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I have always yearned to leave but now i feel Stuck. I have grown too large and desparate and bitter to remain where i am
#the woes#i am filled with so much angst im like if a mtn dew addicted 13 yo alternating btwn sugar rushes and crashes had legal adult rights
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Oh i could throw up any second now god help me Fuck
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Im going to explode and implode and tear my skin off and tense every muscle in my body till they snap
#my brain is styrofoam balls and * is ethanol and its leaking into my body constantly its cyclical its poison#going normal#irs like going crazy but you go normal#OVERWHELMED
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Im so miserable im going to throw up all boys born in 2003 know is love someone get abandoned fight through life tooth n nail and reluctantly settle just cope w what u got
#its just DUMB and SHIT#number one u would have 5 billion opportunities here but etc whatever ive acvepted thatz not happening#could even do it here later after u finish#secondly u have barely any idea what the real world is like respectfully#three no mattrr how much u like solidarity all ur gonna do is create more distance btwn urself and the ppl who love u#ik im a very poignant case but other ppl gaf too does that count for anything#youll be miserable to some degree i truly doubt ur as fine w it as u think u are based off the past n shit u say n just how brains work#fourth of all yea its just dumb and weird and sus and a horribke time to do smth like this#fiveth i miss you i miss you i miss you i dont want to go a year and a half withut seeing yiu fuck fuck FUCK#sixthly i dont even know just pleaze dont do it genuinely for ur own good but also the good of my heart im sick of hurting#ur doing full time u have no support u have detrimental habits u get socially drained easily u put too much pressure on urself#u have too many hobbies#its not weak to not be able to do it the only ppl that can di shit like this have no persobaity no life are nt and have support#ik ur built diff or whztever but thisnis just unrealistix and u can do the same tjing later in a better context and gwt more out of it#without destroying urself#please come home
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I dont want to deal with anything else this is too much
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adriana varejão: histórias às margens [at the margins] - museu de arte moderna de são paulo (2013)
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Im so ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ i hste everything abt this but i love u
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Im miserable and i have been for years but now over the past few days i feel it hard and i feel guilty and retarded too now
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#she was so horrible but i need her for what she once was and could be im small and im hurting#she fucked up but i think shes also just small and hurting and trying in all the wrong ways
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Im so sick of this i might throw up
#i hate time it is the one true enemy#im so stressed and fuckimg upset#is it rlly that hard to reply to me on time when om trying to organise smth for us#it takes a while to readjust and it hurts it hurts it hurts a d i widh we didnt hsve to#why did i have to send those messages i literally knew as i was sending them that they were cutting and unhelpful and dumb#last night was fucking horrible andmy dreams were a direct punch to the brain today was so shit i just want everything to br normal and ok#i want my mum#i want him#fuck my life
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