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For these beautiful souls, I am so very grateful. They are my entire world. ♡

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Reality check

It can be soooo easy, especially when your name is Cecilia Briseno, to get sucked into the "Boo hoo game". Boo hoo....I dont have enough money. Boo hoo...growing my business is time-consuming and my lists just keep growing. Boo hoo....David doesnt give me all the attention I want and feel that I need. Guys, I live in that pathetic world of self-pity far more often than I care to admit. But then life (or most likely God) slaps me in the face with a dose of reality. I have it good. I have it soooooo good. I have it soooooo good that I often times cant even fathom or understand what it means to NOT have it good. David and I have been doing super well. Our marriage is strong. We work well together. Love each other. We are super excited to add a sweet little boy to our family. Ava is a hoot and growing taller and smarter every single day. DJ is a few months away from graduating and then beginning his freshman year at Baylor. Life is really very good in the Briseno world. But God knew I needed a dose of reality to get me out of my little funk. When David and I were dating and engaged, my cousin and his wife were going through a separation and then later a divorce. Now I was blessed to have grown up in a 2 parent home so divorce was a foreign concept to me. I had never been close to anyone in all my 33 years (at the time) who had been through or was going through a divorce. So for the first time in my life, I was experiencing a divorce with people who I loved and expected to stay together FOREVER. I wasnt that close to my cousin before he got married. It was the typical hi and bye and "Nice to see you" at family functions. But then he moved to Dallas and married his wife. And we became so close. We hung out together, went out to eat all the time, traveled together, went to concerts together, helped each other move. We were very close. In fact, my cousin's then wife was one of my biggest support systems when my dad was sick and then died (on their wedding anniversary). She understood since her died had also passed away from cancer. So, yes, we were very close. And then to watch their marriage fall apart right before my very eyes and to not be able to help them (since I am a therapist and thats what I do....help people stay married) and then for all of this to be happening at the happiest, most exciting time in my life... Yall, it was DEVASTATING and took me a long time to recover from. So, fast forward to this week. David and I had a small argument. Money is tight. Business is slower than usual. Im pregnant and feel like doo doo all the time. Boo hoo. My pity party was in full force. Until.... I texted a friend who Im sad to report I had not had contact with in four months. (Horrible friend here....I know.) And she told me that her and her husband have really been struggling and that she is broken in a way she has never been before. She didnt go into details. She didnt need to. My pity party ended and all I can do now is pray for her. Pray for her husband. For their beautiful children. For her broken heart. And most of all, for healing. These are people I love and respect and who have helped me in the journey of my life. And they are struggling and hurting. And that is a real reason to have a pity party. Atlhough shes not having one...she spoke only of needing to trust Him completely. But her message was exactly what I needed to hear to remember that I have been blessed with so much and I need to focus on what I have instead of what I think I need. God knows so much better than I do. My sweet and hardworking husband is snoring in bed next to me. And I was lying here thinking of my friend when it hit me that almost every single one of my close friends has had serious marital problems. Most of them have been able to work through them, thankfully, but I can only think of one or two friends who have never had major problems in their marriage. This is both shocking and a huge wakeup call. Its time for me to put on my big girl panties and do those annoying things that my husband finds so important and let go of those things I feel make or break a marriage when they are simply not important to him. Its just not worth it. I love my David and being on the same team as him is what I desire most after being on God's team. Tonight I go to bed praying for my friend's marriage and for the marriages of all the people I love most. May we all continue to grow closer to our spouses as we all grow closer to You. Amen.

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And just like that, our family has grown by one! ♡

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5 loaves & 2 fish is all it takes

David and I got into the biggest argument of our marriage, over the tiniest thing ever. We haven't spoken in going on 4 days and it is killing me. I have been so unsure as to what I need to do to move forward...constantly questioning my every move and then second-guessing each move after I make it. So, this morning, I finally went to Mass and when I heard the readings about the multiplication of the loaves and the fish, I thought "Lovely. Of course, this provides no guidance whatsoever as to what I need to do with my marriage." Then, all of a sudden, during the homily, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The priest was talking about how one of the disciples basically said "What's the point in trying to feed all of these people with only 5 loaves and 2 fish?" And if they had listened to him, this wonderful miracle would have never happened. So, if I give up on a man I love with my whole heart, the father to my daughter, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I will be shutting the door on God being able to work in both of us. This was exactly what I needed to move forward. I need to show love, compassion, and understanding. That is my job. And God will do the rest. I may only have the 5 loaves and 2 fish but just like in this miracle, God provided the rest. And if he did it for them, of course he will do it for us too! What a huge revelation and such a relief after days of doom & gloom. Thank you, God, for revealing Yourself to me today at the exact moment I needed it most. <3

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Open mouth, insert foot.

