who throw their lives away on a daily basis. Who do things that jeopardize themselves and others and yet .. they are all still here. Getting chance after chance after chance. 

Couldn't he have had one more chance?

I got to meet Cory several times. And each time, I felt like I was seeing an old friend. I was so SO nervous about meeting him. I was shaking like a leaf. It was terrifying! There he was, this man that I thought the world of. And he was SO sweet. So kind. The only thing I could think of saying was, "Sorry you have to touch so many sweaty people." And he just laughed. And he told me he didn't mind in the slightest. My friend commented on his height. And he laughed. And he was gracious about it. And months later when we met him in line for the Bonnie Dune signing he told her he remembered that moment. Ad the best part? She told him to shut up. She literally told Cory to shut up and he just kept swearing up and down that he remembered. 

He wanted you to feel like he knew you. Like you were somehow a part of his life. 

When I was standing in that hotel and he got my attention? He could have walked away. He could have left. I would have never known he was there. I will forever cherish those 45 minutes I spent talking to him. Those 45 minutes where he talked about his vacation and being tan. Where he talked about loving our shirts. And ultimately, I'll never forget how many times he said thank you. He thanked ME. 

Or how, when I saw him in California how he apologized to me that it was so cold. And when I told him I was from Chicago he asked me where my parka was. My parka? Cory, never ever, failed to make me laugh. He never failed to make me feel like I was the only person in the room when he was talking to me. 

I am blessed because of him. I met my best friends because of him. And my life will be forever changed because of him.

Nothing he did will ever change the way I feel about him because he did what he could, the best he could. Sometimes, you fight so hard, and that's still not enough. Look at everything he had going for him, and still .. he's gone. 

The world feels slightly less bright and slightly less warm. There's a tiny whole in my heart where he used to be. And while I know my grief is no where near what his loved ones are feeling, I still know that my grief is real.

I feel like I've lost a friend. And that's a really tough pill to swallow. 

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I have kept relatively quiet through this. My heart is shattered at the loss of someone so great. I am lucky beyond measure to say that I was able to meet this incredible man as many times as I did. He was, and will always be, the most kind-hearted and generous individual that I have ever had the...

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I have kept relatively quiet through this. My heart is shattered at the loss of someone so great. I am lucky beyond measure to say that I was able to meet this incredible man as many times as I did. He was, and will always be, the most kind-hearted and generous individual that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I will cherish those memories for the rest of my life. He was gone too soon. Too young. He was one of the good ones. There are so many people in this world who don't try even an iota of what Cory did. And he's gone. That's not fair or right. He deserved more. And I'm angry because of tht. Angry because this isn't something someone so good deserves. He should still be here. This should be a mistake. All I keep thinking is, "Just come back, please." But I know there's no hearing that plea. I know that each day will slowly but surely get better. But I won't be on tumblr. So, to any of you that would like to stay in touch, I have twitter and fb and would gladly add you guys. Just send me a message. May angels lead you in, Cory.

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"Just be you, because that's good enough for me." - Cory Monteith

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@chordoverstreet Just a pile gleeks! Us being dorks!! Love this photo #season5 #Glee good times @druidDUDE and @NayaRivera

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Cory Monteith behind the scenes of the Glee shoot (June 28) [HQ Source]

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You seem to have a lot of luck with a certain Peter. I was curious about when you see him. Like...what days of the week? :)

That was actually my first time there! :) But I was there Friday and Saturday. I just sort of kept checking back. It was midday both times i found him, too. The cast members kept telling me he was hard to catch, but I guess you just have to know where to look.