cryptidwarlocke

[cryptidwarlocke]

reblog to tell your mutuals they’re lovely af.

✨♡♡✨♡♡✨♡♡✨♡♡✨

[cryptidwarlocke]

*Dead media (assassinated)

[cryptidwarlocke]

Kris literally putting their life in susies hands whateverrrr whateverrrrrrrrrr

[cryptidwarlocke]

when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue

[cryptidwarlocke]

these guys haven't seen goncharov

[cryptidwarlocke]

this man does NOT know how to sit in a chair correctly

[cryptidwarlocke]

Was talking to a coworker today who explained that her grandfather was like Snow White “but Californian. And an old man.” in that the creatures of the forest would follow him around and presumably duet with him.

“When he died the ravens sat in the trees outside for a week, watching. Taking turns. A horde of raccoons tried to break into the house every night, tearing at the siding. Eventually they gave up, but it was unsettling.”

“Aww. They were checking on him!” I said, like a normal person. Internally, I thought “Maybe you could do the thing you do with dead pets, where you show them to the living pets so the living pet understands they’re gone. But I guess if you did that to a bunch of scavenging species, they’d be like “Well, that’s very sad but he IS food now.” So what you’d need, for human sensibilities, is some sort of transparent corpse barrier. Like a see-through coffin oh that’s what the dwarves were doing! You’ve stopped paying attention to this conversation about the loss of a beloved family member you gotta phase back in.”

[cryptidwarlocke]

since the yearly "certain medications can cause heat intolerance" PSAs are out in full force, let us fondly remember last year when I was at Pennsic (big ass medieval recreation event) and our group was tearing down our giant tent lodge we use for our kitchen and dining hall. and there's a part at the very end where the roof is sort of on the ground, but still tented on a pole in the middle. and someone has to go under there to unhook the roof from the pole. but it's hot as fuck in that part since it's been baking in the sun for two weeks, so it's called "Satan's asshole". which resulted in somebody VERY solemnly telling me, "going into Satan's asshole is NOT a job for somebody on SSRIs"

[cryptidwarlocke]

mechanisms headcannons 1/? : Ashes o’Reilly!

Got a few headcannons here! First off is the design of Ashes’ lungs: I like to think that most of the mechs with internal organ mechanisms have some signs that they have them. For Ashes, I imagine that as some small cooling fans and/or vents on their back! That way they can draw in air to prevent any machinery from overheating, as well as have another way to breathe if their nose and mouth get blocked off. I also imagine they’d have a mechanical diaphragm- that way their lungs(which I imagine are also bigger/more efficient) can actually have enough strength to pull in their full capacity.

There’s also a smaller headcannon I have shown here in Ashes’ design: since very few of the mechs were actually from Earth, and therefore hypothetically, few of them are actually human, I like to add fun little design elements to their persons! For Ashes, that’s a few small feathers trailing around their shoulders and back- a bit of a nod to their phoenix imagery and the fiery heat of Malone’s twin suns. I imagine they’ve also got a few subtle scales around their hands and feet too! Or something like that to really kick up the bird imagery.

Anyways, that’s all for now! Thanks for reading!

[cryptidwarlocke]

mechanisms headcannons 1/? : Ashes o’Reilly!

Got a few headcannons here! First off is the design of Ashes’ lungs: I like to think that most of the mechs with internal organ mechanisms have some signs that they have them. For Ashes, I imagine that as some small cooling fans and/or vents on their back! That way they can draw in air to prevent any machinery from overheating, as well as have another way to breathe if their nose and mouth get blocked off. I also imagine they’d have a mechanical diaphragm- that way their lungs(which I imagine are also bigger/more efficient) can actually have enough strength to pull in their full capacity.

There’s also a smaller headcannon I have shown here in Ashes’ design: since very few of the mechs were actually from Earth, and therefore hypothetically, few of them are actually human, I like to add fun little design elements to their persons! For Ashes, that’s a few small feathers trailing around their shoulders and back- a bit of a nod to their phoenix imagery and the fiery heat of Malone’s twin suns. I imagine they’ve also got a few subtle scales around their hands and feet too! Or something like that to really kick up the bird imagery.

Anyways, that’s all for now! Thanks for reading!

[cryptidwarlocke]

Word for today: wrench attack

Within the crypto community, to physically threaten or attack someone to force them to grant you access to digital assets; name inspired by xkcd #538

[cryptidwarlocke]

Kabosu’s owner should legally allowed to execute these people in public.

[cryptidwarlocke]

‘capitalism works’ factoid actually untrue. the 62 people who own half the world’s wealth are outliers and should be eaten.

[cryptidwarlocke]

Eight huge buff dudes who just pick one specific pub to be their regular and go there every friday, beating their fists against the table for rhythm while loudly singing sea shanties, drowning out whatever the bar was playing as background music before. Eventually the bartenders just learn to turn off the music when they show up, it's shanty time whether anyone else wants it or not. You can't throw them all out because there's fucking eight of them and no place is willing to hire 16 bouncers just to make it stop. Eventually people just accept that this is the shanty bar. The other patrons are free to request their own favourites in exchange for a beer. Not a round for all of them, just one beer with eight straws that they all drink from. Having swiftly inhaled the one single beer, they pick up the song.

Anybody can sing along if they please, but nobody can make them stop.

[cryptidwarlocke]

idk why, but for some reason i find photoshopped pictures of poptart boxes with fake ridiculous, outrageous flavor names to be the funniest freaking thing

like this is hysterical

[cryptidwarlocke]

Anyone else remember when people were wearing those leggings with denim print on them to make them look like you're wearing jeans? They should start doing that, but for underwear. I want to be able to take my pants off when it's too hot to be wearing pants in public, and have people looking at me like "is that fucking guy wearing goddamn daisy dukes?" instead of "is that guy just straight-up not wearing pants?"

[cryptidwarlocke]

You simply cannot predict the length of these babies’ legs until you see them stand up