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Went to look at a trailer for rent in Sevierville (but not Sevierville because it was in Jefferson county, which no one has heard of), and I passed by a school in buttfuck nowhere that was advertising a summer camp that was abbreviated as "CNC Summer." Now that I have service again, I don't even remember what it stood for, just that I was shocked that someone in that school isn't terminally online enough to know that shouldn't be allowed.

Anyway. The landlord was a dick and said any repairs have to be covered by me, so it was a waste of my time.

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My sister had a fat removal surgery today. I've been making fun of her for it for weeks because it's a little ball of fat in her armpit that she only wants gone because she thinks people are judging her for it. It's nothing anyone sees unless she has her armpit in their face going, "See? It's hideous! It looks like I have a third boob! I hate it!!"

Anyway. They just thought it was fat. Her doctor called her a few minutes ago saying they did a biopsy just in case. It was breast tissue. In her armpit. Turns out it really was a third boob..

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you tried everything. you tried relationship check-ins and using positive thinking. you tried modelling healthy coping strategies and printing out pages of cognitive behavioral therapy tricks. you tried relationship podcasts and audiobooks and posts on instagram. you tried steamrolling your own emotions and making yourself into a fractal of a person. you tried ripping out your own hair and you tried to feed from your own stomach. you tried setting boundaries - and when that failed, you tried to be okay with broken boundaries.

you tried explaining, over and over and over. you tried long-winded texts that delicately apologized and took accountability; you tried short and earnest apologies that directly confronted the issue. you tried letting them apologize first - and when that didn't work at all, you tried to delicately explain you needed their apology.

you tried, because you really thought they could change. sometimes, if you caught them in the right moment - they even seemed willing. they would nod and agree to try therapy (eventually) or try calming techniques (eventually) or try safe communication practices (eventually) or try -

and you feel like a fool, because you gave them so much grace about it, and that's how things got so bad for so long. you were being patient and kind and willing. you gave them time. you promised yourself that next week, they'd be better. next week, they'd be the partner you needed. next week, they'd be there for you. they'd finally see all the effort and love and trying! and as some kind of divine reward, why, they'd finally -

the whole time your boundaries shifted and swam. since you were being patient with them, you started taking barely-there token actions as being "enough." okay, they didn't really apologize, but even the use of the words "i'm sorry" was enough! okay, they didn't support you through grief, but afterwards they seemed guilty about that and offered to buy you sushi. wasn't that all good enough? isn't love about growth and bringing the other person up with you?

so when you finally broke about this and finally decided to run: well, you had expected to be ruined. you had cried in the shower picturing it. and instead. instead. you were suddenly, coldly, wildly - done.

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🌈rice🌈

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My friend made me get Tinder so I could try to find that girl from pride. I'm finding that a lot of people put random 2 letter names on profiles and only have either stock photos, AI photos of random shit, or like 3 photos from where they are when they make the profile. The likelihood of any of these people actually being women/enbies is slim. The chance that it's men making profiles to look at queer women/femmes is almost certain.

Funniest one I've seen?

#1: the account is listed as being a lesbian woman. I don't know a lot of chicks named Paul, so good for her.

#2: I instantly knew where this was. It's on the mail route I was supposed to be doing today. The street is a little over 11 miles from where I am. I know the address of that blue house because I use it to gauge where I am on the street. This is the funniest thing in the world to me.

#3: I guarantee if I asked that route's regular, she'd tell me something like, "Well, no one there is named Paul, but there is a married couple and their 2 young children."

The idea of trying to match with the profile then sending them a photo from the same street is almost too funny to not do it.

I have yet to find the chick from pride, though. Just lots and lots of fake accounts, and I'm about to delete this shit again and call it a loss.

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The damage done by my Doc's yesterday made today miserable. I can hardly walk. Showering was excruciating. Every single shoe I own rubs up against the blisters, which are now open wounds that are getting worse because they tear every time I walk. Why is it anyone fucking wears those shoes?? They look cool, sure, but I walk a lot for my job and I can't go to the gym and I can't walk my dog and I've just been laying in bed since I got home from work because moving is so so so so painful 😭

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I was talking with an old friend at pride when this chick walks up and asks the price on an item. He gives me this look, he and his girlfriend step back, kinda giggling, as this chick crouches down so she's level with me in my little chair and asks my name. I ask hers, but I forgot it because I was like, "This chick is too cute to actually be interested in my gremlin ass." She shakes my hand, tells me I look familiar. She also looked familiar, so I told her she did, too. She laughed and pushed her hair behind her ear shyly. I'm full panic because I'm awful with women. She takes the bag with the item she bought from me, says she hopes she'll see me around again, and jogs off. Like, jogs away in a dress. My friend comes back over and tells me I'm a stupid fuck because I clearly just fumbled a baddie. And you know what? Bro was right. In my own head, I was thinking there was no way she was showing any interest in me and was maybe a little bad in social situations; but he and his girlfriend both agreed that she was interested and I'm dumb to hand not gotten her number. I don't know how! Pretty girls make me freak out! Like. If a guy I think is cool is flirting with me it's whatever. I stay calm. But a tall pretty lady walks over and does what I guess is flirts with me and I like dissociate a little because I don't know how to react. So yeah. I'm dumb. Maybe I'll run into her somewhere some time. But I can already tell she's gonna be one of those people I'm still mentally slapping myself over for the next couple years.

