cupcakexcult-blog - Tumblr blog

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Laverne Cox on CBS This Morning

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Me: I have a chronic illness

Person: I hope you recover soon

Me: Someone find me a dictionary STAT

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if you hear a disabled person speak about the hardships their illnesses causing them and your first thought is “wow, imagine what their parents go through”

or “wow imagine what their boyfriend/girlfriend goes through”

or “imagine what their friends go through”

you need to stop and think about the situation again, because the disabled person is the one you should focus on, because theyre the one who is suffering from their illness, who is burdened and hurt by their illness.

their family members, friends, and lovers can be affected in an emotional sense, maybe a physical sense at some point but, they are not affected the way the disabled are. they are not hurting worse than the disabled.

and you shouldnt think of them before the disabled when it comes to the disability.

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Me: I'm doing too much. I need to rest and take care of my body.

Also Me: I'm not doing enough. I need to get more stuff done.

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TRUE STORY

me: *explains illness story to new doc*

new doc: we're gonna get you better

me: great! whats the plan?

new doc: we're gonna get you better

me:... right but-

new doc: we're gonna get you better

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I miss the days when laying in my bed was comfortable. when wearing comfy pj’s felt good. when snuggling up in my blankets and watching a movie was relaxing. I miss the days of being pain free. an I regret taking those days for granted.

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When I accidentally reveal how much pain I’m in

[A man standing in front of an exploding building, where people are fleeing for their lives, saying “Nothing to see here. Please disperse.”]

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Ouch.

Me every second of every day (via fibro-larious)

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What a lot of us go through is like torture. We go through so much pain and exhaustion and mental anguish.

And the worst part is that we have to accept this torture as our “normal”.

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Me: I did yoga and it didn’t cure my chronic illness. Healthy Person: 

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My response to people who question my need to rest

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my chronically ill ass: you know what? im fine!

*moves slightly*

my chronically ill ass: oh 🙃

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Chronic illness in movies: I'm writing poetry from my sickbed and watching the seasons change out my window...

Chronic illness in real life: My meds kinda fucked me up and I couldn't get out of bed so I just watched two solid hours of vine compilations

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Sometimes a day comes along, or even a string of days, when I DON’T feel like I’m dying. So I think, “oh boy I must be cured! Time to leave the house and do human things again!” It’s like coming out of your bomb shelter after the apocalypse and everything is fresh and green and birds are chirping and you’re like well that must mean it’s safe to breathe! (Birds breathe air, right?!) So you take off your gas mask and….

EVERY DARN TIME!!

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I try not to get overwhelmed by my own self dred. the fear of living in my own body. I try not to mention what I’m thinking all the time. so I don’t appear too self loathing. I try to make jokes about my situation. using humor to cover up what I’m feeling. I try to be strong or at least appear strong. when I reality I’m scared of how my body will inevitably change. I am not brave. I am not strong. I am not an inspiration. I am not badass for living with this illness. I am a person aging before my time and trying to come to terms with that.

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Sometimes I wake up and I have so much energy and I feel great for at least a few hours before my body starts yelling at me, those are good mornings.  

Then there are the mornings where I wake up and my nerves on fire, I can barely feel my fingers and toes, and walking is a dangerous adventure until my I can just get my willpower up to ignore the pain so that I can get to the restroom and not pee my bed.  Those are the bad mornings.