cunningminx
My Licit Affairs
Brain dump for stuff I think is cool or funny. Probably a lot of poly, kink and sex-positive stuff.
305 posts
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605 Poly change management
How do you handle moving, job loss, death, and other relationship changes?
00:30 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
We’re heading to Croatia for a vacation!
2:12 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner
The gap between people’s stated positions and what they actually vote for.
5:28 Contact us
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].
5:51 Interview: Dan and dawn on poly change management
Dan and dawn have been a lifestyle couple since 2001 and have presented at over 100 events around North America. Not only do they enjoy teaching workshops and classes, they also share via books, specialized events, and fun consent negotiation playing cards! They were last on Poly Weekly in 2014 on episode 400: Poly for introverts.
They are also the co-hosts of the Erotic Awakening Podcast, an educational show that explores “all things erotic” since 2011; co-founders of the Columbus Space, an alternative community center; 2016 MAsT International Member’s Choice Presenter of the Year Award winner; Great Lakes region title holders (2010); creators of the Scarlet Sanctuary and Path of the Qadishti (sacred sexuality spaces); featured educators on both Kink Academy and Creative Sexuality; and mentioned in a number of books, articles, and other media.
Poly change management
Embrace the power of “I don’t know”
Balance appreciating what you have with mourning the loss of a partner or lifestyle
Understand that emotions happen
Change is a type of loss. Don’t avoid that grief; lean in to it.
Update your partner before your Facebook status
Find Dan and Dawn at Erotic Awakening, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Find their polyamory toolkit here.
26:30 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
27:15 Listener question
A listener writes in asking for advice on continuing a romantic relationship. She was poly but agreed to marry her now-husband P with the idea that they would open up the marriage later. She has a friend of seven years, J, with whom she recently connected and wants to pursue a romantic relationship. She is anxious every time J goes on a date with someone else, fearing he’ll dump her for someone who will be monogamous with him. How does she avoid getting hurt by love?
You don’t. To love is to risk vulnerability. You minimize risk by minimizing joy and intimacy.
Take the Buddhist approach: embrace love, accept the pain that comes with it.
If you really want to minimize pain, have some difficult conversations. Where is P in all this? Does he support you? Talk through best and worst case scenarios with P and J.
35:25 Feedback
Herbalwise recommends the 2014 movie The One I Love as semi-poly-friendly.
36:25 Thank you!
Welcome NS to the Poly Weekly playmates!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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603 PolyPhilia
Leanne is a bisexual, autistic, Asian poly polyamory educator, influencer, comedian, blogger, community mentor, and founder of Poly Philia, the largest page dedicated to non-monogamy education in the UK.
00:30 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
00:40 Poly in the news
Leanne was on the British version of Fox News talking about polyamory, and she ran circles around the host!
3:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner
A white cis man’s view on abortion. Our big mistake is loading abortion with value and framing it as a women’s issue. It’s an issue of civil rights and bodily autonomy for all of us.
08:40 Contact us
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].
09:30 Interview: Leanne, PolyPhilia
Leanne is a polyamory educator, influencer, comedian, blogger, community mentor, and founder of Poly Philia, the largest page dedicated to non-monogamy education in the UK. She created the #PolyamoryTipoftheDay series, and has narrated several polyamory audiobooks. Her polyamory advocacy is influenced by her experiences as a bisexual, autistic, Chinese woman.
Her poly origin story
Why she started the PolyPhilia blog
How to meme (Minx asks for a tutorial!)
On being Asian and poly
On being autistic and poly (her own experience only)
How the hell do I use TikTok?
She offers peer support to non-monogamous individuals and couples worldwide, polyamory merch, Ko-Fi (like Patreon) with exclusive content for supporters, and narrates audiobooks about polyamory. All her links in one place.
Her blog is here, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok channels.
41:45 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
42:10 Feedback
Thanks to David for writing in with such nice compliments, including “Your show has been nothing but truly enlightening to me.”
43:30 Happy poly moment
Lusty Guy shares his own happy poly moment!
Thank you!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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603 Welcome to Kinkyville
Emily Blake and Gabriel Figueroa share their goal with their new animated sex ed series, Welcome to Kinkyville. Support their Kickstarter here!
00:30 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
The empathy gap and why it’s hard to predict your behavior in a hot state when you’re in a cold state. Related to our idea of “experience shock.” Hidden Brain podcast The Empathy Gap
A group at Harvard Law School, PLAC (Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition, which is an initialism), is working on legal protections for poly folks. The Harvard Law article.
