cxffeereid

[cxffeereid]

hotch only knew 5 minutes of peace in his entire life and it was when morgan and reid were stuck in that elevator (x)

[cxffeereid]

Bg3's beloved bard!

[cxffeereid]

what i've been up to the past 20 minutes

[cxffeereid]

Softcore

A collection of moments in which post-prison Spencer struggles to find the good in him.

For light was never meant to settle in a man who wears his ruin as flesh, but your mouth maps the places still tender — tracing hope in the sweetest curve of your breath.

MOODBOARD | PLAYLIST

Content: Smut (18+) | Fluff (❤︎) | Angst (⟡)

—Devil’s advocate 18+ The part where he doesn't feel any remorse, and neither do you.

—Nervous ⟡ The part where he’s concerned for your safety.

—A little death 18+ The part where you provoke his jealousy.

—What once was ⟡ The part where you realize he hasn’t changed, and remind him of it.

(More to come) Titles or parts may be subject to change :)

[cxffeereid]

Love You More

As newlyweds, you and Spencer can’t hold back the urges of wanting each other at all times [ 6k ]

Includes female reader; husband Spencer, kinda unit chief Spencer if you’d like; smut (+18): phone sex; p in v unprotected sex; breeding kink; reader is loud and talkative; (and so is he); a bit rough but still sweet and domestic and fluffy bc am who I am; multiple orgasms; after care; discussing baby names; brief infertility talk; Diana and reader are besties. did I mention how domestic this is?

Totally self indulgent but also this is my appreciation post to the lovely @reidgif thank you Eva for always blessing us with the best Spence gifs to ever exist <33 we love you and appreciate you tons mwaahhh💋

A framed picture of you sat on his desk.

Your happiness radiated through and made him smile every time he looked at it, taking him back to that day so vividly—when he asked you to be his girlfriend, three years ago. You’d captured that moment on your phone without him noticing. (He rarely noticed anything around him when he was with you). It was the hug right after you said yes to his question—chin tucked over his shoulder and your smile slightly covered by a few pieces of his hair that flowed with the salty beach breeze. The beach has turned into one of his favorite places on earth since then. 

Now, as newlyweds, he thought of updating your picture, or finding a companion piece for it, and framing one of you from the day he asked you to marry him, to keep the tradition going. If he did that, though, he would also have to find one to put there from the day you got married, which could end up looking like an altar of you.

That wouldn’t be too bad considering he had his own office now. The shelves behind him were still pretty empty.

Spencer sighed as he glanced at your smile for another second, then went back to his paperwork. He flipped through endless pages, and his wedding band flashed under the lamplight every time.

“Still not used to it, huh?” Luke’s voice entered the office.

Spencer glanced up just to find Alvez leaning on the door frame, his eyes glancing down at Spencer’s hand. Only then he noticed he’d been rolling his ring with his thumb. 

“Yeah,” Spencer merely breathed out, rolling the ring once again.

“I meant the office,” Luke chuckled as he stepped in and looked around, one hand tucked in his pocket while with the other he adjusted his backpack’s strap over his shoulder. “Still a bit empty.”

“Garcia said she was gonna take care of it while I’m on my honeymoon, so it won’t be like this for too long.” Spencer gave him a tight-lipped smile as he nodded.

“Now that’s gonna be interesting,” Luke softly laughed. “Where are you guys going?”

“Uh, Spain,” Spencer said with amusement.

“Huh,” Luke smirked. “It was her decision, wasn’t it?”

“Like everything else, pretty much.” Spencer’s cheeks flushed. He was happy with anything as long as it made you happy.

“Well, let me know if you need some Spanish classes, te puedo enseñar algunas palabras.”

Spencer quirked his brows. His Rs were much slurred than Luke’s, but he still tried. “Gracias?”

Luke frowned his lips as in not bad, then added, “Alright, just wanted to stop by and say goodnight before heading out. You should go, too. You have a wife at home.”

Yes, he did, but unfortunately…

“I still have a few more things to do.” Spencer waved Luke goodbye.

A single ding coming from Spencer’s pocket got his attention. It was your signature message sound, so he squeezed his phone out without a second thought.

It was time for a short break, anyway.

Y/n (wife) sent a video

Spencer smiled before opening the message, bringing his mug with steaming coffee to his lips. He was waiting to see your beautiful face with one of your usual reports about how the remodeling of the house was going. He had to admit, he felt guilty that he couldn’t be there and work on it too, but Morgan offered to help (since the house was one of his few remodeling projects), so you weren’t entirely on your own on this.

The preview was blurry, and what started playing was not what he expected.

At all.

Your hand—the one with the wedding band—massaged your bare left breast and ended with you tweaking your nipple and stretching it out.

The video lasted just five seconds, yet it was enough for his body to react almost immediately. Blood rushed to his cheeks, neck, and groin in an instant.

All while he spilled some coffee over his lap, choked on his last sip, and coughed most of it all over his paperwork.

“Shit,” he barely managed to breathe out between more short hitched coughs.

Ding!

Y/n (wife): Are you coming home soon? I miss you :(

God, you were the death of him.

He glanced down at his pants, then at the open door, and rushed to close it—lock it—and drew down the blinds.

His phone rang. 

Y/n (Wife) is calling…

His thumb hovered over the green button until the third ring as he cleared out his throat to speak properly.

Still, his voice came out tight and slightly panicked. “You can’t just do that.” 

Your devilish and adorable laugh tickled his ear.

“Hi, handsome. Did you like it?”

“Y-yeah, of course I liked it.” He cleared his throat yet again. He was madly obsessed with you. ”You look, god, you’re so beautiful, but I’m at work, wha-what if someone else saw it?!”

“I’d say they’re very lucky because one of those can be very expensive.”

As soon as he heard your tone, his demeanor changed, and his choked-up breathing came back to normal. He glided his fingers through the blinds just enough to peek outside.

Everyone was gone, so there was no need to panic, yet he said, “Stop it.”

And you completely ignored him. “Where are you now?” 

“My office.” He matched your tone.

“Look at you, so official now. I should surprise you one of these days so we can fuck on your desk,” you said and the mere thought of doing that fueled something in him. ”Would you bend me over and fuck me from behind?”

He didn’t answer right away as the image of him doing exactly what you’d said popped into his head. He’d love that, actually, sweeping everything out of his desk, bending you over, spreading your legs open as he undid his belt, dragging your pants down to your ankles…

“You know I’d much rather see your face,” he said. “And kiss your pretty mouth while we fuck.”

Every time, he let you know how much he enjoyed seeing every single expression of yours as he plunged into you.

Let me see your face

God, you’re beautiful

Show me your smile

There she is

“Is that a yes, then?” You challenged him.

Spencer paced toward his desk and leaned on it, facing the door just in case. “I can’t promise you we’ll fuck because you’re so loud.” He smiled to himself. “You could get me in trouble, but we can definitely do something, yeah.” 

“Would it be okay if I showed up one of these days unannounced?”

“So many questions,” he said through a soft laugh, almost to himself, then continued, “I, uh, yeah. Yes, you can always visit me. Whenever you want, just… don’t forget the condoms. We don’t want to get messy here. And I don’t think it would be appropriate if I kept some in my drawer.”

“And if I forget them on purpose?”

“You’ll have to use your mouth to get rid of the evidence,” he responded without hesitation.

You’d polished this side of him. So openly unbrazen to say out loud all of his darkest thoughts. 

Your provocative yet shy laugh softened him everywhere. “I’d be happy to.”

“I know you would.”

This wasn’t the first time you’d teased him during working hours, but it usually was when he was away for a few days and when you knew he was alone in a hotel room where he could peacefully take care of himself. And since the first time you did it, he learned what you liked and why you did it. You were frustrated, and you missed him and needed him to help you get off in one way or another. 

“Was that a recent video?” He asked. 

“Yeah, you think I pre-record videos?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you should.” He teased you. “Are you still naked?”

“Mmm, almost. I’m wearing one of your shirts.”

Of course, you were, and you sounded so needy.

“Would you do something for me?” He reached for the picture at his desk and turned it so it’d face him. There was your smile. Your so beautiful smile that lit up every place you walked into. Even the most somber corners of his mind.

“Mhm.”

“Where are you now?” He asked, just to picture you better.

“Couch. Watching a movie.”

“Turn the volume down.”

The background sounds faded, and then it was just you, your breathing, and him.

“I wanna… talk to you about something.”

He didn’t, but his focus on finishing his paperwork was wholly gone, and since you became a part of his life, he promised himself you’d be at the top of his list, always. So he had to distract you to gain some time and get home as soon as possible because you needed him.

“Oh, okay?” 

“Remember the last time we fucked on our couch?” He asked.

He sandwiched his phone between his shoulder and ear and was quiet to gather his things—the reports he was now going to finish at home.

“You mean last night?”

“Last night, yeah,” he sweetly replied.

Last night was glorious. You’d decided to take the next step. Or at least, put a tentative date about when you could start trying to get pregnant. He still refused to finish inside you (despite you being on birth control), but he fucked you with the idea of beginning a family with you at that exact moment.

You had moaned his name until your mouth went dry and came around his cock four times. 

You just… Couldn’t. Stop. Coming.

He could still feel the ghost of your throbbing cunt around him.

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget last night.” You sighed.

Everything he needed was inside his messenger bag, so Spencer locked his office from the outside and hurriedly strolled to the elevator as he kept talking. “Me neither.”

“I… touched myself when I woke up this morning without you, you know, thinking about last night.”

“You did?” Spencer said before putting himself on mute for a moment just before the elevator dinged open. He entered it and pressed the button that would take him to the parking garage.

“I don’t know what it is, but every time you’re away I… I touch myself thinking about you…” Your voice was shy as you continued to tell him about your fantasy. He was two floors away from his stop. “Baby? You still there?”

Come on, come on, he muttered to himself, staring at the changing numbers.

2

1

-1

Yes!

“Even after we started dating,” he spoke immediately, sliding between the opening doors, then muted himself again. He took long, long steps toward his car, and after he swiftly got in, he turned the key. He hoped the purr inside wasn’t too loud as he put you on speaker.

“Oh, god, yes,” your voice filled the air of his car, and he already knew this was going to be a fun ride home.

“You’ve never told me that before.” He replied once he unmuted himself for good and started his journey back to you. He gripped the steering wheel tight. 

“I know. I… I would even touch myself thinking of you, come with you in my mind before our dates.”

So he didn’t imagine that scent when he kissed your knuckles on those first dates. It drove him crazy—your pheromones—and forced him to jerk off as soon as he got home. 

He hadn’t confessed that to you yet. But maybe it was time.

“That’s— wow, I didn’t know that.” He stopped at a red light and took the chance to untighten his pants by the crotch. Blood had been rushing through his erection since the video you sent him, and the more you talked… it just kept on growing. 

“I know, crap, I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I thought it could be hot, but now I’m mortified.” You muffled yourself against something. “Why do you sound weird? Distant. Am I on speaker?”

“No! No, just… bad signal.” He swept your thoughts away. He couldn’t let you feel this way when he’d done the exact same. “What if I told you I did the same thing?” Your reply was a sigh. “Not before our dates but definitely after. I- I would picture you there in my bed, or in the shower, and I just… had to.”

You said something out of breath, then, “And you looked so innocent.” 

Spencer smirked to himself. “I never was.”

“Yeah, I know, you proved it to me. Many times.” Your smile was so present through those words… “Would you tell me how you did it? What… you did?”

His mind went straight to the first time he did it, and he had no trouble telling you all about it.

“It was… after our second date,” he confessed, then went on, in no hurry, as he kept on driving. “The night of our first kiss. When we agreed to take things slowly yet you still sat on my lap to kiss me. And we kissed, all night, just to kiss each other. You tangled your fingers in my hair, and I hoped you couldn’t feel how hard your kisses made me. How all of you had me. It was a cold night, but it felt like summer inside. I- I still feel awful for not staying that night as you’d asked me to, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to have you like that, but then, when I got home, I got in the shower and my mind went somewhere. A moment we hadn’t had yet but knew would happen eventually. I pictured you there with me, and I was already hard but wanting you there with me…” he trailed off as he heard you curse under your breath. 

“Keep going, baby,” you said, and he smirked. 

So he kept going. 

“I… hesitated at first. You were the one good thing happening to me at that time, and I didn’t want to… stain you by objectifying you, but before I knew it, I was stroking myself. And it felt good. So good,” he almost whispered. 

He was good at this. He knew he was so he kept going, telling you all about that first time he touched himself thinking about you. 

The usual fourteen-minute quiet drive turned into 9 minutes of not-so-usual dirty talking, and soon, he was walking through the door of his home with the phone call still ongoing.

It smelled brand new. Like paint and wood and incense. 

You were supposed to be here on the first floor, in the living room, but you must’ve moved to the bedroom at some point because he didn’t find you there.

“…my god, f-fuck.” Your heavy breathing echoed between his ear and phone.

You’d given him a clear sign that you’d finished one time already—sweet, sweet moans filled his car a few minutes ago, and he had to make a quick stop at the side of the road or else he would’ve crashed—and now you were going for a second one. And he was right there to help you through it. 

From the empty living room, he heard your blissful noises and he followed them upstairs, bewitched by your voice. 

The call remained ongoing, but his phone was long forgotten in his pocket. Your harsh breathing was closer and closer with each step, and once he reached the bedroom, he stayed by the door. Inside his home, he allowed himself to be like this: a pervert, sometimes, he admitted. But it’s what you liked and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy this, too.

The door was cracked open, and he peeked through to delight himself with the view. He had to muffle a long sigh, but his face flickered with immediate pleasure. Brows melting, bottom lip tucked between his teeth, nostrils flared ever so slightly.

There you were, lying on your stomach in the middle of the bed, naked from the waist down with his shirt riding up your back as if you’d stopped yourself from taking it off, legs spread open and a pillow between them. You were grinding it in perfect, short and controlled rocking motions. Back and forth. Side to side.

You whimpered against the mattress. “Fuck, baby, I’m gonna come again I—“

His cock throbbed. Jolted inside his pants, and his hand went there to calm the swelling.

“I need you so badly,” you breathed out. “So, so—“ your hips stuttered and began to roll and rub against the pillow until you released all the pleasure you’d been building.

Shit, he muttered to himself. 

He needed you, too. 

Reaching for his phone without tearing his eyes off you, he murmured, “You do?” quietly enough, pushing the door open with one finger and putting one foot inside, then another,  as he walked inside stealthily like the perfect intruder. 

He didn’t want to scare you, but also didn’t want to spoil the surprise, so he remained out of your possible eye range, by the end of the bed, and god, this point of view was so much better. You were something else like this. So immersed in your pleasure that you still hadn’t heard him coming inside.

“You’re so beautiful like this,” he said, now loud enough for you to hear. 

But you didn’t. You were drowning in bliss; your hips never lost rhythm, riding the pillow, and your eyes remained closed, a slight frown over your brows and an exquisite smile.

That sight. He needed to fuck you right there. 

Without a second thought he unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants with one hand while he stretched his other arm and reached for your ass, giving your right ass cheek a tight squeeze to finally let you know he was there. 

You gasped, and your eyes fluttered open, ready to stand up and fight whoever came here without a warning, but the moment you realized it was him—

“Baby,” you breathed out and let your body fall onto the bed with relief. “I thought– I– my heart almost gave out.” You then laughed a little.

Spencer walked to your side, leaned to kiss your temple and squeezed your ass one more time, murmuring in your ear, “Hi sweetheart, stay right there for me, yeah? Don’t move.”

All you did was nod. Willing to let him handle you however the fuck he wanted.

He took off all of his clothes right there and settled on the bed behind you, with his knees at either side of your hips, stroking his still growing erection to become fully hard when entering you.

You adjusted the pillow underneath you for support to keep your hips up and wiggled your ass onto him, using your hands to spread your cheeks open for him. 

So damn inviting.

“Jesus Christ.” He stared and gulped and kept staring, and his mouth watered. 

You were so ready for him. Wet and puffy. But he tortured himself for a moment, and instead of slipping his cock right in, he let it hover over your ass, smacking each cheek with it persistently, creating a sinful sound in the dimly lit up room. 

These bed lamps were new.

“Spencer, baby, please.” You lifted your ass towards him and blindly reached for his erection, but he pinned your hand close to your hip. You closed it into a defeated fist.

It was time to torture you now and let the tip of his cock simmer between your folds. Nestled there. Slippery and warm and soft. His hips stuttered instinctively and he almost slipped in, the gentle squeeze of the entrance of your cunt giving him a loving kiss. 

