crustaceanchauffeur

[crustaceanchauffeur]

Worked good enough for me!

I been rockin' the good ol faux flips for 23 sweeps now. diced fins, saute-d gills, ollie green tattooin', baggy drip an some good ol' social paranoia and you're as good as it gets!

Get a friend to do it 'f y' can though, capiche?

Oftcas out.

thinking ab♉︎ut h♉︎w besides s♉︎me fake fins and c♉︎l♉︎red glasses, any♉︎ne c♉︎uld fake being a seadweller.

sure, itd ♉︎nly be ♉︎n first ♉︎r sec♉︎nd glance, but... it w♉︎rks. i mean, it w♉︎rks f♉︎r me, s♉︎...

bro what

[crustaceanchauffeur]

Ain't my gizzity go to, but what ever you gotta do foo'!!!

Get up some scizzies and some fire and you got some D to the Eye Why permafins i bet. Just some freestyle backways engineerin' from tchagrill.

Oftcas out.

thinking ab♉︎ut h♉︎w besides s♉︎me fake fins and c♉︎l♉︎red glasses, any♉︎ne c♉︎uld fake being a seadweller.

sure, itd ♉︎nly be ♉︎n first ♉︎r sec♉︎nd glance, but... it w♉︎rks. i mean, it w♉︎rks f♉︎r me, s♉︎...

bro what

[crustaceanchauffeur]

Howdy there Oftcas, its me! You! Now a lil fella sent in a good ol ask to us quirked all up, @ and all, and that ain't so safe! Lets do em a favor and ask that questie for em.

Tell us about the sixty-nine-no-sign himself, Kankri Vantas the Sufferer!

What's good listners! Its chagirl live from the Warren, Oftcas!. Now here we got a letter from a goo' ol listner at home- Oh woulja lookit that! 's me!

Why thank you, Oftcas. Remember grubbins and nubbins at home, you only got one life. I didn't live to be this old by doing things all fast an feckless.

Now yall kick out the lawn seats and strike up that fire cause its time fo' a real banger of a story.

 A long, long time ago right here on Alternia, before we apostrophe dults were booted right on out, before them caverns were swarmin with spawncampers and the empire was straight up hands off, a Jadeblood found a grub. Now this jadey, Mother Maryam, she was a real pitious type- to pity others, not to be pitied, and she felt her pusher get stabbed right in the feels when she saw a wriggy right on outside them caverns with not a lusus in sight and no sign at all.

No sign? Yeah infantastic fellas out there- this grubbin wasn't one of your regular hues, he was bizzare. A hue like no other. A red I only seen in stained glass an' prophecy. More red than burgundy or fuchsia alike. Cherry red. Candy red.

Now again, this was a different time. The caverns weren't so much of a institution. Empy was way more hands off. Momma Maryam still shoulda squashed that bright ruby boi the second she rendered that tone, but she weren't the mean kind o' jade, nah. She were a real bleeding pusher, she. She saw this lil man all squirmin' an starin' with them big red peepers an scooped him right on up. Said, “lets blow this pop-sickle stand,” an went full lusus-mode.

We don' know much bout what our boy Kay Krizzle went up to after that. We know he got his name, Kankri Vantas, we know he didn' die, an' we know he had visions, Dreams. He could see how the world could be, in spite of the way that it is.

History's ganderbulbs find him again when he starts to preach.

All over Alternia our man Kankan got up to some wicked yappin' and all round where he did them yaps trolls started pressin' + Yeah! He inspired slaves to free themselves with them sick notes of equality. He preached forgiveness and this thing called 'compassion,' a platonic pity for all trolls.

His preachin got him mad follows from all around the galaxy, an' this 's when the big purple guy and the pink fish witch got real nervous. Ysee, they was outnumbered- real horde battle goin' down. An' highbloods might be stronger, but no muscles gonna save ya from a big ol' laser hole thru the dome or gettin' chucked right on out the airlock with tcha mind powers. 'N as the word spread, more 'n more of they inferiors n spectrum went n' jumped ship. Straight up requeued an autobalanced they way to the red team.

