crowned-abyss

[crowned-abyss]

[crowned-abyss]

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

[crowned-abyss]

[crowned-abyss]

"sludge era" (mini comic)

[crowned-abyss]

[crowned-abyss]

[crowned-abyss]

[crowned-abyss]

[crowned-abyss]

Garfield without garfield comics are an absolute treasure trove for mentally ill moods just LOOK

[crowned-abyss]

being alone all the time feels fine until you have a normal conversation with someone then its like ohhhh i was losing my mind ok.

[crowned-abyss]

[crowned-abyss]

family appalled that their very quiet well behaved mature child who never caused any problems has grown up and turned out to have many many problems. more news at 8!

[crowned-abyss]

I think that if ur a lil fucked up for reasons beyond ur control then u should be allowed to have a bit of fun with it. as a treat

[crowned-abyss]

[crowned-abyss]

there’s an autism test going around again, and those are always WILD to take as an adult who has actively worked to adapt to certain symptoms.  My score has almost definitely “improved” by neurotypical standards because I put in an unholy amount of effort to get there.  I didn’t “become normal”.

I was a deeply anxious child with no idea how to interact with other children and could rarely identify my OWN emotions, let alone how they looked on others.  I got badly bullied because all of my social interactions were “off”, too forward or too quiet and too fixated on single topics.

As an adult, I work in training, where I often teach classes to large groups of strangers, and every year my performance reviews are full of comments about me being friendly and welcoming.  I get along with most of my coworkers, even the ones I have nothing in common with.

I have not become less autistic.  Nothing became instinctive or “just makes sense”.  I didn’t “grow out of it”.  I have 10+ years of therapy under my belt and understanding friends who were safety nets while I tried new things and let me ask “weird” questions about body language or social interactions.  I learned body language the same way I learned math– by reading instructions, by practicing, by cheating off someone sitting next to me if I had to.

And I only got through it at all because I find people interesting; if I’d been bored by them, I’d have been stuck, and no amount of intervention would have gotten past that stumbling block.  I weaponized a special interest in personality development to get here.

I still struggle without accommodations my peers don’t need.  I still can’t go to concerts or clubs or loud parties.  I can still lose myself for hours in a special interest and forget to eat.  I still miss euphemistic jokes if I haven’t heard them before.  I still struggle with executive dysfunction and sensory problems, and if there’s a NEW social skill to learn, I’ve got to figure it out from the starting line.

Getting good at navigating around your disability doesn’t mean it went away.

[crowned-abyss]

[crowned-abyss]