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crows-junk-pile · 6 days ago

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SILLY LITTLE TEAM WIDE THOUGHTS I HAVE

1. both teams have been essentially pavloved to hate the color of the other team. they don’t even notice it, half the time. they won’t buy certain things if it’s the enemy’s color. it could be something they’ve always wanted, they finally saved up some money for it, and if it only comes in the enemy team’s color they just won’t buy it. and vice versa, they’re more likely to buy something that is in their team’s color, even if it’s not exactly what they wanted but close enough to it, then they’ll get it in their team’s color. this urge varies throughout each teammate, but is prevalent throughout both teams.

2. both teams love interacting with the scouts, but they mainly love fucking with them, despite their team orientation, because the scouts are the best humored people on the team. both scouts have a penchant for a good old roast, and can take it just as much as they can dish it out. and both scouts are quite friendly! scout is one of the few teammates who both teams feel comfortable interacting with, regardless of the team. both scouts have done a wonderful job at blending the lines between the mercenaries being a team, and the mercenaries being friends, and the mercenaries being a family, and if scout wasn’t there, neither team would function nearly as efficiently or closely as they do now, because they just wouldn’t have the level of trust they do.

3. the soldiers love playing chess. neither one of them are very good at it, and they talk about their moves as they plan them, but they are confident that they will slowly get better. depending on who they’re playing with, their opponent will either take advantage of the outward pondering or decide to indulge them. and watching them play chess together is a hoot. it becomes an entire cooperative experience as the teams gather to listen to the men debate and argue about the game of war. sometimes they’ll even chime in, and give them various strategies to use against each other! but the outward telling of movements is going to be a hell of a habit to break when they get better.

4. the pyros often switch out their positions on the team and they’re pretty sure nobody notices. sometimes the blu pyro wants to feel… warm. when they converse with the red pyro in off times, they always seem so warm. and the blu pyro doesn’t really get that with their team. not that they don’t love their team, by any means, but they’re just… cold. reserved. and the red pyro sometimes needs a break from the bustle of the red team! sometimes the idea of teammates that actually… respect them enough to give them their space sounds very appealing. so they switch! the red engineer is the only man who notices the switch. he elects to play along. obviously the blu pyro needs something if they are desperate enough to board with the enemy for it. and the red pyro always comes back refreshed and ready to socialize. so he supposes they’re getting something out of it, too.

5. the demomen run a side hustle of a dueling piano bar. it actually gets quite a bit of business! the men get rowdy, so the bar gets loud. you can hear them banging on the piano down the block, and the drunken cheers that come from the bar. they try to keep this away from the team. this is one of the few things that they both feel like tavish, and not like demo. the blu demo will go by finnegan so there’s no confusion. they tell people they’re twins. travelers and locals of town of teufort love tavish finnegan degroot. though, both men do play alone at their bases occasionally, of which everyone appreciates! they just both wish they could be tavish in those moments. not demoman.

6. both heavies have a penchant for good natured pranks. from scaring the team around corners to elaborate goose chases that span all day, if not multiple days, it is the number one way to not only get both heavies involved further into the team, but really bring them both out of their shell! it is arguably one of their most normal hobbies. both of them also understand when to knock it off, but will go to the ends of the earth for a prank war. usually, this is all in good fun on both teams, and brings them together. as long as nobody takes it too far. the doctors are their favorite targets because they hate it. it freaks them out.

7. the same way the engineers will work together to make creations for the betterment of mann co as a company, is the same way they steal the others’ original blueprints. this has become a dangerous side game the teams play with each other, that nobody but the engineers get paid for. but the team does love the thrill of a good covert operation. and nobody realizes because nobody cares— neither do the texans— but they are a de facto informant for the higher ups. neither one of them fulfill this duty in any way that matters to administration. if anything, both men insist that this team is full of morons. and that’s genuinely for the best of everyone. the less higher ups know, the more freedom everyone has to do what they really want.

