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[cuntydiaz]

buddie + ao3 tags + very unnecessary commentary from me

[cuntydiaz]

seven-ish sentence sunday

soo i wanted to start today's sss bc i'm so proud of this edit and i know some people like famous buck and army eddie au so... here's more for it!

Eddie can't help to smile down at his phone. These past few months with Buck have been— amazing, incredible, a comfort for him in the middle of a literal warzone.

Eddie spends the rest of the day checking social media and checking his messages with Buck, anxious to know if he's won or not.

Also maybe, he goes back to stare at that picture the blonde sent him. Just a little bit.

And if he brushes a finger through his screen as if it's Buck's face, then that's between him and God.

tagging (no pressure): @cowboy-buddie @monsterrae1 @buddierights @alyxmastershipper @fatedbuddie @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @comaboybuck @swiftiebuckleys @hippolotamus @shortsighted-owl @messyhairdiaz @spaceprincessem @spotsandsocks @elvensorceress @the-likesofus @bigfootsmom @lesbianmaygrant @lovebuck @loveyourownsmiilee @bekkachaos @ebdaydreamer @honestlydarkprincess @souschefdiaz @sunshineravi and anyone else who wants to do it!!

[cuntydiaz]

believe in one thing (i won't go away)

buck/eddie | mature | 1/4 | 5.8k words

"I think— I think we should go to therapy. Together." Eddie says one night and takes Buck completely by surprise.

"Therapy? Together?"

"Yeah, like, couple's therapy or something. Frank told me he can recommend someone for us."

"Eddie…" Buck says slowly, as if he's trying to explain the hardest math problem in the universe to a five year old. "We're not, uh— We're not a couple."

"No, I know." Eddie frowns and looks down, fidgeting with the beer in between his hands. "But we're partners." He says, this time a lot lower that Buck barely hears it. "Right?"

or:

the one where buck is figuring out stuff after waking up from a coma, eddie misses his best friend and they go to couple's therapy.

read on ao3

[cuntydiaz]

buck/eddie | 06x12 coda | 911 spoilers

"so, what? you're thinking about leaving? going to italy, have a pray eat love kind of thing?" eddie asks and he can't keep the bitterness out of his tone, no matter how much he tries.

buck huffs and shakes his head. "no, it's not that—" he frowns and licks his lips. "maybe i haven't been to italy... but i've been to a lot of different places, you know? i would drive all night or sleep in my jeep sometimes, i met people from everywhere... i've done that." buck sighs.

"i was wandering around, you know? just coasting... until i got here. until i met the 118." buck softly gazes up at eddie. "this is home."

and i don't wanna leave you. i don't wanna be like abby, he thinks but doesn't say it out loud.

"then what is it, buck? what's going on in that head of yours? talk to me." eddie pleads as he steps closer.

they're in the kitchen and it's late, buck's had a few too many beers and he's just—

"i don't know, eddie. i died and i—" he looks down and shrugs one shoulder. "i feel a little lost right now, i guess?"

"evan, look at me." eddie asks, his voice so soft and tender and careful. buck's gaze lifts and they lock eyes and it takes the air out of him. "we'll figure it out, okay? together."

eddie smiles at him, sad and hopeful and small— barely twitching his lips upwards. "you don't have to pretend with me."

buck lets out a surprised wet chuckle and nods and then, maybe because he's feeling emboldened by the three beers he's taken, he pulls eddie towards him and buries his head against the man's neck, inhaling the scent that's so uniquely eddie.

they hold each other, hugging tightly. buck can feel eddie's hands grabbing at his back, his fingers digging in between his shoulder blades and waist.

buck finally relaxes surrounded by eddie, letting himself feel and breathe.

he's not ready yet. he hasn't healed yet.

but this hug? them, hanging around in the kitchen? it feels like hope.

it feels like one step closer in the right direction.

who needs italy anyway?

[cuntydiaz]

buck/eddie | 06x12 coda | 911 spoilers

"so, what? you're thinking about leaving? going to italy, have a pray eat love kind of thing?" eddie asks and he can't keep the bitterness out of his tone, no matter how much he tries.

buck huffs and shakes his head. "no, it's not that—" he frowns and licks his lips. "maybe i haven't been to italy... but i've been to a lot of different places, you know? i would drive all night or sleep in my jeep sometimes, i met people from everywhere... i've done that." buck sighs.

