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culturalcompasswarwick · 7 months ago

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Etiquette, Manners and What’s the Point?!

What is etiquette?

In your preparations for coming to study here at Warwick, you might (or might not!) have heard talk of British culture being totally different from what you’re used to, and that you should act a certain way when arriving to study here, but what does all of it actually mean? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! This post and the next is your short n’ sweet crash course on what that politeness is, why we have to be polite in the first place, and what Britons consider to be basic politeness.

So, what’s etiquette? As stated by the Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries, etiquette means:

“The formal rules of correct or polite behaviour in society, among members of a particular profession or in a particular area of activity.”

There are many contexts where etiquette plays a crucial role in having smooth interactions with others, and maintaining an image of yourself you want to show to them. Since it can be seen in many contexts, etiquette can vary depending on cultural norms, social settings, and presupposed expectations of a workplace (or in your case, a classroom).

So, why should it be important to you? Learning the etiquette rules of a new cultural setting has been academically proven to help students form positive relationships with those also in that setting. For example, research (page 4) has shown that experiencing the “local norms and patterns of [...] communicative practices” in interaction with locals can help students studying abroad to better understand the cultural norms of the place they choose to study, in turn making it easier to bond over those same norms.

Manners vs etiquette: what’s the difference?

You might’ve heard the phrase ‘mind your manners’ before. This expression is often used as a reminder or a request for someone to behave appropriately or politely in a given situation, that they need to demonstrate respect and consideration of others, which is really important when you’re looking to form and maintain positive relationships with people.

But if manners are also all about being polite, you may be wondering: what’s the difference between manners and etiquette? Whilst the two words are closely related, they do have slightly different meanings. Manners (also stated by the Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries) describes a broader view on socially acceptable behaviours that reflect the consideration and respect expected whilst interacting with others, either in a society or a particular culture. They act as general guidelines for how we’re supposed to treat others, such as making sure to say please and thank you at expected times (see in The British Basics), or not speaking over others when they’re already talking. The concept of ‘manners’ doesn’t change in the same way that etiquette might depending on the context it may be needed in.

Etiquette, on the other hand, looks at appropriate behaviour in specific situations or contexts, such as (what to wear) and email etiquette (how to write to specific people, which we talk about here). You won’t need to think of etiquette as often as you might your manners in general life off-campus. But when learning about each etiquette relevant to you, depending on your course and modules, it may take time to pick it up as each etiquette is specific and ‘specialised’ to its context. This does apply on campus, and you can find out more about classroom etiquette specifically, here.

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All this talk of etiquette and practically no application… don’t worry, the next posts will get into some nitty gritty about what British people (including Warwick students) get up to when it comes to being polite, and impolite, in some cases! Have fun!

#university #linguistics #cultural differences #international

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culturalcompasswarwick · 7 months ago

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The British Basics™

There are certain unspoken rules that are expected of the general public in the UK. Many of these rules are deemed as stereotypical—and you'll see more of them in our later blogs—but they make up an important part of our cultural identity. Just as there may be certain well known do’s and don’ts in the community you are from, Britain (and the University of Warwick, in turn), have them too. You'll see that these examples are a mix of manners and etiquette, though after all the talk from the post above, I'm sure you'll be sick of being polite soon enough.

So, here’s a lovely little list of some British basics in politeness:

Saying please and thank you: Using the words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are considered a universal expectation of all people here, especially when you are interacting with someone who is providing you a service; even though they are obligated to serve you, anyone taking on the role of a ‘servicer’ still has the right to being treated politely and with respect (page 36-37). Here are a few common examples: * Bus-drivers: Saying thank you to the bus driver as you get off the bus is a common and polite thing to do. You might hear some passengers call out 'cheers drive!' depending on which region of Britain you're in at the time, but it's best not to replicate this. People may think of your repetition (especially if you try to put on a British accent) as mockery, and you might be faced with some anger or confusion! * Ordering food/drink: it is polite and customary to start your order with “Please could I have…” or “May I have […], please?” and to thank the server once your food/drink is delivered. Even though it's their job, it's always nice to treat others with kindness, especially since they're also serving plenty of other people other than you! Minding your Ps and Qs here can go a long way. * People who open doors for you: These people are doing a service for you even though they’re not really obligated! And if you are in the position of being a door-opener, it’s always nice to be thanked for doing something for others, so try and do the same for those who do it for you! Just try not to spend all your time opening doors for people, most of all if you're in a rush to get to class yourself! Opening the door for the person behind you is polite enough, and the politeness carries over.