Always looking down, Spencer decided there was no point in holding back anymore and slowly–so very slowly–pushed his hips forward, delighting himself with the view of his cock being swallowed up. His gaze flickered up at your face then, that gorgeous needy face, and kept his eyes trained on you until he was fully inside. You angled your face toward your shoulder, shooting him a glance through fluttering lashes and a drunken smile.��

You bit your lip. “I think ‘m gonna come already, f–uck.” You tightened your walls around him and motioned your hips in a way that withdrew some of his erection and bent it slightly downward. Then you did it again, and your cunt began to pulse ardently. 

“Shit.” Spencer held onto you, hissed between clenched teeth, one hand tight on your hip while the other still held your hand in place by the wrist, now closer to your back.

It felt too good. You felt so damn good, and an early flutter grew in his balls and lower stomach, all while you turned into a whiny, moaning turmoil under him. Ever smiling. 

Right then, as you used his cock, all he could focus on was not coming just yet even though small drops started to drip out of the tip, but the pleasure snowballed too quickly for him to stop it. Spencer groaned, weakened, and let his body fall over yours, his hips just pressing and pressing against your ass desperately as you sucked everything out of him. Spurts of cum shot inside you with each jolt of his cock, and as his body naturally did that, the deliberate part of him searched for your hands and locked his fingers with yours, tight, pressing them on your sides and his lips and nose hovering along your jaw.

“That’s it, baby, come inside me, yes, yes, y-yes,” you encouraged him, and he grunted some more. “That’s so good, you feel so good, give it to me, please, please f-fuck!” Your voice went high-pitched, loud as you ever were, and he was sure you were coming again–pulsating and pulsating around his erection.

“Show me your face,” he whispered breathlessly at the back of your head and slammed into you. You cried out as an instant response. “Let me see your smile.” He slammed into you again, and harder. You turned your head, gluing your chin to your shoulder. He licked your earlobe, dragged his lips to the underside of your chin, then to your lips, capturing them into an open-mouthed kiss. You whined into it and glared at him from up close, nose to nose, and smiled sweetly. 

Every part of him softened with love. 

“There she is.” He smiled, too. “There’s my girl.”

“I love you so much, baby.” You breathed out.

Sweet nothings slipped through his lips to your skin about how much he loved you too, how good you felt, how good you were to him, and he stayed there, intentionally twitching his cock inside you as another way of showing you his love.

After a moment, he gave you one last messy kiss and straightened up with a grunt, allowing his cock to slip out. His cum dripped out of you like melting caramel, cascading down to the pillow that was so flattened out now, there was no purpose for it anymore. He yanked it out, tossed it to the floor, and snatched you close by your hips to lift them up, ready to go for a second round. A single spank there on your cheek to let you know that this was still going. 

You’ve trained him for this—coming multiple times in a row. It was torture the first few times (a good kind of torture, of course, one he much enjoyed), then it was the only way sex always went. Finishing once, then coming back inside you for a second one and third, giving his cock no chance to soften. 

No exceptions.

He used his own cum as lube, smearing it all over—up to your clit, between your swollen folds and back to your opening. Pushed the tip in, then drilled into you. Fuck, you were somehow tight now, sensitive by your many orgasms most likely, but you gave him no sign of discomfort. Instead, you took the lead and withdrew to slam back onto him, ready to keep going, too. 

Then he continued. The globes of your ass bounced and smacked against his lower stomach with each new thrust and this desperate rapped out cadence had his thighs stinging. But it was thrilling, so exquisite it went on for a long while, and you never ceased to let him know how much you were enjoying this. Moaning, whining, gripping the bed covers, and every once in a while reaching for the hand holding onto you.

Until you got tired from being with your face pressed down to the mattress.

There was no need to vocalize any of it, and agreed with a glance followed by a kiss that it was time to change positions. 

With even more kisses in between, Spencer lay down with his upper back pressed to the headboard and made himself more comfortable with a few pillows behind him, ready to have you riding him. You finally took off your shirt and settled on top of him. He couldn’t help but sit up right to take one of your breasts into his mouth, just to show you how much he loved them. Nuzzled his nose into your flesh while you sank into his erection. He hummed around your nipple and wrapped his arms around you into a hug to bring you with him as he settled back. 

“I’m gonna move fast, baby, I need to thrust so badly.”

“Go ahead,” he replied, peeling off your breast and looking up at you.

You were beautiful like this, in charge yet so cock-drunk.

You supported both hands under his ribs, not quite pressing but rather holding onto him, and did as you’d said—as you’d warned him. The prowess of your hips turned him into a groaning chaos. His feet tensed and his thighs clenched and unclenched trying to hold it together, but fuck, you were so good at this.

“You’re so h-hard, Spence, fuck.” Your eyes fluttered closed and bit your bottom lip through a smile and little laugh. 

So good, so fucking good, so hard, baby, you continued to praise him through clenched teeth.

He was, he so fucking was, it was a matter of a few more thrusts that he came again. 

His face twitched with the almost unbearable pleasure you were giving him, bouncing your ass up and down and giving him rolling motions in between that allowed your cunt to wrap around every curve of his cock. 

“’m gonna come again mm—!” Your cunt tightened and stayed tight while you kept moving, then those familiar pulses caressed his erection. “My god, you feel so fucking good, so b-big.”

Your hips lost rhythm, only spasmed persistently, but kept his cock curved in the way you so much liked and as you kept moving, you went silent. Focused. Eyes closed, brows low. Shaky breaths caged on your throat.

“That’s it, use my cock,” Spencer encouraged you. His mouth was dry.

Then you released it. All at once. A shaky yelp, relaxed and silky cunt. “Oh, sh-shit, baby, I’m coming, y-yess!” 

So was he. Fuck fuck fuck he was so close to coming too. He loved it when this magical synchronization happened. 

“Don’t stop,” he breathed out. He needed to come with you, so he built his pleasure some more by taking you in, all of you, and chased it and began to express it before it struck him fully. With short breathless groans and loving kisses on your arms, now that you were holding onto him by his sweaty shoulders. “Don’t stop, feels so good.”

Your voices blended together in the air and soon, your orgasms did, too.

“fucking god.” Spencer groaned, staring down at where your bodies met. 

His hands roamed across your sides, from your ribs to your hips and thighs then back to your ass and the arch of your back.

“One more, baby. You can come once more for me,” you told him, cupping his jaw. “Yeah? You just feel so good, I don’t want this to end.”

He knew he had it in him. A third one, it was right there even when he was barely out of the second one. 

Baby, please, you begged next to his ear.

Yeah, he definitely had a third one.

He harshly handled you so you’d be lying down instead, and he settled between your legs, entered you and ruthlessly pounded into you, mouths clasped together as you both moaned into each other, sharing a single, agitated breath. 

“Yes, yes, yes baby!” you cried out. “Come in me again.” 

Spencer tucked his face on your neck, blindly hooked his arms under your thighs to bend your legs and bring them up and with his eyes closed he still pictured you, as if he wasn’t right there on your arms. 

“Ah, sweetheart,” Spencer exhaled a groan. “You make me crazy.” He then hummed and nibbled your neck and spoke into your hot skin. “So fucking crazy.”

“Kiss me,” you breathed out. “Keep talking to me.” Spencer lifted his face from your neck and glued his lips to yours. “Like this, yeah.” 

You swept your tongue along his and as he kept plunging into you, in and out, creating a wet mess between your bodies, he said, “I want to get you pregnant so bad.”

“Yeah?” you replied, so damn whiny.

“Yeah, baby.” Spencer tugged your bottom lip between gentle teeth and morphed it into a kiss. His balls tightened; his cock spasmed. “Ah, fuck, there it is. I’m c-coming again.” 

“Yes, baby, do it, come inside me, please.”

Come in me, you repeated, and he clung into your embrace, thrusting and thrusting and groaning until he released inside you through a low and deep grunt that you gladly kissed and moaned into, too. Then the pleasure ripped through him so hard it almost jumped through his skin. 

There was nothing left inside him anymore. He felt drained in the most exhilarating way, so he stayed there in your arms for a moment. You gently tapped his arm so he’d let your legs go, and you relaxed them right away. Your muscles were trembling.  

“That was so good, baby.” You panted, and clammed your cunt around him as you adjusted your body under him. While still inside you, Spencer kissed your neck then brought his mouth to your lips. Your hands traveled to the back of his neck and pulled him closer to receive his lazy kisses with much more strength. “Thank you.” 

You then peppered kisses all over his sweaty face, which gave him enough fuel to move a little, falling on your side at last.

He took the longest, joyful breath.

“Tired?” You asked him.

You were quick to reach for wipes and began to clean yourself and him. An excess of cum pooled around his now softer cock and with so much care, you cleaned it all. 

“Sleepy,” he replied, and continued cleaning himself with another wipe as his eyes closed. His voice was barely there.

“Do you need something?” You pecked the corner of his mouth.

“I’m good.” He shook his head.

“‘Kay.” You kissed him again. “I’ll be right back.” 

You slipped from his side with a huff. An exhausted huff. He squinted one eye open to get a glimpse of you, and your legs wobbled as you bent to pick up something. He couldn’t hold back a mocking laugh.

You laughed along, shooting him a teasing smile. “You’re proud, aren’t you?”

“Mhm I am.” He raised his brows at you. 

His breathing was more regulated when you came back from the bathroom break. Still naked, you joined him in bed again, lying on your stomach.

Just to stare at him.

And play with his hair.

And steal some kisses.

“What did you do today?” He asked you, turning to face you. His hand mindlessly went to your back, and caressed you along your spine with his fingers with feather-light glides.

“I went tile shopping with Derek.” You brushed a piece of hair away from his forehead. “A cream tone for the kitchen and a light blue for the guest bathroom. Savannah and little Hank joined us for lunch, then I came back to paint the kitchen cabinets.” You then sweetly shrugged.

“Sage green?” His hand stopped briefly.

Your face lit up. “How do you know?” 

“I know things,” he said with a cocky grin and continued his motions along your back. He just saw the paint in the living room. “What else did you do?”

“I talked to Diana.”

“I called her today, too,” he raised his brows at the coincidence. 

“Well, she called me.” You countered with slight humor. “I thought she’d gotten the numbers mixed up, but she didn’t.” 

The proud look on your face was… endearing. 

“And what did she say?”

“She was wondering when I was going to visit her.”

“She didn’t ask about me?” He asked, mildly offended.

You shook your head and didn’t give him much time to think of it as you continued, “So, I was thinking, after Spain, we can make a stop in Vegas for a few days?”

“I like that, yeah.”

“And did you tell her, perhaps, about us and babies?”

“I don’t think so.” He quirked his brows. “Why?”

“She hinted at something, but maybe I’m thinking too much of it.”

“Tell me.”

You held the thought for a second, your eyes wandering around to explain, “She told me about how this woman from her home had a son and that he’d recently brought his newborn baby to meet her. She said how she could almost picture you doing the same someday.” You shrugged. “Then proceeded to say how the baby’s cry annoyed her.”

A heartily laugh rolled from his chest. 

This, knowing how his mom called you to just chat, was a dream come true. 

“Anyway, I don’t know why I asked her if she knew the baby’s name, but she didn’t, which made me think of baby names. For our future baby.” 

Spencer leaned and teased you by your ear. “You did?”

“Mhm.” You nodded. “I don’t know why, but I feel like… We’ll have a girl first.”

First. So you wanted more than one.

His chest fluttered. “And what’s her name?”

“You’re gonna laugh.” You covered your face with your palms.

“Tell me.” He reached for your fingers and gently peeled one hand away, bringing it to his lips. To kiss you. To nibble you.

“Sage.” You said, and your eyes glimmered. “I saw the name when I was searching for paint colors and something about it felt… right.”

“Sage,” he said in deep thought.

“Mhm. Sage Reid. Or Scout. I like that one too. Or Sadie. Definitely a name that starts with an S.” You drew lines over his chest. “I really like your initials.”

Spencer planted a kiss on your cheek and spoke right there with his lips brushing over your skin. “She could have my initials, but I’m sure she’ll have your eyes.”

You hummed, then something in you shifted.

“Spence, what if… we struggle to get pregnant?”

He frowned, pulling back to stare and try to read you. Something told him this uncertainty has been there for a while.

“Is this something you think about a lot?”

“No?” You frowned. “Not a lot, but it’s definitely a thought, I guess.”

“We’re not in a rush.” He lifted one hand to cup your face. His thumb brushed over your cheek. “So, I don’t think struggle is a word if it takes us a while.”

“Yeah.” You let out a long sigh and snuggled into his embrace, one leg propped over his. “Do you think it’s late?”

“It was late when I left the office, so probably.” A soft kiss on the top of your head. “Why?”

“I haven’t eaten.” You grumbled. “And I have to shower, again.”

“You don’t have to do anything,” he said, kissing your temple. “Let’s shower first, then we’ll make something to eat.” You groaned again in protest. “Just stand there. I’ll soap up your gorgeous body.”

“And wash my hair?” You lifted your head to look at him.

“Double shampooing if you want.”

Eva if you made it to the end, I know it’s not exactly what we once talked about, but this was the result 🥹 I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless 💋

Dear reader, please don't hesitate to let me know what you thinkkkk. I'd love to read all of your thoughts

SPENCER REID MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTRELIST

[cxffeereid]

broken wing | s.r.

in which your daughter is convinced a fractured wrist means the end of her ballet career, you and Spencer have to convince her otherwise

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: fluff (hurt/comfort) content warnings: hospitals, bone injury, girl dad!spencer, the spencer reid dilf agenda, their daughter is very girly word count: 1.3k a/n: i love u girl dad spencer okay thank you that is all

“I want daddy,” your daughter whimpered from her perch on the exam table, she laid back on the thin paper that lined the sterile surface and sighed. It was the sigh of someone wise beyond her years, not of your seven year old daughter. 

Her legs dangled limply off of the edge of the bed, her left arm propped up on a pillow that had been given to her by a nurse. Leah’s wrist was angry and swollen, a result of trying to catch her fall and landing on it just right—or just wrong, you supposed. You were thankful to have been there with her, able to help her dry her tears and bring her to the ER. You frowned slightly at her request, which, really, shouldn’t be an outrageous ask, “I know, lovey.” 

You’d called Spencer twice now, once on your way to the hospital and again after getting out of radiology. Hurriedly, you rattled off the room number alongside a quick explanation of what had happened, but you hadn’t heard back from him. The average person would probably be upset by the lack of response, but Spencer not answering his phone only served to make you anxious. Especially since you had kids, there had only been a handful of times that Spencer didn’t answer your calls, it rarely meant anything good. On your lap, your phone buzzed, and your daughter perked up, “Dad?” 

Shaking your head softly, you looked at your phone and read the text message on the screen, “It’s Uncle Will,” you told her. He was responding to your message asking if he could pick Lacy up from daycare, you shot a quick thank you text back, refraining from asking him if he’d heard from JJ in the past hour. Flipping your phone screen side down on your lap, you looked up at her, “Does your arm hurt?” 

Leah sighed solemnly, sitting back up straight and furrowing her brows, “No, not really.” Her hair fell in a mess at the back of her head, kinks in her soft curls left by her ballerina bun. You set your things in the chair next to you and sat behind her, using your fingers to pull her hair back and coax the awry curls into a braid. With her uninjured arm, she nervously thumbed the crinkly paper that she was sitting on. “Can I still dance?” She asked you nervously, staring at the tender skin over her wrist. 

“I think so,” you tried to reassure her. Her center of gravity might be off if she needs a cast. You’d have to ask the doctor, or better yet, her dad. Tying off the braid, you let it fall gently against her back, “We’ll figure it out, baby. Don’t worry about it.” 

However, you freed yourself to worry at any time you wanted, pushing concerns about Spencer out of your purview and instead thinking about your daughter’s dance career. Ballet put a lot of pressure on her, and her paternally inherited need to overachieve didn’t help. Even now, in the hospital, you could see her trying to do the math to see if she’d be well enough to try out for The Nutcracker. Rubbing her back to keep you occupied, you watched her shoulders straighten up when a familiar voice floated through the sterile hallways, “Daddy!”

Her voice was loud enough to carry out of the room, but you detached yourself from her and poked your head into the hallway anyway, looking at the nurses station at your husband, who was frantically going through his phone, trying to recover your voicemail. “Spence,” you called out to him, getting his attention before he thanked the nurses and walked toward you. 

“Hey,” he greeted you in the hallway, immediately giving you a much needed hug, letting you rest your head on his chest for a moment. He set a soft kiss on your forehead while you held your tongue on a you didn’t answer your phone comment. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to you squeezing your waist before stepping into the room. 

