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cujaho · 7 years

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No Sir, We Will Not Be Paying This Invoice

For the sake of this submission, we’ll call the antagonist Lord Farquaad because in episode one, this mental midget tries to force payment on a counterfeit invoice from the wrong party. As the head of an at best marginal advertising publication for realtors, this intellectual half-stack has been using bullish tactics to wring realtors of every dollar possible. Past plays have included debiting cards on file without notice and providing invoices afterwards, double-billing, over-billing and acting as if past advertising subscriptions had not been terminated. Today this stopped.

The development opens with two phone calls this morning. The first to my boss who will be referred to as [Cujaho’s Boss] in all subsequent emails in this episode. While I was not privy to this conversation, the jist of it goes:

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Lord Farquaad (LF): Hey you still haven’t paid your invoice and the credit card we have on file is cancelled

Cujaho’s Boss (CB): What are you talking about? We don’t advertise with you anymore, we haven’t for a long time

LF: The invoice for the September magazine, we’re featuring four of your listings and now you need to pay

CB: I have no idea what you’re talking about but I’m late for a showing, go fuck yourself Lord Farquaad

LF: This is going to get settled one way or another!

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Lord Farquaad then calls me shortly after. As someone who enjoys his life, I’ve enacted a standing policy to screen all Lord Farquaad’s calls since we terminated our account. Forced to leave a voicemail, the palpably steamy Lord Farquaad proceeds to go on to call myself and my boss the least professional people he’s ever met, fucking ignorant and promises on top of that to make sure everyone knows how we’ve acted. He closes by saying he doesn’t give a shit if we pay or not, he’ll just send collection services after us and then extends the “olive branch” that we’ll be terminated after settling and that we won’t have to deal with him ever again.

Shortly following this is the first email we’ve received from him for the alleged invoice - note that this is after the two prior phone calls. This is confusing as it’s been the better part of the year since we stopped using Lord Farquaad’s publication.

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“Hi Cujaho, [Cujaho’s Boss], Attached is an invoice for the Fall issue, please send your updated card information or a check for your 4 listings included in the fall issue. Had you told me or responded to any of the emails I sent out over the last month saying you were not continuing I could have removed you from our pull. I have now removed you from the pull going forward but your listings are in the fall issue and until this invoice is paid your account is now frozen. Please pay your bill.

Lord Farquaad”

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This is when I get excited. I know what I get to do next, so I immediately start researching the Better Business Bureau and its protocol for making a complaint. The BBB makes it very clear that any submission made is immediately final, no revisions can be made. The BBB also makes it clear that I need to show I have tried communicating with the alleged fraudulent business and have any and all supporting evidence included in this submission. I set out to build a paper trail of any past correspondence that I might need, screenshotting everything relevant as well as copying excerpts to be used in my counter threat email to Lord Farquaad. I then go about drafting the email, building a timeline of our business relations from the termination of his service on, point out every necessary change to service that may be contested, explain why he can’t be right and end with a threat of my own. I also include a screenshot of every quote from its original email. My rebuttal in its sent form reads as follows:

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“Hi Lord Farquaad, In your invoice today you mentioned that: "Had you told me or responded to any of the emails I sent out over the last month saying you were not continuing I could have removed you from our pull." Unfortunately for you, we have twice done this and have both in writing. First, November 29, 2016 you emailed to follow up on phone conversations and emails we had exchanged that week regarding the forfeiture of our spots in the Oak Bay and Victoria editions. As found in the screenshot attached below, it reads: "Thanks Cujaho Did you sell the listing we feature on the cover of the Victoria edition last time? Just to confirm you want us to sell your spots in Oak Bay and Victoria correct? [Random realtor] has expressed interest in taking your spot in the Oak Bay issue and will put a deposit on it Friday if you’re giving it up. So if you want back in later in 2017 as [Cujaho’s Boss] expressed to me you would be put back on the waitlist until someone drops out. Next issue Feb 5th 2017 Let me know what you want me to do." To which I replied: "We were able to sell the townhome yes. And that's correct, we would like to forfeit our Oak Bay and Victoria spots recognizing that there could be a waitlist if we try to get back in. I've confirmed the proofs with our marketing team and am just awaiting the print ready versions which will be sent to [Lord Farquaad’s assistant] the moment I have them. Best regards,

Cujaho" Then for the following issue, [Cujaho’s Boss] was emailed by [Lord Farquaad’s right hand woman] of your team on January 27, 2017 asking if he had received the email sent earlier in the week for his personal ad in the latest issue of BCLH - Oak Bay. Need I remind you this was the very next issue of the magazine that we had already confirmed that we were no longer interested in advertising in. Again, we confirmed that we were no longer interested in advertising. As can be seen in the screenshot attached below, it reads: "Good afternoon, I'm just checking to see if you received my below email from Tuesday regarding your ad in the [BCLH] Magazine - Oak Bay February 2017 issue? Just let me know if there are any changes to the attached ad below, and I can make them for you! We will need all changes in by January 31st, with final approval by February 2nd, as we are going to press on February 6th. Thank you!

