crossyourminds - Tumblr blog

crossyourminds · 8 years ago

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You Want 2 Know My Story?

Well, if this is my story being told to you, I would like to write it in a format more fitting for my persona. I just never really liked the whole, “limit your imagination to five paragraphs and two hundred and fifty words,” kind of thing. My name, is Adrey Arroyo. I am not your average 19 year old with daddy’s money or dreams of being a doctor. I, just like any other being on this Earth, have come across many different obstacles that have brought me to where I am today. And today, I’m sitting in front of a computer screen expressing that change.

Going to school as an obese, Mexican, child in the predominantly white world I call Santa Clarita, I was never really considered accepted or cool enough to talk to. Previously living in East Palmdale, the “hood,” was no different. I was constantly bullied verbally and physically. I was “that kid.” The fat kid. Not having many friends or anyone that wanted to play handball with a handball, I resorted to writing. I figured if I couldn’t have any friends, than I could create them with my mind using a piece of paper and pencil. I began to write and draw. I always enjoyed comparing things to reality. Like colors to emotions or pictures to sounds. Just being able to understand one thing more than once truly fascinated me.

Just like life at school, life at home was no different. Constantly looked upon as a self image, my father considered himself a failure when he would see the public point or laugh at me. My father, was my biggest bully. He was the voice inside my head. “Don’t eat this,” or “you can’t do that,” is pretty much what I grew up with. My mother was the more caring soft spoken one, at times. Although caring and being spoken to softly was nice from time to time, my mother had trouble staying happy. See my mom flipped her emotions faster than a coin toss at a football game.

Not having anyone to truly rely on or consider a true friend, I feared school. I was terrified of what occurred behind the walls of Saugus High school. I didn’t wanna go. But I had reached a point in my life of pure exhaustion. I had grown with so much anger and no way to release it, I was bound to explode. I was tired of the name calling. I was tired of the laughing. I was tired of the exclusion. I was tired of the bullshit. So I lost it.

I lost 65 pounds that summer going into my freshman year. I started school as a completely different person. Although that difference was merely physical, I was still an awkward kid and feared talking to someone other than my reflection. I was no longer pointed at for the rolls on my sides. Shit. I wasn’t even acknowledged anymore. I went from creating so much attention among the student body to nothing but a ghost that walked the campus. Invisible. A nobody.

At this point, I had never been more confused in my entire life. I did what they all wanted me to do. I lost weight. I lost the fat they all knew me for and now they didn’t even have the decency to say hi to me. I was more mad now than fat. I gave up again. Except this time, it wasn’t physical. This, is when it hit me. I gave up trying to be accepted. To me, this was my fate. I let go.

I no longer cared. If you wanted to talk to me I would talk back, and if not than I didn’t. I figured I owed it to myself to be happy and if I couldn’t be happy than I could at least create something that would. My words of imagination throughout the years were still piling up. But paper just couldn’t capture it anymore. I was no longer satisfied with letters on a sheet of a dead tree. I needed life. I needed images. I needed to create these words to reality. I wanted us, to understand us. I need the world to understand our one world more than once. So I joined my video production class as a freshman in high school.

They say comfort brings out the best in you, and I think that’s what Mr. Williams’ video class taught me that year. I had never been more comfortable with a crowd. I finally felt accepted with being myself. (Who woulda known that it would have ever been in from of the camera?) I found myself heavily into the film community at school, both in front and behind the camera. I became (somewhat) the face of my school’s news (SNN : Saugus News Network). I became the popular kid. I became the exact, social, opposite of what I was just a few years ago.

Life as a high school, ignorant, popular kid always disgusted me. I hated the bullying and the put downs, so I made sure I connected and socialized with all personalities. I was an awkward person. But the only popular one. I reached out to those going through personal issues like that of myself. I was referred to the safe school ambassadors club and later referred to a students mentor training. After 6 months of after school psychological training, I was certified as one of my high schools student mentors (student psychologist). So in a way I guess I have the mind of a psychologist. The mind and it’s constant flips truly attracted me.

Again, needing a new form of releasing my understandings of the mind, I needed a new form of “preaching” if you will. I was introduced to music after a relentless breakup. The typical high school sweet heart heartbreak. She cheated on me. This being the cutest girl I’ve ever spoken to, let alone the only girlfriend I’ve ever had, I was unprepared for the dark times my mind was about to go through. I reached a stage of pure confusion and depression where I just became hungry with my thoughts and could not keep them in any longer.