He’d beaten you to the punch, leaving you with a soft smile on your face as he approached your daughter, hugging her as best he could without further irritating her wrist. “I fell,” Leah told him when he asked her what happened, “I lost my point during a pirouette.” 

Crouching in front of her, Spencer rested a hand on her knee and squeezed it comfortingly, “It’s good that you know what went wrong though, princess.” 

Leah sighed mournfully, “I shouldn’t have put my arm down.”

“No,” Spencer corrected, “If you didn’t put your arm down, you could’ve hit your head, and that would’ve been so much worse, honey. You did the right thing,” he consoled her. 

Tears lined her brown eyes, flooding her lashline while slight panic appeared on Spencer’s face—he’d never been much good when tears appeared. He could only handle it when the girls were babies, and all they wanted was to be held. “I wanna dance,” she insisted, trying to flex the fingers on her injured arm and wincing at the slight movement. 

Your husband pouted sympathetically, “You can still dance, but maybe we’ll take a class off, okay? It’ll be good for you to take a little break.” He looked up at her, “Does it hurt at all?” 

She shook her head, giving him the same answer she had given you before his arrival, “No, I’m just cold.” Leah wrapped her good arm around herself for warmth. You’d tried to get her jacket on before you left the studio, but the only thing that got you was pained whines, so you went without the jacket.

From your station near the doorway, you made way for her jacket that you’d brought in with you, but Spencer was already standing up straight, unbuttoning his cardigan and pulling it off before draping it over her shoulders. Literally giving her the shirt off his back to make her more comfortable. “Is that better, lovey?” 

Leah shrugged lightly, “I don’t want to take a break, dad.” Frankly, you knew this was coming the moment Spencer suggested a break, “I’ll fall so behind in classes and that stupid Gigi is going to be Clara and I won’t be able to do ballet anymore!” 

Your heart broke as tears fell from her eyes, streaming down her innocent cheeks while Spencer went to the counter and grabbed some tissues to dry her tears. “Just one week, lovey,” you said, taking a seat on the edge of the exam table while Spencer resumed crouching in front of her. One look to Spencer told you there was no way you could budge on this stance—she was clearly putting too much pressure on herself. 

The tears in her eyes remained, and Spencer moved in to do reconnaissance. “What if we do something fun? We can order in for dinner tonight and eat in the den,” he offered, gently tickling her knee in an attempt to elicit a smile from your grumpy child. “We can rent a movie, your choice,” he continued to no avail. 

“We can build a pillowfort,” you added to sweeten the pot, unable to take the misery on her much too young face. 

She pursed her lips as if taking your offer under advisement, “Can we sleep in the fort?”

Your confidence faltered when you responded, “Only over the weekend.” Chances were if all four of you slept in a fort, there wasn’t going to be much sleeping going on. 

Looking down at her wounded limb, her shoulders slumped forward in dejection, “I don’t want a cast.”

Spencer pondered her words for a moment before taking her good hand in his, “What if I told you it could be pink?”

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine—and shadows will fall behind you.” – Walt Whitman

[cxffeereid]

Nasha has this chart in her room

[cxffeereid]

yk

[cxffeereid]

schröndinger’s relationship

spencer never needed to define what this was, until you did. now, the box is open, the outcome inevitable, and he has never been so happy to lose an argument.

pairings: spencer reid x fem!reader warnings: situationship (ish? it gets resolved fast lol), mutual pining, friends to lovers (except they've been kissing for months), mention of heavy makeout, lap sitting, shirt removal, spencer kissing you to shut you the fuck up, cat does not survive the experiment (metaphorically speaking, there is no animal killing in this fic LOL) wc: 1.4k request: here

Your body is warm in his lap, your weight pressing down just enough to be distracting — no, disorienting — and Spencer is trying very hard not to look at your lips. Not just because they’re parted, slick, and kiss-swollen, but because the soft smudge of your lip gloss is evidence that this has been happening. That he’s been kissing you long enough to leave proof of it.

Mascara has clumped just slightly at the corners of your lashes and there’s a half-moon of pink polish chipped at the very edge of your thumbnail.

He’s obsessing over details. Your pupils are dilated, swallowing every fleck of color. He knows it’s a physiological response — dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin, all working in tandem to make you look like this, flushed and increasingly pretty on his thighs.

It’s easier to focus on biology than it is to focus on the fact that this moment exists in a state of suspended reality.

This was new. Not just in the way that everything between you had been new, in the way that months of small, careful steps had led to this, but in the way that Spencer had never felt like this. Overheated. Overwhelmed. Overrun with sensation. It had started as everything else had — soft and slow, the kind of kissing that didn’t lead anywhere except to more kissing. 

And for months, he convinced himself that he could exist in this purgatory of lips meeting and parting, of hands resting politely at your waist. That he could always pull away before the ground gave away beneath him.

Today the ground was gone.

Spencer had never been particularly drawn to categories — not in the way people seemed to crave them. Labels had always felt limiting, reductive, forcing the complexities of human relationships into neat little boxes that never quite fit. He had been content in ambiguity, had never needed something to be named in order to understand it. 

With you, the lack of label wasn’t liberating, it was frustrating. Because if this wasn’t something that could be named, then what was it?

“I’m just saying, I feel like if Rossi can write a whole book about a case, then I should at least be able to mention it in passing at brunch.” Your fingers skate absentmindedly across the dip of his throat, and Spencer, entranced, forgets to do something as basic as breathe. Oxygen is apparently optional. “But no, apparently that’s an inappropriate topic over eggs benedict. Which, okay, sure, but if I have to sit through another conversation about Carly’s fiance’s fantasy football league, I think I deserve to liven it up a little, you know?”

Your genuine need for an answer is clear, but Spencer can’t even remember what brunch is.

You gesture when you talk, and it’s so innocent — just emphasis, just a habit — but right now, it’s destroying him. Your fingers drag absently up his arm, over the soft material of his sweater, mapping the line of his forearm before skimming back up his neck. And then, like you don’t even realize you’re doing it, your palms smooth over his chest, fingertips tapping lightly against his collarbone like you’re idly counting his heartbeats. Spencer is painfully aware of every single one.

This is it, he thinks. This is how he dies. But he can’t decide what would kill him faster — how you touch him, or the moment you stop. 

Spencer manages to clear his throat — barely.

“I think your friends don’t appreciate you enough.” His voice sounds strained, but any attempt at analyzing tone evaporates the second his fingers breach the barrier of your shirt. 

Warm fingertips skim over bare skin, and suddenly, the conversation seems wildly misplaced. Because what was that about appreciation? If he’s trying to prove a point, he’s making it very convincingly.

You hum, shifting against him — not intentionally, probably, but it doesn’t matter, because he feels it all the same.

“Well, I can’t just hang out with you constantly.”

Spencer isn’t sure how to respond — because if he’s honest, that’s exactly what he wants. You, constantly. No breaks, no buffer. Just you.

Instead, he stares at your mouth again, because his brain is broken, and this is the inevitable destination. He never really understood the appeal of making out before you — before that first time, when he was supposed to just kiss you once and somehow ended up losing entire minutes of his life to your lips, to the sheer pleasure of pressing against you, of drinking in your sounds.

His broken brain is built to reinforce pleasure-seeking behaviors. Neurochemical feedback loops, all of it designed to keep him coming back. To keep him wanting. As if he needed the help.

Spencer doesn’t even pretend to think about it before saying, “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” 

Your lips twitch. You’re about to tease him, he can tell.

“It wouldn’t be a bad thing at all,” you say, tilting your head. “But wasn’t it you who went on that tangent about how platonic relationships significantly improve cognitive function?”

Spencer tries to find a loophole in that statement.

“And we,” you say, tracing a path down the trail of hair at his navel, “are not exactly fulfilling the platonic requirement.”

There was a time when he would have insisted — vehemently, even — that their relationship was strictly platonic. Fool’s errand.

“I mean, technically, if we wanted to be platonic, we could just… say we are.” That alone is egregiously incorrect. Spencer prepares to say as much, but then you pause, rolling the thought over like you’re actually considering it, before adding, “Like if we don’t label it, then it doesn’t count, right?”

His first instinct is to argue. His second instinct is to really argue. But neither one survives the sensory overload of you pressed against him.

“It’s like when you don’t open your credit card statements,” you continue, lips pursed. “Sure, the debt exists, but if you don’t acknowledge it, then it doesn’t feel real. So technically, if we just never say what this is, then it’s…”

“Schröndinger’s relationship?”

Spencer doesn’t know why he gives you the words — why he hands you the metaphor like a loaded gun and watches as you take perfect aim.

“Exactly! We exist in a state of undefined possibilities. We’re both platonic and not platonic until we open the box.”

Spencer sighs, rubbing at his temple, because now his entire brain is consumed by the implications of your logic. 

Schrodinger’s cat was never meant to be a real experiment — just a way to illustrate how, in quantum mechanics, particles can exist in multiple states until measured. The cat is placed in a box, along with a vial of poison triggered by a completely random quantum event. Until the box is opened, it’s both alive and dead, trapped in an impossible in-between, a paradox that shouldn’t exist but somehow does. The problem is, that concept doesn’t translate perfectly to relationships. People aren’t quantum particles. Relationships don’t exist in probability states.

Except, apparently, this one does. Because as long as neither of you put a definitive label on what’s happening here, you exist in an undefined state. 

He glances at you, at the expectant look in your eyes, and something about it makes him laugh, not because this is funny, necessarily, but because of course it would take a physics analogy for him to see what’s been obvious all along.

“I’m fairly certain that if we opened the metaphorical box, we would find that the cat — that is, our relationship — was decidedly not platonic.”

He hopes you’ll take the words for what they mean. That, for once, you won’t take the obvious escape route, won’t let yourself tuck this moment nearly into the realm of plausible deniability.

Because what he really said — what he really meant — was that he wants you. Only you. Singular, exclusive, definitively. If you pressed him for stronger language, he’d give it to you.

Your face was quick to light up.

“Are you asking me to go steady? Because Spencer, that’s a serious commitment. That means shared desserts, and, like, the expectation that I text you goodnight. And what’s the policy on PDA? Full access or —”

The rest of your sentence vanishes into fabric as Spencer pulls your shirt over your head, words muffled into cotton. You let out a muffled protest, momentarily caught in the fabric, and Spencer swears he’s never been more tempted to laugh at anything in his life.

By the time he tosses your shirt aside, you’ve recovered, blinking at him like nothing happened, hair adorably mussed.

“ — case-by-case basis?”

Spencer drags his hands down your hair, smoothing out the worst of the damage. He sighs dramatically, but his lips are twitching. “If I had known going steady required this much paperwork, I would’ve reconsidered.”

You grin at him. “Oh, you think this is bad? Just wait until we get into the holiday gift-giving policies and date night scheduling. Speaking of which —”

He doesn’t let you finish. He kisses you mid-sentence, less because he wants to shut you up (though that’s a nice bonus) and more because he can. Because he gets to. Because somehow, without him even realizing it was happening, this wonderful, impossible thing has become real.

This thing between you, this thing that was supposed to be undefined, a quantum maybe — it’s never been uncertain. It’s never been both platonic and not platonic, no matter how long he tried to pretend otherwise.

No, the box is open now. It probably always was. 

And Spencer had never been so happy to kill the cat.

💌 masterlist taglist has been disbanned! if you want to get updates about my writings follow and turn notifications on for my account strictly for reblogging my works! @mariasreblogs

[cxffeereid]

hiiii

i was wondering if i could request shy!bau!reader and post!prison spencer where he keeps their relationship a secret but reader gets insecure (because she thinks the relationship embarrasses him) but spencer keeps it a secret because he knows what happened to all his past relationships when he got other people involved

just want to see how that conversation would go with spencer reassuring reader and just being so in love

hidden — spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: reader feeling insecure , they both slightly get emotional at some point but i promise there's lots of fluff a/n: hi hi ! ty ty for your request <3 also i'm so sorry this took so long i just found this in my drafts and i had completely forgotten to post this !! i hope you like this

You stood in Spencer’s kitchen, staring blankly at the kettle as it hissed and steamed, the water inside bubbling furiously.

The sound was loud, but it did little to pull you out of your thoughts.

Your mind was elsewhere, tangled in a web of overthinking that had started the moment you woke up—or rather, the moment you gave up on sleeping altogether.

It was early morning, and the sunlight streaming through the window felt too bright, too cheerful, for the storm brewing in your head.

You hadn’t slept. Not really.

You’d spent the night curled up in Spencer’s arms, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your ear, feeling the warmth of his body next to yours. It should have been comforting. It should have lulled you to sleep.

But instead, you had stared at the ceiling for hours, mind racing in endless circles, chasing a thought you couldn’t shake.

It was something small, almost insignificant, but it had burrowed under your skin and refused to let go.

You’d overheard a conversation between Spencer and a female officer at the local precinct. She’d been flirting with him—boldly, unapologetically—and while that wasn’t unusual (Spencer was, after all, undeniably attractive), it was his response that had stuck with you. When she’d asked if he had a girlfriend, he’d said no before politely turning her down.

Logically, you knew why he’d said it. You’d both agreed to keep your relationship private. But logic didn’t stop the question from creeping into your mind, unbidden and unwelcome:

Was he embarrassed of you? Did he regret this?

The thought felt ridiculous even as it formed. Spencer wasn’t the type to care about what others thought.

But no matter how much you tried to push the doubt away, it lingered.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice the kettle boiling over, the hot water spilling out and hissing as it hit the stovetop.

“Be careful!” Spencer’s voice cut through the fog in your mind.

You blinked, startled, and looked down at the mess you’d unintentionally created. The kettle was overflowing, steam rising in frantic curls, and you quickly stepped back, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

Spencer rushed forward, his movements quick as he turned down the heat and moved the kettle to a cooler part of the stove. “Sorry, sorry,” you mumbled, your voice barely above a whisper as you watched him. Your hands fidgeted at your sides, unsure of what to do with themselves.

He turned to you, his brow furrowed with worry as he took in your appearance. You looked exhausted—dark circles under your eyes, your hair slightly disheveled, and your shoulders slumped.

It wasn’t like you to wake up before him; in fact, Spencer hated waking up without you beside him. He loved the quiet moments in the morning, when the world was still soft and hazy, and he could just lie there with you, his arms wrapped around you, your head resting on his chest.

It was one of the few times he felt truly at peace.

But this morning had been different. He’d woken up alone, the space beside him cold and empty, and he’d known immediately that something was wrong.

Now, seeing you like this—distant, distracted, and clearly troubled—only confirmed his suspicions. You barely looked up at him, avoiding his analyzing gaze.

“Come on,” he said softly, his voice a gentle invitation as he reached out his hand to you. You hesitated for a moment, your eyes flickering to the kettle.

But then you slowly took his hand, your fingers trembling slightly in his grasp. He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze before leading you to the couch in the living room.

Spencer sat down first, before gently pulling you into his lap. You hesitated, as you always did, hovering your weight above him as though you were afraid of imposing.

It was a habit you’d never quite shaken, even after all this time together. Despite how long you’d been dating, there were still moments when you felt nervous.

It was endearing, but it also broke his heart a little. He never wanted you to feel anything less than completely at ease with him.

Spencer’s hands settled on your hips, his touch firm but gentle as he guided you down until your entire weight was settled in his lap.

You let out a small, shaky breath, your hands instinctively resting on his shoulders for balance. His eyes searched yours, his gaze soft but probing, as though he could see straight through to the heart of what was troubling you.

You shifted slightly under his scrutiny, your fingers nervously toying with the fabric of his sweater.

“So, what’s wrong?” Spencer asked, his voice gentle but insistent. His hazel eyes held that familiar, loving look—the one that always made you feel seen and understood. You hesitated, your gaze dropping to where your fingers fiddled with the edge of his sweater.

“Just having a bad morning, I think,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

It wasn’t entirely a lie.

But it wasn’t the whole truth either.

You could feel the weight of his gaze on you, and you knew he wasn’t going to let this go.

After a moment, you sighed, your fingers tightening slightly in the fabric of his sweater. “It’s stupid,” you admitted, your voice hesitant.

Spencer’s lips quirked up just slightly, the ghost of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “Somehow, I doubt that.”

You huffed a quiet, self-deprecating laugh, but when you lifted your eyes to meet his again, your expression was hesitant.

His hands crept up under the hem of your shirt—well, his sweater that you’d borrowed—and you jumped slightly at the cool touch of his fingertips against your skin. “Your hands are cold,” you mumbled, though you didn’t pull away.