"i was wandering around, you know? just coasting... until i got here. until i met the 118." buck softly gazes up at eddie. "this is home."

and i don't wanna leave you. i don't wanna be like abby, he thinks but doesn't say it out loud.

"then what is it, buck? what's going on in that head of yours? talk to me." eddie pleads as he steps closer.

they're in the kitchen and it's late, buck's had a few too many beers and he's just—

"i don't know, eddie. i died and i—" he looks down and shrugs one shoulder. "i feel a little lost right now, i guess?"

"evan, look at me." eddie asks, his voice so soft and tender and careful. buck's gaze lifts and they lock eyes and it takes the air out of him. "we'll figure it out, okay? together."

eddie smiles at him, sad and hopeful and small— barely twitching his lips upwards. "you don't have to pretend with me."

buck lets out a surprised wet chuckle and nods and then, maybe because he's feeling emboldened by the three beers he's taken, he pulls eddie towards him and buries his head against the man's neck, inhaling the scent that's so uniquely eddie.

they hold each other, hugging tightly. buck can feel eddie's hands grabbing at his back, his fingers digging in between his shoulder blades and waist.

buck finally relaxes surrounded by eddie, letting himself feel and breathe.

he's not ready yet. he hasn't healed yet.

but this hug? them, hanging around in the kitchen? it feels like hope.

it feels like one step closer in the right direction.

who needs italy anyway?

[cuntydiaz]

the water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud (but no one heard a thing)

buck/eddie | 6b spec fic | angst | 706 words

"Buck!" Eddie shrieks, yelling at the top of his lungs after watching it all unfold in the nightmare-ridden milliseconds. As he watches Buck fall.

The rainstorm is relentless, making the ladder wet and slippery and despite the ambulance lights and the flashlights from below— Eddie can barely see.

But Buck is hanging from the ladder truck.

Almost 100 feet in the air.

With no helmet.

The loud noise of the thunder is deafening, but still, it drifts away to the thundering of Eddie's own heart beating into his chest, roaring in his ears.

"Buck!" He screams but the blonde is unconscious, he thinks. He's hanging by his harness and dangling in the air— his body motionless.

Still—

Eddie sceams for him.

Usually, Eddie can keep his calm. He can force himself to take a step back and keep control in the midst of a crisis— He's a soldier, he's good at warzones.

But something about the clatter of Buck's helmet against the floor, something about the screams of their teammates below, something about the way Buck was basically hanging by a thread in between life and death.

Eddie loses all semblance of control and doesn't even think—

He just acts on impulse as he sprints up the ladder as fast as he can without slipping— his adrenaline pumping through his veins and kicking in full power.

Eddie is surprised by how fast he's climbing the ladder without stumbling but he doesn't stop. He can't stop.

He keeps going until he reaches Buck and grabs the man's harness, trying to pull him up.

The ladder is too slippery, the rain is too strong and Eddie ends up with his ribs digging against the steps and his arm aching from holding Buck's dead weight.

"Buck! Buck! Wake up!" Eddie screams so loud until his throat feels raw and his voice breaks. "Buck!"

Buck is unresponsive, his eyes are closed and he looks— He looks lifeless. Like every one of Eddie's worst nightmares coming to haunt him.

Eddie grunts and groans and his arms are starting to ache, but he won't give up. He won't! Because Buck never gives up, he's always fighting and pushing forward and after all these years, after all they've been through— The least Eddie can do is fight for Buck until he's able to do it himself.

The least Eddie can do, is save him.

After all the times Buck has saved him— in and out of the job.

“Buck! Come on!” Eddie begs, pleads, prays to anyone who's listening. He begs and prays for them to get out of this one alive. He grunts, as his exhausted body tries to pull Buck up. “Please!"

Eddie's entire body is clenching its muscles as he tries to pull Buck up but everytime he tries, the harness slides down more and more until it's almost slipping through his fingers. The gloves are not making anything easier but it's too late for Eddie to get them out.