08:16 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner: is it legal to require vaccines?
This issue was settled definitely by the Supreme Court in 1905 with Jacobson V Massachusetts.
13:19 Contact us
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].
14:15 Topic: Welcome to Kinkyville
We interview Gabriel Figueroa and Emily Blake about their new animated sex-ed series, Welcome to Kinkyville.
Emily and is a polyamorous switch and screenwriter who over the last three years has been developing Welcome To Kinkyville. She has been on more than one list of writers with great potential who almost sold a screenplay. She's a script supervisor, an obsessive Dungeons and Dragons player, and a geek fashion designer. But mostly, she's on a crusade to rid the world of sexual shame and abuse brought on by years of oppressive societal conditioning. She is on Twitter a LOT.
Gabriel is was born and raised in Puerto Rico. He now lives in Hollywood where he is a professional trailer editor who's created commercials for Hollywood studios, streaming platforms and independent productions. He uses Twitter to raise awareness about polyamory and kink. Above all, he is known for his serious collection of hats and BDSM accoutrements.
Back their Kickstarter campaign, check out the Kinkyville Facebook page, their Kinkyville’s Twitter, the Kinkyville’s Instagram, their YouTube, and Emily’s Twitter account.
30:10 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
30:20 Feedback
The guy from episode 432 writes in with an update!
31:12 Happy poly moment
S shares an NRE happy poly moment.
32:20 Thank you!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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602 Loving an addict
A listener falls in love with a relapsed, suicidal alcoholic and asks how to move forward when her husband hates this new relationship that makes her so happy.
0:45 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit www.scarleteen.com
1:30 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner: look at your party’s track record
The next time you’re wondering about what side of any given political debate to adopt, consider the track record of the folk advocating for each given side. If they are among those who think the 2020 election was stolen, say, you can reasonably assume they have a long track record of being wrong. And, as we all know, past behavior is the best predictor of future performance.
6:20 Contact us
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].
6:30 Topic: My husband doesn’t like that I’m dating a relapsed, suicidal alcoholic
A married listener is dating a relapsed alcoholic. When her husband asked her to stop seeing him, she tried, but he was too drunk to understand and then threatened suicide. A while later she took up with him again and tried to get him into a facility, and then she started not telling her husband when she was seeing him. How do you go forward when your husband hates the new relationship that makes you happy?
Loving an addict is hard
What does N’s wife have to say about his behavior?
Forming feelings before meeting someone face to face is a warning sign
This is why addicts lose everyone before they bottom out
Put yourself and your safety (not your feelings) first
Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
18:05 Feedback
In response to episode 485, Kate says that aromantic folks call that emotion “squish”
18:50 Happy poly moment
A happy v in Montana!
Thank you!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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601 Shifting from hierarchy to equality
A listener in a hierarchical relationship with her nesting partner asks how to start the conversation about moving to a more egalitarian one.
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
In episode 189 of the Normalizing Non-Monogamy podcast, the guest Brea said they used Eight Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up!
2:50 Poly in the news
Folks are getting serious about creating a new poly flag
5:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner: A note to my fellow white people
White people don’t always know what racism is, and saying “I don’t see color” or confuse intentions with outcomes are signs that you don’t understand. Whites should listen to the Black voices around you and read How to be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi to start understanding.
9:35 Contact us
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].
10:00 Topic: Shifting from hierarchy to equality
A listener has a nesting partner, and when they started, they agreed to a hierarchy. Now she has a boyfriend, and she feels forced to make her boyfriend feel like a secondary partner. How does she open up a conversation with her nesting partner about moving to a more egalitarian model?
Be brave and bring it up! Ask for what you want. Hear your partner’s needs without taking them personally.
Maybe a theoretical And then what? exercise and start doing regular check-ins, if you’re not already.
Equal or egalitarian? Equality or fairness? Equal respect, not equal outcomes.
Define “hierarchy.” Get specific about new desired behaviors.
21:00 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
21:05 Feedback
Politics corner should be its own podcast, redux
Feedback on the Israeli-Palestine conflict from episode 599
21:50 Happy poly moment
Elbereth shares a happy poly moment from Europe.