You mighta noticed sumthin' though. We ain' livin in a world that remembers K.K. slizzle. They say it took th' empress herself to get to him, but they did. Put him in iron shackles, sign of extermination from cullin' long passed, shot em, whipped him, burned him.

That endless compassion tho, at the end it transformed. Like the flames surroundin' him, he burned hot, red hot, and all that compassion went up like a lake of fossil juice. An' he screamed out a cuss so long an' elaborate that it shook th cuffs round his prongs an' they sang with him. He woul' forgive everyone, even all they who built this world that traps us, an' this is how it ended. That Vast motherfuckin' Expletive, they say, has the truth in his teachin's. That limitless rage as bright as th' sun, brighter still, carries his burden. The Signless became th' Sufferer, an' then his sufferin' was ended. Arrow through th' thorax. The flames consumed him, till all twas left were bright red irons. A burnin' promise.

His followers didn' fare much better. Freed slaves were put under a yolk twice as heavy. Loud fighters silenced with louder shots. Only one of his inner band survived, Saint Meulin, the Disciple. She was there for all of it, youth t' fire. She was special, he was a quadmate but none know which quad, all of em? none? In an act of repentance by the Executor who stuck down the Krizzle, our girl up fuck and darted. Where others fought and failed, she fled and lived.

Saint Meulin painted everythin' she learned, pages and pages walls and walls. She's how we know-a-him tnight. It's one a the tenets of survival. Secrecy, discretion. There's a time for loud and a time for quiet. It's always time for quiet, you'll know when it needs to get loud.

Ehem.

Anyhow thats the beat! Thems text chats an screenshots all metaphorical style are th' receipts as we know em! Thems apples got plenny o diffrent dialects an' disgressions, but the one I got here on my desk is th' Saint Meulin edition. That's right, straight up OG transcription, as good we got it. Went back 'n learned some real old lingo to get that all a parse'n. None too confident a' my translation, so I do have plenty o copies of your more standardized versions. Tchagirl likes to compare 'n contrast. See if she can find anythin' those who came before overdiddly-ooked. I don't do much these days, so it keeps the mind busy.

Workin' on my own transliteration to the tation. Less a translo more a... conglomero... Ykno, that thing where a fella gets all the stuff they can find on a subject 'n packages it all up int' one big ol boy. Who knows if I'll see the end 'a it. No clue how old my blood gets.

One more thing before we go- now yall might see my symbol up there. Thats a modified Sign of the Signless. Some of you all may know each Signs got a patron Signbearer. This one's the K dog. Its called Cancer, its real old. We in the off-caste community who want to show our alignment behind closed doors, or just want a symbol our own after growin up where they say you are y' symbol. We use it.

Now I said it's modified yeah? Most a us dont use it straight on. Feels wierd, that sign's ment for the K dog's descendant, yknow? So some a us will instead fill in the holes, we twerent th one in shackles after all, an' paint em in our own blood, somethin' significant to us. Some add the link in the middle to symbolize solidarity.

Now thats about all the time I got for ya for tonight- Les hope y' ol' lady didn' bore you TOO bad with all that blandtastic lingonacular. I feel the subject needs a bit a decorum I lack.

Stay livin' Oftcas out.

[crustaceanchauffeur]

B-)

B:-)

B;-)

B-)

(l)h, intriguing bl(l)g. I w(l)nder why (l)ne w(l)uld even desire to unlearn the hem(l)spectrum. It is what keeps th(l)se that need c(l)ntr(l)l c(l)ntr(l)lled.

Ffuck off. U sound like one oof my fucking ccullers.

Aare you serious?? Ggo fuckinf fuck yourself you stupid fucking. AaUGH. I hate yyou s mch and I barely kknw u

[crustaceanchauffeur]

OFF CASTE BLOOD COLORS

What is good my mutie crew!? it's your number one old planetary post ban from the Warren coming at you live!