Eddie is just shaking because of how fucking terrified he might drop Buck— that he might not be able to save the love of his life. That Eddie might not be strong enough this time.. Buck is heavier than he looks, and Eddie just—

His body is already hurting by the way Buck’s weight is anchoring him down so that the metal bars of the ladder dig painfully and uncomfortably against his ribs and chest.

And then—

He loses the battle.

He lets go.

"Evan!" He screams, almost a guttural and inhuman sound— like his very soul is living his body. Like his heart is falling just alongside Buck.

It is, if he's being honest.

He is powerless as he watches with horror and despair as Buck falls from the ladder and into the cold, hard pavement. As blood starts pooling from his head, the sickest shade of red tainting the street and washing away in seconds with the water.

He watches powerless as Hen and Chim make their very hardest to save Buck after Eddie failed.

He failed.

Guilt and a mix of emotions that are too strong and too overwhelming for him to decipher right now pool inside his stomach until he's dizzy and nauseous.

He failed Buck.

[cuntydiaz]

i've seen a lot of ppl talking about buck and eddie both getting knocked out during the storm and eddie wakes up relatively quickly in the hospital and the firefam's there and he sees that buck is missing and is like "oh and buck is with chris right? where is he?" and the others just look at each other not knowing how to tell him that buck's in a coma and i just—

can you just imagine tho, eddie in that hospital bed and he can't get up and even when he tries bobby and chim and hen are there to stop him and no one would tell him really what the hell happened except that buck is in a fucking coma and all they can do is wait.

and eddie just wants to see him, make sure he's alive and that he still exists bc most days buck feels like a pipe dream, something too good to be true and eddie's losing his mind.

and then—

it's late at night and his hospital room is so quiet, hen is in a chair next to his bed and she's sleeping and eddie loves her but all he can think about is that usually is another person who sits next to eddie's bed when he's hurt, another person who holds his hand and reassures him he'll take care of chris while eddie can't.

the tv is a soft, barely there background noise as it casts a dim light over the room, but when he looks up it's the news are playing back what happened earlier and he sees the moment the lightning strikes, sees the moment eddie himself almost falls... sees buck falling from the ladder truck and hitting his head against the side—

"buck" he gasps without even realizing, the name falling from his lips like a plea, like a prayer begging to be heard.

"buck." eddie chokes out as his mind replays the fall in slow motion.

eddie was supposed to have buck's back. eddie was supposed to save him.

hen wakes up and eddie quickly realizes he's hyperventilating, struggling to take a deep breath and tears are streaming down his face with no way to stop them.

he's having a panic attack. he hasn't had one of those in a long time, eddie thinks almost absentmindedly.

"eddie hey, it's okay." hen redts a hand on his shoulder and tries to calm him down but it doesn't feel right— her hand is too heavy on eddie's shoulder, and it's not the right side. It's too soft, too—

It's no buck's.

"i need to see him." he manages to blurt out the in between gasps. "hen, let me see him. please." he begs and his voice is shaky and breaking by the last word. it sounds pathetic and desperate even to his own ears but eddie can't bring himself to care at that moment.

his heart is beating too fast, unforgiving against his ribcage, his hands are trembling and eddie—

he just needs to see him.

it takes a while and the nurses are definitely not happy with himself— once again, eddie doesn't have it in him to care.

especially when he's put in a wheelchair (he doesn't need it but he's picking his battles carefully right now) and taken to see buck.

his hospital room is a lot like eddie's but maddie is sprawled on the chair next to the bef, with red puffy eyes and hair a mess.

she looks exactly like how eddie feels inside, if he's being honest, and for a moment he feels a kind of weird keenship to her.

they both would do anything for buck. they both hate to see buck hurt.

"i'll give you some time with him." she smiles tiredly and then she's living the room along with hen and the nurse who wheeled him in.

eddie swallows hard and reaches out for buck, his hand immediately resting against buck's...

buck's hand is cold to the touch, when usually it would be warm.

it's still, when usually it would be squeezing eddie's right back.

it's pale and small against the sheets and eddie feels like he might throw up.