8. both doctors scoot around their respective infirmaries, and occasionally the base, on wheeled stools. they have become quite skilled on them! the red doctor is a little more reckless, and has a tendency to run over feet. but when you can’t see him coming, it’s a little harder to get out of the way. and the blu doctor is refined, able to get exactly where he needs to be in as little as a push. both doctors are also avid cyclists. they don’t wear the garb because they think it’s stupid, but they both have bikes. and if they need to get somewhere, they’ll bike there. the medics also have the most odd effect of their distaste for the enemy colors. the only reason the blu doctor isn’t as messy as his counterpart is because he likes the way deoxygenated blood looks in the veins. it’s clean, it’s neat, and he knows exactly where it’s going. the red doctor doesn’t care. he just wants to see red.

9. both snipers are quite physically fit people, they just Look Like That. the australians get thorough enjoyment from full physical exertion, they just are not prime physical combatants. they prefer solo adventuring and survival, and they’ll stick together if they want to be gone for extended periods of time. they also share parental custody. they think the mundys haven’t noticed. they absolutely notice that they’ve got one kid who’s their shy goofy little boy and another who is their explosion of a goofy little boy. they don’t have favorites and they love them both dearly i refuse to feed into the blu sniper parent angst the mundys know and they love their boys. they don’t know how it keeps happening but every time another falls into their lap they just say “oh boy, another one!” they’re thinking about renaming one of them. give him his own identity. and off the field, the snipers see each other as brothers.

10. everyone knows the spies swap information. what they don’t know is how the spies keep their information so up to date, and how it seems to be untouchable in the sense of sullying via inaccurate information. between the both of them, there is not a single piece of false information that is spread between them. they vehemently fact check each other, keep tabs on the enemy team to ensure the intel they’re getting is correct, and frankly, they don’t lie to each other in the first place! the spies database of information on their teammates is a sacred text between the two of them. they feel no need to conceal information from the other, and the information is never used outside of their interactions. anything that the spies pick up past their meetings to keep their information clean is free game, though. they call it “brunch with friends” to their teammates. and in their defense, they do go eat!

11. both teams are incredibly vicious, and effective, and tight knit. just not in the same ways as each other. while the red team has care and respect built on their trust for each other, the blu team has an innate trust and care with each other built on respect. the red team knows they can rely on their teammates for anything, on and off the field, but they’re messy, and get overly involved with each others personal lives, and it muddies their waters. the blu team, however, gives each other the respect of privacy and space. there isn’t any waxing poetic unless both teammates are open and willing. it is a near insurmountable task to break the unit. and if someone is in a real issue, they will come to each others aid. they don’t have to enforce that by talking to each other. it’s just part of the job. and they do care, but they care about the effectiveness of the team. the battling of different facets of their personalities has forced them to assess not only their own strengths, but their weaknesses. because, aside from a few key similarities, both teams know that wherever they lack is where their counterpart is strong, and they’ve had to use that while strategizing to ensure that everyone’s bases are covered all the time. this leads to many stalemates, and it only takes one teammate being off their game to derail an entire battle. there is not enough people for anyone to slack off because nobody can take their place to supplement without leaving their own position uncovered.

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crows-junk-pile · 6 days ago

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MY OWN PERSONALLY LONG AWAITED SEQUEL. MURDERING ASS MERCS.

scout: scout doesn’t put a body on his hands unless he’s asked to. he doesn’t mind, by any means, but he does prefer to just beat someone within an inch of their life and send them home as a warning. that’s his personal preferred method. usually the bodies he’s gaining are from him just… forgetting what he was doing, and realizing he’s mid-swing, and thinking “damn… i guess im killing this guy” and just continuing until they stop struggling. and they see he’s genuinely lost as to what he was doing, and they don’t realize that is not the time to try to plead their case. in fact, he’s more likely to finish the job if they start yapping. then he’s gotta deal with the body. this is much more where he’s suited. he can get a body across town without showing up on a CCTV or a single offhand witness statement. and he’s not bad with a butcher knife. he’s not scientific like the doctor is, nor particularly skilled at butchering, he’s just trying to get the body into the smallest pieces to toss in a bag and sink in the farthest body of water in the state. and the willis family has friends everywhere. he can get it somewhere to get it as compact as possible.