This wipe we're talking BLOOD- The definin' trait of the offcaste, your blood's weird, wet, wacky, and WILD! Be it unrecognizable like our's truly Kankrizzle the Suffering Signless, blurring the hemospectrum like y'all sicknasty cuspies, or switching teams involun T-A-R-L to the Y style like yall funkilicious chromatic transition fellas out there.

So! Blood! You got it in your noodles! You paint it in your doodles! Get a lil freaky you can bake it in your strudels! We all know the 'leven on the spectrum but what about this off-caste biz? What funky hues in your shoes? Now lets get this flow started by covering them SICK base Sics.

The Leven ! You know em, you love em, statistically speakin you probably are one! Its no news to hues that burg through feu...rg.. fuchsieurg... Yeah. We got Burgundy, Bronze, Gold, Ollie, Jade, Teal, Cerulean, Cobalt, Purple, Violet, and the biggie Fuchsieurg. Nothin too inchwrestling in there, unless youve been livin deeper under a rock than even ol me. Naw- What gets you wakin' up are the Cuspies.

Is it hard to tell if you're green or blue? You look one caste in one light and another in another? You got traits of two neighboring castes? You migh' be a Cusp! Now bein' a cusp makes you just as illegal as any offcaste- you just have an easier time blending yourself right on in when y' bloods getten up all close n personal with two a the big eleven.

A good friend of mine- big goldie- real weird blood, real charmer- Now they has a theory goin' up n on that the hemospectrudle is straight up pseudoscience- a real artificial constraint keepin us down- an they think cusps are the numero uno proof. They gave me a counter argument though- real nitpicker, they- that maybe if the hemospectrum is the baseline natural order of thing an thangs and yall cuspies out there are how our spectacular spectrum bleeds together! Give that theory nuff time and hypothetically, the hemospectrum falls either way. Grub for thought I say, that that big oll order falls apart even when let live long and lone.

Some o' th weirder hemo schemos tcha girls beheldos come from what i've been told are called 'chimera,' or eggsplice for th rest o us. The eye to the dios mio es that when all yall of us are all up in big momma G, sometimes we eggy fellas get all mashed up into eachother, an some freaky stuff can hap to the gubabies. Most o the toast one o yalls prelarvas hot lava gets straight up consumed by the other. Not in a blood and food noodles way, but in a needlecritter way, slurpin' up all that good M the Grub Juise an remelting they egg pardner.

This ain' all th time though, sometimes them goopy lil gups get all globby and glue them gushers all gup and gover themgelves, getting gall gestalt and ghiit. This makes one grubtastic eggy with one itty bitty bippy in there with th amino springs o two. Two coexistin' sets jus all up in there harmonious and livin'. This makes some real strange blood and bod combos, on one prong yall can be real up there with the extra huskbits, Arms +1, +2, +3, eyes 100, thats what i call a netcritter-troll. On that otha prong yalls can be straight up indistinguishable from a typicolor grayguy. All depends how creative Momma G got mixing them gups. Supes easy be mistaken for cusphood, muddy blood hues, and blurs.

If your blood looks jus a tad diffrent depining on the limb it calls hive, might be that your crafting recipes a liiitle more diverse than you expect. Not even too many items got a good splanation for you there. And don't think you on-ies are free from splicehood, same caste chimera are a lit bit rarer an a lotta botta stealthier. Chimerahood don't just happen in duos either i hear from the big blue boy, this battle bus can be droppin' with player counts upwards of a whole clutch!