"please wake up." he whispers, but in the quiet of the room it sounds loud and oh so desperate. "please don't leave me."

and eddie— there's so many words he needs, wants to say. so many things he needs to get out, so many things he needs buck to hear...

but for now they stay lodge inside his chest.

for now, he keeps them to himself but he hopes he'll have the chance to say them out loud someday.

he hopes buck will want to hear them.

[cuntydiaz]

and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.

—Richard Siken

[cuntydiaz]

[cuntydiaz]

i have to admit... the coma buck theory is growing on me. so... here's a drabble of eddie shaving buck's scruff while he's in a coma. <3 season 6b speculation

"I'm glad you're okay." Eddie murmurs. He always talks to Buck, hoping the man hears him even if unconscious. Hoping Buck knows Eddie's always there, that he'll never lose hope.

Buck's been in a coma for almost two months now and— it's been hard. It's been really hard, if he's being honest. Life moves on, shifts are scheduled, events at Chris' school happen and Eddie— Eddie feels like a part of him is missing all the time. Like a limb was amputated and he doesn't know what to do without it.

He always turns around when someone says something funny, wanting to see Buck's reaction and then he remembers.

"Today was a quiet shift." He smiles as he traces his fingers through Buck's beard. He kinda likes the scruffy look but he knows the man hates it and always made it a point to be clean and shaven. So Eddie will do it for him until Buck wakes up. "I know I'm not supposed to say the q words but if you hate it so much maybe you should wake up and kick my ass, huh?"

Eddie stops for a second, waiting with bated breath for Buck to react, to open his eyes and look at Eddie with that frown between his eyes and his nose all scrunched up. Eddie waits for the "You just jinxed the team, man!" but it never comes.

"Yeah, okay." He breathes out and prepares the materials. At first the nurses were supposed to do this but they did a sloppy job and they were too fast, never treating Buck with the gentleness and the softness he deserves. So Eddie might have yelled at them a little but hey, he got the job done. Whatever.

"Chris has a girlfriend, did you know? it's pretty recent and don't worry, I don't think they even kissed yet." He chuckles as he spreads the shaving cream with soft touches. "I know you'd say he's too young for that." He whispers and looks down at Buck. "He's growing too fast and you're missing it, Buckley." Eddie says with a strained voice and then shakes his head.

No. He can't do this. Not right now.

"Anyway. What else? Oh! There was this funny call today at shift…" Eddie talks and talks as he moves methodically.

Eddie's fingers flit over Buck's skin quickly, the blade becoming a steady rhythm of contact as it glides over his neck and jaw carefully and softly. From time to time, his hands meet either side of Buck's face, turning him this way and that to allow Eddie to reach the area he needs. It's— intimate and domestic in a way that makes him ache.

He even lets his mind wander, imagines doing this with Buck awake and instead of the hospital, they're in Eddie's bathroom— but it would be their bathroom. And Buck would be sitting in the counter sink, with Eddie between his legs. He would smirk and follow Eddie with his gaze, blue eyes happy and shining with love and a tinge of mirth. It's a nice fantasy.

Maybe someday, Eddie thinks.

Finally, he grabs a small towel and cleans Buck's face. His touch is feather-light as he gently wipes away the remaining shaving cream from Buck's skin.

Because of him being so focused on Buck's features, he doesn't miss the way the man's eyelids flutter like he's trying to wake up.

"Buck?" Eddie whispers, quiet and scared and reluctantly hopeful. "Hey, Buck? Wake up. Please." Eddie begs, his voice breaking in the last words as he lets go of the stuff, letting it fall to the ground and reaches a hand to grab one of Buck's, his fingers squeezing it almost too hard. "C'mon. I know you can do it."

Eddie waits, waits and waits and he starts to think it was a figment of his imagination, that he's slowly losing his mind.

But then —

He feels a slight squeeze, barely there. He looks down and Buck's hand is holding his.

Buck's holding his hand.

When his gaze goes back up, he finds himself looking at tired, confused blues.

"Hey, Buck." Eddie chuckles wetly in disbelief and excitement, though his voice is quiet and gentle. His vision goes blurry with tears that he quickly blinks away, not wanting to miss a second of Buck's face.

"Eddie." Buck rasps out.