soldier: soldier doesn’t kill people. soldier just does his job. and sometimes that job is making every living thing in the room that did not travel there with him not live anymore, but that’s not killing. that’s him doing his job. though soldier is a verified violent and bloodthirsty man, he’s got some restraint to him. nobody dies by his hand unless he’s told specifically people have to die. once the magic words are uttered, get out of the way. he’s been known for friendly fire when he’s really involved. soldier also doesn’t have a give for his murders. they’re bloody and sometimes fast. sometimes the victims end up in pieces and he’s gotta pick up the pieces in plastic bags. normally, soldiers own body count goes under the radar in comparison to his teammates, who have more gruesome and defining murders. for soldier, if the body isn’t breathing then it’s a job well done. he might take some teeth, or some fingers, or an ear or both of them, but nothing he does can really hold a candle to his more morbid teammates. at least he’s kind enough to make it quick. sometimes.

pyro: the team definitely knows when pyro is in a mood and on a roll, for lack of better term. most people, in fact, who are aware of pyro’s existence will know because the news won’t stop talking about a string of arsons and fire related murders. and when the team looks at pyro and asks “pyro, Did You Do That?” pyro will absolutely get red hot pissed off. yes, they did do it, but holy shit, what happened to innocent until proven guilty around here? why is it okay for everyone else to kill and bludgeon people— hell, the doctor is straight up kidnapping people off the streets and selling the organs but the second pyro kills one measly person it’s a crime? there’s one charred body and now it’s a crime? all of a sudden setting things on fire is a crime? give them a fucking break. get off their tits, clit, dick and balls. are we not all criminals here? do we not all have a side hobby? god forbid pyro has a hobby. pyro is the only mercenary who doesn’t need a reason to add another body to the list. them waking up in a good mood is enough reason for them to go spread some cheer. funerals are fun if you plan them right.

demo: the first of three of the most passionate killers on the team, tavish is a man of action and commitment. he is fiery, and bright, and generally lovely to be around! however demo has a penchant for getting very carried away in the heat of a moment. this can go so well in so many ways (so many ways…) but this can also become a nightmare scenario if demo thinks you’re worth the trouble. sometimes he also cannot help himself. he just gets so mad. and before he knows it there’s blood on his hands and he can’t see very well and he feels… fuzzy. satisfied. exhausted, somewhat. demo also, arguably, has the bloodiest murders on his rap sheet. if he’s got death on his mind, he’s going to achieve it, and the harder the victims fight the worse it will be. and of course, nobody wants to die, and victims don’t realize that when he asks them not to struggle, that it just hurts them both more in the end, they don’t realize that’s genuine. he’ll just slit their throat and let them bleed out if they would let him do that. but they end up unidentifiable. he takes the teeth for that purpose specifically. gives them to the blu soldier. it’s a gift!

heavy: heavy will swear up and down he does not “have a passion for killing”. the team tells him to not make them laugh. the enemy team would just laugh. the second of the three most passionate killers on the team, heavy never realizes how much he savors the feeling of violence because he is mentally checked out. so only the team registers the way he chews at his bottom lip before battle. how he almost seems impatient, no, excited. they’re the ones who register the glint in his eyes when he’s given a new contract, and how he comes back with a bigger ego than when he left. hell, they see the way he treats his guns. the enemy team notices how, even with his hands around their neck, there’s a smile creeping its way on his face as they lose their life. nobody would ever want to be on heavy’s bad side. but heavy doesn’t target people who will be missed, either. nobody really knows what he’s done. he doesn’t find it particularly interesting to talk about in states of sobriety. but both teams are pretty aware as to what he’s willing to do. what he won’t add is that whatever they think he’s willing to do, he’s willing to take it further. on solo contracts, he brings sascha. if it’s just him, he doesn’t mind making a little more noise. he’s not quite competent again until he’s reloading. but he never feels guilty. in fact, he feels great. it’s what makes losing with the team on the field feel so horrid.