Somethin' thats right up there wit it, the nearhue of the caste mixing filial thicket is those hues that slide from one to two! Thats right yall, changing colors aint just for the ambitious goldies, mad scientists, and dyschromic! Sometimes that sweet slimey bod gets all gunkled up in the sack an apostrophe 'tivates too many acts and yall's amino springs get bouncin' out with a few too many hues! That big ol goldie i mentioned? Yeah his sizzlin sign assigned at pupation? Sagrist. When my man was pupa pan he had two horns straight like spears yet when he got just a lil past when he dodged that big ol fishies order to the borders, they crown was a straight four prong. Mothergrub's orb his prongs split and to this day like a goldie in gray my ashblood bud got a crown like an archecutioner pailed the helmsman. In all my ways an all my days for some U Enty K own reason, blue->au do be real common hue by comparizzle to the average drizzle- I seen three- Achievement get! Not countin' those with some lineated blood apostrophe lations that is.

...

Now tchagrillmaster turned that raw dogg right over and that underside real crispy flesh-carapace-o-tha-point fell right on down t' the smoulderin' smoulderclumps clumped down in the flames, an my pans slipped like y' ancient ancestor down a flight a terraced platform risers. In other words, topic do be switchmaxxing.

Now back round to big graygreen goldie, now I happen to know this tall dark and hornsome fella- real big troll- COVERED in horns all up like a grub got they candied maize picked pre pupate style cranked up a few times. Now when I met this bristly endertroll he wasn' pickin up cubes an zorpin, he was gettin' my good dehornin' friend to zaw right through one o' those big boney boys 'been blockin' his beautiful bulbs, an this cut was a deep cut- hornbeds byebye- blood 'n all an' yall never guess what color a paint this fellas had in his cellas.

Pitch at first second and third sight- cause that blood ain't changin'- color of hate so pure and true, straight up gravity-black oilstyle six ways from nubsday. Straight up color of the tyrant himself! Checked it out and 'was truly id to the cull. Splains the spikes now, dont it?

Now from the stealthy cuspie to the pitch black bloodbrother, Yall know some a the wonderful ways our hues do play.

The overdue yellow-green hue: Oftcas out.

[crustaceanchauffeur]

PS Diggity A: Sopor makes y' gills up n swing if they're real damaged. Ygirl truly was wriggled wit em an after I burned them shut the first time they stung like fire for wipes, perigees! If you wrigs at home gotta get rid of gills, don't do it that way!

I suppose I'll be heading off for now.

To any that read this, it has so far not been a pleasure. I must rest, now.

O)=

My body burns. In a numb way.

Tried to submerge myself in one of those classic sopor-beds, back when they were needed.

My gills. My gills hurt.

[crustaceanchauffeur]

Dehorner major, dehorner minor, Wake me up when we got the horner mediocre B)

[crustaceanchauffeur]

Sufferer.

Hot or not?

Hey my sicknasty listener...

y'have a troll t to the hirty sweeps old n kickin mutantways...

My pointastic pinion is our speaker of the upsidedown was mega tractivo ontizzle top of principality but K to the A N K Why and m.e. I never made that edifice to edifice contizzle on account of one major age-or time spannin' difference, so tchagirl can't really speak any truth but praxis. I ain' got any feels in my unspec pushinator for a chroll i've never seen...

i suppose when crab-brother got sent to the smelter he did get right toasty though on his way up to the big crab upstairs.

oftcas out.

[crustaceanchauffeur]

No. That didn't cut it. Dozens of public executions disguised as battles to the death. Me, the glorified champion cutting down these criminals and mutants who spit words of pure malice could never comprehend how anyone would let such an individual live. I object to your existence not because of you going against the work of people like me (who really need to keep their respective empires afloat) but because a "skibbidy" has not been a used word for century-sweeps.

Hey gamer, its me, tcha girl, Oftie,

We here at the studio always love gettin yall cool cat's gamerlicious reviews in the fan-tastic mail. This one in from a pal-io on the anonym.

Skill issue.

Hope this helps, my dopetizzle listner. Oftcas outtie 9000 B-)

[crustaceanchauffeur]

Your QUIRK. good GRIEF

B-)

B:-)

B;-)

B-)

Oftcas out!

[crustaceanchauffeur]

((ooc: your typing quirk is goddamn ABHORRENT. i adore it))

// :-)

//@trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc

// B-)

[crustaceanchauffeur]

Certified old ass lady here, you don't get dumber you just know more about how much you don't know. That Wis to the Dom gets cranked and you get right humbled. B) Oftcas out.

