cumdumsterfire - Tumblr blog

[cumdumsterfire]

Lol!!!

Got an ocarina at a Ren Faire. Learned to play Legend of Zelda's Song of Storms on it. Played it well for the first time during a rain storm.

The rain started pouring down harder.

Watch out for this guy

[cumdumsterfire]

What's the difference between a Meghan thee stallion video and a porno?

The porno has a better soundtrack

[cumdumsterfire]

fondly remembering that time I was working as a cashier when I was 19-20 and my former bus driver and his wife came through. He says to me "Hey, you look familiar" and I reply "Yes, I was one of the bus kids you drove, specifically the one you screamed at and threatened to ban from the bus and make walk home because I was crying out in pain while the other kids were ripping huge chunks of hair out of my head but you did nothing about them." and his wife slowly looked at him like this

[cumdumsterfire]

fondly remembering that time I was working as a cashier when I was 19-20 and my former bus driver and his wife came through. He says to me "Hey, you look familiar" and I reply "Yes, I was one of the bus kids you drove, specifically the one you screamed at and threatened to ban from the bus and make walk home because I was crying out in pain while the other kids were ripping huge chunks of hair out of my head but you did nothing about them." and his wife slowly looked at him like this

[cumdumsterfire]

if you are lucky you will love someone and their hair will thin and their breasts will sag and you will kiss them everywhere over and over again

[cumdumsterfire]

Top three things to say to women

That’s crazy

Fair enough

yeah it’s actually humidity more than the heat itself you’re feeling

[cumdumsterfire]

[cumdumsterfire]

Dracula: Hm, that human mother is being super annoying about her dead kid at the gate. How do I fix that? Wolves? I’ll say wolves.

Dracula: What’s that? My good friend Jonathan Harker wants to leave ahead of schedule? Think I’ll do some wolves about that.

Dracula: Damn, seems that old Dutchman has blocked off one (1) single window with garlic blossoms and now this one (1) specific girl in all of England is barred from me. Maybe I should use my title and/or some invented pretense to cajole the girl’s mother into letting me in. Or maybe I could just move on to a different victim out of the nigh endless blood buffet I specifically moved here to enjoy, none of whom have a small legion of blood donors and vampire-proofing scholars on their side.

Dracula:

Dracula, about to slam dunk a wolf through the window: Or,

[cumdumsterfire]

why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead

[cumdumsterfire]

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It's almost like you can smell the fragrance...

[cumdumsterfire]

thank you to whoever made this meme, it's a big hit in the lab and sends microbiologists into hysterics

[cumdumsterfire]

[cumdumsterfire]

Outright revenge is cool and all but have you tried crocheting with passive aggressive malice in your heart?

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[cumdumsterfire]

Relatable