engineer: engineer’s criminal record is clean because he has friends in high places. so he’s less a convicted felon and more a cleared person of interest in many, many missing persons cases. many people want to see this specific conagher fry. and most of those people have been taken care of, as well. the third of the three most passionate killers on the team, dell used to be a real spitfire. he would get someone’s existence wiped clean from american records if he didn’t like how they looked at him. and with his more influential friends, he got away and still continues to get away with it. the conaghers have a chokehold on the bee cave and surrounding county politics. and every conagher uses it in their own way. as engineer has grown and matured, he feels a lot more regret about his actions. but they’ve already been done. and if you put him back there, he’d probably do it again. and he will continue to indulge the urge if he feels he has enough reason to. and none of the bodies will ever be found. but with the gravel war, and being on the front lines of it, he gets his fill of violence. he normally has no need to target others. he’s pleased with his share!

medic: the only people who call medic’s long list of egregious acts against humanity “crimes of passion” are people who are sexually attracted to him. and most of those people are promptly dismissed. this isn’t a passion, it’s his career. when business is good, this shit makes him so much money he doesn’t fucking care. the experiments are his passion (but he’s not going to get on the news to explain that). the man makes his money murdering and harvesting and occasionally butchering and selling and framing whoever he can for it. and the man is so big brained in his frame jobs, by the time anyone actually questions it he’s skipped town. he’s taken out so many academic rivals that way. murders are normally coined by the distinct lack of organs. something is always missing. it makes the victims’ families sick. their loved ones will never be whole again. and he doesn’t really give a shit either. firstly, it wasn’t like he autopsied them alive. they were dead before they experienced that, and frankly the drug concoction he gives is quite humane. secondly, the organ was used, or sold. they didn’t go to waste. but they wouldn’t get it. they never do. this is no longer something he has to do. if he harvests the corpses on the field fast enough, they don’t dematerialize. most of the time.

sniper: sniper is arguably the most normal man here when it comes to murdering. he’s not killing people out of a passion of any kind. as a matter of fact, his hands aren’t bloody unless money’s involved. it’s also why his rap sheet is arguably the cleanest, with only a few charges, and none of them are particularly serious. because he will also sell you out in a heartbeat to get a lesser sentence. sniper isn’t a murderer as much as he is a man willing to do anything to keep himself afloat. and he doesn’t think that’s a shameful thing to admit. his survival must come first. whether that’s an honest days of work stocking canned tomatoes or blasting heads, it’s about the money. and one of those, he is really good at and it pays… so well. he’s willing to sacrifice most morals depending on the figure of the check. and he’s clean with it. nobody suffers more than they have to. you could call him the nicest.

spy: there is no such thing as spy showing mercy. spy gets so many solo contracts through mann co, and some unrelated requests that there is never a day spy’s hands aren’t bloody. and most people know when the frenchman has struck. there will always be one clean stab, unless you fought him. then it’s a single stab and a clean bullet between the eyes. unless you really pissed him off. then he might just unload the entire clip. on those, he’s convinced authorities there’s a copycat killer out there, even though they haven’t caught the first one yet. spy is one of the few mercenaries who still kill recreationally. though it is very rare nowadays, when spy gets an itch, every county he steps in goes into martial law, because he doesn’t leave without a minimum of five bodies. and there are never survivors. then he goes back to the base and watches the news segments. the team will join him for this, since he rarely shows himself in the base. only a few have had the sense to ask whether he had something to do with it. he answers with another question: “did i?” the team finds the question off-putting. it never seems like spy gets pleasure from murder on the battlefield. so they don’t imagine him being the type. and they would be right, it’s not a joy he gleans from it. it’s just a form of control he exercises over others when he feels like he’s unable to control anything else.

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crows-junk-pile · 6 days ago

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EVERYONE LOVES SOLDIER, MAGGOT!

scout: it took scout a minute to come around to soldier, and he won’t lie about it. the guy is a lot to deal with, and has a hairpin trigger temper. scout did not think for the most part, and still doesn’t think he could take soldier head on and come out the other side alive, much less victorious, so scout had to finagle his way into soldier’s good graces. it took about a week of doing his contractually obligated duties and he was on the guys good side. soldier is really not a difficult guy to get along with, as long as scout doesn’t mess with him or get himself involved in whatever plans he’s making, but as a fellow offense member he almost doesn’t have a choice. it’s an unspoken bond. scout will never let soldier make a dumb decision... alone.