Queuing: Queuing is the British’s most obvious example of informal social order (page 1180). It’s how we keep our public spaces organised and to make sure everyone gets their turn when shopping, waiting for the bus, lining up for an appointment, waiting to enter a classroom, and many more scenarios! As such, the “rules of the waiting line” and waiting your turn is an honoured system that lots of British people take quite seriously. Line jumping or queue hopping (ignoring the queue and walking to the front or a part of the queue that is already established) is frowned upon by the British population, so try not to do it if you can (page 1182)! If you're saving a spot for your friend, that's different (just so long as you aren't cutting into the line to THEN save a spot for your friend in the queue) as you are still holding a space in the queue and maintaining the rules of waiting your turn, so don't worry too much. But if you're queueing for food in the Library Café, or lining up to pay for your lunch at Rootes, be prepared to be standing there a WHILE...

Oversharing: “How are you?” is a question that is typically used as a greeting (page 218) rather than a genuine check-in on someone’s well being. When asked “how are you?” or “you alright?” by someone, it’s appropriate to reply with something along the lines of “I’m good, thank you” or “I’m okay, how are you?” in order to continue the conversation. In British culture, it's customary not to share too much of your personal life with people you do not know well; talks about personal state (especially negative personal state) are reserved for friends, family, or people you consider close. When you get to know people a bit better, you can start being a little more honest about how you actually feel. When you’re conversing with strangers, though, (to save you from weird looks) avoid complaining about your landlord, your course, your lecturers, your classmates… you get the gist. Don't fret, though! This post gives you some helpful tips on conversation starts, if you're stuck.

Saying sorry: Sorry that I didn’t mention this earlier! British people are stereotypically known for saying sorry for everything, but the word ‘sorry’ can mean much more than just an apology! In this post, we expand on the word ‘sorry’ and how it is used in many ways in British culture. It’s a little confusing at first, but with practice, you’ll get the hang of it.

Punctuality: Generally, it is considered polite and respectful to arrive at an event on time (and in most cases, a few minutes early). Some people even hold the belief that ‘if you’re on time, you’re late!’. British people value their time and don’t like having to wait, and this carries over to lectures, seminars, meetings and other social events. In this post, we talk a bit more on what is expected of you at university if you’re late to an event, or know you won’t be able to attend it.

It’s a good idea to keep these in mind during your study time at Warwick, otherwise you may get some angry glares or disapproving looks! There isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with the way in which you know how to be polite and follow etiquette, it just may be the case that cultural values and norms here in Britain differ from the ones you may be accustomed to. If all else fails and you are still unsure about what to do on campus, asking friends, other students or staff to clarify for you is totally okay and usually helps to clear up any confusion.

Now go forth, in a timely manner, and be sorry, orderly and reserved about your personal life! (only half joking, there)

#university #linguistics #international #cultural differences

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culturalcompasswarwick · 7 months ago

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What we say vs what we mean

Hedging: the art of polite academic feedback & approaches to criticism

Picture this: you’re sitting in a seminar at the Oculus building. You’ve just turned in your essay on the impact of memes in the 21st century and your lecturer hands it back with a smile. You might expect to receive a compliment, but instead he says "I don't know if I mentioned this before, but …”; this phrase is like the British version of a polite ninja move, softening the blow of what might come next.

Why hedge?

When it comes to giving feedback in an academic setting, British culture often favours a more indirect approach. This is where hedging comes in handy, a politeness strategy often used to soften critique through a cautious use of language.

For instance, let’s say a classmate is reviewing your essay. Instead of bluntly saying “this section is unclear, change it” they might say:

“I wonder if this paragraph might benefit from a bit more clarity?”

This phrase not only sounds nicer but also invites discussion rather than shutting it down. It’s like saying “let’s have a chat about this” instead of just “you’re wrong”. Sometimes it’s so subtle you might think “do I really need to change anything?” (Spoiler alert: you definitely do).

Cultural contrast: a practical example

This, my friends, is the art of British hedging. It’s like you’re being gently guided so you don’t feel like a complete failure.

Now, let’s compare that to Italy. If you were studying there, your professor might scribble:

“Questo paragrafo non è chiaro, devi lavorarci ancora”

(“This paragraph is unclear; you need to work on it more.”)

No hedging there! As you’ve probably noticed, professors tend to cut straight to the chase, serving feedback like a strong espresso- both bold and invigorating.

But why the difference? Research shows that British hedging can leave students feeling confused, especially those used to direct feedback. At Warwick, however, lecturers prefer a collaborative approach. After all, they want you to succeed—and maybe help you avoid another existential crisis in the Breathing Space!

