curbhitter

[curbhitter]

Bf and I went to sleep together but I just woke up.

Absolutely cannot stop thinking about him. Like, dreamed about him so hard I woke up.

I wrote something for him some time ago on a shared tumblr that we have (at least I think it’s on there) and I wrote how I wasn’t sure if soulmates existed but he’d be the closest thing to one I have.

And it’s still true. Just by the way. I have no idea of soulmates exist but if they do, I truly think he’s mine. And if they don’t, he’s the closest thing to one I’ll ever have. I don’t know anyone else who’s so in tune with me and how I work. I don’t know who else can learn my lore and love me in spite of it. I don’t know who else can ask me the general questions (water, food, meds) and I won’t get mad at them for asking.

Truly, I don’t know how I got so lucky to have the sweetest and most best boy in the universe. I thank God every day for him. I love that he’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, the person I think about in the day, the last thing I think about when I go to sleep, and the one who occupies my dreams.

Minnesota forever. 🩵

Totally in love.

[curbhitter]

Me when there's a firetruck and ambulance at my neighbor's house

[curbhitter]

I just figured out how to send Scrivener files (aka things that I write) to my Kindle.

Oh it's so Joever

[curbhitter]

I found our initials in the wild today. Out of all the initials of the alphabet, I saw ours.

Also I talk about him to him (screenshot).

My bf’s gf is an odd cookie.

But I never want to be with anyone else.

It’s like when I wrote our initials in the sand on the beach in Wisconsin, or when I saw our names right by each other at the Crayola Experience at the Mall of America. The little things that remind me that this is the point of living.

God, thank you so much for giving the best most sweetest boy to me.

[curbhitter]

I miss my bf (I'm talking to him right now)

[curbhitter]

I can't stop thinking about what I wrote yesterday and how summer 2025 feels like coolness: water flowing between ankles, dirt caked on heels, grass in the in-betweens of toes.

It's not supposed to feel like summer 2021 and the crackling heat it came with. It also brought along blisters on feet from burning hot pavement, withholds, and broken promises.

But at the same time, I suppose we shouldn't be living that far back in the past. I don't necessarily romanticize my past abuse, but I can understand why some people do, I think.

I'm grateful that I've begun to speak with my therapist again.

[curbhitter]

7/22/25: 5:48am

Summer is the worst season for, oh, a million reasons, but it's also extremely triggering for me.

Like what do you mean every time it's hot outside and I step onto the patio I'm reminded of when I lived in Arizona and he made me ****/*** ******** on ******** without ** ******* and I absolutely ******* *** **** *** ** ** ****????

Baby queen, what's not clicking? That was abuse. He was abusing you in front of God and everyone and you just let him do that to you.

I should have *** ** *** ****** instead of **** *** ****.

[curbhitter]

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Romans 8:18 (ESV)

[curbhitter]

Sometimes I wish that ** *** ******* ** but only * *** ******* 😓

[curbhitter]

I live another day

If the Globle, Globle capital, or Worldle is the US, I will kms

[curbhitter]

If the Globle, Globle capital, or Worldle is the US, I will kms

[curbhitter]

7:30 in the morning and this is going to be the only thing in my head today.

[curbhitter]

I didn't want to go ahead with plans I'd made today, but I went out anyway.

I'm home now, and my body is PAYING for it.

Mistakes were made.

[curbhitter]

6/28/25: 6:23am

I feel like I'm hitting a breaking point with so many things in my life. Why do I want to help others in my career path I'm choosing when I can barely help myself?

I feel like it'd be so beneficial for me if I go off the grid for a little while and mentally reset myself. Life lately has been so bad and it's getting harder and harder for me to mask it and I feel if I don't make some kind of change for myself, ~something~ is going to happen. It's anxiety inducing when I don't know what that something will be.

When I think about it, going off grid and being with myself for a bit, it's always kind of scary to me. I've been praying about it for awhile and I haven't felt any signs to not do it. So... I might? Even if it's not actually off the grid, turning off my phone and not connecting my laptop to wifi is technically the same thing, right? I might go that route just so if something happens, I will have my phone handy. I have to talk to my mom and my bf about that option.

When it comes to things like that, I really only care about their opinions.

Sometimes I think about leaving social media as a whole and just staying on Pinterest and my little "me only" account on Instagram. I think I'm too much of a pussy for that, though.

Those are my current thoughts. Happy 28th of June to all who celebrate.

[curbhitter]

I posted it on main but I kept it vague on purpose, but I'm going back to school and the current plan is psychology in the hopes of being a children's art/play therapist. My two favorite loves in life are kids and helping people. Combining the two together just make sense to me.

I have two different Pinterest boards centered around it, one board is for like, art therapy, and the other is for any future office ideas I have. Just to figure out what I like and what I don't like if I ever DO get that far. So many of the ideas that Pinterest is giving me is more teacher vibe than therapist vibe. I don't really mind that, but I'm not going to school to be a teacher.

One day Pinterest will realize that. Hopefully.

[curbhitter]

I really wish there was a way people could deactivate accounts on here like you can on twitter and IG.

Maybe I'll (finally) log out of this space someday.

Or maybe I won't.

[curbhitter]

I ended up on tiktok and the first thing I see is a live of a man feeding raccoons. A sign from my bf, mayhaps.

I have so many thoughts running through my head, none of them are good, and I am SHAKING.

So I’m going to read for a little bit, try and calm down, then see if I can be a little more contained for this next journal entry that is going to take up PAGES.