Thank you!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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600 Polyamorous while Asian
Michelle Hy is from Portland, Oregon and runs the page Polyamorous While Asian, which seeks to normalize non-monogamy through an intersectional lens and amplify the voices of other people of color.
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
Livin’ it up in Hawaii!
3:15 Interview: Michelle Hy
We ask Michelle her poly origin story, how her poly and Asian identities intersect, why she started Polyamorous While Asian, the pitfalls she warns against, and dating during the pandemic. We talk about how allies must consider Asian inclusion from the beginning rather than tacking it on.
“All relationships are political, whether or not they feel political. Because politics is just us deciding how we relate to one another, and how we feel that power should be distributed.”
Michelle Hy is from Portland, Oregon and runs the page Polyamorous While Asian, which seeks to normalize non-monogamy through an intersectional lens and amplify the voices of other POC. She offers non-monogamy peer support sessions and also touches on topics related to body confidence, sex positivity, and more. Follow her on Instagram @polyamorouswhileasian and learn more via her website at polyamorouswhileasian.com
Contact us
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].
23:41 Feedback
Friggin’ Limey likes our use of “relationship orientation”
Politics corner should be its own podcast
Jen thanks us for episode 598; it was frighteningly similar to what ended her relationship
27:14 Happy poly moment
G shares a camping happy poly moment!
28:18 Thank you!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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599 When to call it quits
Meagan is queer and married a cis man to fulfill family and societal expectations. She’s had mind-blowing sex with a new partner as is questioning her desire to stay in her marriage and be a wife. Meagan isn’t sure they can commit to the hierarchical poly their husband wants.
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
Next episode will be from Hawaii
1:35 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner
On the Palestine-Israeli conflict—it’s OK to admit you don’t know enough. Recommended reading, anyone?
3:40 Contact us
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].
4:20 Topic: When do I call it quits on my marriage?
Meagan is queer and married a cis man to fulfill family and societal expectations. The past year (2019), her husband H and she moved to a new city and have been dating a lot. She’s had mind-blowing sex with a new partner as is questioning her desire to stay in her marriage and be a wife. Meagan isn’t sure they can commit to the hierarchical poly their husband wants.
If you’re not sure who you are or what you want, focus on your most important relationship: the one you have with yourself. Take time to understand yourself, your needs, and your shame through counseling, journaling, meditation, or whatever method works for you.
Uncharted territory can be seen as an opportunity.
If you’re close to your mom, it’s likely that she will even accept your queerness and poly, in time.
14:10 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
14:35 Feedback
Yubi wrote in to object to our “date your species” advice and our reluctance to date poly newbies.
20:45 Happy poly moment
We hear from our old friend Greedy Paul about discovering a poly rideshare driver!
22:40 Thank you!
Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Samuel!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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598 My husband vetoed my partner
Mathias' husband vetoed Mathias' feelings for and non-threesome sex with his new partner. Should Mathias end his 13-year relationship or stay but resent his husbands' veto?
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy are doing Navigating Consent classes
4:30 Poly in the news
Romper published a 4,000-word feature with the arresting title The Nonmonoga-Moms Next Door
7:30 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner
Lusty Guy defines fascism and comments on its consolidation within today’s Republican party.
Fascism
Liz Cheney ousted from leadership role for refusing to support the false claim that the election wasn’t legitimate
Republican efforts to suppress voting following the 2020 election
13:30 Contact us
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected] and copy [email protected].
14:00 Topic: My husband vetoed my partner
Mathias and his partner have been together 13 years, married just over three. They’ve had threesomes. Then Mathias met Markus, dated him independently, and fell for him pretty hard. He did bring Markus home for a reportedly amazing threesome followed by breakfast! Mathias kept dating Markus independently, came home later than expected (by 30 min) one night, and the hubbie vetoed both feelings for and independent sex with Markus. They have continued to date and enjoy a romantic friendship, but Mathias wants more, so he proposed polyamory.
This is a permission model of relationship, which is putting you in a parent-child dynamic
Think of this as a mutual renegotiation of the rules of engagement to provide security for him and honesty for Mathias
Those who force the choice lose the choice
And then what exercise to deal with insecurity
If this does spell the end of your marriage, resist the urge to think of it as a failure; it’s a successful relationship that came to a conclusion.
26:55 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
27:15 Feedback
Chloe from episode 359 Being out, poly, pregnant, and judged gives us an update.
32:05 Happy poly moment
From Instagram
32:45 Thank you!
Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Brian!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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597 I had the best s*x of my life with another guy
SAF's first poly experience outside her marriage was the best sex she's ever had. How does she address the ho-hum sex with her husband?
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit www.scarleteen.com
00:45 Poly in the news
Poly community builders Christopher Smith, Robyn Trask, Marina Reiko, Ruby Bouie Johnson and others did an impressive job for more than an hour on Areva Martin's influential online talk show The Special Report
2:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner
Today’s politics corner is the argument for D.C. statehood. The over 700,000 inhabitants of Washington, D.C. pay their taxes and have no voting representation in Congress. The arguments against: it’s unconstitutional (it’s not); you could shrink the size of D.C. to encompass just the White House and government buildings. Others have pointed out the inherent racism, since D.C. has a large percentage of Black people, and there is the partisanship, as D.C. is likely to vote Democratic. When Rep. Mondaire Jones (D-N.Y.) pointed that out, his words stating the racism of the opposing view were against the rules of the house and had to be removed from the record. Please support D.C. statehood!
11:00 Feedback
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].
11:30 Topic: I had the best sex of my life with another guy. Help!
After eight years of marriage, Stressed as Fuck and her husband opened up their marriage. Stressed quickly had sex with another guy. She says, “the problem is, when I had sex with this other guy it was fucking incredible. Most amazing sex I’ve ever had. It made me realize I haven’t enjoyed sex with my husband. I should also add that he doesn’t want anyone else for sex. But I’m feeling a lot of pressure and just am not feeling like being sexual with him. I feel a lot of guilt. Am I horrible? Is this normal?! Help!”
You can’t respect boundaries that aren’t yet defined, so keep that discussion ongoing.
It’s not unusual or surprising that the second person you’ve ever had sex with is good sex. It’s good because it’s different, so don’t assume it’s love. And if sex with your husband was mediocre, explore your emotional connection and sexual desires with your husband. And yes, it’s normal to feel guilty.
Poly doesn’t fix or destroy relationships, but it does shine a spotlight on issues. You can see as an opportunity to explore ways to improve your sex life. Tons of books will help you explore role play, BDSM, porn, public sex, or other fantasies that could help.
For the guilt, try the And then what exercise.
20:00 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
20:45 Feedback
Cory, another fan of LustyGuy’s politics corner, writes in.
22:30 Happy poly moment
Kristen writes in to share a happy poly moment of the first weekend she, her husband, and metamour spent together.
25:45 Thank you!
Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Ben ($1.99)!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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596 How does poly in person look?
Two topics this week! What does post-pandemic poly look like, and how do you keep your boyfriend from surprising you with new partners when you've asked him not to?
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
We’re in top 20 podcasts about polyamory! https://blog.feedspot.com/polyamory_podcasts/
Minx is fully vaccinated, pending 10 more day’s wait. A massage and travel are on the horizon!
3:15 Poly in the news
3500-word BBC article quoting Dossie Easton and great to show to relatives who think it’s just you: https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/major-bbc-article-rise-of-multi-partner.html
COVD and poly https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/at-one-year-mark-polyamorys-many-sided.html
5:15 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner
Most white U.S. citizen don’t know about the MOVE bombing, in which when the Philadelphia Police Department bombed a residential home occupied by the militant black anarcho-primitivist group MOVE, and the Philadelphia Fire Department let the fire burn out of control. Five children and six adults were killed. More links:
The Guardian’s article on reconciliation
NPR’s recent coverage of losing the children’s bones
Our take on the Chauvin verdict
14:15 Feedback
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected]. If you want to pitch yourself as a guest for the podcast, please read this first.
15:00 Topic 1: How does poly in person look?
K started her poly journey during the pandemic and has only had socially distanced dates with her new partner. How do you act when you all get together in person so it’s not awkward?
20:45 Topic 2: My partner only tells me about new girlfriends after their dates
W is in a relationship with her husband and has a boyfriend, who is also married. He has repeatedly casually dropped that he was going to have an overnight with someone else on her last-minute. She has asked him for advance notice to process, but he continues to bring up his dates last-minute. She wants to know what her “recourse” is, and if she’s overreacting.