pyro: pyro loves soldier! that’s like their best friend! soldier is very easy to follow into battle. soldier is very easy to understand! and pyro appreciates that. pyro is very thankful of the fact that soldier is one of the few mercs who don’t try to play mind games with them. neither one of them are truly able to keep up with the team in that regard, so if they keep each others backs, it’s a lot easier to get things handled directly. soldier is also the only merc pyro has to play the permanent straight role with. soldier is the only mercenary that can genuinely disturb pyro to the point of wanting another, more rational adult in the room. their plans don’t normally get that far before someone has already stepped in, be it engineer, the doctor, or literally anyone else on the team.

demo: demo quite enjoys soldier! he’s quite the good natured guy, when you catch him on his good days! sure, he is a little high spirited, and he can be rude, but when jane is having a good day, he’s a real doll to be around! he can see where other teammates have a little more of an issue with soldier, because he is simply so passionate and so committed to the decisions he makes, that personalities like tavish are one of the few that mesh well with him. tavish can maintain his own sense of self that jane simply cannot affect, and it helps greatly.

heavy: heavy is the only one who can confidently say he has personal issues with soldier. he tries to not let this get in the way with the team, but he’ll start with the fact that soldier has one more time to call him a communist before he’s twisting janes ligaments like he’s roasting chicken. soldier and heavy butt heads more often than not, and it’s worse off the field. as they’ve worked together more on the field, and forced each other to trust that they have each others backs, it’s gotten… arguably better. soldier is more respectful, heavy is less aggressive, but heavy still wouldn’t say he’s soldier’s biggest fan. it’s sad, because if soldier could chill the fuck out they would find they are actually somewhat alike. not two peas in a pod, but two men who find worth in violence. don’t ask about his sister, he will throw up.

engineer: engie has grown to really enjoy jane for who he is and what he brings to the team. sure, the man is off, and overbearing, and if you really don’t like him, he’s an actual menace to society. but there’s something about it. about the energy he brings, about his full confidence in his own stupidity. he’s never seen a man successfully brute force his way through so many situations. and it’s funny to watch every. time. there is never a time where letting soldier make a stupid mistake isn’t grounds for the funniest situation he could ever bear witness to. not to mention, the man’s hell on the field.

medic: soldier stresses medic out, and that is difficult to do. when medic is willing to play nice, they honestly get along quite well. soldier isn’t as willing to confront the doctor as he is the others. he has to trust that man to keep him alive. and soldier does, generally, trust the doctor. he’s more than willing to hop on the table, he makes irregular small talk, they finish their business and don’t speak until they are on the field. but medic harps on him for everything. it irritates soldier, and the doctor can tell, but he normally follows any advice or orders medic has to give. it is a rare occasion the doctor is able to keep a form of peace in the base. and if all else fails, the doctor will just fight him. he’s done it before.

sniper: sniper doesn’t feel one way or another about soldier, really. he’s a part of the team, so sniper relies on him the same way he relies on scout, or pyro, to keep the enemy team off his ass. granted, he’s a little closer with those two than he is with jane, but he’s been almost grandfathered into snipes’ personal clique, as the offensive teammates generally function as their own little unit. since sniper is cool with scout, and cool with pyro, it’s natural that he is cool with soldier too. and having the offensive classes on his side helps. they’re more willing to try to integrate sniper’s safety into their strategies.

spy: shockingly, spy gets along with soldier the most out of the offense classes, and soldier gets along with spy the most out of the support classes. of course, spy does not expect to be having philosophical discussions with soldier, but there’s other teammates he can do that with. at the very least, his marginal association with soldier offers him slight protection on the field. soldier can normally get either scout or pyro to interference if spy requests aid. spy just has to request it. spy is honestly not sure what soldier gets out of interacting with him, but he supposes he shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

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crows-junk-pile · 6 days ago

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DELTARUNE SPOILERS!

I'm so excited, you can't imagine, I screamed all over the house when I saw this! I have a hedcanon that Sans from deltarune wears sneakers Is actually so bad in the context of the story, But I'm enjoying every second of it.

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crows-junk-pile · 6 days ago

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