Spencer chuckled softly, his breath warm against your neck. “Yeah, well, I woke up in an empty, cold bed,” he said, his tone playful but laced with a hint of worry. “With no one to warm me.”

You smiled faintly at his teasing, but you could hear the underlying message in his words.

“I’m sorry,” you said softly, your hands moving to rest against his chest. “I didn’t mean to make you worry.” 

Spencer’s expression softened, and he shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize,” he said, his voice gentle.“I just want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.” As he spoke, one hand made its way to your temple, tapping lightly against it in a playful gesture before brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

“I just…” You exhaled, trying to gather your thoughts. “Sometimes, I get in my own head about things. Overthink them.”

Spencer nodded slightly, waiting for you to continue.

“Yesterday, you—” you started, then stopped abruptly, sighing loudly as the words caught in your throat.

Spencer didn’t interrupt, didn’t push. He just waited patiently.

“That officer asked you if you had a girlfriend,” you continued, your gaze dropping to his chest as your fingers nervously traced the fabric of his sweater. “And you said no. Which is fine,” you added quickly, your hands patting his chest lightly as if to reassure yourself as much as him. “But it just got me thinking that maybe you’re just…” You trailed off, the words sticking in your throat like they were too heavy to say out loud.

Spencer stayed silent, his hands resting gently on your hips, his thumbs tracing small, soothing circles.

“Embarrassed of me?” you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper, the words coming out in a questioning tone, as though you were afraid of the answer.

“I mean, I’m not as—” You exhaled sharply, shaking your head, forcing the words out before you lost the courage to say them. “I’m not as outspoken or extroverted as the rest of the team. I don’t have the same kind of presence as JJ or Emily or even Penelope. And you—” You looked down at your fingers still clutching the hem of his sweater. “You’re you.”

Spencer’s brows pulled together slightly.

You let out a short, humorless laugh, gesturing vaguely at him. “You’re a literal genius. You’re brilliant and kind and incredible. It’s not like I don’t know that. But maybe compared to that, I just seem… small. Forgettable.”

You could hear the slight break in your own voice as you finished.

A heavy silence followed, stretching long enough that doubt started creeping in. You shifted slightly in his lap, suddenly feeling exposed, vulnerable in a way that made you want to pull away.

But Spencer didn’t let you.

His grip on your hips tightened just slightly—not enough to hurt, just enough to hold you in place, to keep you from retreating.

And then, finally, he spoke.

“First of all,” he said, his voice steady, unwavering, “I need you to listen to me when I say this: I am not, nor have I ever been, embarrassed of you.”

Your breath hitched, but he didn’t stop. His eyes softened, his hands rubbing soothing circles into your hips.

He hesitated for a moment, his gaze flickering over your shoulder as if he were searching for the right words, but his hands never stopped their gentle, reassuring movements on your hips. His eyes met yours again.

“I just don’t want to risk what we have,” he said, his voice softer now, tinged with vulnerability. “I know what happens when people get involved—when things get messy. I’ve seen it happen too many times.” He paused, his expression clouding as though he were reliving memories he’d rather forget. “And I don’t want that for us. Because the thought of losing you—” His voice broke, and he didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t need to.

You felt your heart clench at his words.

“I love you,” he said, his voice steadier now, but no less heartfelt. “More than I’ll ever be able to put into words.” His hands moved to cradle your face, his touch so gentle it made your chest ache. “And I’m sorry that I made you feel like this,” he added, his voice thick with regret. “I never wanted to hurt you. I was trying to protect you.”

His apology was sincere, his eyes searching yours.

For a moment, you couldn't breathe. Every word felt like a soft anchor pulling you back from the edge of your doubts.

His hands were still cradling your face, his thumbs brushing lightly over your cheeks, as though he were trying to wipe away every trace of doubt and insecurity that had taken root in your mind.

All you could do was stare into his hazel eyes. You just sat there for a moment, letting his words sink in.

“I love you too,” you whispered, your voice trembling slightly as the words left your lips.

Spencer’s expression softened at your words, his eyes reflecting a mix of relief and warmth.

“You’re everything to me,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, his lips brushing against the tip of your nose as he spoke. “And I don’t ever want you to doubt that.”

You nodded, your throat tight with emotion as you leaned into him, your hands sliding up to rest against his chest. His arms enveloped you, pulling you close as he held you like he was afraid you might slip away. You let yourself melt into his embrace.

For a while, you just stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, letting the moment stretch.

Finally, he pulled back just slightly, his hands lingering at your waist as he looked at you with that warmth, the one that always made you feel like you were home.

“How about we start this morning over?” he asked softly, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

You gave him a small, shaky smile. “Yeah. I’d like that,” you murmured, your voice steadying now, as you felt the storm in your chest finally calm.

Spencer’s smile widened, and he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before standing up, taking your hand in his.

“Come on,” he said with a gentle tug. “Let’s make some tea. The right way this time.” His playful tone brought a smile to your face as you followed him into the kitchen, feeling lighter than you had in days.

[cxffeereid]

Hey, can I please request some jealous! Spencer, who is experiencing extreme jealousy over the reader let's say she gets hit on by an officer or something, and Spencer obvious as ever gets super confused on why he's feeling like this, and Morgan or Emily had to spell it out for him

jealousy — spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: officer flirting with reader , mentioned that reader is not flirting back / uncomfortable , lots of teasing from morgan and emily a/n: hiii !! hope you like this <3

Spencer narrowed his eyes. 

He didn’t even realize he was doing it at first, not until his grip on the file in his hands tightened, the papers inside bending under the pressure of his fingers. His focus was locked on the scene just outside the conference room—on you. 

More specifically, on you and the police officer standing a little too close, talking to you with a cocky smile that made Spencer’s blood heat in a way he didn’t quite understand.

He barely noticed Derek and Emily sitting at the table, as he zeroed in on the way the officer leaned toward you, the way you gave a small, awkward smile in return. 

That smile. Spencer knew that smile. It was the one you used when you didn’t know how to get out of a conversation. 

So why wasn’t this guy picking up on it? 

Spencer’s jaw clenched. His fingers dug into the file again, creasing the edges. 

“Uh-oh,” Derek muttered, his voice laced with amusement as he leaned back in his chair, watching Spencer with knowing eyes. “Pretty Boy’s got that look.” 

Emily smirked, following Derek’s gaze to where Spencer sat, practically glaring a hole through the glass wall. “Reid, you okay?” she asked, raising a brow. 

Spencer blinked as if snapping out of a trance, forcing himself to look away and meet Emily’s gaze. “What—? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” He nodded too quickly.

Derek’s grin widened as he pointed to the crumpled papers in Spencer’s hands. “You sure? ‘Cause those files say otherwise.” 

Spencer’s eyes darted down, realizing how badly he had crumpled them, and immediately began smoothing them out, his ears burning. “I just—” He hesitated, clearing his throat before trying again. “I just don’t think he should be talking to her that much.” 

Emily and Derek exchanged a glance, their smirks growing. 

Spencer didn’t notice. He was still rambling, eyes flickering back toward the glass as the officer laughed at something you said. 

��I mean, she clearly doesn’t want to be talking to him,” he continued, gesturing slightly. “She keeps shifting her weight from one foot to the other—classic sign of discomfort. And see how she keeps tucking her hair behind her ear? That’s not flirting, that’s self-soothing behavior.” 

Derek snorted. “So what you’re saying is, this guy should take a hint?” 

“Exactly!” Spencer exclaimed, throwing a hand in the air before realizing how worked up he sounded. He cleared his throat, lowering his voice. “And besides, she has work to do. He’s just distracting her, and he—” 

He stopped abruptly, biting his lip. 

Emily tilted her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “And he…?” 

Spencer’s mouth opened and closed. “And he… should just go away,” he finished lamely, shifting uncomfortably. 

Derek let out a low whistle, shaking his head in mock sympathy. “Damn, kid. That’s rough.” 

Spencer frowned. “What’s rough?” 

Emily leaned in, her grin sharp. “That is some textbook jealousy, Reid.” 

Spencer’s eyes widened slightly. “What? No, that’s not—” 

“You are so jealous,” Derek cut in, laughing. “Man, I’ve never seen you look that mad before.” 

“I'm not mad,” Spencer argued, though the way his voice rose slightly didn’t help his case. “I'm just… concerned.” 

Emily chuckled. “Concerned about what? That he'll ask her out and that she'll go out with him?” 

Spencer hesitated. Too long. 

Derek and Emily exchanged a glance, their smirks deepening as they watched realization flicker across his face—like a puzzle piece slotting into place, but one he didn’t want to acknowledge. 

“Just accept it, genius. You’re jealous,” Derek said, amusement laced through every word. 

Spencer barely looked up from his crumpled file, his ears burning. “No, I’m not,” he muttered, but the words lacked conviction. 

Emily leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk. “Spencer.” 

That got his attention. He finally glanced up, still slightly red, eyes darting between them like he was searching for an escape route. 

Emily didn’t let up. “You like her.” 

Spencer opened his mouth, then closed it again. His silence spoke louder than words. 

Derek let out a low whistle, shaking his head with a grin. “Wow. You really do like her.” 

Spencer huffed, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Emily smirked. “Oh, come on. Don’t try to outsmart us, Reid. You might have the IQ, but we’ve got the experience.” 

Derek nodded in agreement. “And the eyes. And the ears. And the ability to read social cues—which, by the way, you suck at when it comes to your own feelings.” 

Spencer scowled. “I am perfectly capable of understanding my own emotions.” 

Emily raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. So if I asked you for the real reason as to why you’ve been glaring at that officer like that, what would you say?” 

Spencer stiffened. “I wasn’t glaring.” 

Derek chuckled. “My guy, you were about two seconds away from burning a hole through the glass.” 

Emily leaned closer. “Face it, Reid. You like her. And you don’t like that she’s talking to another guy.” 

Spencer groaned, running a hand through his hair. “This is ridiculous.” 

“Oh, is it?” Derek shot back. “Then say it.” 

Spencer blinked. “Say what?” 

Derek gestured toward him. “Say you don’t like her. Say you don’t care if that dude asks her out.” 

Spencer opened his mouth—ready to argue, ready to say whatever he needed to just to shut them up. But the words wouldn’t come out. 

Emily grinned, victorious. “That’s what I thought.” 

Spencer exhaled sharply, looking down at the file in his hands as if it could save him. 

Derek clapped a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, kid. Admitting it is the first step.” 

Spencer shook his head, grumbling under his breath before finally muttering, “Fine. Maybe I do.” 

Emily gasped dramatically. “Sorry, what was that?” 

Spencer muttered a small. “You heard me.” 

Derek cupped a hand around his ear. “Nah, I don’t think I did. Sounded like you said something, but it was real quiet—” 

Spencer let out an exasperated sigh. “I like her, okay?” 

Derek leaned back with a satisfied nod. “There it is.” Emily beamed. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” 

Spencer buried his face in his hands. “This is a nightmare.” 

Derek just laughed. “Buddy, your nightmare is just beginning. Now you actually have to do something about it.” 

[cxffeereid]

Crawling back to you

Masterlist

GIF by undertheniall

Prison changed a lot of things in your relationship with Spencer. The one thing that remains the same is the mutual desire to hold on to the person you love.

Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

DISCLAIMER You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Minors do not interact at all. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you don’t like it, don’t read.

WARNING: Drunk! Spencer. I think that’s it. I hope. Idk it’s been a minute I’m sorry. Proceed at your own risk.

Word count: 3.4K See notes at end for author's note & spoilers.

Full playlist

There’s instant comfort in the sound of laughter coming from somebody you love. It's the kind of laughter that bubbles from deep inside the lungs, depriving them of air and pushing their voice up an octave or two. It envelopes you; you can feel the laughter vibrating between your torsos.

“Spencer, come on!” There’s a failed sternness in your tone, you have to physically fight the giggles away by nuzzling your head in his neck. You’re sure the neighbours below you won’t appreciate the loud thud omitted from the sound of their drunken neighbours toppling over, barely a few steps into the apartment. More precisely, the tall, lanky one drunkenly toppled over and took his girlfriend down with him. 

“I’m sorry! I’m s—so,” He’s not even trying to muffle the sounds, he’s practically hysterical. “Baby—I can’t breathe.” 

“Oh my god.” You push yourself off his chest, grabbing his arms as you stand. It takes all your physical strength to pull him up. Even then, you only manage to get him to sit. “Help me out over here!”

Your plea falls on deaf ears as Spencer bursts into another, slightly more muted, fit of giggles. He places an arm around his ribs and uses the other to hug your leg, leaning his head against your thigh. The muscles in your cheeks begin to ache from how wide your grin is. You have to brace yourself using his shoulder. Your other hand lands in his hair, gently scratching his scalp. 

What even is comfort? 

Spencer would tell you that its origins can be traced back to the Latin word ‘fortis’—meaning strong—combined with the late Latin word ‘com’ to produce’ confortare’. The word ‘comfort’ as we currently know it, was derived from the later French translation of ‘confort.’ The Oxford Dictionary defines it as ‘the easing or alleviation of a person’s feelings of grief or distress.’

What possible grief or distress could there be when his lips press on your thigh, followed by a satisfied hum from the feeling of your skin? And when he looks up at you with those big brown eyes the sun's warmth seeps into your skin, despite it being the moon's hour. You look relaxed. Happy. His lips part and his mouth runs dry. Behind adoration is curiosity painted on his face.

“What?” It makes you nervous. He doesn’t reply instantly, words escape him.

“There are…hundreds of quotes I could pull apart—th—thousands of scientific comparisons I could make, but all I’m able to say right now…is that you’re…perfect. Eve—even your flaws. They’re perfect.” His brows are concentrated and you scoff half-heartedly. It’s not the sun's warmth. It’s him. He is the sun. “Which doesn’t really make sense. But—you. You make sense.”

His eyes wander frantically as he tries to keep track of his thoughts. “Does that make sense?”

Comfort.

You would equate it to the phrase ‘welcome home’. Home. Sanctuary. Retreat from the brutal realities of the cruel world. The lack of response tells him your attention is not entirely on him. He pouts.

“You’re too far away. C’mere.” He whines, his arm moving from his ribcage to tug on your hand. He leans back to make room for you on his lap.

“No, you c’mere.” You resist, trying to pull him up to his feet instead. “We need to get you to bed.” 

“Just two minutes.” 

The tug of war is short-lived; he carries more body strength. Not that he uses much, all it takes is the sweet lull of his voice for him to command you down. His hands glide up your thighs, stopping at your waist once you’re fully straddling him. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, noses nudging and gaze fixed on each other. Spencer brushes his lips against yours, gradually locking them. The kiss is slow, there’s no urgency. The kind that makes you feel like this is forever. As sure as flowers blooming every spring and leaves falling every autumn.

“Impossibly perfect.” He mumbles with a sigh, reaffirming his previous train of thought. The statement travels off his tongue so naturally. Your ears heat up and you fail to respond once again. What response can you give? More sweet affirmations are whispered, and although you don’t hear them, you feel his lips graze your cheek. 

“I love you.” He mumbles against your skin before planting a kiss. You hum in return and diffidently nestle your face in his neck. Spencer shrieks and rolls both of you on the ground. “That tickles!”

He attempts to separate his body from yours, but your arms tighten around his neck. “Let go!”

“Mm-mm.” You shake your head and nuzzle your nose further in. Laughter engulfs you again.

“You have three—ah—three seconds to let go before I start tickling you back.” 

An empty threat, he knows how much you hate it. It works, though. You push off him begrudgingly. 

“Fine.”

His drunken state confuses your playful pout for a sad one and his victorious smirk is short-lived. Spencer ejects upright, hooking his fingers under your chin with a pout of his own. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. Just my boyfriend hates me.” You dramatically sigh and lower your sight, toying with the buttons on his shirt. 

Meanwhile, your boyfriend is aghast that he has you feeling so. If only you could see the genuine furrow in his raised brows. The subtle pout of his lips and his head tilting to the side. His eyes always look like they’re pleading for something, but that’s just the cost of having big, round, beautiful eyes. 

“No. What? N-no!” He’s almost too offended to articulate an appropriate response. “Do you—no!”

Entirely baffled and unable to verbally reject your claim, he opts for physical expression to show you just how wrong you are. He cups your cheeks in both hands and lunges at you with a flurry of kisses, each landing blindly on any accessible part of your face. You anchor an arm behind you to stabilise yourself. The whole scene is chaotic.