28:00 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
28:20 Feedback
Matt from 593 shares an update! Emma ghosted him shortly after he sent it, but says, “While I didn't hear your advice now back then, I did essentially come to terms with a lot of what you said. I think you both were accurate with how you looked at things (as usual!) and with hindsight being (not gonna say it), it was tough for a while but I definitely got through it and am feeling good about a lot of things, minus the pandemic that happened since then and still continues. You are not however going lose a follower! You two are absolute gems and I appreciate so much the work that you both do as educators to so many different people. I love learning from you and I hope I continue to take a great appreciation for the awesome work you do. I hope that all is well and continues to be well for you.”
30:00 Thank you!
Thanks to Andrew ($69) and Gabriel ($96) for your donations!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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595 What if I don't want to hear my partner having s-x?
A listener wants to know if it's OK to consider nesting with a partner if she's not sure she'll be comfortable hearing them have sex with someone else.
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
Thanks to L for taking the dog so we could record! And forgive Baloo saying hello a few times in the episode. J
D asked for our poly pet peeves, so here they are:
Sex negativity in the poly community. Nothing wrong if it IS all about the sex!
Folks who describe polyamory as “more evolved.”
Poly gatekeepers.
8:30 Poly in the news
Three best poly 101 articles: https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-3-best-poly-101-articles-to-share.html
10:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner
We all need to listen to BIPOC voices with respect to U.S. history. Watch the Netflix series Amend: The Fight for America, executive produced and hosted by Will Smith.
14:30 Feedback
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].
15:00 Topic: is it OK to not want to hear my partner having sex with someone else?
E and her partner of two years are moving in together but concerned about hearing metamour sex and having private space. She asks if being completely okay with hearing one’s partner getting down with a meta a pre-requisite for being good nesting partners? What are your thoughts on ways to progress to this point of compersion/okay-ness?
Don’t borrow trouble. You don’t know how you’ll react, and your actual reaction will probably be different, anyway.
If it turns out that you don’t, own your shit. It’s your issue to address, not your partner’s.
What would monogamists do? When monogamists are concerned about living together, they do test runs--a weekend away, a week or two vacation—to experiment with domesticity.
It’s a two-way door decision: if you don’t like it, you can go back to living apart.
26:50 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
27:15 Feedback
Mica encourages us and you to continue the hard work of being allies to BIPOC.
30:00 Happy poly moment
Gigi writes in with a happy poly moment about community. Even though her local meetup hadn’t met since February, she wanted to build community by giving back and adopted a family for the holidays. The group jumped at the chance, got every item on the family’s list, including four bikes, and more! A great demonstration of building community by giving back.
32:15 Thank you!
Welcome Ivo to the PW Playmates!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
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594 How to talk to kids about polyamory and stuff
Ashley Robertson, child care provider and sex-positive educator, makes her podcast debut to answer questions about age-appropriate sex education.
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
Same ole’ same ole’ pandemic, just waiting for the vaccine
2:25 Poly in the news
Three Dads and a Baby
Caroline Rose Guiliani is a poly unicorn!
Cambridge, Massachusetts passes new poly domestic partnership legislation
5:55 Feedback
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].
6:40 Interview: Ashley Robertson on talking to kids about polyamory and sex
Ashley identifies as a feminine, bi-curious, ethically solo-polyamourous, sexual submissive. With over a decade of experience in the BDSM community, she isn't shy of perverse topics. She is a liberated, ethical slut who wishes to share with others the freedom of sexuality without shame.
Ashley is an expert question-asker. With three teaching degrees, she's an educator who is fed up with the idea that learning comes from a teacher. Instead, she crafts workshops and activities that invite introspection and curiosity while accommodating for all learners. She's at her happiest when working with youth; demonstrating consent, guiding them towards comfort surrounding condoms, and providing honest answers to questions about sexuality. She's trained to facilitate the Our Whole Lives curriculum and adapts the workshops to fit diverse audiences. Her workshops have reached local audiences for parent education events and audiences far and wide via virtual workshops hosted by educational, outreach organizations. Ashley's non-coercive, comprehensive approach to sex ed is what we all wished we had growing up. You can find her group on Facebook, Let's Talk About Sex Ed with Ms. Ashley.
How do you approach sexual topics with kids?
Our Whole Lives
28:10 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
28:44 Happy Poly Moment
Fun story about the wife offering protection and safety tips to the metamour!
30:20 Thank you!
Welcome Ivo to the PW Playmates!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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593 How do you handle going platonic?
Matt writes in to ask what to do after a partner asks to be platonic while she figures things out. Lusty Guy and Minx give advice.