Hedging can be a way to make a confrontation feel less confrontational or it can make a critique sound less harsh like in the example earlier. Since Brits tend towards negative politeness and trying not to impose themselves on others, this also leads to them using more subtle ways to confront or bring up potentially confrontational topics, even if it can feel like they’re just beating around the bush.

The not-so-sneaky side of shopping: a cautionary tale

Now, onto the juicer topic: shoplifting. Let’s be crystal clear, we’re talking about intentional shoplifting here, which is absolutely NOT condoned anywhere, including at Warwick. Even if the prices in Rootes are extortionate. But here’s where it gets interesting: the attitudes towards shoplifting can vary widely across cultures, leading to some eye-opening comparisons.

Navigating cultural differences: shoplifting in the UK vs in Italy

Shoplifting is viewed differently around the world, and understanding these differences is crucial for international students navigating life at Warwick. Let's take the UK and Italy (my home country as the author of this post) as an example. In both countries, shoplifting is a criminal offence. However, there are different reactions to it:

In the UK, shoplifting is taken very seriously. Get caught pinching that overpriced textbook and you’ll find yourself in more hot water than a tea bag at Curiositea. Nevertheless, this situation might unfold with a remarkably polite confrontation. A staff member might say:

“Excuse me, it looks like you may have forgotten to pay for this. Could we sort this out at the till?”

The emphasis on indirect language and assuming a mistake allows for a resolution without embarrassment.

In Italy, on the other hand, there's an old saying, “rubare poco è un vizio, rubare tanto è un mestiere” (“stealing a little is a vice, stealing a lot is a profession”). But don't get any ideas: the Italian police aren't known for their sense of humour about these things. In fact, shoplifting is dealt with in a much more direct way. For instance, a staff member might say:

“Hai preso questo articolo senza pagare. Devi restituirlo o pagarlo subito.” (“You took this item without paying. You must return it or pay for it immediately.”)

This kind of approach exemplifies a high level of directness, which might be perceived as rude and aggressive by British people, but is actually a form of transparency.

As international students at Warwick, understanding these differences is crucial. It’s not just about avoiding awkward encounters; it’s about embracing the diversity of communication styles. A little cultural sensitivity goes a long way!

So how do I do it?

Since you’re studying at Warwick, native speakers of English may forget the potential cultural difference when it comes to the use of hedging and use it a lot with you since it’s so natural for them to do so. They may also misinterpret you if you hedge incorrectly as being impolite, arrogant or simply inappropriate. So you’re probably thinking: how the hell do I do this?

Whilst it’s not necessary to learn, it can definitely help and may be easier to learn a couple phrases that you can insert anywhere.

You might have a flatmate say, “we sort of have a few problems to talk about” even though you know they definitely have an issue with the fact their Smirnoff Ice has gone missing from the fridge. Words like probably, might, could and maybe come in clutch because they offer enough uncertainty and can make things feel less like fact. Phrases like “it seems like” or “I think” also have this effect even if you know something for a fact. A pro tip for hedging would be: if what you’ve said can’t be misconstrued in any way, you’re not doing it right. You can check out our other post on hedging in social situations for more help with that here!

Why is no one saying what they mean?!

It might seem almost like Brits are being fake with the apologising all the time (see here for more details on that) and now with hedging to confront but not confront. Negative politeness was mentioned earlier but what does it mean? And what does it have to do with British people and their fake niceties?

You probably think of politeness as actions such as saying “please” and “thank you” and being kind to others whereas negative politeness is actively trying not to get in the way of others or impose yourself on them. You might ask somebody for feedback on a formative essay and instead of simply saying, “this is really bad, this paragraph is terrible” they might say instead, “ I think it might be better if you develop the ideas from the lecture”. It might seem fake at first and you may prefer that they just tell you in a more direct way how they think but this example of negative politeness is how this person is trying to help and in a way it is very direct feedback for those who are used to negative politeness. If you think of it as a code, then it can be pretty easy to decipher.

But what does this look like in practice?

Below are some phrases that you might have already heard and are very common (and thus very commonly misunderstood):

“ I think X might work better than Y” - X is definitely better than Y and in fact, Y is terrible.

“I’m not sure if I mentioned this before but..” - I definitely mentioned this before but I’m repeating it again because you clearly ignored me or didn’t understand.

“She’s not the first person I’d call to go for a coffee with” - She’s not the first because she’s the last. In fact, I hate her.

“Sorry, I haven’t quite finished that thought” - Stop interrupting me.