Tonight I screwed up BIG TIME. I said something I completely did not mean to someone very important to me...someone I have been trying to build a stronger relationship with, not the opposite. And what did I do after? Instead of apologizing profusely, I got defensive and wanted to be given the benefit of the doubt when I myself rarely want to give it to others. I then proceeded to go for a long walk/jog where it took me way too long...about 55 minutes and 55 seconds...before I realized that all this time Ive been trying to spend with Jesus during this Lent has been pointless if I cant just admit that I screwed up to someone I love and want to be closer to. Needless to say, I waited way too long to dish out the "Im sorry" so now I sit here with it all weighing on me unresolved. Oh, the frustration I feel with myself right now! Im praying that next time I handle a situation such as this a little more gracefully. Thats all for tonight, folks. Just needed to clear my conscience and make it known that I realize that I need so much work. So. Much. Work.

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A beautiful day to be grateful!

I am always grateful for the ways that God has blessed me, my family, my marriage. Even in the hard times, I am grateful. I didn't always understand why hardships were a blessing but I saw my dad suffer for 17 long years through multiple illnesses and he never once, not once, complained. He was always strong, always happy, and always faithful to God. Before he died, I wanted to ask him certain things even though it was really hard for me. So, one Thursday (my day to be with him), we sat listening to Luis Miguel and I got up the strength to ask him, "How have you been able to do this for so long? You have suffered so much and you never complain." He looked off into space in a way he always would when he was searching for the right words and then said," I don't know how to explain it. You probably won't understand for a long time but suffering is a good thing." I don't remember what else he said exactly but I will never forget those words, probably because I think of them often when I myself am suffering. I am grateful for those wise words he left me with.

I know few people who have suffered extreme circumstances. My Tio Erwin is the only person I can think of right now...besides my mother-in-law. She has had a hard life. Domestic violence, single motherhood, poverty, and being shunned by her own parents when she needed them most. The Lord Himself knows I could not handle even one of these things, much less all of them at once. When I met my husband, he explained to me that he helps his mother financially and in other ways as much as he can. I thought to myself, "This is a good man." I didn't understand though the importance of those words. I came into our marriage with debt, lots and lots of student loan debt. This has been very difficult for my husband. But not for reasons you might think. He doesn't want a brand new fancy car, or to go on some luxurious European vacation. Im sure he would love to do those things but what he has wanted most in the world since he was a teenager is to buy his mom a new house. Nothing fancy but a home she can be comfortable in in these later years of her life. This has weighed on him everyday since we got married and for a long time before that. We have talked about it probably every other day and on the off days, I know it has weighed on his mind.

Today is a beautiful day to be grateful. Last night he finally mustered up the courage to apply for a home loan to buy his mom a new house and he was...APPROVED!!! This is the most exciting news and will change his mom's life, his brother and sister's life, and my husband's life. I was at the store when he got the news and he texted me, "If we can do this, I would finally feel accomplished and like I did something good for mom." I am grateful that she will be able to live comfortably for the rest of her life. I am also so grateful to have a husband who cares more about his mom than he cares about having fancy things for himself, which he well deserves. This is just one of the many, many reasons that I love and respect him.

Thank you, Lord, for sending this wonderful man into my life!

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Definitely a work in progress...

Happy Spring!

I have had blogging on my mind for some time but it sure is hard to get to with our sweet 17 month old peanut running around needing non-stop attention. I have been following some women which all started with Lara Casey and She Reads Truth, who have inspired me to start writing...or doing something creative. I'm not sure what yet but I am sitting on it and praying that whatever it is comes to me and God will make it clear that it is what He wants me to do. It's always hard for me to think of doing anything extra because I feel like it will take my time away from the family but I'm learning that this doesn't necessarily have to be the case. #hugerevelation #fringehours. I just have this deep desire to do something creative...but something that will also lead people to God. Blogging about motherhood & working. Blogging for my office about how to deal with certain problems. A small Etsy shop making something #butwhat. Blogging about decorating. I haven't figured it out yet but I figure that this might be a place to mull over my thoughts/ideas until I figure it out.

Life in the Briseno household is never dull. Always busy. Always exciting. 2015 has been a roller coaster for sure and we are only in March! We started out the year RIGHT...at a John Legend concert which was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. January was normal but then we spent the entire month of February sick. Flu. Upper respiratory infections. Food poisoning. Stomach viruses. We had it all and we had it bad. Really bad. I will never forget this Valentines Day and not cause we spent it doing any fancy but because I spent it loving on my wonderful husband. I woke up at 5am to a loud thud and went to see what it was and found my David flat on the floor in the restroom. It is the most awful feeling I have ever had. He had passed out and was completely out of it when I was talking to him. I called 911 and he slowly came back to himself. The EMTs suggested that we take him to get him checked out and later on that day when he started feeling like fainting again, we immediately took him to the ER. Turns out he just had a really, really bad case of the flu. And it took him a long 3 weeks to recover. We are finally all better after a good 5 weeks of nonstop illness. #thanktheLord

I continue to work on being a better wife, mother, step-mother, therapist, small business owner, Christian, sister, daughter, Godmother, and friend. All while still taking care of ME. My Inkwell Press planner has really helped me with planning and keeping myself accountable. I'm always a work in progress but I will say that I have been doing better at keeping up with my Lent meditations ( #afterwaytoomanyyears) and with my health. My relationship with David is better and we continue to figure out how to grow closer. I love him more and more everyday and have ways of showing him that aren't necessarily the ways he prefers but I'm working on it and I'm sure he is too.

