croixandcrocs - Tumblr blog

[croixandcrocs]

anticapitalist for religious reasons

[croixandcrocs]

I'm here because the guy on the cross in the middle said I could be

sticky note on my desk inspired by a sermon

[croixandcrocs]

Am I a pessimist? I prefer realist

[croixandcrocs]

how do i know my job is bad for my mental health? 

1. i lost an important SD card on the way to my fiances house. cue tears.

2. i drove home to look for it. (crying)

3. i left my phone at his house (more tears, now with anger!)

4. i drove back and continued to look for the SD card

5. he gave me my phone, drove to my apartment, and found the SD card laying on the ground in the living room immediately.

[croixandcrocs]

Some Reminders

You’re going to be okay.

You’re going to survive.

Things will get better.

You deserve to feel happy and safe.

God loves you.

God is still there.

[croixandcrocs]

My counselor said “I feel closer to God doing this work”. and gosh, that hit

[croixandcrocs]

The answers I wish I could give on my premarital counseling worksheet

Q: Is it a good idea to live together before you get married?

A: Honestly, it might be. Most non-Christians do this. Even though I was led to believe that living together increases your chance for divorce, I don’t really buy that anymore. Also, this question kinda ignores how difficult it is for young adults to support themselves on one income (in cities, especially). Also also, it’s nice to at least get a glimpse into how someone does their dishes or cleans the bathroom before living with them for the rest of your lives.

Q: Is it a good idea to have sex before you get married?

A: What is a “good” idea? My non-christian friends whole-heartedly answered “yes” to this question. I think it’s a less-good idea to have sex with someone who won’t respect you and keep you safe. Idk, this question is too vague.

Q: What is the man’s primary responsibility in marriage?

A: To pee standing up (if he wants)

Q: What is the woman’s primary responsibility in marriage?

A: To pee sitting down

Actual answer I gave for both: To love and serve his/her husband/wife (I know this is heteronormative, but it’s what they expect :P)

Q: On a scale of hand-holding to sexual intercourse, when does physical contact become sinful?

What I actually wrote is: When it draws you away from God (and others).

But what I wish i could write is: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

it’s not that i’m not grateful to be doing counseling. but these vague questions that have no understanding of the damage that purity culture has caused on a whole generation of youth group kids aint it.

[croixandcrocs]

Don't be afraid to be the one that loves more

Casper ter Kuile

[croixandcrocs]

i’m that pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+ rights (aka human rights), pro-universal healthcare, pro-environment, pro-immigrant, anti-racist, anti-xenophobic, anti-imperialist radical christian your mom warned you about.

[croixandcrocs]

Faith #2

I think the church needs to talk about doubt more. But not only do they need to talk about it, they need to talk about it in a better way.

Yesterday at church the message was called “Help My Unbelief”. The whole “thesis” of the message centered on this prayer that went something like “God, I don’t love you. I don’t even want to love you. But I want to want to love you”.  The pastor talked about how that desire is what’s most important...which I think I agree with.

But here’s where I stopped agreeing - the pastor said that you can doubt everything about Jesus, but eventually you’ll get to the resurrection and will turn back to Jesus and have a stronger faith because of it. For me, this doesn’t really ring true. First off (this is just my personal experience!), I don’t tend to doubt the person or teachings of Jesus . I doubt the church. Secondly, there didn’t seem to be room in this sermon for people who have doubts and have never really found compelling answers. Finally, the pastor made it seem like doubt should be a personal journey you go on, that can be celebrated, but that you need to struggle through alone.

Here’s what I think should be different:

1. Churches need to be held accountable for the pain they have caused. Many people begin deconstructing because the church does not line up with who they know Jesus to be.

2. I want pastors to express that we may never come to solid answers on some things. It’s weird to think that doubt can be celebrated as a “season of life” but that someone could continue getting weird looks if they don’t eventually pass through that season.

3. Doubt can, and should be, communal. Like many things in our faith, the emphasis on individualism seems to do more harm than good. I wish churches were more receptive to hearing people’s doubts without immediately telling them what answer their church expects them to come to.

[croixandcrocs]

Can’t get over the prominence of the story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac in my childhood. Can’t get over the prominence of the moral of God above family and friends in my childhood. That always tore me apart.

[croixandcrocs]

God is not ashamed of Her children

Sticky note I put on my wall (Inspired by Nadia Bolz-Weber)

[croixandcrocs]

In the last 12 hours I have seen a Tik Tok explaining an app that shows foster kids up for adoption whose parental rights have been terminated, a Tik Tok where a woman and her sister both announced they were pregnant and their mom sobbed, and a Tik Tok where a woman is getting a maternity shoot done and her partner starts crying and they got these really beautiful pictures of him wiping away tears and hugging her...

and like. I am not ready to be a mom. but why is the algorithm trying to convince me I am??

[croixandcrocs]

Mental Health #2

What is it about me that makes counselors jump straight into existential questions?  I aint mad, just curious

[croixandcrocs]

A twitter thread by Caitlin J. Stout @CaitlinJStout from Feb 25 2021 reading,

A friend asked the other day what percentage of people I went to youth group with “deconstructed” and what percentage remained evangelical. As I thought about it, I realized that for the most part it was the kids who took their faith the most seriously who eventually walked away.

Those of us who tearfully promised that we would follow Jesus anywhere eventually followed him out the door. The Queer kids, more than anyone, learned exactly what it meant to work out our faith with fear and trembling.

They told us to read the Bible and take it seriously and then mocked us for becoming “social justice warriors.”

Now they’re warning us not to deconstruct to the point of meaninglessness.

But they took a chisel to God until he fit in a box. They “deconstructed” the concept of love until it allowed them to tolerate sexual abuse, celebrate white supremacy, and look away from kids in cages.

Some of us got to where we are because we took it all to heart. We took the most foundational elements of our faith to their natural conclusions. Folks who deconstruct evangelicalism aren’t drop-outs; they’re graduates.

[croixandcrocs]

Grad School #1

My brain has never felt so unfocused. I blame it on not getting a spring break, but it’s also probably due to taking classes primarily over zoom, and taking two classes with substitute professors this semester.

I haven’t even let myself realize that like...I probably won’t always feel this way?  But I think I’ll start practicing that. It’s a much more encouraging thought than continuing to believe that I’ll be a 35 year old school psych who stares at her computer screen all day unable to type a report.

Anyway, I’m off to continue staring at a literature review 

[croixandcrocs]

“suffering feels religious if you do it right” no shut up it doesn’t. my friends laughing in the kitchen while i make dinner feels religious. the sun on my face after a long winter feels religious.