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[creaturecarnival]

Apple Quest Monsters DX is a monster manual for a video game that doesn’t exist. It features lovely art, hilarious writing, and even weaves a bit of a story throughout its satisfyingly compact 103-page length. I was lucky enough to grab a physical copy while they were still available, but unfortunately all are sold out as of the time of this post going up. However, you can still get a PDF of the book for the extremely affordable minimum price of £2.50 ($3.02)! However, I strongly encourage those of you who can to pitch in a few extra bucks, as I can almost guarantee that if you like what you see here that you will love the full book. So with permission from the author, who can be found on Tumblr and Twitter @splendidland​, here are my top six monsters from Apple Quest Monsters DX in no particular order!

Normal Bird

Normal Bird has, as any regular old bird would, two fleshy appendages called “wings”, a pair of sharp cones that form a “beak”, and an array of tendrils called [REDACTED] that allow it to [DATA EXPUNGED]. Okay, maybe Normal Bird isn’t so normal after all, but that’s what makes it beautiful. And according to the manual, “It ate 400 birds to achieve this form.” That’s dedication! We should all aspire to be more like Normal Bird. Follow your dreams. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go eat ten thousand successful artists.

Psychic Mushroom

I honestly don’t know that I have all that much to say about this one, I just really like the overall look of it. The four-eyed look it’s got going on is really unique, and I love the little touch of making the spots on the cap eye-shaped. Also those little nubby legs! The entry for this one is pretty morbidly hilarious, too.

Tsunami Tslug

Okay first of all, that name is amazing. Second of all, what a neat concept for a creature! According to its entry, its body is comprised entirely of seawater, and it was brought to life when a “special moonbeam” hit the ocean. Cool! The googly eyes are very endearing. No thoughts. Head empty… or so you’d think, but its entry also says that it eats boats and seagulls at the harbour, not because it’s a big monster not capable of higher cognitive function, but “because it’s immoral”. Pfft.

Three Man

Three Man is a strange being shrouded in mystery. One of the only things known about it is that it’s very enthusiastic about math. The other thing is that its form changes depending on the highest number it can count to. My beautiful number boy… I want to show you all of the numbers. Imagine… Four Man… or even Five Man… I want to see all of the Mans. Design wise I mostly just think a big three with legs and an eye is very cute and silly.

Cyclops

Not exactly the first thing that comes to mind when someone says “Cyclops”, but I think that’s a good thing! Who cares about some big guy from a dusty old story or some optic-blasting sad sack? This is where it’s at, baby. I’m really hoping that the red color of the body is implying that it’s made up entirely of optic nerve tissue, because that would be disgusting and also really cool. You’ve probably noticed the 8-ball it’s holding there, which is not only a very striking visual, but Cyclops’s favorite possession! It collects round things like marbles and boulders as well, and I have to say I would love to see this collection, if it would be so kind as to have me. 

Boogie Church

Lastly, we have Boogie Church! This is the only one I put out of the numbered order, but that’s because it’s one of eight(ish) boss monsters! Now, you might think upon first glance that this is a ghost or monster that merely possessed a church, but the manual informs us that it was actually an ancient ghost that imitated a church. So what we’re looking at here is essentially a giant mimic! And it looks like it’s got some friends, too. Those little wispy guys are adorable. As for why I like it so much, I’m personally a sucker for object creatures, and this is very much an object creature. Also, even though it’s not a church organ, this is all I can think of when I look at it, and I think it would also make for a pretty sick boss theme.

Conclusion:

Apple Quest Monsters DX is a wonderful book for any creature connoisseur or appreciator of Prima primo content. It was actually very hard to restrict myself to just six monsters, because there’s just so many lovely guys in this dang ‘ol book! 80+ even! It’s even inspired me in my own creative endeavors, and continues to do so to this day! So if you liked what you saw here, I’m sure it would make a great addition to your personal library.

[creaturecarnival]

UGLYDOLLS PART ONE

My goodness, this is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. To put the significance of Uglydolls into perspective, I genuinely cannot think of a time in my life where uglydolls did not hold some significance. When I was nothing more than a wee little larval form, I would spend hours on Uglydolls.com looking at these little bastards. They hold a special place in my multiple cardiovascular organs, and they always will. Brainworm Deepest Lore aside, the designs of these plushies are delightfully simplistic, easy to draw, and full of personality. 

This time I will be discussing the most notable crew of uglies, however next time I will be going into the ones that personally meant a lot to me as a little zygote.

WAGE

Wage is considered to be the first uglydoll. His personality is essentially that of a lazy freeloading employee who doesn’t really want to do his job. This is valid, and I appreciate it. As far as I know, he’s the only uglydoll who consistently wears clothes, and this gives him a boatload of personality and uniqueness. Something I appreciate about his design and most other uglydolls is the intentional ambiguity of the species. Is Wage a dog? Bear? Tasmanian Devil? Who knows, who cares. As far as I know, wage is wage, and that is that. Side note: the smaller plushie of wage is given the special name of “Minimum Wage.” Cute!

WEDGEHEAD

Wedgehead is one of the most unique and fun designs, and one of the most recognizable. I still have the wedgehead plush we got as a tiny little group of pulsating maggotoids, and he’s seen some hellfire. Wedgehead’s personality is a bit harder to decipher, but he seems to be the straight man in most uglydoll antics. His name is also pretty interesting, but its uh...its pretty self explanatory.  Theres not much to say about him other than his distinct and lovable design. All friend groups need a wedgehead, and thats a fact.

OX

I think OX is the only uglydolls that I think is just a straight up asshole. His whole personality is essentially being a greedy trickster who will probably try and rope you into a pyramid scheme. I love him. Most depictions show him using his ears instead of his hands, and later models elongate these ears to facilitate that. Ox is shown most commonly with his best buddy (they’re not actually  Wedgehead, who both try various get rich quick schemes and inevitably fail. Also, his eyes are his name, which is pretty goofy if you ask me. 

ICE BAT

There are two different models for ice-bat. The original toed version and the “changed to and then reverted from” footed version. Personally I had the one that only had feet and no toes (two actually), and when the went back to the toed version, I was very confused. History aside, Ice Bat is one of the only valid bastards on the planet. If I was stranded on an island and could only bring one person with me, it would be my homie Ice Bat. Ice Bat is kind of like the king midas of uglydolls, cursed with a touch that freezes anything. Ice Bat doesn’t seem to care too much, and even though a single touch can freeze you to death, they still manage to be one of the most charismatic and lovable of all uglykind.

BABO

If there is a face of UglyDolls, it’s babo. Most if not all uglydoll content is featured around him, and he has the most love from the creators. Babo is known for his love of cookies and dimwhittedness, but he seems to ooze more personality than that. Babo seems to encompass all that uglydolls seem to offer: A laid back, hedonistic lifestyle that doesnt mess around with bad vibes. Babo is uglydolls. Putting that aside, I would like to wonder what babo actually is. Is that hair on the top of his head? Ears? Pincers? Is babo some strange misshapen earwig? Probably not, however I still like the idea.

CINKO

Cinko was one of my favorite uglydolls growing up, but I’m starting to question that decision. His main gimick is that he’s afraid of water (haha cause hes an octopus) and he is a nervous, shy kid. For some reason that appealed to me as a little worm, but now? This thing would be played by Micheal Cera in a live action movie. He’s the nervous shyboy who probably is an incel but he ends up getting some [REDACTED] by the end of the movie. Love you Cinko, but I can’t not call you out on this. I want to get into the name before I move on. There are several things going on here. He has 5 suckers on his arms, so Cinko makes sense, as it’s basically just a misspelled Cinco (5 in spanish for those who don’t know.) That’s cool and all, but also, it’s pronounced “Sink-O.” Do what you will with that.

TARGET

Target is the oldest of the uglydolls (canonically, not by release date) and he is one of the only uglydolls with hair. He’s considered the grandpa of all uglydolls, and simply wishes for someone to come his hair and give him food. Before researching, I was under the impression that everyone was just deeply terrified of him, and he didn’t really give a [REDACTED]. I assume his name is in reference to his large red eyeball, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the most important feature. This guy is like a hairy dumbo octopus, and I appreciate that. If there’s an uglydoll fandom, I will certainly join it and make a bunch of boomer memes of him, cause I love this gnarly looking cephalopod. 

BOP n BEEP

BOP (Green) and BEEP (Blue) are one uglydoll, being a face on each side. They’re not the only uglydoll with this gimmick (TurnyBurny also has this, but we’ll discuss them later) but they are the first. Bop n Beep are occasionally wrapped into Ox and Wedgehead’s schemes, with Bop usually siding with Ox and Beep with Wedgehead. They’re a goofy dynamic that contradicts each other, but these two homies know how to watch each other’s backs.

UGLYDOG

Personalitywise, it’s just a dog. Not much to say, woof woof bark bark yiff yiff etc etc. But design wise? Ok it’s also just kind of a dog. That being said, I love uglydog! It’s cute and simple, and perfectly captures what makes uglydolls so appealing. Look at that tail. It’s coming out of the side of this animal, Uglydog is barely 3 dimensional. Can you draw uglydog? Trick question bitch, yes you can. They’re visually appealing, and can be drawn by even the least skilled of artists. This is why young life form me was so obsessed with these guys. They’re accessible. Could I draw mario? Sonic? Spongebob? Maybe when I was older, but as a 6 year old larva, no, I could not. But could I draw a weird shapey thing with an eye and pointy teeth? Yes, yes I could. Even the least coordinated cilia could draw something that resembles an uglydoll. That is why I love them. Theres no age range for these things, they’re truly a smelly, selfish, hedonistic pal for everyone to love and cherish forever. 