“I don’t suppose you know where the WMG is, do you?” - Please show me the way to the WMG.

“Could you send me the powerpoint for the presentation, if you don’t mind?” - Send me the powerpoint regardless of if you’d like to or not.

“Could you help me out with this whenever you have time?” - Help me out at your earliest convenience.

“I’ve got quite a bit on my plate at the minute” - I don’t have the time at all, don’t ask me to do anything else. Hopefully these phrases have helped you out and you can use them during your time at Warwick! - Please use these phrases as they took a lot of time compiling.

#university #linguistics #international #cultural differences

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culturalcompasswarwick · 7 months ago

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From transport to trust: how to talk to English people

Man: Weather’s been miserable lately, hasn’t it?

Woman: Yes, absolutely appalling!

So, you’ve probably heard the common stereotype that the only thing English people talk about is the weather. This is about as true as the idea that we all wear top hats and have bad dentists. As exciting and varied British weather is, if we only talked about that all the time conversations would become rather boring. So, if we don’t talk about the weather, what do we talk about and how do you make friends with English people? In this article I shall attempt to answer this and more!

Well, when English people first meet each other, we will often talk about something that everyone can relate to. The psychologist Kecskes calls this concept “Common Ground.” The news, weather or transport are common examples of this. They are topics that other people are likely to know about and therefore easy to use to start a conversation. The weather and transport are the best as they are both unlikely to cause disagreements. However, while this may work perfectly well to start a conversation, the linguists Maynard and Zimmerman suggest that this by itself isolates the speakers from each other. This is because there’s no personal connection to any of the information shared.

To make friends and form proper connections you must begin to reveal information about yourself and ask other people about themselves. This will help you to connect with other people and find out if you like them or not. Common topics for small talk at Warwick University include the degree you study, which accommodation you live in, and which societies you have joined. These more personal topics of conversation also can help you to find more common ground with another person. If you both find out you go to the same salsa society for example, then you can talk about that.

Ok, so now you know what to talk about, let’s move on to how to talk about it. The conversation should ensure that everyone’s need to be acknowledged and respected is fulfilled. The psychologists Brown and Levinson state that if people are not respectful of each other, then the conversation may break down and one or more of the participants will be offended. Strategies to avoid this include talking about both people equally by asking questions, listening to what they have to say and being nice to them through compliments. On the other hand, to ensure you are not imposing upon the other person you should mitigate your commands to requests and disagreements must be respectful. An example of this could be saying “may I walk with you?” instead of “walk with me.” All of these strategies are very important to master to avoid a breakdown in communication.

Another common thing you can do in English small talk is to tell a joke. This has two benefits. The first is that it makes small talk more enjoyable. Many people are aware of the fact that small talk is a steppingstone to get to later parts of conversation and don’t enjoy it that much as a result. If you make small talk more enjoyable, you’ll stand out and people will want to talk to you more. The other benefit of making a joke is that it eases the tension people have when they first meet each other. So, understanding humour is another great skill that will help you get to know people better.

To conclude, mastering small talk is a very useful skill as it will allow you to be respected and create trust and connections with people for the rest of your life. While general statements about the weather, transport or the news may be good to start with, it is important to ask more personal questions when talking with people you want to form a greater connection with. This alongside a bit of clever humour will make small talk and making friends easy and fun! So, an actual conversation at university is more likely to go like this:

Man and woman meet each other for the first time in an engineering lecture:

Man (establishes common ground): It’s pretty hard right?

Woman (jokes): Yea, if all the lectures are like this, I’m going to give up by week three!

Man: (laughs) I’m Sam by the way, nice to meet you.

Woman (reveals information and asks Sam about himself): I’m Natasha (pauses) what do you study?

Sam: Well Engineering of course but with Portuguese. What about you?

Natasha: Oh, that’s really cool! I study Engineering with Biology. I’ve always wanted to learn more languages though, why did you choose Portuguese?

And that’s an example of a perfect start to a conversation. It started from an observation of common ground, included humour breaking any tension and allowed both speakers to easily get to know each other through basic information sharing.

So now you’re prepared for campus socialising, get out there and meet some people!

#university #linguistics #cultural differences #international

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culturalcompasswarwick · 7 months ago

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I’m sorry. Sorry! Sorry? Sorry... What does it all mean?