“Spence—mmph—” 

With every kiss he inches closer until he’s practically on top of you, leaning his weight forward on one arm. His free hand cradles the back of your head and focuses entirely on your lips. Kissing you soft, slow, deep. Any worries lingering in the back of your mind can wait. Nothing exists outside the bubble you’ve created. That is, until Spencer loses his balance for the umpteenth time and, as usual, you go down with him. At least his inebriated brain had the foresight to shield your head from the hardwood floor. He falls flat on you, free hand defeatedly next to his ear. 

The two of you freeze momentarily, processing the drop. You throw your head back with a loud ‘pfft’ and both of you break out into laughter. You can hear him cackling with his forehead pressing against your jaw. It goes on for at least a minute or two. That’s when you feel it again. The sun’s warmth. It enters your system with every grappling inhale, passing from your lungs, vibrating through your ribs and taking over every limb as it travels through your bloodstream. Your legs trap his waist and you bury your hands in his hair. His other hand shifts from under your head to your collarbone. 

“You’re so silly.” He wheezes.

“I’m silly?!” You tuck your chin in, looking down at him as you push through your giggles. “You’re silly. And drunk. And clumsy.” 

It only spurs him on, nearly to the point of tears. Spencer's drinking is not a common occurrence. Up until recently, he’d been very committed to staying away from alcohol; always choosing a glass of water or some other alternative. At the start, you assumed it was a health-related preference until he sat you down and explained his history with addiction. You can count on one hand the number of outings Spencer has taken so much as a sip of alcohol throughout your relationship. The count only began after his return from Millburn. 

You’d never previously wondered if and how alcohol changes his behaviour, but now you know anyway. It’s unusual, not because he’s different, but because it’s everything you know him to be when it’s just the two of you. There's an air of freedom alongside his gentleness, attentiveness and sass. His own mind doesn’t torment him. He exists—presently, unapologetically. Or at least it was everything you knew him to be. 

Comfort.

Noun. ‘The easing or alleviation of a person’s feelings of grief or distress.’ 

It comes in different forms for different people. For you? You’ve never known a comfort more powerful than Spencer Reid. Not the one that lays next to you every night, but the one lying on top of you right now. In all honesty, you don’t know the man you share a bed with anymore. Physically, you could describe every freckle and mole from memory. Emotionally, he’s practically a stranger. Robotic is an adjective that’s been used to describe him his whole life. It’s a literal manifestation these days. 

Your laughter starts to fade and his follows after. He doesn’t need to ask where your mind is at. Deep down he knows. It’s why he’s too afraid to meet your eyes. He can’t bear the reminiscence he’ll find.

“Too far away...” He repeats, his mumble fading as he reaches your head space.

From dawn, when he first opens his eyes, til dusk, when he finally shuts them; everything he does is part of his ritual. 

Wake up. Work. Home. Sleep. 

Somewhere along the way he’ll eat. Socialise. Read. He can’t recall doing any of it, but he knows it happened because you were there. That’s the only memorable part of it. There’s a faint image of you sitting across from him, nervously watching him nibble the meals you cook for him. He’ll force it down his throat so he doesn’t have to see the worried look on your face. The sound of your voice is slightly more vivid. Speaking at him—for him, making full sentences out of his one-word answers. Because words escape him. Visually, verbally. They’ll run from him on every page he turns; dancing around, mocking him. 

He can feel you staring. You probably don’t even know you are. 

Strange, missing somebody that’s right here. Most people know the feeling all too well, but no one can ever explain it. You can still see fragments of the man Spencer used to be under the rubble of the walls he once lowered for you. Buried too deep inside a cold, dark, liminal pit for you to rescue. A ghost trapped in purgatory. Sometimes he manifests physically. The light in his eyes returns as a culmination of the intent and curiosity he was filled with before. Every look brighter, every touch warmer. 

Comfort.

He’s just as much the source as he is the reason you go weeks without it. Your own, personal double-edged sword, threatening to slice your skin. And you’ll let him, because any ounce of heartache will melt away under the tender feel of his lips. Like slapping a bandaid over the gash and pretending it’s enough to contain the bleeding. You snap back to reality when the weight of his body lifts off you. Spencer’s on his knees cupping your thighs on either side of him, looking down at you. His irises are slightly duller than they were a moment ago. You thrust to sit up too, hands racing to cradle his face. 

“Spence?” Your meekness almost breaks him. 

His vision centres on you. You’re smiling. You have such a beautiful smile. But this one isn’t genuine. It’s a desperate attempt at keeping the pieces together. You’re so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, he hates it. His brows furrow and he blinks rapidly. The guilt of knowing he’s the reason you’ve been walking on eggshells is overwhelming. You can visibly see his heart sink and his breathing growing shallow. Panic sets in; he pushes away from you, shaking his head and backing himself against the console table.

“Spence?” You repeat worriedly, crawling after him. “Spence, what’s wrong?”

“No. No, stop. Don’t. Please.” His voice cracks and holds his arm out to keep you from moving closer. 

You don’t understand what you did to cause the rapid change in emotions. You pause, hesitantly and kneeling a little too far from him for your liking. You look to the ground and then back at him. It hurts to swallow the lump in your throat.

“Baby—”

The frustration in his tone is evident as he whispers your name with the most strained, painful pronunciation you’ve ever heard of it. It’s not as if he wants this. To be distant or keep you at arm's length, no, on the contrary, he wants to wrap you closely against his chest and never let you go. Your proximity is the only tangible testimonial of the man he once was, the one you fell in love with—the one you deserve. 

“Don’t do that…” He pleads with almost no voice to accompany his words. 

Your arms drop in your lap in defeat. All you're capable of giving him is a hopeless expression, begging him to help you understand. He looks at you accusatorily, as if to say you know exactly what’s wrong. You inadvertently confirm it by averting your eyes.

“How long are you going to pretend?” 

“What?” You pretend to mishear him, your eyes snapping back, wide and watering. 

“That everything’s okay?”

“Why…where is this coming from?” You scoff nervously.

“Nothing’s okay.” 

His direct demeanour should feel icier than it does. Instead, you find familiarity within it. You’ve seen it before. He’s used it when you’ve shown up to his apartment in the later hours of the night, lecturing you about walking alone, and often drunk. It’s been used for many other lectures too, reprimanding any self-destructive or dangerous behaviour. He’s stern, but he’s just as gentle. It’s in his nature—was in his nature. You open your mouth for a rebuttal but he doesn’t give you that chance. 

“Me, you, us. Nothing about us is okay. I’m not okay. To you. I’m not…” His tongue swipes the corner of his mouth, retreating quickly as he stares up at the ceiling and then back at you. “I’m not good for you. Anymore.”

“Spencer, no.” The response flies out of your mouth immediately. Your chest tightens and you try to inch closer to him again. And again, he extends his hand out as a signal to stop. 

“Yes! Don’t you—god—do you think I don’t see how much I hurt you? When I leave the bed before you’re awake, climb in after you’re asleep, when I stay late—”

He doesn’t have it in him to carry on when you whimper out a hum and deflate. It compels him to close the distance by shuffling to you, cupping your face.

“How long are you going to let me get away with hurting you like this?”

At times Spencer feels the skin he inhabits isn’t his own. He doesn’t recognise the face he grew up with and although he can avoid his reflection, he can’t escape reminders of his deteriorated mental performance. There’s no running from the shame he feels every time his team looks to him for answers that he doesn’t have anymore. Solutions take a significantly longer time to reach and oftentimes the realisation of the fact hits him sooner. Being ‘the genius’ is his only value, he doesn’t have anything else to offer. 

He also doesn’t have the strength to outright tell you to walk away. Even if logically, he knows you deserve better than him. Somebody who can be there to laugh with you, hold you when you cry, talk to you about anything and everything. The way he once could. You deserve a person who makes you smile out of genuine happiness. Someone who can offer you pure, whole love. It pains him that he can’t be that for you anymore. 

“I’m sorry.” He smooths your hair, resting his forehead against yours. “I’m sorry. My sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

His lips brush against yours and both of you melt. Bandaid over gash.

You sniffle and instantly inhale, breaking out of his grasp. “You’re drunk. It’s late. Let’s just—let’s go to bed. Okay?”

He knows that you can’t avoid the reality for long, but he’ll let you try, for now. So he nods, smiling half-heartedly. You use his shoulders to push yourself to stand, helping pull him up after you. Your hands intertwine, gripping tightly and only letting go when you reach the bedroom. Both of you enter a slight dissociative state to cope with the heaviness of the situation. He sits you down on the bed, falling to his knees before you. At first, you mistake his intentions as lustful. He guides your ankle to his knee and starts to remove your shoes. The bitterness is fleeting and dissipates into disgust with yourself for thinking so lowly of Spencer. Your Spencer. 

Comfort.

He motions for you to stand so you do. Naturally, he takes care of you before himself. He works to rid you of your pants, sliding them down your legs. You don’t question him this time. His hands trail up your bare legs, skimming past your clothed hips and stopping at your waist. He buries his face in the soft of your belly, squeezing your sides and exhaling deeply. You card his hair, holding him. To any third party, it’s an entirely romantic scene, but you suppose Romeo and Juliet’s corpses appeared just as romantic tangled together. Star-crossed lovers. A regrettable cliché for sure. 

The moment passes and Spencer stands, removing your shirt and leading you towards the bathroom. He opens the door for you, but doesn’t follow you inside, allowing you some space to carry on your night routine. Tonight’s routine consists of you staring in the mirror for god knows how long before splashing cold water on your face. You’re not sure whether to be surprised when you exit the bathroom to see your favourite pajamas laid out for you. Current or old, drunk or sober, you suppose Spencer’s attention to detail is the one constant thing about him. You slip into the pajamas and find your place next to him on the bed, but not before setting some water and pain relief on his side table.

You give him one last glance before turning off your lamp. He’s facing away from you, messy brown curls splayed out against his pillow. Darkness surrounds you temporarily before the dim light from the moon sets in. You’re about to set your head down when he speaks. 

“I…I wish I could go back.”

“Hmm?”

He rolls over and you reach to stroke his cheek. It’s cold, wet. He’s been crying.

“To being him.”

“Baby…”

“I can see the way you look at me sometimes. It’s the same look I see in the mirror every morning.” He takes hold of your wrist.

You shuffle closer, placing a chaste kiss on his nose. Maybe if you had any energy left you’d try to deny it, but right now you don’t have a better response to give. 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you left, you know.”

“Shhhhh.” You can’t bear the idea. Just him raising it enough to flood tears to your eyes. 

Silence takes over and you pull him closer into your arms, resting his head against your chest. A sob racks through him, his hands scrunching the sides of your shirt. It’s jarring to see him cry so openly to you. You’ve never seen this version of him so vulnerable. You can feel the ghost slipping away. 

“Please don’t leave me. You’re all I have left of him.”

It’s entirely contradictory. A conflict between morality and desire uttered so breathlessly that you almost miss it. It shatters your soul. 

“I won't.” You reply in an even quieter voice, doing your best to hold back your own sob.

Comfort.

You’ll wait for it to come around again. For now, you wrap yourself tighter around him, both your faces drenched in tears, too afraid to let go. In all your grief you failed to notice something hidden in plain sight. If anybody misses Spencer Reid more than you, it’s Spencer Reid himself.

“Don’t go.”

You can’t say who the words come from, but you know that they’re not for you. They’re meant for somebody who’s no longer with you.

Spoilers: Post-prison Spencer, established relationship, fluff, hurt with (kind of) comfort, angst, ambiguous-ish ending. Idk I wasn’t present when I wrote it tbh.

AN - Heyyyy I know it’s been like over 5 months but in my defence. Also this could have been better, but writing literally hates me, so you get what you get. Guys please don’t worry about the grammar, I was in a mood and it’s all very dramatic and correct because I’m right and English is wrong. Also, I was bullied, blackmailed and emotionally coerced into posting this.

Okay, so I will see you soon or like in another 5 or more months maybe who knows?

Thanks for reading!

[cxffeereid]

Heyy!! i was wondering if you could perchance do a drabble with dad!spencer and mom!bau!reader where they've gotten into the rhythm of calling each other mommy and daddy in front of the kids and one of them accidentally slips up and does it work without realising. And then the team is like "hold on 🤨" (probably morgan) and they have to defend themselves. Just something i've been thinking about and i don't have the artistic ability to right it myself but you do! Thank youuuu! xxx

SLIP UP. /spencer reid/

your at-home naming habits find their way into the office.

bau!mom!reader 1.1k fluff masterlist.

a/n | this is so funny i love it.

The bullpen hums with its usual energy—phones ringing, keyboards clacking, conversations weaving through the space.

It’s late, and exhaustion weighs on everyone like a heavy fog. Cases have been stacking up, the paperwork never-ending, and you’re all running on caffeine and whatever sugar-laden snack Garcia has left in the breakroom.

You and Spencer, despite being used to sleepless nights—courtesy of two small children at home—are still feeling the burn.

Parenting while profiling is a delicate balance, and some days, it feels like you barely hold it together. But you've found ways to cope, to slip into a rhythm that works.

Spencer leans over his desk, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he scans a report. His hair is slightly disheveled—likely from running his hands through it—and his tie is loosened, his sleeves rolled up. He looks exactly how you feel, drained.

You, seated across from him, are going through another file when you sigh and reach for the next document. “Pass Mommy the file, please,”

The moment the words leave your mouth, the bullpen stills. For a brief second, no one reacts. Not even Spencer, who doesn’t hesitate to slide the file over to you, his tired brain not even registering what just happened.

But then—

“Hold on, what?”

Your head snaps up so fast you nearly give yourself whiplash. Across the table, Morgan is staring at you with wide eyes, a slow, knowing smirk spreading across his face. JJ’s eyebrows are raised nearly to her hairline, and even Rossi has paused his paperwork, looking mildly amused.

Hotch looks like he’s trying very hard not to react.

You glance at Spencer, who is blinking rapidly, his brain trying to catch up with what just happened.

And then, it hits you.

“Oh my God.” Your stomach drops. Heat rushes to your face. “I didn’t mean—”

Morgan leans forward, elbows on the table, his smirk growing. “Did you just refer to yourself as Mommy?”

Spencer makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat. “It’s— It’s not—”

“Because I swear I just heard that,” Morgan continues, clearly enjoying himself.

JJ covers her mouth, eyes twinkling with suppressed laughter.

You groan, dropping your face into your hands. “It’s not what you think,”

“Oh, I think it’s exactly what I think.” Morgan chuckles, leaning back in his chair. “Reid, you calling her Mommy at home?”

Spencer makes another choked noise, shaking his head furiously. “No! I mean— yes, but not like that!”

JJ snorts, and even Hotch finally cracks, pinching the bridge of his nose like he’s debating whether or not to intervene.

You lift your head, groaning again. “We have two kids under four. There’s a lot of third-person referencing, okay?”

Morgan raises an eyebrow, amused.

Spencer, still red-faced, starts rambling. “It’s a psychological phenomenon, actually. When individuals—particularly parents—are frequently addressed in a particular way, their brains develop an associative response, reinforcing the use of the terms even in situations outside the expected context. It’s entirely innocent. Just an unconscious linguistic habit.”

Morgan whistles low. “Damn, Pretty Boy. You really just tried to profile your way out of calling your wife ‘Mommy’ in front of us,”

Spencer groans, burying his face in his hands.

Your face feels impossibly warm. “We’re tired, Morgan. We haven’t had a full night’s sleep in—” You glance at Spencer. “How long has it been?”

“Three years, three months, and sixteen days,” he answers automatically.

Morgan lets out a low whistle. “Damn,”

Emily places a hand over her heart. “That’s actually kind of adorable,”

Garcia practically vibrates with excitement. “This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I need to hear more,”

“There’s nothing more to hear,” Spencer says, shaking his head quickly. “It’s just a habit. Strictly innocent,”

“Oh, we believe you,” Rossi says, the corners of his mouth twitching. “That doesn’t mean we’re going to let it go,”

“Not a chance,” Morgan agrees.

You groan, dropping your head into your hands. “This is never going away, is it?”

“Nope,” JJ says cheerfully.

Spencer sighs, rubbing his temples. “Great.”

And just like that, the teasing begins.

For the rest of the day—and likely for weeks to come—you hear variations of:

“Daddy, can you pass me that report?” from Emily.

“I don’t know, Mommy, what do you think?” from Morgan.

Garcia, of course, takes it the farthest, occasionally referring to you both as “Mommy and Daddy dearest,” complete with exaggerated winks.

By the time you make it home that evening, you collapse onto the couch with a groan, Spencer falling beside you.

