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it’s octavia, she’s probably chasing butterflies… — for anon

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My photo.

DO NOT REMOVE CREDIT, thanks.

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Anorexia is not a fun thing. It is not a phase. It is not a fad. It’s not something that you want pity for. Tonight I’m thinking really badly about how much I would love to go back looking like the last picture. It’s been three years. Three long years since I’ve gained a healthy amount of weight. Not by my choice. Back in 2012 I thought that I needed to lose weight. I was around 15 at the time. The first picture shows me at around 15 and the one attached to it shows me after “only” doing the insanity videos with my mom and sister. I did not realize that I was rapidly losing weight due to not eating enough. I remember clearly not being hungry. I thought “oh wow the program is working that must be why”. I got lazy and stopped doing the workout and I kept losing weight. Drinking about five to ten cups of coffee and drinking water. Only having a little portion of what my mom made for dinner. I did not realize it. I started around 140 lbs. my lowest in the last picture was 95lbs. I was slowly dying. My parents literally dragged me out my bedroom and to the hospital where I spent over a week at. That did not help. Mind you I was about 16 and did not know I met the love of my life who helped me get to a healthier weight. I thought there was nothing wrong. I still felt myself jiggle. My stomach was my only concern. Many people with eating disorders worry about every part of them. My only worry was my belly. I used to go to the beach and then look at what my father had posted on Facebook. Pictures of that day and look at my disgusting body. My parents would tell me when dinner was done knowing that I would not eat much. My boyfriend helped me to eat. Even when I did not want to. He told me it was good for me. I listened. I forced food into my body. Since then I cannot stop. I am 21 now and around 140lbs. Anorexia never stops. I may not be anorexic body wise but mentally it’s completely messing with me. I cannot stop binge eating. Everything I crave I go and get. I would kill to be at the weight I was before. I know it’s not healthy but I don’t want to be healthy. I want to be happy. This is not for anyone else. This is for me. Not to please anyone or scare anyone but for me this is how to be happy. So never shut someone down saying that they are not anorexic or have an eating disorder just because they look okay. There are plenty of us who go around in these meat suits wanting to be so much better. So much happier.

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Avengers Endgame Credits: The Original 6 Avengers

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i am. // s.t.

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requested by anon.