[creaturecarnival]

here is a twitter thread of black trans women’s gofundme’s that still need to reach their goals

[creaturecarnival]

PLACES TO DONATE AND SIGN TO SUPPORT BLM

(Do not donate money to change.org, none of their funds go to their petitions or organizations)

I Run With Maud - a fundraiser for the family of Maud to support them financially and seek justice. Ahmaud Arbery is black man who was chased and gunned down by two white men. (donation)

Minnesota freedom fund - raise money to bail out minnesota protesters (donation)

Official George Floyd donation fund (donation

The heart of a chef - Help pay for a black chef’s medical expenses

Justice for Sheku Bayoh - A black male who was taken into police custody and never returned home (petition)

Justice for Jennifer Jeffley - A black woman who was arrested at the age of 15 for a crime she did not commit (petition)

Abolish prison labor in the US (petition)

Free Willie Simmons - A black man serving 38 years for stealing $9 (petition)

Free Siyanda Mngaza - A young black woman sentenced to 4 ½ years for self defence (petition)

Drop all charges against trafficking survivor Chrystul Kizer - A black woman incarcerated for using self defence against a trafficker (petition)

Justice for Zinedine - A black woman who was r*ped and he walks free. (petition)

Justice for Joāo Pedro - A 14 year old black boy who was shot in his home by the Rio de Janeiro police and died. 72 bullet holes were found in his home. (petition)

Justice for Sean Reed - A young black man who’s life ended after excessive violence by the cops against him while he was unarmed. (petition)

Justice for Breonna Taylor - A black woman, an award winning EMT who was killed by police in her home after an illegal unnanounced drug raid. They went to the WRONG HOUSE. (petition)

Exonerate Eric Riddick - A black man who was sentenced to life in prison for a crime he did not commit in 1992. There was no physical evidence. (petition)

Justice for Elijah Nichols - A black man who was attacked by a predominantly white fraternity party, stabbed his attackers in self defence, and is now incarcerated for it. (petition)

Justice for Emerald Black - A black pregnant woman who was attacked by the police for having bad registration tags. She was stomped in the stomach causing her to miscarry. (petition)

Justice for Amiya Braxton - A black child who was hit by a car. No one took her case serious and the driver was not charged. (petition)

Justice for Belly Mujinga - A black woman who was attacked while she had COVID-19 which likely lead to her death.(petition)

Justice for Tamir Rice - A 12 year old black boy who was shot and killed by officers for playing with a toy gun. The officers were not charged. (petition)

Justice for Andile Mchunu - A missing black man who was last seen beaten by a group of men. (petition)

Disbarment of George E. Barnhill - The man who decided to sit on the case of Ahmaud Arbery. (petition)

Criminal charges against Travis and Greg McMichael in the murder of black jogger Ahmaud Arbery. (petition)

Correcting a wrongful conviction against Kyjuanzi Harris - A black man who was arrested without cause. He has been in prison for 9 years now. (petition)

Justice for Darrius Stewart - A black man who was killed by a cop for a mistaken identity. (petition)

Reopen Kendrick Johnsons case - A black man who was killed by a man through a jealous fight over a girl. The autopsy revealed that his death was not accidental, the man admits to murder, yet the case is closed. (petition)

Raise the degree - remove bail for Derek Chauvin, the man who killed George Floyd (petition)

Exoneration of Albert Wilson - A black male wjo was sentenced by an all white jury 12 years for making out with a white woman in a bar. (petition)

Julius Jones - An innocent man set to be excecuted in oklahoma (petition)

Junk the anti-terrorism bill- a bill is trying to get passed calling protests, mass mobilizations, and political activities “terrorism” and trying to make them illegal (petition)

Justice for Darrius Stewart - a 19 year old who was gunned down by a white police officer (petition)

Free Wis. teen facing life in prison for killing her rapist (petition)

Justice for Alejandro Vargas Martinez - A black 15 year old who was shot 7 times while walking to school (petition)

I need to share this right now so I can eat but i will add more later! I DON’T care if its not ACNH. If this bothers you, unfollow me. I couldn’t care less. It bothers me how little I see donation and petition links on here, i have a good amount of followers on here, so see this. sign them.

Please sign them ALL. It really is NOT that hard. And share so others will do the same.

[creaturecarnival]

Gogomaggedon Part 8

This review marks the point where we start to see some pretty weird ones! 

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]

Name: Cho

Description: Races ahead at full speed and that’s why he doesn’t have any teeth left.

Ability: Energy

Pretty great how his description says he doesn’t have any teeth left when that is one of his defining features. I always loved this guy, and I especially love how he has no apparent feet, possibly implying that he locomotes like a slug, which is lovely.

4/5

Cho also has a Wanted form, but it’s probably the one that changes the least out of all of them. Regardless, it’s a good look! Kind of reminds me of TRON. I like it about the same as regular Cho, though.

4/5

Name: Shoon

Description: Evolution has made him safety conscious. He likes to slow everyone down.

Ability: Speed Bumps

Shoon looks like he’d be a mascot for like, a maglev train manufacturer or something. The indentation representing Cho’s mouth has been turned into what I read as the top of a visor that covers Shoon’s eyes. Whatever it is, it’s very cute.

4.5/5

Name: Raysun

Description: Has a great time bringing sunshine into the Gogo's world.

Ability: Sun Ray

I literally never noticed it until just now, but Raysun totally has a little leaf covering up… something? This has some implications I’m not sure how to feel about. I do like the sun-shaped head though, and the indigo-colored facial features are very nice. Gogo’s really knows how to make those colors pop.

3.5/5

Name: Sunok

Description: Optimistic, happy and calm. Everything in his life is absolutely OK.

Ability: Positivity

Okay, this is a lot better. Whereas Raysun was just okay, I think Sunok’s addition of color on the spikey bits as well as the bizarre text-face is a welcome addition, okay?

4.5/5

Name: Fist

Description: Holds a secret strength inside his fist.

Ability: Ultimate Grip

I love that Fist kind of looks like if Glover had a second Glover emerging from his Glover hole that was permanently clenched into a fist. I like that he’s just a little guy with a giant fist the size of his body sticking out of the top of his head. Also, his eyes are wild and I dig that.

4/5

Fist’s Most Wanted form definitely ups the detail factor quite a bit as is standard for Most Wanteds, and is pretty cool looking! The “head” seems to have transferred to the fist part, which I can only imagine functions like a funny hand puppet. I think that shape on the middle finger is supposed to be a nose, but I’m not sure. Either way, his face is spectacularly doofy, and I think we should take a moment to acknowledge the little bitty heart on his right hand-nub.

4.5/5

Name: Fizer

Description: Always ready to get the games started.

Ability: Ultimate Countdown

Fizer is another wacky text-faced guy. It’s a pretty neat take on Fist’s body layout, but there’s not really much to say otherwise. I just like the wacky text-faced ones!

4/5

Name: Zar-Zar

Description: Pretends not to understand but knows much more than you think.

Ability: Cunning

I know that the ovular shape between their eyes is supposed to read as an open mouth with a tongue, but I prefer to believe it’s a beak with a black top and yellow bottom. I like how amorphous and gooey they look, with one arm being longer than the other. Or maybe those are all legs, considering they all terminate in two-digited stumps. Regardless, they’re a pretty good alien guy.

3.5/5

Name: Gar-Gar

Description: Founder of the Gogo's Aerospace Association. Always searching for new horizons.

Ability: Galactic Tourist

Fully embracing the alien angle, Gar-Gar looks like some kind of escaped specimen or experiment with the big red numbers and markings. I picture them being some kind of gelatinous being with that metal-looking plate on the front being the only solid part. It’s a really interesting design, and is actually cooler than a lot of the Wanteds or even Most Wanteds from series 1 in my opinion.

5/5

Name: Hayato

Description: Wants 20 mirrors nearby to keep an eye on everything.

Ability: Super Wink

It’s kind of cool that you can’t really tell where their hair ends and their robes begin, or if they’re even wearing robes at all, but that’s kind of all I’ve got. Not even the sticker picture’s paint is very crisp, so I can’t imagine the mass-produced ones look much better.

3/5

Name: Hayori

Description: Evolution hasn't changed her vanity. Her hair must always be perfect.

Ability: Hair Styling

Out of all the incredibly specific molds that don’t lend themselves well to reinterpretation, this one has got to be the worst because this is basically the exact same thing, but with the added bonus of a vaguely sexist description.

2.5/5

Halfway done, babey! 80 down, 80 to go… go… s. We’ll be taking a brief break from Gogomaggedon after this review, as the halfway point seems like a good rest stop.

[creaturecarnival]

Gogomaggedon Part 7

Almost to the halfway point!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

Name: Lessi

Description: Sometimes feels a little low. You might need to perk him up.

Ability: Shock-Absorber

Aw, poor guy. Judging from the description and ability, it seems like maybe absorbing all of whatever impacts he’s receiving is not great for his mental stability. At least he’s got that helmet which his eyes are sticking out of. Cute design choice, but probably not great for protecting your noggin.

3.5/5

Name: Lessei

Description: Moves his head to the rhythm of any music.

Ability: Rotating Neck

When I imagine someone moving their head to the rhythm of music, rotating isn’t the first action that comes to mind, but it is pretty hilarious to imagine someone walking down the street blasting speed metal as they furiously rotate their head faster than your eyes can even track. I like the classic look of a helmet or hair that makes the eyes look half-lidded, but the design is pretty plain otherwise.

3.5/5

Name: Pop

Description: Loves music and dances non-stop.

Ability: Top Rhythm

This review really likes making me type “rhythm” apparently. Pop is pretty simplistic, but pretty cute anyway. The blocky eye-shape and dotted-line mouth make me wonder if she’s a robot, but that’s probably overthinking it.

3.5/5

Name: Popo

Description: Doesn't like too many bumps but with his lucky star he is a very skillful player.

Ability: Lucky Star

Oh cool, another trans one! At least I feel like Pop is pretty female-coded. I mean, in the South American/Asian line, her name is Lynda and the wiki uses she/her pronouns, so I’m counting it. Popo is pretty wild, with Pop’s bangs turning into some kind of… helmet? It’s hard to tell, but much like Lessi, his eyes are on that part rather than the actual “head” itself.

4/5

Name: DJ-Imon

Description: Absorbs ideas through its star.

Ability: Mental Strength

What is going on with all the headphone guys?? Well, whatever it is, I guess it’s okay, because their designs have all ranged from alright to good. The aforementioned “star” looks more like a cartoon explosion, but I guess stars are just big, prolonged explosions, right? Hey, do you think before it goes on stage it says “Well… looks like Imon.” Get it??? Like... because of... never mind.

3.5/5

Name: Imooki

Description: A voice in his earphones tells him the rules of every game. He's got such a terrible memory.