WHO came up w!th the MYTH that you get SMARTER as you GROW older? ! f!nd myself gett!ng DUMBER evveryday!

[crustaceanchauffeur]

WHATS GOOD MY HOWLBEASTS? Stayin' fresh and 'live?

Comin' at you live from the warren its Oftcas here to tell you about ways to deal with that mad legendary fluid, your wierd ass blood.

If youre lucky like me your blood already kinda looks like some other bloods, if that build sounds like yours heres my reccy weccy stats for that shit. If you ain't so lucky these strats still get your survivability cranked, yall just gotta play way more safe. Playstyles go as follows:

Pick the blood that looks most like yours in common lighting, interiors can have plenty of different colors so I can't give you any tips of the spear for which to pick, just get youself all up in the fammils on how light works to make shit look wierd. If you can get a pure green red or blue light and use it in a dark place you can see just how distortando that shit really makes your bulbs.

If you're between two castes like yours truly I recc havin' a sign for both nutcreatured away so you can hotswap on the fly if the shaders go hard on your hue.

Now that you have your signs, make sure you wear as little of that color as possible. If you ever catch a stray fightin your ops you dont want some lameo's stray gander passin' right on over and noticing your pallet aint quite right.

Your's mutie has some blood right up in there next to gold and ollie so I avoid th shit around having those colors up on my exterior just in case my drippy fit gets mixed with my drippy guts.

Next ups another strat straight up necessary if you wanna survive a gamestate where your bloods on the outside and your ops are on the seeing side. I keep several packs of Ollie B to the L O Dee on me like I'm a rainbow slurper with no time for a meal. I keep them pouches tucked up on in my 'fit so if my precious HP starts drainin, i can free them juices and mix them with my own. its pretty fuckin nasty but its convinced some peeps without an infinitesimal doubtecimal that I'm an ice cold purrbeast with not a single gene away from the empires truth.

Some sweet spots to hang for your illusion 100 techs is right on under them prong supports where they connect with your stem. If you get caught in a sitch just crush that pack like a cushion of woopie and get a flowin'. The less movement you need to get mixing paints the better.

I recommend lussy blood, cause that shit ain't drawing 'tention to yourself by spawn camping the caverns or straight up hive invading. Plus if you're like me, you'll need some metaphorical grub to get on up in your meta-literal tums so you don't fill that in game chat with 'poor fool died of starvin.' Them white fur juices wont fool a drone but it will fool a gander.

If you're working sole-ly on lusii and lusii accessories i got some real craftin' recipes and life hacks for you.

Meal acidifiers and yellowwaste pouches work great as a natural inventory slot for your fluids, treat them right and they wont ever file for divvy with your hail dolorosa blood strats.

If you're a little big for your britches and just being on the 'ternias breaks the big H I C's way of things, nab that outer layer. Most trolls see a hulkin' white shape slinkin' around and think Lusus, not one dripped out massive mutie hottie. Youre gonna wanna dry that shit, treat it like leather on the inside and clean it good and it'll be ready for a cloaking.

All these gaming techs go for you offspecs with a hue like no other, you all just gotta play even safer like a game on hard core.

Hivehold mutie freak on the D Low, tune in same place same time next yonder to hear my live guide get 'dated to the up. Oftcas out.

[crustaceanchauffeur]

Sup PBs! You got mutations? Empire want you dead? That's some real unlit zaza!

Call me Oftcas, I've been surviving on Alternia since before your skibidi was even a glimmer in the loadgaper's bulb. We muties got less of a chance to survive the caverns than a newb gets a battle royal, and thats just the start.

Now I ain't so big a fan of that shiz.

This blogs for my strats and techs on just how I've negative rizzed the good lady death for coming up on 28 sweeps all while putting the major hurt on the H to the I C!

OOC: @trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc