cronchy-dumbass

[cronchy-dumbass]

notice how it's "with mama" and not "with papa". even in a fake cutesy tumblr scenario, she took the fucking kids. <- what I imagine i'd be posting as a divorced dad on tumblr

[cronchy-dumbass]

that post about how waxwings are always photographed eating photogenic red berries ruined me. it’s all i can think about whenever i see another Waxwing Eating Berries photo. why do they only eat those berries why are they always conveniently in the berry tree in the first place do they never go anywhere else. do they have a sponsorship deal. what is Big Berry hiding from us

[cronchy-dumbass]

knives out 4 should be set in a papal conclave and every time they elect a new pope he keeps getting murdered. black smoke white smoke black smoke white smoke the crowd goes huh?? they have to make benoit blanc a cardinal to get him inside the room and he insists on bringing his husband, because they were on vacation in rome when this all started and phillip wanted to see the sistine chapel but it got closed for conclave. to use himself as bait benoit has to get elected pope. except then he catches the murderer before he can get murdered and now he's stuck as pope. gay married pope, oops! is this anything

[cronchy-dumbass]

underrated thing about wang baoxiang is how utterly pathetic he is. intentionally provokes his brother every time they interact because having esen be mad at him for something he did on purpose is easier than being vulnerable and then is like how could esen think i hate him :(( goes around rolling his eyes at all these Idiots who don't consider the Needs of the Common Folk and then gets grossed out whenever a servant dares to speak to him. constantly thinking about Hot Men Exercising and how much they all want to fuck each other probably. hasn't emotionally matured past the age of fifteen (he is twenty-three). thinks of himself as a Character instead of a person so much that he gets surprised whenever the things he did for their narrative significance have actual real consequences. while being quite literally haunted by a specter of his own guilt is like hm what could this mean. well time to not sleep for another 36 hours. kills people and then throws up about it and then goes off to kill more people because surely this is the one that will fix everything right. wants to be punished for what he's done because it's the closest he can get to admitting he feels remorse. looks for his brother everywhere but only ever finds himself.

which of course culminates with him stalking miserably through the hallways looking for someone to be mad at because there needs to be someone else responsible for making his life suck but there isn't anymore because no one has power over him anymore. and he can't go back but tries to convince himself that he doesn't want to because he also needs to see himself as being In Control of Everything That's Ever Happened to Him. he wanted it all along and he likes it here actually. and he won fratricide chicken and got himself tortured and tried to show mercy and did every evil dishonorable thing and now he just has to live with it all forever. loser!!!!

[cronchy-dumbass]

my mum has severe knee problems and needs a replacement. Today she was told she's too fat to be operated on and the knee specialist suggested she gets a gastric band - which also involves surgery. So my mum was like first of all you didn't read my file because it explains that I'm not fat because I eat too much second of all you said it's impossible for me to get surgery and then suggested I get a surgery about it? He then asked her her weight and height, didn't believe her answer, and made her prove it to him because she "looks fatter than that". So she was like so you also just entirely based this on looks instead of actual numbers?

[cronchy-dumbass]

[cronchy-dumbass]

I feel like enough time has passed since Steven Universe ending to say this: inventing your own alter ego and then launching a war against yourself is an iconic move actually. It's like if Batman and Bruce Wayne had public beef except if entire armies were involved. She really Did That. She said "go big or go home" and then went so big that no-one could ever go home, and then changed the fate of the entire galaxy by faking her own death. She slutted it up bisexually and broke countless hearts along the way. Iconic move after iconic move. Non-stop slaying. A queen an icon a legend. No-one does it like her.

[cronchy-dumbass]

What does the reconciliation between Haddock and Tintin look like? Up to the gallery there's a lot of implied sentiment. Do they ever talk about it? Does Tintin ever ask for advice / talk about his feelings for Chang with Haddock and Nash??

they haven't discussed things openly but have sort of gone back to being friends again, with lingering thoughts going on in the background. They both have an idea that they're queer but haven't come out explicitly.

haddock's british and tintin's belgian, would they ever sit down and just talk about feelings?

this follows on from this! chang has asked tintin to go dancing with him after tintin finally escapes the cave

[cronchy-dumbass]

I remember discussing Tintin casting choices with a friend from Germany and remarked how it was odd he often has an English accent in adaptations rather than a Belgian one, and my friend just replied "that's because Tintin gives incredibly strong English boy energy (derogatory)"

Here in the UK there's a lot of weird classism tied into accents. Today accent diversity and representation in broadcasting is actively pursued but in Tintin's time there certainly was a preferred accent to have.

imagine this exchange happens between pages 28-29 in The Crab with the Golden Claws

[cronchy-dumbass]

I decided to redraw one of my earliest Tintin fancomics! I've been drawing Tintin fanart for a bit before I started posting online.

I can imagine Tintin having a tumultuous relationship with his editor, hardly ever being in the office and having a very low rate of writing articles. Tintin's increasingly liberal politics also clash with the newspaper's conservative values. Tintin and his editor frequently argue over this but Tintin almost always wins out, as he is aware that it is his articles that sell the paper. His editor is reluctant to let go of his golden goose.

More headcanon under the Read More! It's background stuff and things about his editor.

Tintin started his journalism career at just 14, and seeing the dangerous situations he is sent into in his early stories suggests to me that whoever hired him didn't have his best interests at heart. I can imagine his editor taking advantage of Tintin's ambition and naivety, while styling himself as a sort of father figure to the newspaper he runs. I based him off of the editor we see at the very start of Tintin in the Land of the Soviets!

His editor hires him after Tintin demonstrates remarkable skills in investigative journalism, uncovering local corruption for his school paper. He takes advantage of Tintin's naivety, sending him off to various countries to write conservative propaganda pieces for the paper. He hopes Tintin will be easy to groom into a conservative pundit, but after witnessing atrocities and coming into contact with people from different walks of life, Tintin finds himself unlearning a lot of harmful beliefs he was raised with. After he earns global recognition in Tintin in America, Tintin leverages his star power to ensure less editorial interference with his work. His journey away from conservatism is kickstarted upon befriending Chang, who directly challenges a lot of his preconceptions.

Tintin stays with the paper under the misguided belief that he can steer the publication in a better direction with his influence. Deep down he also feels he owes his editor, as it was him who gave Tintin a platform and an oppurtunity to escape his situation, being raised in an orphanage and being deeply unhappy in school. His editor also frequently points out that other papers will not be as lenient with his low turnover rate of articles, and that he's lucky he's still with them.

After Tintin gets Chang a job there as his photographer, Chang ends up befriending a lot of the staff. He's one of the few non white staff members there, which causes quite the stir. While Chang is grateful for the job, he becomes increasingly uncomfortable with working for them the more he learns about the paper. He tells Tintin that by staying there, he's only legitimising the publication.

Tensions at the paper start rising as political tension rises in Europe. Tintin, Chang, and a lot of staff notice their editor acting erratically and making strange demands...

[cronchy-dumbass]

as newspapers today dont tend to hire children, a modern day Tintin would run a clickbait YouTube channel, except the clickbait is 100% real every single time

he starts off as an irritating conservative pundit at 14, meets Chang then leaves the think tank paying him and launches his own independent channel and blows up shortly after. Chang helps with video editing and managing his socials and they often chat on video calls between adventures. Haddock, his foster dad, has absolutely no knowledge of his earlier videos.

[cronchy-dumbass]

EVERYTHING HAPPENS TO ME

[cronchy-dumbass]

“You see, Tintin, Londoners are a particularly miserable subspecies of Englishman. Subterranean, anti-social, you could kill one with eye contact alone-”

“Captain, now is really not the time.”

It’s 1940. London is getting firebombed by Nazis. For the past few years Tintin and Chang have been out of work, having been outed as a couple by the press. They have spent some time travelling around with an ageing Captain Haddock to foil various fascist plots. Upon hearing about the bombing runs on London they go up to check on Chang’s uncle, who has an antique shop in Limehouse.

More story details under the Read More. Let me know if there’s anything you wish for me to tag, cw for mentions of racism:

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[cronchy-dumbass]

"But don't let its beauty fool you. This plant can be processed into a powerful neurotoxin which can cause near permanent madness unless treated!"

Professor Calculus, upon developing a state-of-the-art automated hydroponics and pesticides delivery system, has been invited to judge a prestigious international flower show at the largest botanical garden in Belgium.

Botany experts and amateurs from around the world attend - Professor Zalamea is there to showcase his bizarre genetically modified bioluminescent blue oranges, Nash is displaying some of his explorations into living sculpture, and Castafiore is geared up to perform in the evening. Most controversially of all, Professor Fang Hsi Ying, a world leading expert on mental health, is showcasing his research on the Rajaijah plant, a plant historically used to produce madness poison.

It's this exhibit that causes a stir at the event. Security is on high alert. After the poison was used a few years ago in several high profile drug smuggling cases that were embroiled in politics, the plant is anticipated to be a subject of fear and Orientalism. Protestors calling for its destruction flock the event, and there are rumours of a plot to steal the rare plant. The organisers hope that the controversy will generate ticket sales and revenue.

Tintin and Chang are there to report on the goings on, having just confessed their feelings for each other. They're not sure what they are just yet - but even without a madness poison, Tintin's head is in a spin!

I had the idea to bring back Rajaijah juice for some time and was intially going to set it at a garden party, but I received this message from anon some time ago:

And I just loved the Drama of a botanical garden a whole lot more!

Because of the time it takes for me to make stuff and the planning that goes into my posts I do take a very long time to respond to messages, and sometimes multiple people send similar messages anticipating stuff I already have planned, so if I come across as standoffish I apologise, I just have a lot on my plate (by my own design tbh)!

I love every message I receive, I started this blog intending to respond to every message but that's becoming unrealistic ;_; I keep your messages to read back whenever I need motivation, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you if you've sent me an ask!

[cronchy-dumbass]

"It's hopeless! Every man who has gone in is either too large to fit down the squeeze or they completely lose their nerve and turn tail!"

"Don't despair, we'll get him out. We just need someone small, tough, and with no sense of self preservation."

A caver is stuck down a gypsum cave and has sparked a media frenzy. Tintin's editor sends him to America to get in on the story, but Tintin quickly discovers that while the attention the story garnered might have sent more help the caver's way, the disruptive crowds, moneyed interests and media circus might have only aided the cave's endeavour in holding its prisoner captive.

[cronchy-dumbass]

“I saw it with my own two eyes, it was huge. Slimy! It crawled across the path, trailing mucus and blood-”

“-Naw! It walked on legs! And it had fur, like a camel!”

“And a big sail on its back!”

Relations are tense between Haddock, Tintin and Chang after returning from China. A wave of monster mania is sweeping Loch Broom, and the paper Tintin and Chang work for wants them to go and investigate. With Tintin reluctant to go due to the falling out, Haddock makes the decision to take Chang up to Loch Broom himself, having spent childhood holidays at that loch and wanting to prove to himself that his personal worth isn’t reliant on Tintin’s heroism.

With everyone hunting for the beast, will everyone be willing to confront their own monsters?

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