The following morning, I skated my ass over to best buy and bought myself a keyboard with the money I was gonna use for her christmas present. This by far was the best investment I have ever made. I locked myself in my room and literally taught myself to play by sound. Hungry for release, I poured my little heart out on these keys. This wack breakup story is literally what brought me into the world of sounds and their power behind what those words can really do to someone.

Although a lot of my songs were soft as fuck, my anger about the situation started making it’s appearance a lot more comfortable around me. I think just being so secluded with nothing but your pissed heart broke ass you tend to go a little crazy. This, is when “dre.” was born. I found comfort releasing my anger almost literal as another persona. Someone much darker that was nothing of my real personality. A form of diary, if you will. I guess that’s when my boy Javier made a remix beat to System of a Down’s Lonely Day, and the hate letter I had wrote to my ex (never intended to send to her) started to just flow over the beat.

This song is what created my music outlook today. To tell the truth and help you understand that there is more than one way of understanding something, and that’s completely okay. You’re not crazy, there’s other people out there experiencing the same shit you are. You are not alone. The ironic beauty, Lonely Day, is what established me as an artist in the LA area. The utter truth. Who woulda known so many would be so inspired by it?

Losing a best friend and 17 years old was also quite a stir in my personality, but after months of retaliation and personal obstacles, I found myself at ease with Nutmeg. Feeling loss and truly experiencing it will fuck you up, but it’s whether or not you get yourself out of it to acknowledge what exactly it was that you lost. Now admiring what I still have, I cherish those moments with those around me who helped me change and grow into the artist I am today.

Graduating without the presence of my father, made it pretty obvious that both he and I never really had a relationship. I moved out days after the ceremony and began my job as a production assistant for a production company in hollywood. I had to grow up. Fast.

Life won’t ever hit you harder than when you first realize you have bills and food to buy. Without meeting those standards, you ain’t getting no where. I think that same stress just being piled on me, along with my fathers, is what really fucked up my body. That december, I was diagnosed with osteoporosis and possible osteosarcoma, leading to several prescription drugs and labs. Mysecond home was now the hospital. Living at my own expense and stubbornness, I kept the whole cancer ordeal to myself. I didn’t let any body know, including my family. I received radiation treatment on my cranium to loosen and release any cells and liquids within my brain. So, let’s just say I got part of the idea of being a patient.

After months of bipolar doctors, giving me one hope and shooting it down with a lab, I gave in. I told my mom and she pleaded that I moved in. Again being a stubborn fuck, I asked my mom that she kept it to herself and that the only way I’m moving back home, is if I don’t live in the house. (I could not live under the same roof as my pops) So we began the studio building process. After a few weeks of construction my backyard studio and lounge was built. The Tabernacle was born. I moved into my studio and spend almost all of my time just vibing in there. I had it built with a recording booth along with a two way mirror into it. The other half of the studio is a blank wall I use for shooting my films n photos.

A year later, I’m finally able to start physical activity and work again. I’ve been without a job for months now because I couldn’t stand for over ten minutes without creating too much pressure on my spine and cranium. Funny story is that I also just lost my newest girl to it. I guess seeing me become a loser due to medical shit just wasn’t attractive to her anymore. It’s a beautiful thing to hear a doctor tell you you’re good. Not just, fine, but YOU GOOD. Losing people in this road to recovery has only opened my eyes to a broader audience. Getting through a bone disease without the support of my father has made my bones brittle but stronger. I got through this shit. I really got through this shit, and I didn’t become a disabled young adult, I really did get through this shit. On myown.

To help mesh why I wrote this big of an entry to my music link, is to help you understand what your listening to. To know not only the story behind the sound, but the building of it also. This is my diary to you. And as any individual who pertains to any higher being, keep that aside. Growing up as a strict catholic active in my church, I’ve had to learn how to put all that aside to help youunderstand more than once. Not only in your perspective, but those of your neighbors, your class mates, your annoyances and obsessions. This sound cloud page is a story being untold to you. You take your perspective on it. All I’m doing is reassuring you in what you might believe is right.

The choice is yours.

I am Adrey.

22 years old.

Alive.

And fucking breathing.

-dre.

(click on the music tab)

soundcloud.com/adreyarroyo

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