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
Let’s talk about snow and the polar vortex. Seattle snow was fun for us and our puppy, but Minx was worried about her family in Texas.
4:30 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner
We all learned about the pilgrims founding America to enjoy religious tolerance, but it’s not true. They decamped England and went to Amsterdam and then Leiden, where they faced no religious persecution. They stayed there for 10 years and ran for office in order to try to impose their religious views on everyone else. They weren’t fleeing religious persecution; they wanted to establish it. Smithsonian Magazine reference, the pilgrims’ time in Holland
A primary reason the US government forbade membership in a specific church to run for office was because no one could agree on which church that should be. Want to find out more? Watch Stephen Fry in America or read the book.
9:45 Feedback
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].
10:15 How do you handle a relationship going platonic?
Matt had a preexisting relationship with A.J., and Emma fell into that relationship. Emma realizes she needs to spend time on herself and wants to shift the relationship to a platonic friendship.
Minx suggests seeing this as unrequited love and treating the shift in the nature of the relationship as a breakup.
Lusty Guy also suggests taking time apart to do that healing from the breakup. He’s also concerned that Matt might have a white knight or “nice guy” syndrome and be wishing for a transactional nature to the relationship.
Consider that waiting for her sounds a lot like wanting to change her, so do take the time to heal and put yourself first instead.
21:40 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
22:15 Feedback
This week’s feedback is an appreciation of Lusty Guy’s politics corner.
23:15 Happy Poly Moment
R wrote in to share that she uses Poly Weekly to redirect her anxiety. She expected to be anxious when her partner asked to bring a date over to their place for the first time, and she was pleased when she discovered it didn’t kick off her anxiety. She believes she can be healthy and poly!
25:15 Shout out
Shout out to Jenn and Catherine with love from Tammy on their three-year anniversary!
Thank you!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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592 How do you like to bond?
Dr. Eli Sheff joins today to share her new project, The Bonding Project, in which she seeks to help people understand how they bond.
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
Minx was down for a week with horrible symptoms of menopause, but feeling better now. Hoping to get Heather Corinna, author of What Fresh Hell Is This: Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You, soon!
3:45 Poly in the news
Chris Smith and Ben Schenker's have proposed legislation to the Washington, DC, City Council to expand domestic partnership and anti-discrimination laws to include multi-partnered relationships. More info from Chris on how to participate.
Amy Dickinson finally gives good poly advice! Ask Amy: Polyamory creates an extra family challenge. Alan’s blog post.
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].
6:15 Interview with Dr. Eli Sheff
Dr. Elisabeth “Eli” Sheff is a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. With a PhD in Sociology (University of Colorado, Boulder, 2005) and certification as a Sexuality Educator from the AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, 2012), Dr. Sheff specializes in gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, and kink/BDSM. Sheff is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children, and her 20+ year Polyamorous Family Study is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date.
Find her at https://elisabethsheff.com/, on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. Check out https://www.bondingproject.com/ and her blog on Psychology Today.
26:45 Eli Sheff’s Ranty Pants
In this new segment, we provide space for guests to rant about anything they like, big or small. Today: why are anti-maskers so anti-abortion but also apparently anti-life?
29:30 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
30:00 Thank you!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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591 Unf*ck your polyamory
Dr. Liz Powell and Kevin Patterson share insights from their new online course, Unf*ck your polyamory
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Poly in the news
BBC 2 has a new drama called Trigonometry centered around black poly folks
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].
2:00 Interview with Kevin Patterson and Dr. Liz Powell: Unfuck your polyamory
Kevin Patterson has practiced consensual nonmonogamy since 2002. In 2015, he started Poly Role Models, an interview series and polyamory's most inclusive platform. This has led to the writing of the book, Love's Not Color Blind and along with co-writer Alana Phelan, the sci-fi novel series, For Hire.
Dr. Liz Powell is a licensed psychologist (CA 27871) and coach who specializes in helping you build your most fulfilling, authentic life. They teach, write, and consult on areas of sexual diversity and pleasure, non-traditional relationships, and sexual empowerment.
Unfuck your polyamory is a 6-week course covering polyamory 101, boundaries, couple privilege, jealousy and compersion, metamours, and power dynamics that will give you easy, guided practice to put your skills into practice right away.
