(just a small drabble that I may or may not post to ao3 later)
very very loosely mentions chapter 56; very tame. rated g.
prompt: Flinching / Breakdown / Sleep Deprivation
in which Chilchuck is having trouble sleeping, and Laios helps.
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"Chilchuck?" Laios's voice comes floating through his consciousness, shaking Chilchuck from a reverie he hadn't realized he'd slipped into. The passage of time in the dungeon is fuzzy at best, kept track of primarily through notches in their candles and the body's own need to eat and sleep, but it's been even fuzzier for Chilchuck the past few rests the group has taken. He glances at the candle, surprised to realize it's burned down almost an entire additional notch past where he was supposed to wake Laios for his shift to keep watch while the rest of them slept. Only, Chilchuck hasn't been doing much sleeping, himself.
"Sorry," he apologizes, rubbing at his face with both hands. "I guess I just lost track of time." And in response to the look Laios gives him, with a hint of irritation he adds, "My ears still work. It's not like anything would have snuck up on us."
Laios almost looks surprised. "I'm not worried about that," he assures.
When Chilchuck drops his hands to glare at him, Laios doesn't appear especially perturbed. Rather, he takes a seat beside him, resting his forearms on his knees.
"Something on your mind?" he prompts. Chilchuck's glare hardens before he casts his gaze away.
"Nothing important," he lies, and just about jumps out of his skin when a large hand comes to rest on his shoulder.
"Chilchuck," Laios says encouragingly, "You can talk to me."
For a long moment, Chilchuck simply stares at him. Then he sighs, gaze settling at the space between them, at their feet.
"I haven't been sleeping so well," Chilchuck admits.
"Nightmares?" Laios asks, and Chilchuck hates that he sounds almost hopeful. Is it because he's excited by the prospect of finding more of them hiding in his pillow, or because he thinks he knows how to help?
"No, nothing like that," Chilchuck shakes his head. "It's like... I can't stop thinking. My mind's a mess."
"About what?"
"About the bicorn," Chilchuck says before he can second-guess himself.
It seems to take Laios by surprise. "The bicorn?" he repeats. "What about it?"
Chilchuck sighs.
"Not the bicorn itself, I guess," he says, expecting Laios to look less interested as a result. The tall-man's expression doesn't change, though, a soft look of concern etched between his brows. "More about... what Marcille said."
"About your wife?" Laios asks, and squeezes Chilchuck's shoulder when he just makes a soft noise in his throat in response. "Chilchuck... She's right, you know. About fixing things."
"If we ever get out of here," Chilchuck snorts, tears welling up in his eyes. Frustrated by them, he wipes at his eyes with the back of one hand. "If the elves don't get to us first."
Laios doesn't say anything to that.
"I've been angry for so long," Chilchuck admits, shoulders hunching as he folds in on himself, "I don't even know if I want to fix things, anymore." His voice catches, the next words coming out short and uneven, "If I ever did."
"Chil..."
"Don't call me that," Chilchuck hisses, rolling his shoulder to finally try and dislodge Laios's hand.
Laios blinks, surprised. "I've always—" he begins, before Chilchuck looks up again, face red, brows pinched in irritation.
"You have always, that's the problem."
"I don't understand."
Chilchuck's irritation bleeds out by degrees, leaving in its wake only devastation. "No," he says, voice breaking on the words, "You don't."
"Chil," Laios insists, hand sliding around to his opposite shoulder, pulling him into a one-armed embrace against his side. Chilchuck buries his face in Laios's side, reaching up to grasp at the front of his shirt, and trembles with the effort it's taking him not to break down.
He's tired. It makes everything feel so much larger than it is. Or maybe it just makes it harder to look away. He feels ridiculous; like a child. He hates it more than anything.
"...Hardly anyone has ever called me that," he sighs.
"Your name?" Laios asks, confused.
"No," Chilchuck answers, before making a soft noise and correcting himself, "Yes. It's... it's complicated. It's cultural."
"Oh," Laios says. Then, a little alarmed, "I was just using it like a nickname."
"I know," Chilchuck murmurs. "It always rubbed me the wrong way."
"I can st—"
"No," Chilchuck interrupts. "No, don't. Don't stop. I'm just... feeling kind of raw right now." And through gritted teeth, "I didn't mean to snap at you."
Laios shifts his hold, hand traversing up Chilchuck's back to the back of his head, where his fingers gently card through his hair. It makes the tension bleed out of him, slowly, while simultaneously making him feel even more like a ridiculous, petulant child. He sighs again.
"I'm tired," he admits quietly.
"You should get some rest before the others wake up," Laios tells him gently, still lightly scratching at his scalp. Chilchuck opens his eyes, but doesn't move away from where he's pressed against Laios's side.
"Maybe," he says, without moving.
Laios leaves him be until more of Chilchuck's weight slumps against his side, content for now to help in whatever way he can.
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