[Lord Farquaad’s right hand woman] ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: [Lord Farquaad’s right hand woman] Date: Tue, Jan 24, 2017 at 8:57 PM Subject: BCLH Magazine - Oak Bay To: [Cujaho’s Boss] Good afternoon, We are currently working on updating personal ads for the next BCLH, Oak Bay Magazine. Please send any changes that you want done to your ad as soon as possible. I've attached your ad from the last issue. We will need all changes in by January 31st, with final approval by February 2nd, as we are going to press on February 6th. Thank you in advance! [Lord Farquaad’s right hand woman]" Along with [Cujaho’s Boss'] response: "Hi [Lord Farquaad’s right hand woman], We are no longer advertising in your publication at this time. Best regards, [Cujaho’s Boss] Sent from my iPhone" Since this exchange, [Cujaho’s Boss] nor myself have ever expressed interest in advertising in your publication. Moreover, as your format has changed and you have moved to an expanded issue with feature ads and small page ads, you have needed realtors to: "Respond or Call to register, your high end listings featured for $99.00 each." - as noted in your April 25, 2017 email (full screenshot attached below) which marked the first issue with the new change in publication format. We did not respond or call to register, and subsequently have never since for your July 10, 2017 issue and most recently the September 13, 2017 issue. In your August 24, 2017 email for the latest September issue, you changed your wording in the call to action. As can be seen in full in the attached screenshot below, the pertinent excerpt reads: "The next listing pull for the fall issue of BCLH is Sept 13th. If you're registered do nothing, if you'd like to register call or respond by Sept 12th. We pull all registered Realtor's high end listings Sept 13th" So when you say we should have replied to your email saying we weren't interested, I would counter with, what part of our multiple confirmations that we were terminating our advertising in your publication, as well as the fact that we have never called or responded to register with the new format, could lead you to believe that we were registered? Your decision to pull our listing, choose to advertise it and then try to invoice our thankfully discontinued credit card that you should no longer have on file is a massive breach of any ethical business practice. Should you not cancel this invoice within 48 hours, we will be reporting you to the Better Business Bureau with everything included in this email as well as the recording of the voicemail you left me today (September 20, 2017) at 10:50am threatening to send a collection service after us should we not settle the invoice. We understand that you have been harassing other agents in our office as well and are confident that should we have to move forward with reporting you, our already condemning experience in dealing with you will only be bolstered by other agents’ accounts of similarly unethical experiences with your business. We await your response, Cujaho”

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This is sent in the early afternoon and now I wait for Lord Farquaad’s reply. Maybe it’s the caffeine, maybe it’s knowing that I have my foot on a douchebag’s throat and that I’m not stepping off until he succumbs, but either way I am buzzing at this point. The Lord Farquaad types are always proud - think the type of proud to have photos with big pick up trucks behind them on social media - so having the opportunity to be the source of personal reduction for this real estate barnacle is undoubtedly going to be my champagne in victory. All that I’m waiting for is the impending email confirming his retreat from his prior held convictions as to how he can operate his business.

Two hours later Lord Farquaad finally replies:

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“Hi Cujaho

Yes that was for your full page ad which I sold off to another Realtor ages ago. Since then you’ve had your listings on the left positions which are 99.00 each. Anyway there is no time to replace your listings at such a late date so this invoice will remain outstanding. Your proof will be out tomorrow and I have removed you going forward. Have a great evening

Lord Farquaad”

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This is a classic hybrid of Lord Farquaad tactics. He is blatantly lying to me about already having used this advertisement format - unfortunate for him, as I have spent the morning reading every email we have ever exchanged both personally as well as on my boss’ account. He is acting as though it is too late - it’s never too late to not pay a counterfeit invoice. And then he is proceeding ahead as if I have to accept this outcome - I don’t.

And so I don’t.

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“Lord Farquaad,

We have never communicated interest or been invoiced for a listing in your updated format. We have made it explicitly clear that we were no longer interested in your product in November 2016 and again in January of this year and have done nothing to suggest a change to this position. This is an unacceptable response Lord Farquaad. We are not responsible for you adding our listings without our consent and trying to bill us with a credit card that you should not still have in your system. We have provided ample evidence of our discontinuation along with the fact that we have never tried to re-initiate any form of advertising in your publication. (You will not find and cannot show a piece of correspondence suggesting we have done so). It is not our concern that you have added our listings and it is now too late to replace them. The reality is that they should never have been in your publication in the first place, you choosing to do so does not make [Cujaho’s Boss] liable for your fraudulent invoice. We're not even interested in having our listings in your magazine regardless, you don't have permission to put them in and we have never authorized you to put them in. Please remove them.

Cujaho”

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A further hour passes and then Lord Farquaad finally relents:

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“Hi Cujaho

So I’ve looked at this carefully and spoken to [Lord Farquaad’s business associate], we will delete the invoice but your listings are in already so I guess your getting them for free. I’ll have a proof to you tomorrow let me know if you want any changes. At this point I can’t pull them so your getting them at no charge.

Lord Farquaad“

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And that’s how you get free ad space.

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