You might have heard the stereotype that British people apologise A LOT. Whilst coming to Warwick you may have heard the word “sorry” a lot, but have you ever noticed that it doesn’t always seem like an apology? Even though in other languages the word sorry is automatically associated with apologising, that’s not necessarily always the case in English. In fact, even the Oxford Dictionary recognises one of its other uses, “used as a polite request that someone should repeat something that one has failed to hear or understand.” The word “polite” here is a key word we’ll focus on later as well as the idea of politeness.

Sorry, let me get back to the topic. Why do Brits say sorry so much? And what does it mean if it’s not an apology?

The phrases “sorry” or “I’m sorry” have a wider range than the direct translations do in other languages. For example, in Spanish, English speakers are taught that ‘lo siento’ is how to say sorry. However, if you are a Spanish speaker, you may realise that English speakers say, “I’m sorry” in situations that you wouldn’t say “lo siento.”

Here are some examples of this:

Sorry, could I come in?

Con permiso, ¿puedo pasar?

Sorry, would you pass me the salt?

Pérdon, ¿me pasaría el sal ?

Sorry, where’s the toilet?

Disculpa, ¿dónde está el baño ?

Sorry, I lost your gift.

Lo siento, perdí tu regalo.

I’m sorry for your loss

Lamento mucho tu perdida.

As we can see, in English, even though we can use the same phrase to express different things such as deep sorry or just trying to get attention, there are multiple different phrases in Spanish.

So what does sorry mean?

Apart from the word sorry featuring in apologies it can also be used to be polite. However, it can be used as a type of negative politeness which is essentially when we assume what we may say might impose on whomever we’re talking to and want to avoid any sort of awkwardness (for them or ourselves). For example, if we wanted to get the attention of a server at the Dirty Duck but are unsure if they’re busy, using the word sorry would be a great way to get their attention. You may have a class with someone and need to ask them a question but aren’t sure how to start the conversation. A quick, “sorry, I think we’re in the class for Economics together” would be a perfect way to begin. Even though you’re not sorry about anything and actually know for a fact you have a class together, these are ways of practising negative politeness that are very common in the UK.

Here are some different instances you can use the word “sorry”

- To get someone’s attention or interrupt

- To alert someone they’re in your personal space (i.e. Someone steps on your toe but you say sorry!)

- To ask someone to repeat themselves (this one is said more like a question)

- To feign politeness (i.e. On the top floor of the library, you could say, “Sorry could you shut up!”

- To soften the blow of something that could be perceived as negative criticism (for example, “sorry, you’ve got some food in between your teeth.”)

- To show awkwardness or discomfort

- To exaggerate politeness in a crowded public space (just as a way to acknowledge someone’s presence)

- To minimise a request

- To indirectly show annoyance or to be sarcastic

Sorry, how can I tell if someone is actually apologising?

So, by now you’ve understood that sorry isn’t always an apology and whilst sorry may work for various contexts, it may not be adequate in certain languages such as Japanese. If you are a Japanese speaker, you may feel like some of the apologies you’ve received haven’t been adequate or sincere enough. Hopefully by explaining the ways in which Brits typically apologise, this feeling might be remedied.

In terms of tone, you may have noticed apologies seeming tentative or humble, almost as if the person is unsure of themselves. In the UK, this is seen as a more genuine apology. In terms of the actual content of an apology, Brits may avoid taking direct accountability, “I’m

sorry if that’s caused any inconvenience.” This doesn’t mean they’re trying to wiggle out of actually apologising to you, some linguists say that this approach is to maintain civility whilst allowing the person speaking to distance themselves from complete culpability.

Apologies can also be seen to maintain a social relationship rather than focusing on the wrong that has been done. You might have been in a situation where someone is late for a dinner date and instead of simply apologising, they might over explain, “Oh the bus was late, you know how those Stagecoach buses are from Leam.” In doing this, whether it is a truth, exaggeration of the truth or purely fiction, they’re trying to assure you that your feelings have been considered. Over explanations in British apologies are common and are seen as more genuine even if in other cultures it may seem irrelevant or taking away from an apology. At least now you can rest assured that your chronically late friend’s convoluted apologies are genuine and not attempts to skirt of responsibility.

Mini quiz!