“I’m never going to live this down,” you mumble.

“At least they think it’s funny,” Spencer says, leaning his head back against the cushions.

You sigh. “This is your fault,”

He turns his head to look at you, eyebrows raised. “My fault?”

“You didn’t even hesitate when I said it. You just handed me the file like it was totally normal,”

His lips twitch. “To be fair, it is normal,”

You nudge him with your foot. “Not at work, it isn’t,”

He chuckles, then tilts his head, considering. “Maybe if we just… pretend it never happened, they’ll drop it,”

You snort. “You really think that’s going to work?”

“…No,”

“Exactly.” You groan again, rubbing your hands over your face. “I’m never going to hear the end of this,”

Spencer smiles softly, reaching over to squeeze your hand. “At least we’re in it together, Mommy,”

You open your eyes just to glare at him. “You better not start doing that on purpose,”

He presses his lips together, trying to suppress a grin.

“Spencer,” you warn.

His grin widens. “Yes, Mommy?”

You grab a throw pillow and smack him with it, and his laughter fills the room, warm and familiar.

Exhausted as you both are, you wouldn’t trade this—your life, your family, the teasing from your team—for anything in the world.

[cxffeereid]

in my dream, i'm fixing your crutch

most nights, spencer wakes to the sound of your sniffles—unlike most nights, he doesn’t have to ask why. the reason is visceral, tangible—staining the sheets when the wound dressing wasn’t tight enough, seeping and pooling right between the both of you where an ocean of your guilt already lies.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader (second person, no y/n)

genre: flangst hurt comfort

content: many mentions of wounds and blood. bc spencer was shot. jesus reid woo! established relationship spencer and bau!reader deal with the aftermath of spencer taking a bullet for her

word count: 2.8k

note: based on this ask! for my jesus reid sassy man apocalypse flangst fight and make up lovers... this ones for you! i actually loved writing this sm @esote-rika u wonderful genius u!!! inspired by this poem that she sent me! might be one of my new favorite fics ive written

a line: In the bad dreams, over and over, you’re saying you’re sorry. In the worst dreams, he’s saying he forgives you. 

“I’m sorry.”

Those were the first words out of your mouth when Spencer had woken up in the hospital. Before that, you'd been running on adrenaline, too focused on talking the unsub down. So certain—so sure—that he wouldn’t pull the trigger. That you’d be fine. That the father would be fine. And you were, mostly. 

Because a hard shove sent you both tumbling to the ground. No broken bones, no bloody wounds—Just a bullet in Spencer’s leg instead of yours.

He held your hand through the tears, fingers gentle as they stroked through your hair while you wept against the edge of his hospital bed. Told you I’d take a bullet for you, honey. Spencer always joked about that. Romantic once—now, not so much. It is not an honour you ever wanted to hold.

Crutches for a month. You’d been right there when the doctor ordered it, nodding, asking questions, voicing concerns. The two of you make do, as you always do. You move into his place, helping him with the little things. Because loving someone means loving them in health and in sickness. During the good times and the bad. Two sides of the same coin—But intimacy wears many faces. 

You don’t think you’ve stopped crying since you saw the blood soaking into the grass. 

You try to smile more when Spencer’s around. He says it helps—just as much as the medication, maybe more. So you do. More cuddles than usual. Coffee, just the way he wants it, because come on, the man took a bullet for you, the least you could do is not criticise his sugar intake.

But when he’s not there, the tears come. In the shower, where the water washes them away before you can. Waiting for the coffee to brew, blinking them back so they don’t salt the mug.

You whisper I’m sorrys into his hair when he falls asleep after the Doctor Who reruns, as many as he wants. Hope he feels it in the way your fingers card through his curls, lathering shampoo carefully. Hope he tastes it in the spoonfuls of breakfast you lift to his lips, even though his hands work just fine. Everything served in bed, of course, because that’s where he is.

Because that is where he has to be. 

I’m sorry. You don’t think you’ll ever stop saying it.

Most nights, Spencer wakes to the sound of your sniffles—Unlike most nights, he doesn’t have to ask why. The reason is visceral, tangible—staining the sheets when the wound dressing wasn’t tight enough, seeping and pooling right between the both of you where an ocean of your guilt already lies. 

Still, every night he does wake, he cups your cheeks with warm hands as he murmurs it’s okays. 

He’ll say it again at 2 am, when he’s inevitably forced to rewind the bandage himself because somehow, you never seem to get it right. Another tally mark on the growing list of ways you’ve failed him. 

And again at 4 am, when you shift too close in your sleep, bump against him, and wake to a sharp, stifled wince. Then the tears resurface, and the cycle repeats. God, you’re just a walking Murphy’s Law, aren’t you?

“Do you blame me?” you’d asked him one night, voice meek in the dark.

“You were in danger. I acted. I could never blame you.”

You replay that conversation more often than not. You love Spencer enough to believe that he means it—that in his mind, it’s the only truth that exists. The only truth that could ever exist. 

But you don’t think you love yourself enough to believe it, too.

You move to the couch after the first week. Couldn’t take another night of accidental touches, of hearing his breath hitch in pain and feeling—remembering— that you’d put him there. Spencer had protested, threatened to order an air mattress just to sleep beside you, but you’d won in the end. He needed space. Comfort. Proper rest to heal.

Mostly, you just didn’t want him to see you crying anymore.

The couch isn’t so bad. Smells just enough like him to let it lull you to sleep. Has pillows that are fluffy enough to clutch in your grip when he insists on showering alone for the first time. The couch is close enough to hear the bottle of shampoo hit the floor and the pause that follows when you both realise he can’t bend down to pick it up himself. It’s also far enough away that you hear only the muffled curses that escape him when he tries to dress himself after—Spencer hardly ever swears.

And again, the couch is far enough away that he can’t see you cry.

Intimacy is familiarity, carved deep.

It is not synonymous with love, nor does it innately mean romance. It is a vulnerability between two people, a connection that forms through time, a trust that builds upon circumstance. Intimacy is a blade that cuts through flesh and bone, never to be used lightly. It sees everything—what you are, what he is, what the two of you have always been. 

It’s the chaste kiss you press to his lips before leaving for the jet, van waiting down in the lobby. The long list of instructions, medications, emergency contacts scribbled onto paper—handed off to Garcia. The unanswered calls that drain your battery, each one landing in his voicemail. 

When you’re away, you dream of Spencer. You’re steadying his crutch, rewrapping his wounds, pressing gentle kisses over healing scars. 

In the bad dreams, over and over, you’re saying you’re sorry.

In the worst dreams, he’s saying he forgives you. 

Intimacy is something etched into the marrow of you, amidst the flesh and bone, through the ache and the aftermath.

“Spence?” you call from the doorway, one hand braced against the wall as you toe off your shoes. “You in here? Garcia said you decided to head home.”

A muffled shuffle from his office draws your attention. When you step inside, you find him perched in his desk chair, one hand gripping his crutch, the other stretched toward a book just out of his reach on the bottom shelf. 

“I didn’t decide to head home,” Spencer mutters, still not looking at you. “Garcia sent me home.”

You have to bite back a smile. “Garcia sent you home?” you echo, amused, crossing the room to retrieve the book from the shelf with ease. He returns your kind act with a heavy sigh even as you set the book on the table beside him.

“She was rearranging her case files. Said I was in the way.”

“Aw honey,” you coo, reaching out to fluff his curls. Normally, he’d lean into your touch, eyes going all soft with adoring affection. But tonight, there’s nothing. Your hand falls away, neglected. 

“Have you eaten?” you try, hoping hunger is to blame for his mood. He barely acknowledges the question, offering only a curt nod. 

“What’d you have?”

“One of those instant meals,” he mutters.

You frown. “I thought you hated that stuff.”

Spencer scoffs, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, it’s not like I’m in any position to cook now, am I?”

The window is shut but the study is ice cold. You knew he was upset when Hotch forbade him from coming along on the case. He had told you just as much, his frustrations only thinly veiled in the few text messages he’d sent. But whatever this is, you don’t understand why it’s suddenly being directed at you tonight. 

“Did something happen while I was away?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” The sarcasm that drips in his tone pools together at your feet. 

Most people work to live. Your boyfriend is not most people. He lives to work. The time he doesn’t spend solving cases is spent preparing for the next one—reading, researching, gathering knowledge for the inevitable moment it might be needed. You of all people know he hates being unoccupied. He’d explained it to you once, how much he detests idleness, the feeling of time slipping through his fingers with nothing to show for it.

And now here he is, sidelined. Left behind—with nobody else to point the finger at but you. 

Not Garcia for shoo-ing him out of her Batcave. Not Hotch for being a stickler for the doctor’s orders. Just you. 

“Is that it? You’re upset because Hotch didn’t let you come on the case?”

Spencer doesn't answer so you’re the one to take a step forward—both physically and metaphorically. 

“Spence, talk to me. What’s gotten into you?”

The laugh that leaves Spencer doesn’t really sound like him at all. It comes out sharp and humourless—Empty, essentially. 

“What’s gotten into me?” He exhales, shakes his head. “You mean other than a bullet?”

The breath you were holding slips from your lips, and for a moment, it feels like the bullet never left. It might as well have buried itself hilt deep, slicing through you and back out. Right now, you almost wished that were the case.

A bullet in your boyfriend is not a cross you ever wanted to bear but it is a cross you’re tied to carrying all the same. 

Maybe it had been easier in the beginning. In the holding of hands in the ambulance, in the moving of mugs to accommodate yours. But in the wake of skin and gauze, of antiseptic burning raw and sheets gripped in clenched fists—What is there to thank god for? 

Just a bullet. 

Just a wound. 

Just a bed too small to carry the hurt of two people. 

“Spencer.”

For a man with a limp, he moves fast. The bedroom door slams shut behind him and you’re left to stand there by yourself, guilt seeping into the floorboards under you. Thank god for the couch. 

You don’t dream of Spencer tonight. You don’t sleep at all. Which is why you hear it—the crutch slipping, the clattering against the wood of the floor. You tiptoe to the bedroom door, nudging it open.

“Hey, everything alright? Need your meds? Water? I can get—”

“S'fine,” Spencer says. His sigh is as heavy as it is exhausted as he bends down to retrieve his crutch. 

“Oh. Okay…” You hesitate, lingering by the door. “Goodnight then.”

“Sweetheart—” Spencer exhales, soft and uneven. “I—I… wanted to talk.” 

You swallow. “Talk?” 

“What I did—how I acted just now—that wasn’t okay. And I’m sorry.”

It sounds weird coming from him. Wrong, almost. A man who took a bullet for you shouldn’t be apologising. A thousand sorrys from you wouldn’t even come close to enough, and you’re certain you’ve already said more than that.

“You don’t need to apologise, Spence, you—”

“I do.”

He tries to stand. You’re at his side before he can, pressing him back down with a gentle hand against his shoulder as you take a seat by the edge of the bed too. 

“I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I was frustrated. At Hotch, at Garcia, at myself. And I took it out on you.”

You nod silently, trying to understand.

“I’m not used to this,” he admits. “Being taken care of. Needing to be taken care of. It’s... hard. What I said before I left the room… I shouldn’t have. And I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

Spencer isn’t one to dance around words. He thrives on specifics. Tonight, he doesn’t need to name it. 

What’s gotten into me? You mean other than a bullet? The words have been reverberating in your skull since he said it. 

“Do you—” Your voice sounds hollow in your throat, shaking as it leaves you. “Can you forgive me?” 

Spencer’s seen you cry before. But the sight of you wiping away your own tears is not one he’s used to. He’s used to holding you through it, with soft hands, with light kisses. So, he takes your hand first, then coaxes your gaze up  to meet his. It’s the first time you’ve seen him smile since you’ve gotten back. 

“Angel,” he breathes, “there’s nothing to forgive. I don’t blame you. For any of it. Do you remember what I said the first time?” 

“I—yeah.”

“You were in danger. I acted. Simple as that.” 

In theory, it is simple. Bullets move at roughly 2,700 feet per second. To reach you first, Spencer must have moved at 2,701. 

It is not a lifetime of love of reflected in a single split second. It is a lifetime of love refracted, redirected—Love forced onto a different path the moment the bullet entered his body. Two sides of the same coin, wild violence amidst the intimacy. You see it day after day in the blood that trickles down his leg, in how his skin splits open in millimetres, in the way his body punishes itself for what his heart decided. 

It is agonising to see how softly he hurts. 

“I just—I’m so sorry, Spence. For this. For everything.”

“Honey,” he murmurs, “do you trust me?”

Your head jerks up. You sit straighter, wiping at your nose with the sleeve of your sweater. “Yeah, of course, Spence, I—”

“Then I need you to believe me when I say this.” He shifts, taking both your hands into his. He winces slightly but doesn’t let it stop him. “This? This isn’t your fault. Not at all. I need you to know that, baby. Okay?” 

You’ve never been one to hold back or stay quiet during arguments with Spencer. Especially when he’s the first to admit he’s wrong—And, being Spencer, that hardly ever happens. More than you’d like to admit, he’s usually right. But this is different.

Because Spencer is wrong. He shouldn’t have said it. But “shouldn’t” doesn’t make it untrue.

Spencer was shot. Fact.

You weren’t. Fact.

And you weren’t shot because Spencer took the bullet for you.

Fact upon fact, stacking too tall, pressing down hard, choking you out. 

“But it is though,” you whisper, though it comes out as more of a cry. “Spence, if it weren’t for me—”

“Honey, there is no version of events where I would’ve ever let that bullet touch you.” He gives your hands a light squeeze. “None.”

There is an intimacy in knowing love, at its core, is a kind of violence. It is a body rashly moved by instinct before the mind catches up. It is the sacrifice of flesh before the heart has even finished deciding, of stepping into the line of fire before you’ve even realised that you’ve moved. 

With his heart, mind and body—That is how violently Spencer Reid loves you. 

Spencer has always been fast. Faster than the bullet meant for you. Fast to love, quicker to comfort—He presses a kiss to your cheek where the last tear falls. “I mean it when I say that there is nothing you could’ve done, or Hotch could’ve done, or the Unsub could’ve done that wouldn’t have resulted in me taking the bullet for you.”

“Well,” you start, voice still sniffly from the remnants of your tears, “the unsub could’ve just... not shot.”

Spencer blinks. For a second, he’s still caught in the weight of his emotions. Then, his lips twitch, a knowing smile breaking through as he rolls his eyes.

“Smartass.”

A small giggle bubbles out of you. You lift your joined hands to press light kisses into the spaces between his fingers, into the cracks of him that you can reach. He lets you. Spencer doesn’t remember the last time you touched him like this—Not careful, not afraid. Not like guilt kissed your fingertips before they ever touched his skin.

“Baby,” he mumbles.

“Hm?”

“I love you.” 

“I love you too, Spence.”

For the first time in weeks, you’re looking at him the way you always have. Not like a martyr you never asked for, carrying the weight of a sacrifice you never wanted him to make.

For the first time in weeks, you’re looking at him like it’s just him, and it’s just you. 

No bullet. No blood. Just him. Just you.

“Will you sleep in here tonight?”

You freeze. He feels it immediately. 

“Spence, I—I don’t know, I don’t want to hurt—” you murmur, blinking down at your interlocked fingers.

“You won’t,” he’s quick to reassure. “I just want you next to me. The sheets don’t smell like you anymore and I never sleep well without you. I wake up, and you’re out there, and it feels wrong. I just want to hold you. Please? It’s been days.” 

You’re helpless when he speaks like that. Besides, the man took a bullet for you—how could you ever say no to him again, for as long as you live?

So you nod, shifting closer, barely hesitating before crawling into bed beside him. After some readjusting, you hear Spencer exhale, feel his arm curling around you, slotting you against his side like muscle memory. For the first time in days, you let yourself be held.

His lips brush your skin as he whispers, “thank you.”

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ hi if you're here! thank you so much for reading! likes, comments or reblogs are very much appreciated!

ᯓ★ song recs if you feel like it: savior complex by phoebe bridgers inside your mind by the 1975

[cxffeereid]

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐭 | 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Category: Smut 18+ MDNI

Summary: Teasing your virgin boyfriend was all fun and games, until he’s too worked up to function. When the layers of clothing fall off, you’re in for a delightfully large surprise.