I could go on and on about the MANY things I have to be grateful for. God has been way too good to me and my little family. Ava is healthy and out of control happy. She amazes us everyday and keeps us smiling & laughing all the time! My David is the most selfless person I know and he does everything in his power to give us everything we want or need. DJ is growing and such a good boy. He loves his little sister and she adores him. He does well in school and seems to be growing closer to me. We have everything we need and an abundance of things we just want. My perpetual challenge is with remembering this and not dwelling on those small things that don't go my way.

I am indeed a work in progress....

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The joy of my life <3

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Motherhood...the best & hardest job I will ever have.

I need to preface this post by saying that my Ava...sweet, sweet Ava...is now a big girl sleeping in her own crib. It has only been a week and not only has she been sleeping through the night but she is also taking these amazingly wonderful (for mommy) naps that are lasting up to 3.5 hours. This has changed. my. life. So, now that I have a little bit of time :) I wanted to share some of my thoughts recently on my mommyhood experiences. It just keeps getting more wonderful. She is fun and so happy and I know every mom says this but my baby is just so smart! She is crawling, getting teeth, eats so well, smiles and laughs constantly, and is even starting to play little games with us. The coughing back and forth game, high five, and turning the light switches on and off. She is simply wonderful in every way. But the fact that mommyhood is so amazing also means that being away from my Ava extra hard. I have been so fortunate that I have been able to stay home with Ava for the most part. After my maternity leave was over, I just couldn't bear the thought of leaving my baby so I quit my job and started a private practice. It's been wonderful and a huge blessing as well as a dream come true for me. But it's A LOT of work and requires constant attention, which is hard with a baby. That on top of some other changes at home lead to me needing to work more. :( :( :( It's not the working that I struggle with...I love what I do. It's the leaving my Ava part that is traumatizing!!! David and I have gone back and forth and tried to figure out another way around it but for now, this seems to be the only way. So, I have been searching and searching and have found one, only one, job that would work well for our family. I have applied and now, I wait. Very impatiently. I trust that God will take care of us but this waiting game is hard. Lord, please make whatever You want me to do clear to me. Hopefully, by the next time I post we will be more settled and Ava will be walking! :) and :( CTB

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My little family who I adore with all my heart. This was taken on Thanksgiving Day 2013 at my mom's house. ❤️

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What's keeping me up at night

I am beyond confused about this whole world of blogging...it makes no sense to me. BUT I decided to give this a shot cause I sometimes lie awake at night feeling so overwhelmed with love and gratitude for this life I live. I am newly married...a new mommy...and have started my own private practice. My life has changed drastically in the past two years and although it's been HARD at times, it has also been so WONDERFUL. Unbelievable, out of this world wonderful. And many times that's what keeps me awake...thinking of how grateful I am and not believing that God has blessed me the way He has. So, Im going to try this out...I have no doubt that the majority of my entries will be written from my bed as I nurse my baby but hey, you do what you gotta do! 

My backstory...I married my amazing husband, David, almost 1 year again (5/31/13) and had my daughter, Ava Belen on 10/3/13. I also have a step-son, DJ, who is 15 years old and the spitting image of his papa. I'm a counselor and started my own private practice at the beginning of this year.  I love every minute of having my own office but sometimes it can be nerve wracking when the phone stops ringing and there are bills to pay. But I am grateful that I have been able to make it work since Day 1 and I am determined to grow it into the practice Ive always dreamed of. :)

So, that's a little background about me. Now, here's the reason I am awake starting a blog at 3am...

We went to bed early tonight. David was extra tired and my sweet Ava is sick (again). :( Apparently 11pm is too early for me to go to bed cause I woke up wide awake at 1am. I started reading a blog my sister introduced to me (schullfamily.blogspot.com) and then started searching for other blogs I might enjoy reading in the middle of the night. (I wasn't impressed.) It started me thinking...my life is crazy wonderful and sometimes I feel like I am bursting with love & joy & gratitude and because Im a new mom with a new practice, I don't have much time to pick up the phone and call my friends or family who I would normally love to share my life with. So, instead, I stay up at night thinking about it and fall asleep without having the opportunity to share anything about my wonderful life with anyone I love. So, that's what brings me here.

For tonight, I just needed to get it out...the overwhelming L.O.V.E. that I have for my family and my life. I have been given way more than I deserve. 

(Wow, after re-reading this, I need to work on not being so repetitive. Oh well, good night!)

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