1. On the way out of the library you have accidentally knocked someone’s bag over, they say “sorry!”

Are they:

a) Genuinely apologising their bag was in your way

b) Trying to get your attention

c) Alerting other’s around you of your mistake

d) Alerting you that you’re in their personal space

2. At T-bar, a friend leans over and says, “sorry that girl over there is so ugly”

Are they:

a) Feigning politeness

b) Feeling genuine pity for the ugly girl

c) Alerting you that you’re in their personal space

d) Expressing annoyance

3. During a seminar, someone next to you asks, “sorry, could I borrow a pen for this seminar?”

Are they:

a) Expressing sarcasm

b) Expressing their sorrow that they don’t have their own pen

c) Minimising their request

d) Exaggerating politeness in a crowded space

4. You step on someone’s toe whilst getting onto the bus. They say, “sorry did my foot get in your way?”

Are they:

a) Minimising a request

b) Being sarcastic

c) Showing awkwardness

d) Softening the blow of a criticism

If you got b and d for question 1, a for question 2, c for question 3 and b for question 4: Congrats! You’ve now mastered the many ways to use sorry in the UK.

#university #linguistics #cultural differences #international

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culturalcompasswarwick · 7 months ago

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Paying the Bill Without Pissing People Off - A Guide

One of the main things that my international friends tell me is confusing about British University culture is that we have different methods of acting at restaurants compared to other cultures. This is especially prevalent when the dreaded question is asked: “how would you like to pay the bill?” This is a critical situation to be able to navigate. University students are notoriously poor, so money is a very delicate matter. As a result, deciding who should pay the bill and how the bill should be paid can be tricky. In the worst-case scenario everyone can be upset because they think that someone else is being rude! Not to worry though, this article will provide a handy guide to the best bill-paying strategy here at Warwick University.

Now in British culture, it is common to pay for what you eat. This means that if you order a lobster costing £30, and your friend orders a sandwich costing £10, you should pay £30 and your friend should pay £10. This is known as “splitting the bill.” The renowned psychologist Geert Hofstede suggests that this method reflects the importance Britain and other European countries place on responsibility and fairness. In Britain, it is considered an important thing to be independent enough to pay for your meal and simultaneously not inconvenience the other person by making them pay for more than they ordered. You should equally expect the same thing from them.

There’s a good chance this may be different from what you’re used to, especially if you're from an Eastern culture. For example, if you come from China, you may be used to the 客气 method where whoever invites you to dinner must pay for everything. However, in the UK if you invite someone to dinner with you, they will not expect you to pay unless you are significantly older and richer than them. Even then they will only expect you to pay if you offer to and they might not feel so happy about it.

If you pay for someone else’s meal, while you may appear generous and successful, you’re putting the other person in a difficult situation. They don’t want to inconvenience you, and they want to keep their image of being fair and polite. Being paid for goes against both of these ideas. Also, more importantly, being paid for undermines the idea that they are responsible and independent. As a result, even if you offer to pay, they may try to pay for themselves. Equally, if someone invites you to dinner, you should not expect them to pay for you. They would see it as very rude even if it is customary in your own culture.

The psychologist Marcel Mauss suggests another problem with paying for the whole bill. It is the idea that the person who is paid for will need to reciprocate and pay the next time. In British culture, this is acceptable if you’re ordering drinks. One person can buy everyone’s drinks, and another person can buy the next drinks for everyone providing the drinks are the same price roughly as the first amount. This is called “buying a round,” and is perfectly acceptable as it can be reciprocated immediately making it perfectly fair. Doing this with food at a restaurant doesn’t work however, as prices can greatly differ and are more expensive, making fairness much harder to achieve. There’s also a greater time difference until the generosity can be reciprocated which as an English person myself, I would find very distressing.

The final thing to bear in mind is that splitting the bill also normally applies regardless of gender. Britain is supposed to be an equal society, especially among young people. As a result, it is important to remember that gender shouldn’t affect how you pay the bill. Paying for a friend because they’re a woman may be perceived as too traditional. This is because it undermines their ability to be independent and fair, which as I previously mentioned is very important. Equally, unless they say otherwise, you shouldn’t expect your male friends to pay the bill. They are used to splitting the bill and undermining that threatens their image and would be seen as rude as well.

So, when it comes to paying the bill the main thing you’ve got to remember is: Split the bill unless told otherwise!

#university #linguistics #cultural differences #international

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culturalcompasswarwick · 7 months ago

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Hi [name]? Dear Dr? How to address professors and students at Warwick

Navigating university life as an international student can be exciting but also daunting, especially when it comes to understanding how to address people in both emails and face-to-face interactions. Should you stick with “Professor”, or is it ok to use their first name? Is a simple “Hi” too casual? And what about closing emails? does “Cheers” crack it? All these doubts can make you feel overwhelmed, but don’t worry – this crash course will instruct you on how to strike the perfect balance between politeness and approachability, without being too much of a lout or navigating a fuss of over politeness.