Content: 3.2k words, virgin!Spencer, kinda sub undertones, he’s hung af and really fucking whiny, fingering, hand jobs, raw p in v but reader is on the pill, multiple orgasms, Spencer cries because he needs it so bad, reader wears lip gloss, dacryphilia (lemme know if I missed anything)

a/n: Truly just 3.2k words of filth. I wrote this instead of the next chapter for my thesis and I have no regrets. Also, a lot of my italicized words got lost because formatting on the app truly is the bane of my existence, but I reached a personal milestone and wanted to celebrate! So yay, here's a fic as a thank you for supporting my blog and writings ❤️

Sometimes dating Spencer Reid meant throwing subtlety out the goddamn window; the man wouldn’t know subtext if it hit him square on his beautiful, perfectly sculpted face. All your subtle attempts to seduce him have all been entirely unsuccessful, and you're beginning to wonder if he even wants you that way. 

In your defense, you've been dating for over two months now and he still hasn't initiated anything beyond making out. It’s been making you antsy. Of course, his hesitation is nice. It comes from a place of respect after all, and there’s something endearing about his gentle touches, large hands ghosting over your body. You appreciate this easy, steady pace you've set for the relationship. 

But after a particularly busy week for both of you, you've been left aching and needy for something more. 

When you finally found a time that works for both of your schedules, you decided it would be time to make your move. Fuck waiting for him to initiate. You can do it yourself. You'd been subtle about it at first—a hand on his thigh, a few inches higher than where you'd normally place it, lips running over his jaw. 

The man had simply laughed nervously, and returned with a kiss to your forehead.

Briefly, you wondered if it truly is because he's not into you that way. However, that thought flits right out of your pretty head when you see the unmistakable tent slowly forming in his pants. 

So you’d upped your actions, nibbling at his earlobe in the middle of dessert, fingers trailing up his inner thigh, dangerously close to his crotch. Screw subtlety. (And hopefully, him too.) By the time you two sat in the back of the cab, he’s a squirming mess.

“S-stay the night?” he’d been so shy about it you debated teasing him a little more. Maybe if you weren’t so horny, you would have, but relief had simply flooded your veins. Finally. So you nod, teased him a little more in the back of the cab until he had to grab your wrists and hold them in place, because he swore he’d probably come in here just from one more brush of your palm. The lightest pressure and he’d be a goner, a pathetic mess, and you hadn’t even really done anything. 

There had been no build up once you got into his apartment. Simply an exchange of quick, sloppy kisses, Spencer pushing you deeper into his house until the couch hits the back of your knees and both of you came tumbling down. He’s already rutting his hips against your thigh, his erection hot even through his slacks. Clumsy fingers strip off fabric and shoes, leaving them strewn haphazardly on his living room floor.

You had pushed him away then, grinning enticingly as you went to straddle his lap. You ground your hips in circular motions against his still clothed crotch, gasping as the obvious bulge gives you even more traction to rub on. 

“No fair,” he whines, fingers leaving crescent shaped indents on your hips, “P-please stop teasing, you’ve been doing it all night.”

He’s so tightly wound it’s almost pathetic. He’s lucky you’ve some semblance of mercy left in your body, because you could probably come undone just from the friction that came by dry humping him. But you relent, sitting back on his thighs as you tug at his underpants. 

“All right baby, since you asked so nicely.”

Thus exposing what’s going to be the small issue of the night.

Rather, the large issue.

His cock springs free and for a moment you just stare at it. Red, veiny, pulsing and huge. Larger than anyone you’ve been with, larger than even the toys that hide in that one drawer in your bedroom closet.

“W-what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You paled a little.”

A shaky laugh escapes your lips, “You didn’t tell me you were hung.”

His eyebrows scrunch, so ridiculously adorable you have to bite your lip to stifle another giggle.

“Hung?”

“Yeah, like, your dick is huge.”

Red blooms across his cheeks, “It’s - it’s certainly above average—”

“You know what the average length is?”

“I-in North America, yes.”

“I didn’t know you swung that way, baby.”

He groans, moving to hide his face into the crook of your neck, “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, I know, I’m kidding.” You manage to shift and catch his head before he has a chance to press it to your neck. Your lips land on his, and he’s pushing his tongue inside your mouth sloppily. When you pull away for air, you add, “You’re just bigger than what I’m used to.”

“Is that bad?”

Is it? One hand wraps around the base of his cock, stroking up delicately, testing out the girth and the weight of him. He shudders, muscles tensing. His fingers dig into your hips. With a grin, you reply, “On the contrary, I think it’s exciting.”

You position yourself over him then, letting the blunt tip run up and down your slick folds. The friction makes you both shiver. Every single ridge and vein of his cock catches on your sensitive flesh, and you can’t help but start moving your hips up and down, rubbing your folds over the length of him. 

“You’re - ah - so wet.” his tone is wretched with desire and awe.

“All for you baby.” You continue your ministrations, letting his length part your folds, the tip hitting your clit at certain angles. His cock is covered in your slick within moments and your poor boyfriend looks like he’s about to combust. You feel the twitch of his cock, the shift in the way he moves his hips—rocking up desperately against you—and you know he’s close. So you stop.

You’re rewarded by another whine.

“Please,” his grip is hurting you now, palms clutching handfuls of your ass. You don’t think he’s even aware of how tightly he’s doing it. “Please, I’m so—”

“Spence, do you really want to cum without even being inside me?” That shuts up his whining. “Mhm, didn’t think so.”

“Can I— please, just—”

“What?”

“Wanna touch you.”

Your lips tug into a smile. At your nod of assent, one of his hands let go of your ass to move to your pussy, the pads of his fingers quickly locating your clit.

“Fuck, Spence,” your head falls forward, forehead meeting his, “Faster, baby.”

He obeys, tilting his head forward to capture your lips. Your mouth opens to him, muffling your moans as you begin to move, shamelessly riding his hand. His finger finds your entrance, dipping shallowly, hesitantly, but you’re so wet that, with a quick thrust of your hips, the digit slips all the way in. 

Spencer pulls away from the kiss to watch, the pupils of his eyes nearly eclipsing the ochre irises as your pussy swallows his finger greedily. Transfixed, he adds another finger and it’s your turn to squeeze and mark up his alabaster skin with crescent marks. 

“Yes,” you groan, gasp, writhe in his lap as his fingers curl and find the sweet spot inside you, “Oh god, Spencer, yes!”

He’s entranced as he pumps his fingers in and you, mouth hanging open as your pussy parts and accepts his fingers so prettily. To reciprocate, your hands—plural, yes both hands—wrap around his cock, starting a slow, lazy pace. That throws his rhythm off, fingers stilling inside you.

“Keep going,” you urge him, hands slowing to a stop as well, “Spencer.”

He whines, hips bucking up into your palms, but something in your voice seems to set him straight. Fingers thrust in and out of you again, long and elegant and stretching you for what’s about to come. Satisfied, you pump your hands over his cock again, twisting them every time you motion up, and squeezing as you go down. It doesn’t take long for him to fall apart, his cock twitching before cum shoots from the tip. Because you’re straddling his lap, it makes a mess and lands on both of you—his stomach, your chest, some even on your hair. 

“Oh god,” he’s whining again, embarrassed, “I’m sorry, I’m so—”

You silence him with a kiss, still stroking him, as your hips move over his hand. His brain manages to work, curling inside your fluttering walls. The movements are messy, uncoordinated as you chase your orgasm and he struggles to catch up. A whine leaves your lips, soft and needy. Something about it must trigger the neurons in his beautiful brain, make him remember you have the perfect bundle of nerves being neglected and he has more free fingers. 

With a slight shift, he presses his thumb to your clit. 

“Fuck, baby, yes!” you cry out breathlessly, head falling forward on his shoulder. 

“Good?” he asks, increasing pressure on that sensitive nub. Small, quick circles. You wonder when he became so dexterous.

You nod, thighs clenched and quivering as your climax nears, the pleasure in your stomach building and coiling into something white-hot and— “Oh, Spencer!”

His other arm wraps around your waist, crushing you to him as he helps you through your orgasm. In the steady comfort of his arms, the rocking of your hips slow to a stop. You feel his lips at your temple, not really kissing the spot, just resting there. Heavy breaths rifle strands of your hair. 

“Oh god,” he sighs, fingers slipping out of you with a pop, “Angel, that was amazing.”

You straighten up, grinning, “We're not done yet.”

“No?”

Eyes dart down suggestively, and his gaze follows to his own lap. Still completely erect, his cock lays flat against you, heavy and pulsating. “No, I think I need to take care of you a little more.”

“Y-you don't have—”

But you've already lifted yourself to your knees, fighting through the quake in your thighs, in order to position the tip of him at your slick entrance. His hands return to your thighs, nails clamping down on your skin.

“But I'm not— condom—”

How cute, he can barely speak. You grin, press a chaste kiss to the dimple on his cheek. “I'm clean. And on the pill.”

“You sure it’s okay?”

It's more than okay, actually. You're too shades shy of being desperate for his cock to split you open, but you're not sure if he'd survive hearing that sentence so you say, “Of course it is baby. Unless… you want me to stop?” If he catches the hint of insecurity in your voice, he doesn't show it. 

Instead, his head is shaking no, vigorously, lower lip jutting out in a pout. 

You smile, and kiss it away, “Okay then. I'll go slow, okay?”

You'd meant it as an empty warning. Really, there's nothing more you want than to impale yourself down on him and ride him like there's no tomorrow. However, as you slowly lower yourself onto his cock, as the blunt tip breaches your entrance and spreads your walls, you realize that going slow is probably more of a necessity. 

He's big. Almost uncomfortably so. 

One sharp exhale from your lips and he's suddenly looking at you in concern, “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” you gasp, although the furrow in your brows suggest otherwise. 

“You don't have to—"

“Hush, baby, I just need a moment.” You say, forcing yourself to relax and take more. The broadest part of his head pushes through, stretching you wider than you've ever been. Soft, keening sounds fill the air. It's hard to know which came from you, or from him.

You look up, and laugh when you realize Spencer's skin is dappled with large red splotches. He's staring at where the two of you are connected, his cock barely fitting inside you. With a deep breath, you roll your hips around, trying to get used to the feeling. He whines again, his torso falling back onto the cushion, “Oh my god,” he gasps, lower lips trembling, “Oh my god, please.”

“Need you to be patient for me, Spence.” you mutter, dropping down a little more. You place one hand on his thigh for balance, while the other wraps around the base of his cock, stroking him to give him some relief. The greedy bastard bucks up, involuntarily, and you hiss as another inch pushes into you before you're ready.

“Spence!”

“Sorry, I'm sorry! Just - oh god, oh god, please, oh did I hurt you?”

And then it happens. Something glimmers on his cheek as it catches the light. And then another. And again, this time on the other cheek. Your hand leaves his thigh to grasp his chin, tilt his head up.

Your boyfriend is crying. Splayed out on the couch, cushions embedded by the sharp joints of his elbows from where he's propped himself up. He's looking up at you with glimmering liquid gathered on the rims of his lashline. Dripping down his cheeks, only to be replaced by another bout. 

“Baby,” You sigh, pouting as you lean down. Soft lips catch his tears, leaving sticky residue on his cheekbones from the remains of your lip gloss, “It's okay.”

Another sob. Large teardrops crawl down his chiseled face.

Knowing that it’s your fault makes a feeling of power surge through you. “You’re so pretty like this, Spence.” 

“Angel, please—”

The sight of his tear streaked face does something to you, your walls relaxing and fluttering as you manage to accept another inch down. His reaction is instantaneous, nails sinking into your hips, head falling back. “No, no,” you say, hand coming to the back of his head, tilting his head forward again, “Look at me.”

Tear streaked and hazy eyed, he manages to keep his head steady in order to maintain eye contact. It’s a little sick, the way this turns you on, but it allows you to sheath his cock further in. 

You lift yourself up, until only the tip remains notched inside you, and his cock gleams with the evidence of your arousal. With a smile, you sink down again, walls fluttering as you take him deeper, until you have about three fourths of his length buried inside you and he’s little more than a puddle. 

A hiss escapes your lips, brows knitting from the stretch. It isn’t just that his length is impressive, it’s that he’s thick too, splitting your pussy open. But now he's buried more than halfway through, giving you enough room to lift yourself up, and sink down again.

You count that as a victory.

He groans, muscles tensing, and you know he's desperately trying not to buck up and meet your movements. With a small smile, you lean close, forehead resting on his. Large, honeyed eyes stare back up at you, still glassy with tears. You repeat the same motion of your hips, moaning as you feel every single ridge and vein of his cock straining inside your walls. 

“Feel good?” you murmur, swiping a stray teardrop with your thumb. 

“Mhmm,” he nods, breath hitching as your movements grow steady. The sting remains, but it's grown dull now that you’ve gotten more used to the size of him.

“Oh god, baby, why haven't we done this sooner?” you whine as you rock on top of him, enjoying the fullness of having him inside of you. The question is rhetorical, but he's in absolutely no state of mind to answer. His hands grip your hips tightly as he sniffles, unable to do anything else except enjoy the ride you're giving him.

Praises leave your lips, murmured in tones cloyingly sweet and half mocking. 

“Crying over sex, you're so lucky I'm so into you.”

“You look so pretty with tears in your eyes baby."

“Never had pussy this tight, haven't you?” 

That last one rips another sob from him, because you know this is his first, that you're making a mockery out of something significant for him. So you soothe with a kiss, and whispers of “I'm sorry, it's okay, you're doing so good, you feel so good.”

You punctuate it by moving faster, your pussy thoroughly comfortable and so wet that there's barely any struggle to bounce on his dick. However, you're still careful, still unable to take him all the way in. You figure it's something you both can work up to, something for the future. The thought makes you smile. 

Besides he doesn't seem to mind, moaning beneath you as you ride him. He seems to have lost all ability to articulate himself, instead just staring at you with red, tear filled eyes and a slack jaw. It makes you giggle, the way he looks so utterly fucked out. 

You clench around him, walls tightening sharply, sending sensations that make the two of you gasp. 

“I-I'm so close.” He manages to say, his hands now helping you, guiding your body as you impale yourself over his cock again and again, “Please, I'm so—”

“I know, baby, I know, you can come.”

His eyes squeeze shut, and his voice is especially strained when he asks, “Inside?”

You tug his hair teasingly, and his kids flutter open again. With a grin, you confirm, “Inside.”

A few more thrusts and he's gone, crying out, squirming desperately beneath you as spurts of his cum paint your walls. You don't stop, riding him continuously as you chase your own release. Thick, creamy liquid drips from your pussy and down the base of his cock with every movement. 

He sobs even more. 

“Touch me,” You whisper, pleading, “Spence, please baby, I'm so close.”

His fingers are at your clit in an instant, rubbing hasty circles as your pace grows erratic and sloppy. 

“Please,” He gasps, looking up at you with glassy, imploring eyes, “Please I wanna feel you come.”

Your body seems attuned to his desperate pleas, because as soon as those words leave his lips, your pussy clenches around him so tightly you both yelp in surprise. He doesn't stop his ministrations on your clit, helping you through your orgasm until you're panting. For the second time tonight, you collapse against him, face buried at the crook of his neck. 

“My god.”

He laughs, breathless, “My god indeed.” 

He shifts, moving slowly so he doesn't jostle your boneless frame too much. There's a hiss from you as he slowly pulls out. You find yourself clenching around nothing, feeling oddly empty after such an intense fullness. 

Silence wraps around both of you, heady and languid. His fingers in your hair, scratching your scalp. Soft intimacy after a whirlwind of lust.

And then he breaks it, so achingly sweet it almost makes you cry, “I'm sorry that I hurt you.”

“Mhm?”

“Earlier,” He clarifies, lips finding your shoulder and staying there. His voice becomes muffled and sheepish, “When I thrust up.”

“I didn't think you'd remember that.” You tease, fingers tangling into his hair and tugging at his curls.

“I've an eidetic memory, remember? I remember everything.” He laughs too. Relief makes his voice sound lighter. “I never want to hurt you.”

“You didn't,” You reassure him, “Well - okay, a little bit, but it's fine. I don't think you meant to.”

“Of course not,” He hums, lips traveling up your neck, “But I'll be more careful next time.”

“Next time huh?”

“Mhm,” Teeth on your jaw. Playful, teasing. “Next time.” 

It sounds like a promise. You know he intends to keep it. 

This was a request by @mggslover lol I forgot to add up top oh well

[cxffeereid]

Worship

Word Count: 1.1k

Summary: Spencer’s never been one for religion, but with his head between your thighs he finds a solace he’s never known.

Warnings: Smut!!, Sort of Switch!Spencer?, written with s2 Spencer in mind, Oral (F receiving), vague shitty religious metaphors, Spencer being an absolutely pussy whipped

A/N: guess who’s back with more smuuuuut. It’s me. This one came spilling from my hands faster than you can believe, so enjoy. As always, requests are open!