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Oh my god, I made over half my rent in sales today. Sobbing uncontrollably. Got scolded by a leather fur who said I need to charge more. Got told by someone's drunk mom that she's an ecologist and my work is both unethical and illegal. Gave free earrings to cool kids (but not the one who took a handful of items and shoved them in the little pocket on the front of her dress. I made her parents pay for something she broke. Train your kids better, people). Saw a surprising number of people I know, at which point we kinda did the whole "what were you doing at the devil's sacrament" bit. Overall really fun day, despite being 96 as the high. Even if I'd only made my booth fee back, I always love going to pride events and seeing how wonderful and diverse the LGBT community is.

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Saw someone walk by in an aroace themed fursuit. Like, the whole suit. It's 95 right now. That person is roasting alive but still dancing around and waving at kids. Stronger than any soldier alive.

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Legitimately think I might run out of items to sell today. $400 in 2.5 hours. I'm about to only have larger items for sale. Holy crap, the queer community is paying my rent this month ✊😭

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First casualty at pride: some transient looking men going up to everyone asking if they know of any hot trannies they can assault. Cops got 'em before anyone could really react. They asked 2 booths, were coming to me next, and like 3 cops tell them to leave or they'll go to jail. Stupid games, stupid prizes.

Now the cops are talking about how there have been violent threats from people protesting pride and how they're working to try to keep them well away from us. Which, like, inspired confidence.

They're shutting the street down for Pride, and the city is also shutting part of it down for repair work. If I don't get parked by 8:30am, they're not guaranteeing us parking spots that aren't a mile away. But that's the thing. I only live a mile away from where it's happening. So my plan is to load up my car, drive it down there, park at like 7:30am near where I'll be set up, walk home, walk there when I'm ready to set up. And then I won't have to worry about hauling 200lbs in shit to and from my car. It doesn't start until noon. I don't need 4 hours to set up. I'm usually good in under 2 hours.

The worst part is how long my dog will be alone. I'll have to buy her a good dinner so she forgives me.

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Ow ow ow ow ow

They're shutting the street down for Pride, and the city is also shutting part of it down for repair work. If I don't get parked by 8:30am, they're not guaranteeing us parking spots that aren't a mile away. But that's the thing. I only live a mile away from where it's happening. So my plan is to load up my car, drive it down there, park at like 7:30am near where I'll be set up, walk home, walk there when I'm ready to set up. And then I won't have to worry about hauling 200lbs in shit to and from my car. It doesn't start until noon. I don't need 4 hours to set up. I'm usually good in under 2 hours.

The worst part is how long my dog will be alone. I'll have to buy her a good dinner so she forgives me.

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Walking back, but this time I'm in Doc Marten's and I'm not even a quarter mile in and regretting not bringing a change of shoes -_-

They're shutting the street down for Pride, and the city is also shutting part of it down for repair work. If I don't get parked by 8:30am, they're not guaranteeing us parking spots that aren't a mile away. But that's the thing. I only live a mile away from where it's happening. So my plan is to load up my car, drive it down there, park at like 7:30am near where I'll be set up, walk home, walk there when I'm ready to set up. And then I won't have to worry about hauling 200lbs in shit to and from my car. It doesn't start until noon. I don't need 4 hours to set up. I'm usually good in under 2 hours.

The worst part is how long my dog will be alone. I'll have to buy her a good dinner so she forgives me.

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i wish dog owners would shut the fuck up sometimes

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I was looking at arrest records because some lady had a tantrum in my complex last night and got taken off by the cops, and while I'm looking through the inmates in the county jail, I noticed that, disproportionately, they're Hispanic. Then I went back and looked at what they're in for. Nearly every single person's reason for being there was "detained for illegal immigration." My mom's gone to jail several times and we've gone combing through recent arrests to find her mugshot, and there has never been a single charge I've seen that had anything to do with immigration status. The site shows their previous bookings, too, and there was only one guy who had anything, and it was fleeing the scene of a motor vehicle accident (which I'm assuming was like a fender bender and not manslaughter because he was released that same day). These are almost certainly just someone's dad, someone's mom, someone's neighbor or coworker or friend. People who have been working and contributing to society the whole time they've lived here, now in jail potentially facing inescapable El Salvadorian prisons because that's what America decided is the punishment for contributing to society without an SSN.

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Oh my god I forgot that where I'm setting up is like 1.5 miles from my apartment. And it's all uphill. Which I guess means I've already done the hard part of that walk, but ugh. Lungs hurty.

They're shutting the street down for Pride, and the city is also shutting part of it down for repair work. If I don't get parked by 8:30am, they're not guaranteeing us parking spots that aren't a mile away. But that's the thing. I only live a mile away from where it's happening. So my plan is to load up my car, drive it down there, park at like 7:30am near where I'll be set up, walk home, walk there when I'm ready to set up. And then I won't have to worry about hauling 200lbs in shit to and from my car. It doesn't start until noon. I don't need 4 hours to set up. I'm usually good in under 2 hours.

The worst part is how long my dog will be alone. I'll have to buy her a good dinner so she forgives me.

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They're shutting the street down for Pride, and the city is also shutting part of it down for repair work. If I don't get parked by 8:30am, they're not guaranteeing us parking spots that aren't a mile away. But that's the thing. I only live a mile away from where it's happening. So my plan is to load up my car, drive it down there, park at like 7:30am near where I'll be set up, walk home, walk there when I'm ready to set up. And then I won't have to worry about hauling 200lbs in shit to and from my car. It doesn't start until noon. I don't need 4 hours to set up. I'm usually good in under 2 hours.

The worst part is how long my dog will be alone. I'll have to buy her a good dinner so she forgives me.