The basics: titles, first names and cultural clues

At the University of Warwick, how you address someone depends on your relationship with them. British etiquette tends to be formal at first, but once you’re invited to be more casual everything goes as smooth as silk.

Professors and academic Staff

Start formal: you should always begin with their professional title – “Professor [Last Name] or “Dr [Last Name]. For instance, imagine that you have just finished attending a class in the Oculus building and you decide to chase after the professor to ask him a few questions.

Look for clues: you should try to find out what your interlocutor prefers. Many professors may explicitly tell you that it is ok to use their first name. For example, during office hours they might encourage informality to make the conversation more relaxed on both sides.

When in doubt, ASK: Sometimes, a very simple “how would you prefer I address you” can go a long way, because it shows both politeness and confidence.

Fellow students

First names are fine: Among peers, using first names is the norm. Indeed, you might hear casual greetings like “hey” or “heya” between students here at Warwick, whether you’re at the Warwick SU for a meeting of your cocktail-making society or grabbing a coffee at Curiositea.

Be aware of cultural norms: It’s important not to take certain things for granted. Some students might prefer a slightly more formal approach, at least in the beginning. In these cases, you should follow their lead and adapt.

How to write polite emails

Emailing is a huge part of university communication, so getting it right is the key for academic success. In fact, during your time at Warwick you’ll write countless emails. A well-written one shows respect, gets you quicker responses and avoids misunderstandings.

The secret ingredients for the perfect email

Start with a polite greeting: when writing an email to for the first time, you should always begin with “Dear Professor [Last Name]” or “Dear Dr. [Last Name]”. If you’re emailing a fellow student, “Hi [First Name]” works perfectly.

Introduce yourself: provide a quick intro: “My name is [Your Name], and I’m a student in your [Module Name] course.” This helps place you in context: super important for large lectures in places such as the enormous Zeeman Building!

Be clear and concise:state your purpose right away. Instead of rambling, keep it short and to the point. For example: “I wanted to ask if you could clarify [specific topic] from last week’s lecture.”

End with a polite closing: Sign off with something professional like “Kind regards,” followed by your name. Save “Cheers” for more informal relationships.

Sample email

Here's an example of a polite and effective email:

Subject: Clarification on Lecture Topic

Dear Professor [Last Name],

I hope this email finds you well. My name is [Your Name], and I am a student in your [Module Name] course. I had a quick question about [specific topic] from last week’s lecture. Could you clarify [specific point]?

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to your response.

Best regards, [Your Name]

Getting to first-name basis: the art of timing

The transition to first-name terms is all about reading the room and context. It’s not about rushing to informality; it’s about waiting for the right moment.

When to switch to first names:

They say it’s okay: if a professor says, “Call me [First Name],” you’re good to go.

They sign their emails with a first name: if they drop the “Professor” in their sign-off, it’s usually a signal that you can, too.

You’ve built a relationship: if you’re working closely with a professor (e.g., on a research project), they might encourage first-name use for easier collaboration.

Pro Tip: Keep in mind that this is not just about following “British rules”, but rather about adapting your communication style. Politeness reflects your cultural awareness and helps you navigate a community at ease. (Keckes, 2014)

Now you’re ready to confidently navigate first (name) base.

Welcome to Warwick: you’ve got this!

#university #linguistics #international #cultural differences

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culturalcompasswarwick · 7 months ago

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Student Accommodation and How to Talk to Your Housemates About Keeping the Kitchen Clean

Before we begin, please allow me to congratulate you on successfully getting yourself a place at Warwick, I sincerely hope that your time here will be an enjoyable one! Like the rest of this blog, this post is designed to hopefully give you some advice that will help make the daunting process of beginning your life at Warwick go as smoothly as possible. Specifically, we’re talking about living in student accommodation.

Depending on when you read this post, you might not know which accommodation you will be living in for the duration of your stay at Warwick. Don’t worry! Assuming you are all set to live in student halls, this advice should be general enough to still apply whether you end up living in Rootes or in Bluebell. This is because, regardless of the number of housemates you end up with or the size of your bedroom, you’re guaranteed to be sharing a kitchen!

Your kitchen is an important place, not only is it where you’ll be making all of your food, it is also a shared social space. If you want somewhere to hang out with friends or do some work without having to stay cooped up in your room or trek all the way down to the library – your kitchen is the place to be! So, you’ll want to keep the space as clean and tidy as possible so spending time in it is pleasant for everybody.

You may think that doesn’t sound too difficult. After all, you’re all adults, how hard could it really be to communicate?

Unfortunately, it can sometimes be very difficult thanks to a linguistic concept known as pragmatic failure. Pragmatic failure occurs when you say something that ‘comes across wrong’ – a statement can be perfect in terms of its structure and pronunciation but if it carries implications you didn’t intend then it is still a pragmatic failure. Additionally, pragmatic failure can have more of a social consequence than some other forms of linguistic failure as people tend to assume you’re being impolite rather than just making a mistake!

As you will be entering Warwick with a different cultural perspective to the UK-based students, it is important that you are aware this is a pitfall you might fall into. Especially when it is a well-known fact within linguistics that you cannot often directly translate the conventions of one language to another without subtle changes in the implications of what you are saying. However, this works both ways and it’s just as possible that you will misinterpret something your housemate is saying to you as they will misunderstand something you’re saying to them!

So how do you avoid pragmatic failure and keep the peace with your new housemates? While I can’t guarantee you won’t have any pragmatics-based miscommunications, I can at least give you advice about to navigate requests and apologies.

Requests: Generally, there are three ways you can ask someone to do something for you. The first and most obvious of these is a direct request like “Please tidy the kitchen when you’ve finished cooking.’ These are easy to interpret and leave no real room to misunderstand what is being asked of you.

The second is what is known as a conventionally indirect request like ‘can you tidy up once you’re done cooking?’ If we were to take this request completely literally and answer ‘yes’, it wouldn’t be a commitment to clean the kitchen, it would be a confirmation that you are capable of doing so. However, your housemate almost definitely isn’t asking you about your cleaning ability. Their intent here is the same as in the direct request – to get you to clean the kitchen – only they are asking you ‘more politely’.

The third and perhaps most confusing type of request is a hint like ‘oh, the kitchen is a bit of a mess, isn’t it?’ Again, if we take this literally and respond with a ‘yes’ does nothing more than confirm we agree with your housemate’s assessment. However, they’re probably not actually asking you for your opinion, they’re asking you to clean.

Unfortunately, research has found that, in English, the two indirect (and arguably more confusing) approaches to making requests are considered politer! In one study, (which you can find here, if you’re interested https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.1515/iprg.2011.018/html?lang=en&srsltid=AfmBOoqRPySHNRbI40fAziqd4-x-YjBc3NpQ-Gr6JCgGZn6aoLFz9Nxf) it was found that conventionally indirect requests (referred to as ‘Query Preparatory’ on page 390) were considered the politest of all request strategies they tested, followed by hints!

The lessons you can take from this are two-fold. Firstly, be prepared that your housemates are unlikely to ask you to do something in a particularly direct manner. If they begin a statement about cleaning the kitchen with ‘can you?’ or ‘could you?’ they’re probably asking you to clean up some mess. Secondly, if you need to request your housemates clean up after themselves, it will probably go down a lot more smoothly if you also adopt a more indirect approach, otherwise they might see you as being a bit demanding.

Apologies: Despite your best efforts, you’re probably going to do something that will irritate your housemates at some point. Whether its forgetting to take out the bins or leaving your dirty dishes on the side for just a bit too long. Here’s what research suggests is the best way to apologise to a disgruntled housemate.

Just as there are several ways to make a request, there are also several ways to apologise. According to a study (again, here’s a link if you’re curious https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.1515/PR.2007.004/html?lang=en&srsltid=AfmBOoqQYrwIk2iKR89KgryNIZhLe_UAuGLldWXj-59tzxtYl9t9AXfc) the most common apology strategy used by English speakers is a combination of the phrase ‘I’m sorry’ and statement used to accept responsibility (e.g. ‘I know it was my week to take out the bins, I just forgot’). Interestingly, the same study also found that English speakers don’t tend to make promises to do better next time. So, you probably don’t need to insist that you’ll never forget to take the bin out ever again – just admit that you made a mistake this time!

*** Hopefully this brief introduction to the world of housemate politics is more reassuring than scary! Good luck putting some of your newfound knowledge about requests and apologies into practice when the time comes to move into your new accommodation. Don’t fret if you aren’t immediately a master of pragmatics and managing housemate relationships either. At least as far as the pragmatics are concerned, research suggests that the ability to interact and get involved in a culture in the way studying abroad allows is very beneficial for picking up on pragmatics (once again, a link for those who may be interested, https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0346251X14001341 (page 4). So, I have full confidence you will be absolutely fine!

Thank you for reading!

(P.S. if you’re interested in where I got my definitions of pragmatic failure and the different types of requests from, they’re in chapter 7 of this textbook: https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-1-4020-5639-0 (pages 129-131))

#university #linguistics #cultural differences #international

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