Finally. Eddie thinks. After so long, he can finally hear Buck's voice. And for the first time in what feels like forever, Eddie truly thinks everything will be okay.

[cuntydiaz]

because, evan— by pining idiot, eddie diaz.

[cuntydiaz]

i have to admit... the coma buck theory is growing on me. so... here's a drabble of eddie shaving buck's scruff while he's in a coma. <3 season 6b speculation

"I'm glad you're okay." Eddie murmurs. He always talks to Buck, hoping the man hears him even if unconscious. Hoping Buck knows Eddie's always there, that he'll never lose hope.

Buck's been in a coma for almost two months now and— it's been hard. It's been really hard, if he's being honest. Life moves on, shifts are scheduled, events at Chris' school happen and Eddie— Eddie feels like a part of him is missing all the time. Like a limb was amputated and he doesn't know what to do without it.

He always turns around when someone says something funny, wanting to see Buck's reaction and then he remembers.

"Today was a quiet shift." He smiles as he traces his fingers through Buck's beard. He kinda likes the scruffy look but he knows the man hates it and always made it a point to be clean and shaven. So Eddie will do it for him until Buck wakes up. "I know I'm not supposed to say the q words but if you hate it so much maybe you should wake up and kick my ass, huh?"

Eddie stops for a second, waiting with bated breath for Buck to react, to open his eyes and look at Eddie with that frown between his eyes and his nose all scrunched up. Eddie waits for the "You just jinxed the team, man!" but it never comes.

"Yeah, okay." He breathes out and prepares the materials. At first the nurses were supposed to do this but they did a sloppy job and they were too fast, never treating Buck with the gentleness and the softness he deserves. So Eddie might have yelled at them a little but hey, he got the job done. Whatever.

"Chris has a girlfriend, did you know? it's pretty recent and don't worry, I don't think they even kissed yet." He chuckles as he spreads the shaving cream with soft touches. "I know you'd say he's too young for that." He whispers and looks down at Buck. "He's growing too fast and you're missing it, Buckley." Eddie says with a strained voice and then shakes his head.

No. He can't do this. Not right now.

"Anyway. What else? Oh! There was this funny call today at shift…" Eddie talks and talks as he moves methodically.

Eddie's fingers flit over Buck's skin quickly, the blade becoming a steady rhythm of contact as it glides over his neck and jaw carefully and softly. From time to time, his hands meet either side of Buck's face, turning him this way and that to allow Eddie to reach the area he needs. It's— intimate and domestic in a way that makes him ache.

He even lets his mind wander, imagines doing this with Buck awake and instead of the hospital, they're in Eddie's bathroom— but it would be their bathroom. And Buck would be sitting in the counter sink, with Eddie between his legs. He would smirk and follow Eddie with his gaze, blue eyes happy and shining with love and a tinge of mirth. It's a nice fantasy.

Maybe someday, Eddie thinks.

Finally, he grabs a small towel and cleans Buck's face. His touch is feather-light as he gently wipes away the remaining shaving cream from Buck's skin.

Because of him being so focused on Buck's features, he doesn't miss the way the man's eyelids flutter like he's trying to wake up.

"Buck?" Eddie whispers, quiet and scared and reluctantly hopeful. "Hey, Buck? Wake up. Please." Eddie begs, his voice breaking in the last words as he lets go of the stuff, letting it fall to the ground and reaches a hand to grab one of Buck's, his fingers squeezing it almost too hard. "C'mon. I know you can do it."

Eddie waits, waits and waits and he starts to think it was a figment of his imagination, that he's slowly losing his mind.

But then —

He feels a slight squeeze, barely there. He looks down and Buck's hand is holding his.

Buck's holding his hand.

When his gaze goes back up, he finds himself looking at tired, confused blues.

"Hey, Buck." Eddie chuckles wetly in disbelief and excitement, though his voice is quiet and gentle. His vision goes blurry with tears that he quickly blinks away, not wanting to miss a second of Buck's face.

"Eddie." Buck rasps out.

Finally. Eddie thinks. After so long, he can finally hear Buck's voice. And for the first time in what feels like forever, Eddie truly thinks everything will be okay.