Ability: Voice Recorder

I don’t know what it is about Imooki, but I think he’s very cute. Maybe it’s the silly face with the little bitty eyes, or maybe it’s that the grooves that were originally DJ-Imon’s teeth now just look like funny little Thanos chin-grooves (I have an Imooki, which is literally the only way I ever would have known that considering it looks like they filled in those grooves for the official sticker art). His description only makes him even more endearing.

4/5

Name: Jelly

Description: Brave enough for any battle.

Ability: Super Warrior

Just kind of an alright knight guy. Not much to report on here except that it’s funny that a brave warrior’s name would be “Jelly”.

3/5

Name: Jezo

Description: A long losing streak has made this once confident Gogo suddenly very modest.

Ability: Macromodesty

Other than the fact that their ability sounds like some kind of bizarre euphemism, Jezo is a MAJOR upgrade from Jelly. They were always one of my favorites as a kid, too. I just love that nervous face, and the red-orange-on-white color combo is really nice.

5/5

Name: Sumon

Description: Traps his enemies inside his huge powerful jaws.

Ability: Mouth-Cage

Oh I really like this one. Just a big weird mouth with snail-like antennae. He even appears to have stripes that run vertically along his body, much like a snail does! What more could you ask for?

5/5

Name: Sumi

Description: Full of encouragement. Sumi welcomes everyone with open arms.

Ability: Hugs

D’aw! I was kind of expecting them to make the mouth into an eye, but instead they made it into a face! They look like they’re wearing some kind of space suit, and it’s very cute. Also, I like how the ability doesn’t have any descriptors like “Super Hugs” or “Encouraging Hugs”. Just “Hugs”. 

4/5

One more review and we’ll have met 80 Gogos! That’s as many as a full series, but because my hubris will be my eventual downfall and we’re doing two series at once, we’ll still have 80 more to go. I didn’t call this Gogomaggedon for nothing!

[creaturecarnival]

Gogomaggedon Part 6

This one gets a little silly, but I feel like that’s to be expected when talking about little plastic guys.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

Name: Pibi

Description: Organises ideas in both sides of its head. Need ideas, speak to Pibi.

Ability: Double Brain

This one’s kind of a bifurcated Deathstroke boy. And I like it! Pibi’s got a very distinct appearance that is pretty undeniably cool. Also my computer tried to autocorrect “Pibi’s” to “Baby’s” and I think that’s really important.

4/5

Name: Pilhy

Description: He's got a positive pole, a negative pole and he's fully charged.

Ability: Electric Play

Sticking with the theme of duality, Pilhy takes it in the electricity direction instead of the brain direction, and I think it’s an improvement for sure. Baby’s Pibi’s great, don’t get me wrong, but I love Pilhy’s blocky zig-zag shapes on his face as well as the lime-green-on-black plus/minus eyes.

5/5

Name: Dare

Description: The best looking Gogo. He always looks his best.

Ability: Photogenic

It’s Dare! Even if it’s hard to discern whether the upper or lower pair of shapes are the eyes, or if he even has any facial features at all, I think it’s safe to say that Dare is one handsome boy. Maybe the bottom two are eyespots. Maybe the top two are! Maybe it’s all eyespots, who knows! Anyway beauty is subjective, so…

3.5/5

Name: Doro

Description: Restless and playful. He gets nervous when nobody plays.

Ability: Valiant Ideas

>:O

5/5

Name: Danko

Description: Feline, fast, agile and well behaved.

Ability: Fast & Agile

Hehe kitty :) Kitty in a tank top! I like the weirdly long arms and perfectly circular head. Yes. This is a good kitty.

4/5

Name: Danoki

Description: Loves to lurk around corners and hide from others.

Ability: Camouflage

Okay, I was gonna try to be nice about this one even though my initial reaction upon seeing this was intense fear, but that description sealed the deal. Just… eugh…

1.5/5

Name: McToy

Description: Always careful and questioning. Never makes a wrong move.

Ability: No Mistakes

A qute qurious question… ‘quaintance. I always read the name as like, “Master of Ceremonies Toy”, but it’s pretty obviously supposed to be like “Mick Toy”. I would be delighted to find this fella in my Happy Meal. Speaking of which, the original 90s line of Gogo’s actually did partner with McDonald’s at one point! It’s kind of crazy to think they were ever big enough to be in a Happy Meal, but it happened! Don’t believe me? Okay.

3.5/5

McToy also gets a Wanted variant in the form of a funny puppy! Not sure what’s going on with the white and red lines under the puppy face, but I’m fairly certain it’s supposed to be a mouth? If it is indeed a mouth then I Pretend I Do Not See It.

4/5

Name: Mc-Mask

Description: His head is always in the clouds. He's a dreamer.

Ability: Imagination

Ooh, a hyphen, how fancy! Mc-Mask, like most transparent Gogos is pretty light on paint, with only the titular “mask” and a yellow tummy marking. I noticed that McToy had an outline where you’d assume there’d be paint, but was apparently left unpainted until this reuse of the mold. Weird!

4/5

Name: Gaiji

Description: Takes control of the situation. An expert in crowd control.

Ability: Battle Helmet

Hmm. Sounds kind of like a cop… I’ve got my eye on you, Gaiji. The strange markings on the “helmet” look a little bit like an open mouth with fangs, which is kinda cool. I do like that the only discernible facial feature is a bracket-shaped smirk, too.

3/5

Name: Gaisor

Description: Firm and fair. He likes to be in command of every situation.

Ability: Laser Order

Yeah again, this one sounds like kind of a cop. I really like the red paint for the goofy-looking face, but I actually have one of these and the face is green instead! Each Gogo (with the exception of Wanted and Most Wanteds) comes in five different colors per series, yes, but that’s the plastic they’re cast in, not the paint! I mentioned in an earlier review that the sticker art is not always 100% emblematic of the actual product, but mostly it’s just been the paint being a little sharper. How strange! That aside, Gaisor is aight.

3.5/5

That’s the ten for this review! Remember to like, comment, and subscribe!

[creaturecarnival]

Gogomaggedon Part 5

The Gogos start comin’ and they don’t stop comin’ and they don’t stop comin’ and they don’t stop comin’ and they don’t st

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

Name: Simi

Description: Smiling charges up his powers. He smiles and then shoots away.

Ability: Power Smiles

Oh a robe guy! I love robes. And this robe guy’s got a face shrouded in shadow! That’s the best kind of robe guy! Simi has a couple of features which are uncommon for robe guy characters. For one, the robe actually seems to be more of a onesie on account of it having legs, which is pretty cute. Secondly, he’s cheerful! Usually, robe guys tend to be more dour, but not Simi! He smiles a lot and then shoots you! With what? Fuck around and find out!

3.5/5

Name: Simsei

Description: His mouth acts like a freezer and he's always shivering.

Ability: Walking Freezer

Oh, even better!! A very unconventional take on a robe guy and a very successful one! Really enjoy the implication that either the robe has a big mouth cut-out and two eye holes or the robe is flesh. Both very good.

4.5/5

Name: Codi

Description: Always connected. Ask it anything and the data will be downloaded.

Ability: Quick Connection

It’s a fact: everyone loves a good TV head, and Codi is a very good TV head. Sure, its head may actually be TV-shaped, but the print is still nice-looking.

4/5

Codi also has a Wanted variant, and wow, what a wild design! I love all the different markings on the face, especially whatever’s going on with the right eye. I especially dig the bright, eye-popping color scheme.

5/5

Name: Doki

Description: He has an incredibly sweet tooth. When he's not playing he's hunting for sweets.

Ability: Sweet Gobbler

This one’s similar to Chiru from part 3 with the big shiny eyes, but the addition of fangs is enough to save it for me. I like how the mouth is kind of squiggly and uneven, and that the eyes appear to be half-lidded, as if he’s in deep thought about munchin’ on some candy.

3.5/5

Name: Hiraku

Description: The most daring pirate. Endless adventures.

Ability: Boarding

What a dramatic description! There’s not much to Hiraku but a little pirate guy with a big ‘ol hat, and that’s just fine.

3/5

They do have a Most Wanted form as well though, rocking a fangly mouth and a Halloween-y orange on black color scheme. Not much is changed, but it’s definitely an improvement over the regular form!

4/5

Name: Hirchan

Description: No hook and no eye patch but this pirate is still sailing the high seas.

Ability: Treasure Finder

Hey, who needs a hook and an eyepatch when you’ve got a hat that’s twice your size with cool flourishes on it?! Or no eyes to patch, for that matter! Not this scurvy dog, that’s for certain! This is another one of those molds that doesn’t lend itself well to reinterpretations, but Hirchan is alright in my book.

3/5

Name: Rufus

Description: Sees things others can't using the powers of Planet X.

Ability: X-Vision

I like that Rufus calls on the powers of an alien planet to give themself x-ray vision, but is not explicitly stated to be an alien. I really wish they were, because an alien named Rufus would be so good. They’re pretty cool-looking, though! I never really paid much mind to them as a kid but I actually like them a lot.

4/5

Name: Rufistar

Description: He's the main attraction at any party. Creates fun for everyone.

Ability: Hell Raiser

Whoa, Gogo’s Crazy Bones! Are you sure?? Are you sure about a cuss??? Alright! Goofs aside, I actually enjoy Rufistar’s design. Those mismatched eyes and open-mouthed smile are really cute. Don’t like the diaper, though!

3.5/5

Name: Temp

Description: Is the water really cold? What time is it going to rain? Just ask Temp.

Ability: Weather Forecasting

And now, the weather! Temp is a fine example of a robot that didn’t at all need sentience to perform the task they were made to do but has it anyway. I love those! This one’s got a neat GLaDOS-style eye-face and a nice thermometer symbol on their belly. Solid.

4/5

Name: Temsei

Description: He's a real handyman. He can fix anything... except his own shoelaces!

Ability: Fixer Fantastic

You know, handyman was not the first thing that came to mind when I first saw Temsei, but I guess that serves me right for judging based on appearances. You know, now I’m not so sure Temp was actually a robot. I really did just assume that, huh? Oh well! I love what they’ve done with the face-slot, transmogrifying it into a huge vertical maw, complete with jaggedy teeth. It’s a really good example of reworking the mold into something completely new and unique!

4/5

That’s all, folks! Thanks for reading. Love you!

[creaturecarnival]

Gogomaggedon Part 4

It’s Gogo’s Time M*therfuckers!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Name: Sun

Description: Fires a ray of optimism at every Gogo in its path.

Ability: Happy Ray

Starting off with a pretty abstract one! Sun has two far-away birds for a face and a Funshine Bear-esque belly ray, which I love. Not much to say here, honestly, just a solid design.

3.5/5

Name: Sunon

Description: Ticklish all over his body. Nobody can even stand close to him.

Ability: Ticklish

Unpleasant! Again, I feel like this is more of an inconvenience than an ability, but what do I know? That face which I thought was reasonably cool at first becomes significantly less so given the tickling context, like Sunon is wincing in constant anticipation/agony. Bad to think about!

3/5

Name: Hiro

Description: Solves problems with electrifying 500W ideas.

Ability: Electric Ideas

Kind of a neat take on the classic imagery of a lightbulb popping up over someone’s head when they get an idea, but I personally feel like that’s all they’ve got going for them. They’re that kind of cute and charming that’s really just neutral to me, except the inclusion of the gigantic outie belly button actually shifts me from neutral to disliking it. I’ve never understood the appeal of that. It’s one of those things that I think a lot of people find “cute” like snot bubbles to indicate someone is sleeping, but honestly it just grosses me out.

2.5/5

Name: Hiroki

Description: Never afraid of new games. Always on the front line.

Ability: Bravery

Hiroki on the other hand is great. The way they reworked the helmet so that the face hole becomes some kind of T-shaped indentation that frames the eyes is very creative and visually interesting. It may be totally silly but I appreciate the absurdity of it.

4/5

Name: Aka

Description: Can collide with 100 Gogos without getting any bumps or bruises.

Ability: Hammer Head

Although I don’t have much to say about Aka, I do enjoy their general look. Dark lines around the eyes are always a nice way to bring up a design a couple notches in my book.

3.5/5

Name: Akone

Description: The masters made him into a Kung Fu hero.

Ability: Invisible Karate Chop

Ah yes, another super abstract one. His complete lack of any facial features other than this weird… gray shape? In the middle of his face is certainly visually distinct. Does an invisible karate chop imply that it’s a psychic thing? Who knows.

3/5

Name: Molly

Description: Getting angry is no problem because it lasts less than 1 second!

Ability: Micro-anger

Oh wow, another one that’s basically just a big, grimacing mouth with no other discernible features, huh? Weird.

Psyche!!! For some reason, Molly’s eyes just… aren’t present in their official sticker image. The plot thickens (for seemingly no reason)! Molly is pretty cute, though. I like the teddy bear body with the big sharp teeth.

3.5/5

Name: Sully

Description: The energy of the stars is always with him... or so he says.

Ability: Force Concentrator

Is that an eye? A circular mouth? A funny wheel? Who says it can’t be all of the above? The flourishes surrounding it make it look kind of ethereal. If the energy of the stars is always with him, maybe he’s a celestial being with crazy angel powers. I don’t know!

3/5

Name: Nari

Description: Don’t try and out-stare Nari. You will lose.

Ability: Concentration

Seems like they’ve got a bit of an Avatar motif going on. That’s cool. They’re just kind of a little guy, though.

2/5

Name: Nairon

Description: He shows himself in darkness thanks to his glowing glasses.

Ability: Particle Searcher

This is immediately better, however. It would’ve been enough that he’s got a funny puzzle piece mask, but apparently it’s also a glowing visor? That’s pretty cool! It’s also implied through his ability that it grants him some kind of supervision.

4/5

Phew, just like that, we’re a quarter of the way through! Be on the lookout for new reviews, and thanks for reading!

[creaturecarnival]

Gogomaggedon Part 3

Hey, It’s Gogo’s Time, Motherf*ckers! (That’s my slogan pitch for Gogo’s edgy new reboot for the 12-18 age range.) Anyway, here’s the review.

[Part 1] [Part 2]

Name: Ichiro

Description:  Don't stare into his eyes. You'll be overcome by his great mental power.

Ability: Dagger Eyes

With a description like that, it sounds like Ichiro is kind of an asshole! But y’know, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt here, maybe it’s like a Cyclops thing, and he can’t help the effects of his weird eye-powers. But then couldn’t he just... wear some sunglasses or something…? Whatever. He certainly doesn’t look remorseful for his brain crimes, as his only facial feature is a pair of eyes and a furrowed brow. Pretty basic, but still manages to look cool.

3.5/5

He also gets a Most Wanted form, which I’ve never particularly liked, but never really disliked either. However, I did just now notice that they painted on teensy cloven hooves, which is pretty adorable. His fangly grin is also endearing, and overall, he’s a good imp fella.

4/5

Name: Chiru

Description: The moon reflects in his eyes when he's sleepy.

Ability: Counting Sheep

Mmh. Hard pass. The face is positioned too weirdly high up on the head for me to find it cute, and this kind of design isn’t really my thing.

2/5

Name: Nuclos

Description: Absorbs pollution and leaves the air really clean.

Ability: Pollution-Reduction

I always liked Nuclos when I was a kid. I mean, I think we can all agree that gas masks are pretty universally badass-looking. Out of context glorification of a product of one of the most horrifying events in human history aside, Nuclos is a real stand-up guy in his free time, and his design reminds me a lot of a Snifit.

3.5/5

Name: Nuchan

Description: Serious and thoughtful. He acts like the chief Gogo.

Ability: Action Planning

This is basically just Nuclos with different, more abstract markings on the mask. Not bad, though. I think I actually like the wistful, almost sorrowful look on Nuchan’s face better than Nuclos’s relatively standard gas mask look.

4/5

Name: Boy

Description: The best blindfolded runner. He never falls over.

Ability: Sensory Space Radar

Underwear headass. As a kid, I always thought that was a pair of underwear and just sort of accepted it, but apparently it’s a blindfold. I still only see underwear, though. He’s nice to look at even if he’s just got his (or maybe someone else’s 😳) got dam undies on his head 24/7.

3/5

Name: Om-Poh

Description: Uses spells to play better. Sometimes it works.

Ability: Multiple Faces

Oh? Multiple faces, you say? I don’t see them, but okay Gogo’s Crazy Bones, whatever you say! I kind of forgot I was supposed to be talking about how these are evolutions to the Series 1 guys, but it honestly gets so nonsensical and is referenced so little that it’s kind of pointless to do for every one. Like, I guess Boy just sort of turned into some ancient stone-faced carving? I guess I gotta hand it to Gogo’s for making some truly Crazy Bones.

3/5

Name: Neko

Description: Uses its body to protect the other Gogos from fire.

Ability: Flame Catcher

Is fire really that big of a problem for Gogos? That seems like a very specific ability, but I suppose most of these are, aren’t they? I like how the arms curve upward to form the silhouette of a flame, which makes it look like it’s doing the Caramelldansen. And... God damn. That mouth. It’s like… I don’t know. A fucking porkchop.

3/5

Name: Nebub

Description: Concentrates the water supply to put out any fire.

Ability: Firefighting

So the entire composition of Neko’s body has changed to water, but it still just. Really wants to fight fires. I definitely prefer it over Neko, and find the curious, cat-like eyes a lot more endearing. I do wonder why they chose not to cast it in the translucent plastic, though! It seems like it would fit thematically pretty nicely, but oh well.

4/5

Name: Hazard

Description: When faced with danger, it just grits its teeth and carries on.

Ability: Courage

Another white-tummied friend, Hazard is another mascot-level Gogo with a lot of personality for its simple design. Those three lines at the bottom of the teeth are definitely an interesting addition, and personally remind me of a cookie cutter shark’s teeth! With a name like Hazard, I would’ve assumed the description to include something about what it’s able to do with those chompers and how, I dunno, hazardous they are? But no, apparently that’s a snarl of determination! The only hazard here is Hazard’s perseverance! Keep on truckin’, babey!

3.5/5

Hazard’s wanted design is one of my ultimate favorites. I love the harlequin-style red/yellow patterning, I love the face-in-a-void face, and I love the white tummy holdover from vanilla Hazard’s design!

5/5

Name: Hazer

Description: His game style is funny and he goes crazy watching others play.

Ability: Unintentional Humour

Holy shit I love that description. Oh my god. I can only imagine what the hell it’s supposed to mean and I’m really enjoying it. Like. Does he just cheer wildly and generally freak the fuck out? Who knows, but I’m betting whatever it entails, it’s Gir-like in nature. Visually, Hazer resembles a nervous little dog in a parka, which is just perfect. I love you Hazer.

5/5

That’s all for part 3! Thanks for reading!

[creaturecarnival]

Gogomaggedon Part 2

[Part 1]

It’s time for part two of our Gogo’s Crazy Bones Series 1 and 2 review! Let’s-a go!

Name: Helly

Description: The fastest Gogo. His helmet helps him to go breathtakingly fast.

Ability: Continuous Sprint

Now, I would like to point out here that the way Helly’s head tapers in the back is actually something that all Gogos share to some extent, but apparently his is just that much better. I really dig the Nidoking-like finger nubs, and I love that they made him a cyclops. I think the only thing I can really think of that I’d change would be to make the flesh-colored parts black, so the eye looked like it was peering out of darkness. But what helmet-based character design wouldn’t be improved by the tried-and-true eyes-in-a-void look?

3/5

Name: Heled

Description: He robotized his brain to think super fast.

Ability: Mental Dexterity

… ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉⁿ ʰᵉ ᵗᵘʳⁿᵉᵈ ʰᶦᵐˢᵉˡᶠ ᶦⁿᵗᵒ ᵃ ʳᵒᵇᵒᵗ. ᶠᵘⁿⁿᶦᵉˢᵗ ˢʰᶦᵗ ᴵ’ᵛᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ˢᵉᵉⁿ. Oh hey, didn’t see you there! I was just muttering to myself under my breath. Nothing in particular. Anyway, it would seem that physical speed was not enough for Heled, and he opted to “robotize” his brain. That’s some mad scientist shit. I respect the dedication. Not much has changed in terms of design, but just replacing the cyclopic eye with a red visor is enough to bring this design up a notch for me.

4/5

Name: Skull

Description: He looks mysterious and when you least expect it, he'll do something funny to make you jump.

Ability: Spooky Skills

Skull is a chibi skeleton. That’s all I got, honestly. He’s just nice to look at! 

4/5

Name: ...Skull???

If you thought this was just another Series 2, think again! Remember when I said Series 1 had a gimmick? Well, this is it, baby! Series 1 included 15 “Wanted” and 5 “Most Wanted” figures, which were alternate paint jobs of a select few Gogos. Look at this epic gamer bro! I really love the hot pink on gray here, and the controller positioned like the D-pad and buttons are his eyes is a really cool visual. The fact that he’s also a skeleton is pretty kickass as well, and so I will bestow upon him my first perfect rating!

5/5

Name: Sker

Description: He's naive and everything seems weird to him.

Ability: Curiosity

Sker on the other hand… I’m really not a fan of. I think he could really stand to have a mouth of some kind or at least do away with the weird asymmetrical nostrils. Also, where the inclusion of rib-markings on Wanted Skull upped the cool factor, here it just grosses me out and reminds me of Machop, which for me is not a good thing. Sorry Machop/Sker fans!

1.5/5

Name: Angiru

Description: Tell Angiru your secrets and they will be safe forever.

Ability: Keeps secrets

Doodoo-doot-do-doo-dootdoot-doot-doot! It’s a haunted doll watch. I love Angiru. That big ‘ol head? It’s full of secrets. I’d tell them mine for sure. They seem like they’d be a good listener. As for the design... look, I just like creepy button-eyed dolls. I blame Coraline.

4/5

He’s also got a Most Wanted form and WOW! What a fresh look! Even though these sticker pictures are not usually 100% emblematic of the actual quality of the product in question, I just cannot get over this paint job.

5/5

Name: Angor

Description: Night mysteries are no secret to Angor.

Ability: Insomnia

There’s something really hilariously sad about the one-two combo of the description and ability, like Angor is referring to themself in the third person, trying to sound all broody and mysterious, when actually they just have a hard time falling asleep. I also kind of love the framing of a sleep disorder as an “ability”. All that aside, Angor is a nice take on the Angiru mold, even though it doesn’t exactly leave much room for interpretation, with the button eyes pretty much dooming any new takes to land squarely in “haunted doll” territory, which means in this case, a haunted doll that is also somehow a vampire. 

4/5

Name: Umu

Description: Likes to visit the swimming pool everyday to think up new ideas.

Ability: Intelligent Swimming

Other than the fact that his name makes a funny face, there’s not much I can really say about Umu. I do love me some semicircular half-lidded cartoon eyes, but that’s kind of all their design’s got going for it. Maybe if there was a little more detail on the upper half of the head instead of just a big white whatever, I’d be neutral, but as it is, Umu’s design is just a bit lacking.

2.5/5

Name: Tai-Umu

Description: With the points of his mouth-star he chews the hardest things.

Ability: Star Scream

Ooh, what a glow up, though! Initially, I read the star shape as a nose, like a star-nosed mole; and while I think I’d prefer if that were the case, I like it as a horrifying all-consuming maw as well, even if I’m not even sure how to read it as a mouth at all. I wish him the best in his attempts to gain supreme leadership over the Decepticons.

4.5/5

Name: Aiko

Description: The Gogo with the best sense of smell. Can detect a smell from a mile away.

Ability: Wonder Nose

Smelling, huh? Alright! I would’ve assumed their thing would’ve been more electricity-related, given the jaggedy lines, and I actually thought of them as a Pikachu-adjacent electric rodent (just gettin’ all the Pokeymans in this review, I guess) when I was but a wee Crazy Boner. They’ve got a pretty cute little face, though, with lovely beady teardrop-shaped eyes and stylized flourishes adorning their skin.

4/5

Name: Koku-Chan

Description: He must go to the barber everyday because his hair grows while he plays.

Ability: Manic Hair

Yeah, this one’s not doing it for me. I don’t like how the mouth fuses with the hair, or whatever’s going on with that shape down there. The head-shape really doesn’t lend itself well to reinterpretations, either, with the nub where Aiko’s nose was making for a rather ugly bump on Koku-Chan’s chin that interrupts a design that I think would be okay otherwise.

1/5

That’s all for part 2! Thanks for reading!

[creaturecarnival]

Gogomaggedon Part 1

If you were a child between the ages of 4-12 in the late 2000s/early 2010s, chances are you’ve at least heard of Gogo’s Crazy Bones. Rebooted from a series from the 80s and 90s, (which we won’t be talking about because I didn’t grow up with them and to be quite honest don’t like them all that much) these funky plastic fellas were sold as collectible figures for kids, and their hyper-stylized chibi charm was certainly hard for myself and many others to resist! They were also intended to be used as pieces for various games, but I think I speak for most of my fellow Crazy Boners when I say that the main draw was the collectibility. For this review, I thought it might also be fun to give them all a rating out of 5 based on how I personally feel about them! I dunno! We’re trying new things! Mixing stuff up! It’s what we do here at Creature Carnival! So let’s get started with this Gogomaggedon because holy shit are there a lot of these little bastards!

Name: Mosh

Description: Super kind. All the Gogos want to be friends with Mosh.

Ability: Magic Smile

First, we have the main mascot of Gogo’s, Mosh! Every Gogo has a short little description and “ability” which serves to give us a little peek at their personality. Additionally, each Gogo comes cast in at least 5 different colored plastics as well, but I’ll be taking the one they use in the sticker pictures (courtesy of the Gogo’s Crazy Bones Wiki) as the “official” color. In regards to Mosh, the cynic in me really wants to be all, “Boring!! His main personality trait is that he’s nice? Lame!!!” But it’s a kids toy god darnit, and he’s just so gosh-damned cute! I love his little white tummy and his funny head-nubbins and his asymmetrical eyes and big bracket-shaped smile :] He’s just such a lovable whatsit! I would absolutely be friends with Mosh, and he makes for a great face for the franchise. Also, his name seems to imply that he likes to mosh, which is kind of hilarious to me.

4/5

What? Mosh is evolving!

Name: Moshi

Description: Avoids confrontation. Always brings goodness and peace.

Ability: Peacekeeper

That’s right! Series 2 of the modern Gogo’s franchise is called Evolution, and while I’m not exactly sure of the finer details, basically they just reused all the molds and put different prints on them. Also, the gimmick for Evolution is the fact that half of the 80 Gogos in the series are molded in translucent plastic with embedded glitter. Pretty striking! What’s the Series 1 gimmick, you ask? We’ll get to it, don’t worry! Maybe not in this review, but we’ll get to it! OKAY, with that out of the way, I’m so happy for Moshi’s transition! It’s almost a complete transformation, what with the anime-style face and everything! I honestly find the unevolved form more charming, but I still think Moshi is pretty undeniably cute.

3.5/5

Name: Nasako

Description: Always cool because he has a special scoring technique.

Ability: Double Fast Hook

Nasako is a funny little boxer guy. That’s really all I can say. Not even his description is giving me anything to work with here, I mean, come on. What does that even mean.

3/5

Name: Nasoki

Description: Tries to make everyone laugh. Sometimes his looks scare the others a little bit!

Ability: Joker

Now a funny little boxer clown guy, you say? That’s more like it! And with x-eyes and an old-timey one-piece bathing suit no less! Looks like Nasako finally decided to finish Clown College and get his degree! Good for him. Good for him. 

4/5

Name: Sato

Description: Ready for the fight. Where’s the ring?

Ability: K.O. Punch

Sato is, in my opinion, a much better-executed funny little boxer guy. The absence of any facial features other than a big ‘ol sneer is very charming, as well as the single white star. It’s not clear whether that’s an eye or a marking or what, but I always read it as an eye, and I think that’d be pretty cute.

4/5

Name: Satori

Description: Always watchful in case action is needed.

Ability: Watchful Eye

Speaking of eyes, it seems one has come to dominate Satori’s entire head! The description tells us that they apparently act as some kind of sentry in case action is needed, but doesn’t say if they ever actually take action. Personally, I like to think they have some kind of eye beam that they can fire like “Beam of 10,000 Fists” or something like that.

4/5

Name: Okori

Description: Nobody knows what he eats, but whatever it is, it isn’t doing him any good.

Ability: Eating

Okori’s main deal seems to be eating but I can’t really say for sure. Wish they’d made it clearer. He kind of reminds me of a bug-eyed Domo. Remember Domo? I remember Domo.

3/5

Name: Oky

Description: Maybe some indigestion gave him a mushroom face.

Ability: Fungus Fury

I love how non-committal that description is. Like whoever wrote it was just like, “I don’t fuckin’ know, maybe some indigestion did it. Who gives a shit.” I for one am a big fan of this grumpy ‘gus. Maybe the reason the description reads like that is that Oky doesn’t give a shit either. Do you think his ability is some kind of spore blast or berserk mode or do you think it’s just him being generally aggravated? Even though I love cool special attacks, I find the latter more endearing.

4/5

Name: Tori

Description: Clever and fun. He likes to be the boss.

Ability: Jumps Walls

I always read that tan shape as a big smiling mouth, but on closer inspection, it’s presumably just a hole in a mask which reveals a very uneasy expression. As far as my opinions on this guy go, he’s cute, but also relatively bland.

3/5

Name: Racetor

Description: He loves sports and can calculate how to win any race.

Ability: Numeric Memory

This is a marked improvement in my opinion, as Tori has apparently turned into some kind of robot with what I assumed to be a speedometer for a face. However, as the description indicates, he’s some kind of sports statistics whiz, so maybe it serves some other function? Either way, I get the feeling this guy is probably banned from most sport betting circles, but maybe he doesn’t even care. Maybe he’s just satisfied knowing how it’ll all fold out, and he doesn’t need anything else. Pretty sweet design overall, even for how simple it is.

4.5/5

Aaaaand that’s all for part 1! See, there’s 80 of these buggers per series, so I’m gonna have to try and divide this into digestible chunks. It’ll take awhile this way, but let me know what you guys think! Is this a good number to do in a single review, or could I go for more? Or maybe it’s even too many! I can’t really know unless there’s feedback, so I’d really appreciate if you could take this straw poll. It’d really help!

[creaturecarnival]

Hylics Part 2

Okay, first off, hello to our massive influx of new followers! We look forward to writing for you all, and want to give a huge thanks to the folks over at @weirdmarioenemies​ for being so gosh-darned cool :) Now I have something to actually motivate me to write more reviews, so without further ado, here’s part 2 of our Hylics creature review!

Creature

For our first new creature, we have, well… Creature! Creature here is an optional boss that you can encounter in one of the overworlds. It seems to be made almost entirely of the most basal of all clay shapes: balls and snakes (there is no way you could possibly take that out of context so don’t even try it)! I do love the layout of this thing, even if it’s very simple. I feel like the appeal of a giant mass of writhing tentacles is relatively universal, but I also like that the only feature Lindroth elected to give it other than tentacles is a little cluster of pale eyeballs on top and to the front(?) of its body. You’d kind of expect it to have some kind of big, gaping maw full of teeth, and maybe it does! Like a lot of the other denizens of Hylics, there’s not much to them other than whatever we can discern from their sprites, and I think that’s fun! When killed, Creature drops a Chitin Jerkin, which is described as “Sensible everyday-wear for the modern machine” as well as a Parasite Crystal which just does some stat buffing stuff we don’t need to talk about, I just really like the names.

Ghost

Ooh, they’re peekin atcha! Peekin out through their wacky flesh spirals! The way the clay winds around the action figure part really gives off the impression that it’s some kind of creature wrapped around a human, like a flech mesh flesh mesh flesh mech! Especially since there are tendrils coming off the extremities that look like they would function as essentially extensions of the body within. Speaking of those extensions, I love that instead of just one projection coming off of each foot, there’s two! So instead of walking like a regular person, it walks using its four sub-legs. Also it’s got a cool funny hat that I kind of wish came down over the eyes so that it looked like the clay part was the head, but at the same time the eyes peering through the clay bits is really eerie.

Dread Meat

Oh no, somebody left this boy out in the sun! They’ve gone all melty! Dread Meat is very similar to Ghost in its structure, however, its limbs do not have projections, and there is no trace of humanity to it beyond the hands and feet just barely emerging from what I can only imagine to be rolls of oozing meat. It feels like a zombie of some kind, although there is nothing else in the game that looks like it could be the un-undead version of this corpulent corpse. The thing I like most about its design is probably the fact that the head is a big loop with a grisled knot off to the right, presumably to hide the action figure head. It gives it some nice asymmetry.

Sub Shrub & Tomb Shrub

Oh my god. Adorable. These little green guys with huge lumpy wedges for heads and no discernible facial features should not be anywhere near as cute as they are. Also, I guess the name implies that these guys are plants? Anyway, Sub Shrubs can be encountered separate from Tomb Shrub, but they’re relatively weak on their own. But during the Tomb Shrub fight, it summons Sub Shrubs to help it out. Teamwork makes the dream work! I just love these little fellas! They look so squishy and silly! Also when he first encountered one, Vinny said the Sub Shrub looks like an “aborted pizza” and I can’t stop thinking about it.

Fathead

I was just thinking when I was writing Dread Meat’s review how fatty tissue isn’t something you see a lot in monster design, and here we’ve got this funky fella, whose head appears to be nothing but a massive glob of fatty tissue! I know there’s not much more to it than that, but it’s a nice concept for a creature and I like it a lot.

Monoops

Monoops’s gimmick seems to be its single eye… wait.

...Huh. I guess contrary to what the name would imply, Mono-ops has two eyes. That’s pretty neat actually! You don’t see many monsters with eyeballs as their design gimmick that have only two eyes. Usually, it’s either one or a whole bunch. It even has a move called Steady Stare that does damage as well as paralyzes its target, solidifying it as having an eyeball-centered design. I also really like the battle sprite’s color scheme.

Deadly Statue

Occupying a very similar role to the Ambulant Skulls, which you can read about in our last review of Hylics, Deadly Statues are only found in one area of the game. Similar to Ambulant Skulls, they kill you when you touch them, making them a purely overworld enemy. They are also much faster than Ambulant Skulls, matching the speed of the player exactly. Who'da thunk a big ‘ol statue’d be faster’n a skull made half’a legs?? Not me, that’s for darn tootin’! Anyway, I quite like its design. If I were an eccentric millionaire, this is exactly the kind of shit I would want sitting in the main foyer, flanked on either side by two huge, sweeping staircases of course.

Clawman

Clawman is the second-to-last boss in the game, they are equipped with two big yellow pincers and a ridiculously enormous head. I feel like the name and inclusion of pincers really makes you want to read it as a crab when really, the claws are the only vaguely crab-like feature they possess. You could argue that those spines on top are reminiscent to those of a king crab, but they’re flexible and curl inward towards each other like claws! That’s such a cute little touch!

Moon Soldier

Moon Soldiers barely qualify as enemies, since they literally can’t harm you, crumpling into a heap of bloody bones the moment you touch them. However, I think they’re really cool looking so we’re gonna take a look at ‘em anyway, god dammit. They guard the palace on the moon in which the final boss resides. It’s interesting how their heads are shaped much like that of our protagonist Wayne, (maybe they’re even the same species?) and the pale blueish color of the head against the cream of the clothes is really nice to look at. I kind of wonder if those are helmets they’re wearing, since the skull-like face markings almost look artificial, but there seems to be a very thin line between organic and synthetic in Hylics. 

Gibby & Statues

Gibby is the main antagonist, and therefore the antithesis to our protagonist Wayne, who is a waning crescent instead of a waxing gibbous like Gibby, and instead of having a rad mohawk has no hair at all, which is basically the antithesis of having a rad mohawk. Gibby is, like, the king of the moon or something? I dunno, the plot in this game is kind of impossible to follow. If you’ve made it to the final boss, you’ve probably given up on trying to understand anything and are just here to see whatever batshit nonsense thing happens next. If you thought Clawman’s head was ridiculously huge, get a load of this guy! It looks like he can barely support its weight! How is it simultaneously swollen and gaunt? I dunno, but it’s kind of legitimately unsettling to be honest. It looks like his skin is pulled super taut over his face, almost like a desiccated corpse. 

He also has two statues that aid him in battle. The Vital Statue to his right heals him, and the Eerie Statue to his left can afflict the protagonists with the nausea status effect. Can I just say how cool it is that there are four separate enemies in this game that have “statue” in their name, and they all look completely different? It’s really neat to see a single idea represented in so many different ways, ranging from somewhat recognizable to completely abstract. Most importantly, I think they’d all look lovely in the foyer of my imaginary mansion.

Conclusion

Hylics is a hell of an experience. It definitely has its flaws, such as clunky controls and practically nonexistent plot, but it’s at least worth watching someone play. The visuals are truly stunning, and you can really tell how much love went into making it. A huge portion of what you see in-game was painstakingly crafted from clay, rendered as a sprite, and worked into the game to become characters, enemies, and even the settings you walk around in. Please follow Mason Lindroth on Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram, where he is currently posting updates on the progress of Hylics 2, which looks absolutely gorgeous judging by what he’s shown us so far, and I’m so excited to play it when it’s done. Please also consider donating to his gofundme page to support him in his development of Hylics 2.

[creaturecarnival]

Hylics

One of several games created by Mason Lindroth, Hylics is a game made out of clay, action figures, and computer magic. The visuals of this game are absolutely bonkers, and the creature design is just about as surreal as the rest of the game. If you’re interested in playing it for yourself after watching the trailer above, it’s available for PC here. So if you’re like me and don’t have easy access to a PC, you can watch this stream of it by Vinesauce’s Vinny which is sort of gonna determine what order I review these in since there’s really no comprehensive information about this game that I could find at the time of writing this. Now let’s take a look at some of these crazy clay creations!

Spiral Polycerate

Yeah, right off the bat we’re getting something pretty emblematic of this game’s surreality. Nothing makes sense and that’s great! So the Spiral Polycerate is basically just a weird yellow spiral cone on top of a little action figure. Most of these creatures will have a similar body plan, just some clay slapped on an action figure, but said clay is usually placed or shaped in a way that it’s still interesting. Like in the case of this guy! 

Also I guess it’s implied that Spiral Polycerates are sapient on account of their being one that’s a shopkeep in Tormaph, pictured above. This also gives us a view of what look like arms that are holding that lowest bit of clay. Weird! Is that a weapon or something then? When I first saw this thing, I was certain it was just a cone with legs sticking out of the bottom, but like most of the inhabitants of Hylics, it’s just the head that’s covered in clay. I guess it’s like, visual shorthand that the creature in question is intelligent. That’s cool and all, but I definitely liked its design better when I thought it was just a funky clay cone with legs.

Cone Cultists

Yippee! Wahoo! It’s cult time babey, yeah!!! These guys look so excited! Either that or they’re in immense pain from those horrible growths on their heads. I’m assuming it’s supposed to be some kind of silly hat, but my brain really wants to read them as cordyceps fungus, which are also yellowish-orange and very tall and slim and also grow out of living things, vaguely controlling them. I think overall they look fine as is, maybe a little bland. But if they WERE in fact cordyceps fungus, well that’d be pretty neat!

Cone Statue

Oooh, now we’re talking. This one’s made entirely of clay (save for the ribbons, made of computer magic) and is just shaped so good! I love the tiny squat body and legs coupled with the asymmetrical arms, of which the longer looks to be gesturing to that pot looking thing being pierced by its big ol’ cone head as if to say “Hey! Hey check out my sweet hat! I’m like a POTHEAD or something haha! Get it?? Hey look at my hat!!!” It can’t do anything but passively “shine” which blinds your party members, but is also capable of falling asleep apparently? Okay!

Fleshtache

Wow, this thing is profoundly unpleasant! The idea of a humanoid being whose head is nothing but a couple of large fleshy growths which could loosely be interpreted as a mustache kind of sucks a lot. Do you think there’s hair on the flesh? I know those little particulate things exist around some of the other sprites, but they’re more present around Fleshtache than any other sprite, which makes me think of them as like, a cloud of little floating hairs or something like what you get when you get your hair cut short and you ruffle it and all the little tiny fine hairs go everywhere except it’s like that all the time constantly. If you can’t relate to that experience you should get your hair cut short so you can appreciate how gross that would be. Anyway, I also misinterpreted this one’s head at first to look like an elephant skull. Y’know, with those two little divets and the big tusk lookin’ things? That would be cool too.

Guard

I’m not sure there’s really much I can say about this one. I think it’s interesting that they’re sort of holding that bit of clay in their hand and it’s also attached to their head unlike the Spiral Polycerates.

As we can see in these overworld sprites, the head is weird. It’s just a big seemingly organic coily thing with what might be the true head which we can see in the top left. I like Guard a lot more knowing that their heads are just big springy coils apparently.

Mustelid

Yeah, this one’s pretty much just a cat. I do appreciate how dopey it looks though.

Edit: It has come to my attention that Mustelid actually refers to the family which ferrets belong to. I like this guy significantly more now that I know that fact, as giant ferrets are something that I’ve actually never seen before in media!

Foothead

Okay I really like Foothead. I especially appreciate the fact that the usage of “foot” here seems to refer more to a gastropod-like foot than a human foot. Although you could make a case for the head being loosely human foot shaped, the way it locomotes (by sort of sliding around and using its arms to push itself along) supports the gastropod-like theory. It’s described as “kicking” when it attacks you, but I think that’s referring to the legs flailing around uselessly in the air. It really makes you think that these creatures might be mutations of some kind.

Despair Puff

Is that what that is? Okay, if you say so! Despair Puff certainly looks to be despairing alright. Again, the most remarkable part of its design is the head, which as was previously mentioned seems to be in despair. It looks like we can maybe see the bottom half of the action figure’s head, which would be really creepy, like the top of its skull burst open and this big sad lump came out. The sprites are just low-res enough that you can’t really tell, but that’s one of the things I like about the creature designs overall.

Slughead

Okay so this is interesting, we’ve got another mollusc-head! Could they be related? Slughead seems to get around by laying “face” down and writhing around, although it’s standing straight up in battle. Its forearms also appear to be engulfed by the head. Again, this seems like maybe some kind of mutation.

Ambulant Skull

These guys aren’t actually encounterable in battle because they kill you the moment you make contact with them. That’s certainly freaky! I love how disturbing this thing is overall, with a lower half that looks like a mess of ground beef. I like that with a name like “Ambulant Skull”, you’d expect it to be just like, a skull with legs or something. But this design goes way farther than that and I appreciate it.

Malign Hologram

I love the weirdness of this thing’s “head” being something like a weird vase with an agonized face emerging out of it, and whatever filter was put on it makes it look like the whole thing is made of raw flesh and muscle. Yeah, I don’t know what else to say, I just really like this freaky hologram(???).

Horrid Projection

Alright, this’ll be the last one for part 1, and what a lovely mess it is. Literally the only recognizable thing I can pick out of its figure is maybe two little legs/feet hanging out of the bottom, and the rest is a huge, dripping, misshapen blob. I think that’s a really effective design choice, because this thing would not be nearly as unsettling if it was all clay with no humanoid features. That one little addition of the legs just raises so many questions.

So that’s it for part 1! Stay tuned for when I post the other half I guess!

[creaturecarnival]

 Hee hoo. I have not consulted the other mods on whether or not I am going to do this post. I have given them no warning, no heads up, no nothing. This post will be as new to them as it will to you. 

Anyways, I was cruising around the fallout wiki page, and found early concept art for Fallout 76′s famous scorchbeast! The designs here were all done by the extremely talented Katya Gudkina, i’ll link her artstation at the bottom of the post!

Without further ado, heres some sexy (not always) bat boys

apologies in advance, other mods

So here we start out with the closest thing to the vanilla scorchbeast. A huge mutated bat infected with the Scorched Plague Fungus, threatening the world, yada yada. These basically function as Skyrim’s Dragons, attacking you with sonic waves of sound. Y’know, bats. The one thing about this design that I wished transferred into the game is the hellish lava looking fluid it’s leaking. I like to think this goo is glowing and burning because of its sheer radioactivity, giving it the appearance and ouchiness of lava. This is a wonderful design and I’m glad that they chose something so fun.

This is the first image that shows a common theme with these designs, and that is the appearance of being actual demons from hell. Mutations in fallout 76 are more out there and in your face than other games, and the lava goop makes this look like an extra from DOOM II the musical. This is a demon from hell. Given the religious presence in the south, this could be something that could be worked with wonderfully into the game given time, talent, and dedication. Sadly, bethesda aint really got any of those things, so demon bob got a no go.

Now this is a sexy design. This turkey vulture devil beast screams disgusting horror. Having to face off against a huge mutant vulture soaring in the air sounds much funner than what we have now. The long, bristly feathers being negated by stretched skin, sort of like a pterodactyl? Sexy. The inclusion of teeth in the beak is a pet peeve of mine, however it does give off a Skeksis vibe, so i’ll forgive it.

not much more to say about this one, other than the inclusion of dinosaur feet and tail, and a second, gorgeous head. I don’t know if it would look very good translated into a 3D model and animated, but man this design is fun! I sure hope fallout does something with storks or vultures in the future. Also, This thing is canonically called Mr Handsome.

Words cannot describe how angry I am that this was not the final product. All it takes is a mere glance and you can see why. Earwig dragons covered in goo. Need I say more? My favorite by immeasurable amounts. I love the earwig beast. She is my friend. My muse. My lover. I lay away and dream of her. I love this. 

So i am just going to lump these all together into one thing. They all give off the same kind of vibe so I’ll talk about them generally. These are labeled “vultures” and that is the most loaded thing about this art. Vultures? Could they have been smaller, weaker beasts that followed the greater scorchbeast, giving HoddToward69 even more trouble than he does now? The scorchbeast in game are usually paired  with the mutated “scorched.” who look like nutsacks turned into a man and shoved ugly green crystals into their body. (They’re also hostile towards each other which is very very stupid mechanic wise) The designs here are super cool and fun, and give off heavy demon vibes. These are absolutely supposed to look like denizens of hell, and you can’t convince me otherwise.  The question that I have is, if these are mutants....what did they used to be? Bats? Humans? Bugs or....?????? This is the same question I had for the second design up top. What exactly are these supposed to be?? Actual demons from hell? Who knows!

These look like a band of misfit orcs from lord of the rings got into a batch of radioactive goopies. The top left looks way too kind and wise to be the main villain, and I love the nose crest and jutting underbite. Top left looks much like a creature I’d visualize myself as a child. Cunning and weaselly looking. I love the baby bird eyes and warts, but the overbite is a bit goofy. Actually, scratch that. Nothing’s too goofy for fallout. 10/10. This is the closest to what we’ve got now, except we dont have the skull like face or glowing green pustules. Sigh, when will bethesda appreciate true character design? This last one is my least favorite, as it gives off such a different tone from the rest of these designs. It’s too bald and perfect looking to be fallout. However, if I saw this in another context, i’d appreciate it so much more. But to be fair, what’s wrong with experimenting with style? Why stick to one aesthetic? This may not feel fallout, but y’know what? Theres no shame in that. I still love it. The tusks and incisors are super fun and the cropped ears give more to it. It’s not the same as it’s brothers, but it’s still a valid and fun concept. 

So I have no idea what this is supposed to be. Another vulture? Another scorchbeast design? Who knows. I don’t mean to close off this review on such a flat note, but this really just seems like the combination of a scorchbeast and a man. I love the green pustules covered by stretched, inflamed skin, and the tearing in the wing membrane is so nice to look at. This is something with care put into it. I’d say the same with the rest of Katya’s art. I’ve only seen it for like a day, and I’ve got to just express how in love I am with the creativity and funness of it all. Fallout has felt so underdeveloped and flat the last few games, especially in the creature design. Fallout has made some of the coolest beasties i’ve ever seen, and I think Katya breathes new life into the franchise. 

If youre ever in a place with lots of time and wanna see great art, the link is below

https://www.artstation.com/katyagud

(mobile people just google Katya Gudkina Artstation)

(I promise no more fallout until Wastelanders comes out)

[creaturecarnival]

Fallout’s Plants

A post nuclear wasteland isn’t exactly a botanist's dream, but the Fallout universe makes that anything but untrue. I fell in love with the franchise around the time I was 14, after a prophetic dream about Mobile homes. I bought New Vegas, died a lot, and then went on to only ever play fallout 3 until I figured out how to be Good at Video Games. Fallout 4 came out not too long after, and my hype for the franchise has stuck. Don’t get me wrong, the games are awful, but when has something like that ever stopped me before?

A botanist's guide to the Wasteland

Fallout plants

Venus Man-eaters- Cordyceps aren’t the only thing mutated in that vault. Venus Flytraps had to get in on the action too!! They aren’t actually called venus man-eaters in the game, no, they’re called “Spore Plants.” But that’s lame and I’ve personally retconned their name. You can thank me later, Todd. They look like absolute goofballs. They hack up and spitooy a glob of green spore stuff at you, and are a blast to fight. They’re actually in the second fallout, and you can rip off their spikes to use as a little knife! 

Sundews- Sundews are literally the reason I even purchased Fallout 76. No really, they are. The trailers I saw were interesting enough, they advertised a fun little game of exploration and survival. Yeah, i’d buy that on sale given the chance. But sundews? Huge, potentially intelligent sundews that lure you into their groves and kill you? I was Immediately hyped. I thought about all the possibilities they could bring. Could they lure you in with high level loot but then act as an ever shifting maze leading you to your eventual starvation? Could they grab onto you and force you to shoot at them? 

Stranglers- Part of one of the promotional interviews for fallout 76 mentioned “Intelligent Plants,” heavily implying sundews. PSYCH! It was these orange vine thingys that infest the scariest area of Appalachia: The Mire. It isn’t the most dangerous, however it is a big spooky swamp with the creepiest enemies, squirming gulper salamanders and the Vicious aforementioned Anglers. An event quest allows you to try and defeat the “Heart of the Swamp,” a huge, Little Shop of Horrors plant mouth that summons Strangler infested enemies. Such fun!