Kevin is at PolyRoleModels.tumblr.com, on Twitter at http://twitter.com/PolyRoleModels, Facebook at facebook.com/PolyRoleModels, Instagram at http://instagram.com/@PolyRoleModels. For Hire is on Facebook at facebook.com/ForHIreMag or you can order For Hire: Operator directly at tinyurl.com/ForHireMag1.
Dr. Liz is at www.sexpositivepsych.com or www.drllizpowell.com, on Twitter at https://twitter.com/sexpospysch, Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/sexositivepsych, Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/drlizpowell. Their book is at http://buidingopenrelationships.com and YouTube channel is at http://youtube.com/c/sexpositivepsych.
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
29:00 Happy poly moment
R shares a story of her anxiety NOT getting the better of her!
30:15 Thank you!
Welcome new Poly Weekly Playmates Theresa, Rebecca, and Jillian!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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590 How do I develop compersion?
How to experience and nurture compersion in your relationships
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
The Book of the Kiss is a fantasy romance sourcebook designed to be system-agnostic. Poly Weekly listeners can get half off the cover price here.
Love is Polytical was a conference in Berlin last weekend.
3:50 Lusty Guy’s polyamory and politics corner
Both sides are not the same. If what you are looking for deep, systemic reform to systems, yeah, they are similar. But with 300,000 new cases of COVID in the U.S., the response would have been different with a Democrat in office. If you’re a woman seeking an abortion, an economist, a climatologist, or a trans person, you can see the difference.
8:45 Contact us
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].
9:00 Topic: How do I develop compersion?
If you don’t feel compersion, how do you develop the capacity to experience it.
Compersion is the non-sexual joy you feel in seeing joy in others. It’s empathy, and you likely experience it all the time. If you’ve ever been happy for a friend at their wedding or joyful that your kid won their soccer game, you’ve felt compersion.
Start noticing and naming the compersion you feel already. If insecurity or jealousy are blocking you from feeling it in your poly relationships, try some of our jealousy/insecurity exercises, such as Discuss, Distract, Do and And Then What.
Consider compersion a muscle that you can exercise. Practice it mentally. For example, try experiencing feeling empathy/compersion when your metamour wins a video game.
16:12 Join the conversation
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
16:30 Feedback
A listener in Vancouver, Canada calls in to support Lusty Guy’s politics corner
David Wheeler provides an audio review of the Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory
19:15 Happy poly moment
S shares a story of her metamour saving their life
R finds strength and courage to pursue polyamory
23:45 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Check out this episode!
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589 My dom's girlfriend is domblocking me
Worried and her roommate are seeing the same long-distance dom, and her roommate started dating him and then put restrictions on Worried's time with him. Should they move in together?
0:00 Introduction and host chat
If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
The surprising obstacles to polyamorous marriage
2:40 Lusty Guy’s polyamory and politics corner
Lusty Guy provides insights on expertise: what is it, when do you have it, and what to do in its absence. To start increasing your expertise on U.S. politics, LG’s suggests reading Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States.
6:50 Topic: My dom’s girlfriend is domblocking me
Worried has a roommate, and they have both been playing with the same long-distance dom for two years. The roomie and the dom began dating, and the roomie began “putting restrictions” on the dom’s play with Worried. Worried thinks that the roomie is fabricating issues to enforce her girlfriend status. They are talking about moving in together.
Don’t move in until this is resolved
Why are you blaming the roommate instead of the person performing the unwanted actions, the dom?
When you have a conversation with your roommate, go in seeking to understand and with vulnerability
Claim your autonomy; it’s your choice whether to obey your roommate’s rules
This smells like a relationship by crisis model in which whoever has the biggest crisis gets the most attention. So just ask your dom for what you want, regardless of crises. Ask for what you want!
Are they a good roommate, outside of the dom issue? Can you easily share household chores or choose a restaurant for dinner?
Put yourself first
18:35 Feedback
Welcome to our listeners in the US, Canada, Germany, Australia, UK, Netherlands, Poland, and New Zealand. Shout out to that one person listening in Belize, Tunisia, Luxembourg, Ecuador, and Chile!
19:15 Happy poly moment
From S in Mexico on her family accepting her polyamory and her partner participating in her
A COVID story from L!
22:45 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors
Welcome to our new PW Playmates, Ivo, Erin, Laurel, Monica, and Nathanael. Thanks to all our PW Playmates! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
23:00 Contact us
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email [email protected].
Join the conversation
To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.
Check out this episode!
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