crumbprince

[crumbprince]

How did you train your cats to not wake you up?

By rolling over and stubbornly feigning sleep if they did.

Their brains are little cause-effect engines. If standing next to your face and yelling until you feed them doesn't actually produce that result, they'll eventually stop doing it. You just have to outlast them.

[crumbprince]

meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you. meows at you.

[crumbprince]

i love when ppl draw elias bouchard wearing like anachronistic ass emerald green waistcoats and a monocle in their fanart bc it makes s1 so much funnier to think about. like you know what? yeah actually if i was jonathan sims and my fucking freak of a boss dressed like that and did an evil monologue voice at all times and paid me to read ghost stories in his basement all day, i would also probably be like "yeah this is a deeply unserious job and i am the only normal person here. sick paycheck tho" and then clock the fuck out without ever thinking about those fuckass statements again!! like what are we dunking on him for!! who would chalk that up to anything other than "my weirdass boss has clearly taken his eccentric edwardian magician LARP too far but goddamn if that check doesn't come in every month"

[crumbprince]

[crumbprince]

y’all remember being 15? That was fucked up

[crumbprince]

I guffawed out loud because THIS

[crumbprince]

being fat is hot. when i see other fat people it makes me happy. people act like fat positivity is a cope because they couldn't possibly imagine a world where someone would prefer to be fat. but guess what, i do. i love being fat. i think im so sexy that way. i think other people are sexy that way. the only bad thing about being fat is interacting with insecure thin bitches who just absolutely NEED you to want to look like them, they NEED you to affirm their worldview and they NEED to feel better about themselves by judging your body. but i refuse, and im happy being fat

[crumbprince]

[crumbprince]

[crumbprince]

children are so fucking funny man. i just overheard a kid go “i just learned a new way to pinch, wanna see it? it hurts a lot more!” followed by a loud, notably pained scream

[crumbprince]

[crumbprince]

Amazing how you can just go on twitter and be like 'i saw a trans woman in public today' and everyone will be like tell us what happened' and you can be like 'well I was in public and there was a woman who I think was trans' and they'll be like and how did that make you feel 'it made me so so uncomfortable' and people will be like did this woman engage with you in any way 'yes she smiled at me and said good morning' and everyone will be like oh noes!! A traumatic experience! You were so so brave about the trans woman! And then major newspapers will publish stories like 'breaking news: trans woman in public making people uncomfortable'. And then if anyone is like 'this is fucking ridiculous' they get called a pedophile.

[crumbprince]

I neverr lose

[crumbprince]

Feel like I’ve seen an uptick in this nonsense lately, so for the record now and always: I fucking hate generative AI, I fucking refuse to use generative AI, I will be writing every story and email and shitpost from my own brain forever and ever, amen. Whatever gnarly, dumbass, horny, awesome, insane shit I write is all homegrown, baby. Each and every em dash and semi-colon has been placed with a kiss and a middle finger to AI.

[crumbprince]

Uni at 1 year old. Still baby-faced :3