Fever Blossom- Fever blossums are really REALLY pretty flowers that you can find in Fo4’s best DLC “Nuka World.” They’re bright blue and they grow on nasty looking stems. But the really kicker is when you’re assigned to go collect them to make a frenzy effect grenade for the Diciples, a raider group known for their intense sadism. You need to go collect fever blossoms to do this, implying that they will make you Angry if ingested. Imagine that. You and your ghoul buddy Steve are wandering the wastes and he dares you to eat this flower, and next thing you know you’re beating the radioactive snot out of him for no actual reason. My kinda thing!

Lure Weed- Lure weeds are a sham. You don’t really need them. It’s not worth the risk, lest you fall prey to the dreaded “Angler.” Lure weed’s whole purpose is look exactly like the protruding lures of the terrible beasts. But the problem is, there’s no real reason to go get lure weed at all! They’re only used to make two consumables, and unless you REALLY want Seasoned Wolf Ribs, it’s best to avoid them altogether

Gutshroom- gutshrooms were added post release, the same time a new (albeit pretty lame) dungeon “the burrows” was. They go hand in hand with actual guts, added to the loot table of small animals at the same time. The concept is fun, if a little unusual. I’m not sure what they’re actually for, though. Are they to make players think they’re in a dangerous area when they’re actually not? Are they supposed to look good and add to the cramped, soggy atmosphere of the sewer system? 

Firecap- firecaps are bright orange mushrooms that are found in the forest area of fallout 76. They kinda do look a bit like fire, but not really. I like their almost animal like veins all over them, they’re really neat. There’s not a whole lot to them, but I appreciate their simplicity.

Snaptails- These mutated cattails are the first plant I found and photographed in my Fallout 76 botanical adventure 9000. They’re not much different than regular cattails, other than their flowers have become huge, bloated, and presumably very hard. They hold a special place in my heart, and I make sure to snatch a few when I get the chance.

Ginseng root- hehe it looks like a tiny man

Punga Fruit- Punga fruit is an important aspect of Fallout 3’s DLC “point lookout.” They’re weird looking fruits that are a staple to the diet of the inbred, unfairly powerful hillbilly locals (that and the occasional tourist!) It has a “mother of all Punga” and that’s used to drug the Lone Wanderer so they can cut your brain out. It’s sinister, scary, and probably tastes like farts.

Corpse Flower- YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love these things!!! I’ve always had a fascination with corpse flowers, and when I learned that they were in the game, I wasted no time in trying to photograph them. It was part of an event quest where I tried to defend them from critters, but I am bad at video games, so RIP corpse flowers I guess. I can only imagine how they got into the West Virginia ecosystem!! A zoo? That would explain the sloths! Vault 94? Most likely, but also that’s not as fun as the idea of a potential zoo we could go to in the future! Nuka world’s Ghoulrillas, Brahmiluffs, Gazelles, and Gatorclaws were ok, but I need mORE!!!

Firecracker Berry- Firecracker berries are a wonderful source of food and jumpscares. They have one gimmick: when you get too close, they explode, making tiny high pitched firework noises. Cute! 

Glowing Resin- Ok actually, I’m not too confident that this stuff is a plant. Maybe it is? Maybe it's a huge pulsating lichen for all I know. Maybe it’s deathclaw snot. Maybe it’s an excess of radioactive stuff that the tree is expelling out of it’s system in the form of a toxic sap. Who knows! Whatever it is, it looks nasty.

Pitcher Plants- These things can be found in several places in West Virginia, and I don’t like them. Like, there’s nothing wrong, it’s just that they’re so underused. They have basically the same shtick as sundews: they spray a cloud of stinky at you when you get to close. Where’s the fun in that? I wish they did something like antlions where you can’t help but draw close, and you need to kill it before it swallows you whole!! 

Glowing Mushrooms- yeah yeah, theres not a whole lot going on with these things. What do they do? Well they glow. That’s pretty much it. They are basically made so that when you go into caves, you arent stuck in pitch black. But the thing about them is that they’re just so….so…. Nice! They’re just quality shrooms living their best life and helping wastelanders and mutants alike navigate the underground.

Brain Fungus- I always wondered what these things actually came from. Mold? Mushrooms? Puffballs? Who knows. I’m not sure what they are, but I love the way they grow; all over walls, clustering around like barnacles. I also love the fact that due to radiation, mushrooms just kind of decided to turn into brains for no decernable reason. I love it.

Tato- Tatos are, by all means and observations, just regular old tomatoes. I don’t think they really have any mutations at all, aside from the strange bendy and twisted stems that are ever so common in post-nuclear plants. I don’t have much to say about this, I really didn’t want to reveiw already existing plants such as corn, broc flowers, aster, etc., but “Tato” just so happens to be the name of our late tomato frog. I had a strange relationship with him, one of my paranoia that my pet would die and one of mutual respect. Rest in Peace tato, you will always find love from me.

FOOTNOTE: this is not in any way all of the plants i had intended. its just that this was supposed to be done like a month ago so i need to do this now, and leave out some stuff

[creaturecarnival]

Monsters From 9

Hey, it’s ya [REDACTED], mod Frankie, and for my first post, I thought I’d review a movie which I wish I’d watched much sooner than I did, 9! If you haven’t seen 9, I highly suggest you watch it as soon as you get the chance. It’s about a bunch of grimy magic rat-people dolls called the Stitchpunks fighting evil robots in a war-ravaged post-apocalypse, and if that doesn’t entice you then I’m afraid I can’t help you. This post will contain major spoilers, so if you want to avoid that then get the fuck outta here and watch the movie, ya dingus! Or don’t and just ogle these cool ass monsters, whatever boats your float.

The Cat Beast

We’ll be reviewing these monsters in the order that they appear in the film, so first off we have the Cat Beast! The Cat Beast really does perfectly exemplify the aesthetic of the movie, mixing together organic and inorganic elements to create something more disturbing than the sum of its parts. The part that stands out the most is obviously the cat skull that comprises its head, complete with a super evil glowy red eye in the left socket, and a blinding spotlight in the right, which really kicks the design up a few notches in my opinion.

This official art gives a nice profile view, and you can really see all the bones intermixed. One of my favorite things about it is the way it moves. Its posture and general appearance would suggest that it would be crude and animalistic, but it shows signs of higher intelligence such as picking things up in its claws and carefully inspecting them, and throwing 2 in a cage after capturing him instead of killing him outright, meaning it is capable of much more complex thought than you would expect at first glance, which is really eerie and jarring.

The Fabrication Machine

The main antagonist of the movie, the Fabrication Machine is an enormous robot that was created by the same scientist who created the Stitchpunks. Where our heroic rag dolls were made from fragments of their creator’s soul, the Fabrication Machine was made from the scientist’s intellect alone, meaning it could be easily influenced by outside forces who controlled it. It was made with the purpose to be an instrument of creation, but the only other human character, The Chancellor corrupted it and used it to create war machines that would eventually turn against humanity, wiping out all life on Earth with poisonous gas. I think that it would get along well with GLaDOS.

Design-wise, I LOVE the Fabrication Machine. The iron wrought industrial aesthetic is just so cool, and I’m a sucker for gigantic machinery in general. As a bonus, whenever it gets excited about something, a network of sparks run across its surface! It’s an unnecessary detail, but it elevates the design as well as the expressiveness of the character. The way that it cobbles together all of its creations is also really fun to watch, specifically the scene where it’s making our next creature on the list...

The Winged Beast

After the beheading of its first lil’ abomination, the Machine decided to take to the skies with the aptly named Winged Beast. Equipped with a total of four beady red eyes and a scorpion-like tail tipped with a harpoon gun, this thing is gnarly. Its wings are stitched together tatters of a flag, it uses a fan to propel itself through the air in addition to its wings, and apparently it has human bones incorporated into its body, because we see the Fabrication Machine cutting up the remains of a human skeleton. I can’t identify any on the creature’s design, but we can assume they’re in there somewhere. My favorite part of its design the “beak”, which is made up of at least 10 discreet blades, and opens up like a nightmarish origami fortune teller where all of the predictions read “death”.

THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about, babey!

The Seeker Drones

Next we have possibly my favorite design in the whole movie, the Seeker Drones. The first time we see them, there’s only one and it just brings the Winged Beast’s head back to the factory. The next time we see them, however, there’s dozens of them, and they’re patrolling the skies outside of the factory with spotlights.

We can really get a lovely view of it on this texture call-out sheet. It uses bellows to propel itself, and has a siren attached to it that it can crank with its single talon-like arm. And just look at those adorably googly little eyestalks!!! That’s the part that really makes the design for me. It just gives this goofy charm that you don’t expect from an evil robot and I love it. I love this silly snail-zeppelin.

The Spiderbots

These guys can be seen crawling all over the factory in a couple of scenes. It’s not really clear why they were created, and I really don’t have all that much to say about them. They’re just fairly generic little spider robots, and that’s okay, because they don’t really have to be anything more than that.

The Seamstress

Well, this one wins the contest for “most viscerally disturbing” by a landslide. It is incidentally also the most powerful creation of the Machine by far, capable of paralyzing onlookers with 2’s corpse, which it has attached to the end of its serpentine body like a rattle, tying them up with thread, and then storing them inside its own body. Clearly it was at this point that the Machine decided it was time to quit fucking around.

Here we can really appreciate all the components of this monstrosity. This was the highest resolution image I could find, I swear. Anyway, the cobra-like silhouette is really cool when mixed with six limbs befitting of an insect with a crippling sewing addiction. It’s also bookended nicely by the two most wonderfully ghastly features it possesses.

That bisected doll head complete with spooky red eye is a nice callback to 2’s trinket cart which was comprised of a similarly damaged doll, and is a really neat way to incorporate visual elements that the viewer associates with 2, since this monster’s basis is to take that character and twist him into something horrifying. I thought the Seekers were my favorite at first, but after looking a lot more closely at the Seamstress than I originally planned, I’ve gotta say it’s my favorite just because of how strong it is in both concept and execution.

Conclusion

When I first saw 9, I fell in love with it. The aesthetic, the characters, the worldbuilding, and yes, the monsters, all come together perfectly to create a true masterpiece. I was shocked to see that it has a 7.1/10 on IMDb, a 57% on Rotten Tomatoes, and a 60% on Metacritic. If you read through this review and still haven’t watched it, it’s on Netflix as of the writing of this post and I strongly encourage you to do so. Also, I’m calling it now, there’s gonna be a sequel movie or series released on 9/9/19.