cursedtodwell

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 20, 5/27/24

It’s probably been a year now. I don’t remember the exact date, and why would I? One of the worst days of my life. I’m at the point where seeing happy couples angers me, because no matter how hard I try I have no success. Ghosted ghosted ghosted. I can’t even read my books anymore because I had an emotional breakdown.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 19, 3/31/24

Sometimes I wonder if I’m even worthy of love. One ex and plenty of ghosts. Makes you feel pretty hopeless. I just don’t know what I feel.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 18, 3/25/24

Was I the savior or the rebound. Was I ever even your dream girl?

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 17, 3/18/24

If I broke your heart, you would have killed me, but it was ok for you to break mine? You know when you start to put the pieces together it’s all very strange. Very telling.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 16, 3/17/24

I don’t want to be alone forever. I want to be with my person, but it’s taking so long to find them.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 15. 3/14/23

I just want to be loved.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 14, 3/3/24

Crazy what can happen in a year. I knew I felt off today. A year ago today I was so happy. Will I always feel this way? I don’t want to feel nothing. I want to be in love and be loved again.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 13, 2/8/24

A year ago I was happy. Time flies when you’re miserable.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 12, 1/29/24

No comment

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 11, 10/21/23

None of my friends wished me a happy birthday. Two didn’t know, but the third should of. All day I hoped they would text me, but in the back of my mind I knew they wouldn’t. The post birthday depression, and being at a mental low are hitting hard. I write my thoughts so that they are somewhere else, but they still haunt me. I’m filled with regret. I regret dating her. I miss my friend. I’d be better off had we never dated.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 10, 9/23/23

My brain chemistry has been altered. I am absolutely losing my mind.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 9, 7/27/23

Words are meaningless, and I wish I could forget them. Now all they do is harm. All I ever wanted was you in my arms. Counting down the days until I could again. But it came and passed while my heart was broken.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 8, 7/26/23

With everyday that passes I become less hopeful that we’ll ever be together again. You were supposed to be my one and only. But words mean FUCKING NOTHING. All our conversations, I meant everything. I just want her back. I feel nothing but anger.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 7, 6/26/23

I don’t know if I’m still in love, or simply miss what we had, the moments when we were together. Driving back home after getting food. I would still be the happiest person alive if I’m the one I get to marry.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 6, 6/13/23

I should be excited. But I’m not because we aren’t dating, and she’s not coming. I hate it. I know I should move on, but I can’t. I still love her. What if she’s just the one for me? My other half? What if I don’t find anyone else that can even compare to her? All of this makes me look so fucking desperate, and I hate it. Like all the crying. I want to scream, but every time I open it nothing comes out. I don’t know what to do. I’m hurt and I’m stuck.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 5, 6/12/23

I was afraid of falling out of love. I’m still hopelessly in love. I just want to kiss her again.

[cursedtodwell]

Journal entry 4, 6/11/23

No matter what things can’t be changed. No matter how much I yell and cry I can’t go back in time, I can erase the memories. My thoughts continue to haunt me. It replays that one text over and over. The one thing I was looking forward to. I still remember the pure joy, excitement, and happiness I felt while driving home from work the day before Easter, knowing she was at home waiting for me. And now she’s not coming, and instead of being off and with her, I have to work. I hate this so fucking much, and there isn’t anything I can do to change it. I just want to be happy again. Feel that joy, excitement and happiness. But I just feel nothing. How badly I want to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. That’s all I want.