__________________________________________

Spencer’s face buried between your thighs is the closest thing you have to heaven.

Since the first time he offered to eat you out, having Spencer use his mouth on you like this has become one of your favourite things. It happened when you’d come home from a horrible day at work, and you were being snippy with him. It wasn’t personal, Spencer knew that- but frustration was a curse.

He intended to take it away- and take it away he did. Dropping to his knees in front of you that day with an offer you couldn’t deny. Spencer knew just how to steal your breath- and your worries- away with just his mouth. He pulled you from your low mood to a high that breached the heavens.

The sight of him with those beautiful brown eyes fixed on you, while he latches his mouth onto your sensitive clit is divine. The way your slick drips down his face afterwards has got to be holy, you decide. You felt guilty once, for him to give you so much pleasure like this- but that worry was quickly replaced in your mind by Spencer’s wonderful tongue pressing inside of your aching cunt.

As for Spencer, well he was hooked the moment he tasted you on his tongue. Despite having offered this to you, he never expected to enjoy eating you out as much as he did. In fact, the first time you came from just his mouth, it took him a moment to realise that it had caused his own orgasm. The wet patch on his boxers afterwards had prompted shy laughter from your lips, which soon dissipated into moans.

The only issue with his new found obsession? He craves your taste constantly. For a man whose mind is capable of incredible things, recently he finds it’s almost always focused on your cunt. The amount of painful boners he’s been forced to suffer through in silence at work are pathetic, but he can’t seem to care. Not when your cunt is waiting for him when he gets home, wet and aching for him like always.

Like today, when a day at work was filled with just files- one of the rare times that the BAU wasn’t on a case. Sure, it was a relief to most to be getting the rest but for Spencer, hours of focusing on files was causing his mind to drift. At some point he found himself zoning out staring at a file, thinking about you on his tongue. It took someone coughing nearby to snap him out of his fantasies about you, and he reluctantly returned to his files.

At the end of the work day, Spencer practically races home to your apartment and he doesn’t bother feeling embarrassed at how desperate he is when you open the door to him.

“Spencer!-“

His name just makes it out of your mouth, before Spencer’s locking his lips with yours in a desperate kiss. It feels to him like all the weight has been taken off his shoulders. You moan into the messy kiss and he steps into the apartment, guiding you further back and closing the door behind him without breaking the kiss. When you finally Part from him so you can get air into your lungs, Spencer’s needy whimper pulls a laugh from you.

“Well, hello there-“

You say breathlessly, your hands coming to push his blazer off of his shoulders. You expect this to move to the bedroom, and you're shocked when Spencer drops to his knees in front of you. You lock eyes with his pupils, dilated and needy. Drawing your bottom lip into your mouth while he gently places his hands on your hips over your sleep shorts.

“Can I?-“

“Please.”

You can’t confirm fast enough and Spencer’s grin does nothing to hide the ravenous look in his eyes. He gently removes them, and when the shorts and panties are discarded he guides your leg over his shoulder. Your breaths are coming in short puffs, chest heaving at the sight of him staring between your legs.

“God-“

He groans, and he can’t stop himself from connecting his lips with the skin of your inner thigh. He feels like a worshipper before some great deity. As his lips Rest next to your wet core, he decides you may be the only thing he’d worship like this. You watch as Spencer licks a long stripe up your cunt, collecting the wetness for himself with a pathetic moan.

“Spencer!-“

You whimper his name, your hand coming to grasp ahold of his chocolate curls and gently direct him closer. He happily complies, and in an instant he’s leaving wet kisses on your clit. You don’t think you can possibly get more aroused with Spencer’s tongue flicking over your sensitive bud- but you look down and find yourself proven wrong. Spencer’s mouth is soaked in your juices and his eyes are closed like he’s lost in the moment. This is his heaven, you’re sure of it.

Soon, Spencer can’t take it anymore and his hand comes down to palm at his hard length through his slacks. He moans into you and presses his tongue against your dripping hole. He can feel the pulse of your heartbeat against the tip of his tongue as it moves in circles over your clit. The moans he pulls from you are almost definitely heard by your neighbours- but neither of you care.

“Oh god- oh god Spencer I’m gonna come!-“

You whine out, your head lolling back against the wall with a dull thump. Motivated by your proclamation, Spencer intensifies his movements. His mouth is working overdrive, dipping into your hole and swirling in tight circles around your clit. When Spencer looks up at you and captures the look of pure ecstasy on your face, he has to refrain from going slack jawed at the sight. He’s pulled back to Earth when you come with a cry over his mouth.

It soaks the bottom of his face, and your legs tremble so hard he has to hold you up. The sight is so beautiful to him, and the way you moan out his name has Spencer coming in his pants not long after you. He moans against you, and it fades into pathetic whimpers as your hand grips his hair.

When you both come down from your highs, Spencer clumsily places your foot back on the ground. You look down at him, with his face resting on your thigh and a smile like the sun on his lips… that, and copious amounts of your come on his mouth.

[cxffeereid]

The Raven. [s.r.]

pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

word count: 4.1k

summary: (+18) souls that are meant to be together, smut.

The day after coming back home was always a day to relax, unwind and disconnect. The perfect opportunity to lock himself away from the awfulness of the world he lives in, having the chance to enjoy a nice home cooked meal, or a big cup of coffee, while catching up with the pile of books that keeps growing but are never read because he doesn't have the time to really enjoy what he's reading.

Spencer turned on the stove, the little italian coffee press sat on top of the fire, and while the water warmed up, he stood in front of his bookshelves, deciding which one would make him company in this cold afternoon. As his eyes scanned carefully each spine of every one of his books, he noticed something odd, something that wasn't supposed to be there, that stood out of place amongst its peers. Standing between his books there was this particular one he had never seen before, a red leather hard cover book with gold engravings. He grabbed it with curiosity, a book he never bought, a book that no one had gifted him.

"Perfect, Spencer. You're finally losing your mind, that's just perfect." he murmured to himself, lost in his thoughts. The whistling of the coffee press brought him back, announcing it was ready.

He sat on his couch with his cup on the table in front of him and the mysterious book heavy in his hands. His eyes roamed over it, unable to remember where he got this book from, his eidetic memory failing him for the first time in his life. There was nothing engraved on it, except the title that read The raven. No author, no publishing company, nothing. With the determination to find out what this book was about, he opened it to find a soft glow casting from the pages, drawing him in.

On the first page he found a poem, printed in cursive, waiting patiently to be read once again:

In the tapestry of time, an unexpected grace,

A moment unfurled, a serendipitous embrace.

Underneath the stars, where fate aligns,

Unexpectedly, love blooms and entwines.

Through the corridors of chance, where whispers dance,

Unexpectedly, hearts find their romance.

The words in front of him flowed like a turbulent river, violently pushing him further, drowning in the pages, gasping for air. He was astonished, throughout his life he had read hundreds, if not thousands, of books but never one like this, never one this captivating.

Once he finished, he closed the back cover and gently left it on top of the table, he noticed he didn't even take a sip of his coffee that now rested cold in front of him. The vivid images that the story imprinted on his mind as he sat there, picturing characters and scenarios, made him completely lose notion of time.

A sudden feeling to find the source of this book washed over him, he thought about asking for help, but in fear of his friend Penelope thinking he finally lost his mind, he decided to do it by himself, “how hard can it be?” he thought out loud. He grabbed his laptop from his desk, trying to search the internet to find something about this book, anything. It wasn’t a secret that he wasn’t good at this sort of stuff, technology wasn’t one of his many traits, so when he ended up empty handed and with more doubts than before, he wasn’t surprised at all. In a last frustrated attempt he grabbed the mysterious book and his bag, and walked to the nearest library he could find.

The large wooden door of the old gloomy building rose in front of him, almost denying him entrance, but he repressed the odd feeling aside. The door creaked as he pushed it open, the orange hue of the vintage candelabra illuminated the corridors. It was a ghost town, not a soul in sight as he looked around trying to find someone to help him. He paced through the library, no one at the front desk, no one in the first floor, no one in the archive section. He was about to give up when, from the corner of his eye, he saw someone walking down the back corridor. He followed this woman, unable to catch up with her, she slipped through his fingers at every corner, every turn. Until he got to her.

When he finally was able to lay eyes on her, he was stupefied, her ginger hair falling down like a wildfire over her shoulders. It was the spinning image of the girl he pictured as he read the mysterious book, the vivid memory of what he imagined materialized in front of him, his eyes couldn't believe what he was seeing, his words stuck in his throat. His movements felt as if they were in slow motion, his hand ghosted over her shoulder, but he put it down to not scare a stranger to death. He cleared his throat before speaking, the sound got her attention, making her jump on her heels.

“Good God, how long have you been standing there?” The question made Spencer realize he was being creepy.

“Oh! I…” He took a few steps back, taking distance from the stranger in front of him, even though she didn't feel like a stranger to him, all he had on his mind was the memory of what he read, but that couldn’t be real, right? She’s not the girl in the book, although her face was exactly what he pictured, her voice was exactly as he thought it would be, maybe he was finally going insane. “I’m sorry if I scared you, I was looking for someone to help me with this book I found.”

The rational part of his brain knew it was impossible that she materialized in front of him from the idealization he had on his mind, he knew that humans weren’t able to create faces that they had never seen before, all we as humans know is something that was already seen, already processed in our memory. But the irrational part, that little bit of him that let him enjoy things freely, was questioning if this could be some kind of sick trick. As he spiraled inside his own mind, her voice brought him back to reality.

“Then you’re in luck because I’m the only one that can help you right now.” With a smile and a nod he took the book out of his bag, handing it to her, wishing for his questions to be answered.

Her eyes roamed over the cover, the spine, the pages. Her fingers brushed over the gold engraved drawings, over the title that glowed under the warm lights above their heads. The frown that struck her face made him realize that there was no answer for him in this place, and maybe there wasn’t one at all.

“If I’m completely honest, I’ve never seen this book before, it’s in pristine condition tho.” She started to walk down the hallway with him following her closely. “Maybe we can find something here.” She handed him the book again to open the door of the restricted section, that place in every library where they keep the most rare and antique pieces, those you can’t take home, that are curated to be preserved. The scent of old paper flooded his senses as they entered the room.

Her eyes wandered carefully over the shelves on the walls, maybe to find something similar to what he had in his hands, he couldn’t know what she was thinking, he simply stood there, almost helplessly, waiting and hoping for some kind of information. She spoke under heart breath, as she was thinking out loud but not enough for him to hear. His eyes followed her every move, lost in the way her hair swang with each of her steps, amazed by the way her body moved, soft and gentle around the room.

For a moment his head wasn’t able to separate fiction from reality, she was real, right in front of him. A particular scene of the book flashed on his mind, the depiction of her form in a nightgown that hugged every one of her curves, crawling to the arms of the reader, forget it, crawling to him. His breath caught in his throat, making him cough. Her attention focused back on him.

“Are you okay?” the sweet tone of her voice gave him goosebumps. He didn’t know this girl, but there he was, flustered everytime she looked in his direction.

“Yeah, I’m okay, ____.” He immediately stopped talking, his eyes widened as he realized what just happened.

“How do you…” The dumbfounded look on her face made him stumble back, taking even more distance from her. His cheeks turned red, the words stuck in his chest. “You know my name, how do you know my name?” her tone was defensive, she walked quickly towards the door, the door knob in her hand.

“No, wait. I’m sorry, I… I don’t know your name!” his tone was almost desperate, wanting to explain himself without sounding insane. “Your name is the same as the protagonist in the book, that’s it, and I was lost in thought when you spoke, and I mixed up things, I swear.” his palms were in the air as a sign of surrender, his worried expression reflecting his vulnerability.

He was able to see the doubt in her eyes, her hand hesitantly dropped from the door knob. “Let’s say I believe you… It’s still incredibly creepy.” A little smile tugged from the corner of her mouth. Spencer felt his heart beating again.

“I can imagine it was, and again, I’m truly sorry.” He nervously ran his hand through his hair. “Actually you are gonna find this even creepier but the description in the book looked exactly like you.” He rambled, he couldn't help his nature, and he ended up cursing his mouth for not being able to shut up. She frowned and abruptly took the book out his hands again.

“What page?” Her demanding tone made him fold. ‘17’ he whispered and she searched through the pages. Her face dropped as she read to incredible detail every feature, quirk and freckle she had, the portrayal making her blood run cold. “This is so fucked up.” her cursing surprised him.

“Yeah. I mean, I know.” He stood there not knowing what to say as she kept reading. His gaze focused on her, on how her lips moved as she read silently, how her index finger brushed over the paragraphs guiding her eyes over the words. He didn't know why, but as he felt with the book, he was feeling the same about her.

_____ closed the book abruptly. “Where did you find this?” her question hung in the air for a little too long. He couldn’t find the words to explain how this book ended up in his hands, she wouldn’t believe a word about how he got it.

“I just got my hands on it, nowhere special.” his hesitant tone made her frown.

“What’s your name?” The change of topic made him reluctant.

“Spencer, why?” She smiled and tilted her head.

“Okay, Spencer. You’re gonna tell where you found this book. And don’t spare any detail or I swear to God…” her threatening words took him by surprise, but he did as she asked. He explained everything to her, how it just appeared at his apartment, how he couldn’t -for dear life- remember where he bought it, or if it was a gift, or anything. He also explained how good his memory was, so she wouldn’t doubt him telling her the truth. He noticed the change in her expression, there was something bothering her, and he couldn’t let it pass.

“You’re thinking of something, what is it?” Her eyes focused back on him.

“I thought I was going crazy, I thought it couldn’t be real, but it’s happening to you too, the exact same thing.” She took a step closer towards him, lowering her voice as if they weren’t the only two people in the building. He looked at her like she was in fact crazy, but he knew he sounded crazy too. “It appeared at your apartment, right? Can you take me there?”

“Take you, uhm… Take you to my apartment? Why would I. Why. I don’t…” He mumbled nervously, not a single finished sentence.

“There must be something there, something you missed, a hint of why this is happening to you, to me.” He nodded, almost working on autopilot, taking her with him.

Once in his apartment, ______ looked around with interest, noticing little details that made her story make sense. In her book, the protagonist wasn’t described physically, he didn’t even had a name. “That’s why I didn’t recognize him.” She thought for herself as she watched Spencer standing in his kitchen, making two cups of coffee. His apartment felt familiar, like she had been here before, but all her memories came from the book she found at the basement of the library she works at. The space was exactly as it was described, as her mind imagined it, the green painted walls, the cozy atmosphere, the walls covered with bookshelves, the warm lights that hugged you after a long and awful day.

“_____?” his voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned around and he handed her a cup of coffee. “Did you find anything useful? No, wait, what did you call it earlier… A hint, did you find a hint?” There was a spark of playfulness on his voice, taking her by surprise.

“Unfortunately no hints.” A smile tugged on her lips. Her fingers wrapped around the hot cup of coffee, the feeling of the cold going away was delightful.

“Was your book about me?” He asked shyly, his eyes shining under the warm lights.

“I guess it was.” He looked puzzled at her words. “My book wasn’t as explicit as yours. The main character didn’t have a name, nor a description of how he looked like. But it described places, my place of work, my own apartment, yours… That’s why I wanted to come here, I needed to see if it was you, if it was this place.” He tilted his head, perplexed.

“Are you…” He paused, choosing the right words, his vulnerability showing. “Are you disappointed?” She was taken aback by his question.

“Disappointed?” she asked. “Of course not, Spencer. On what grounds could I be disappointed if there wasn't any concept, any idea, before I met you.” Her words made him understand something that had never crossed his mind before.

Leaving his cup on the coffee table, he reached for the book again, coursing through the pages, looking for a quote he knew he had read before. “The end of my book says that the forces of the universe are what brought the characters together. Does that mean us? Are we the lab rats of a sick mind that tries to mess with us?” His tone was sharp as he spoke. She read the word he referred to, but had a different interpretation.

“I don’t think someone is purposely messing with us.” As she gave her reasons, her explanation made things worse in his head.

Who would want to mess with both of them, two complete strangers that have nothing in common, just because it would’ve been funny? There’s no reason behind that and he was a man of reason, a man of facts and statistics, there wasn’t magic behind this, magic isn’t real, behind every trick there’s an explanation, behind every gimmick there’s an spectator that is too distracted to notice what is happening in front of their eyes.

“Don’t you believe this could be a trick from the universe? Something that we could never comprehend, the universe always has a plan, Spencer.”

“I don’t believe in that sort of stuff, ____. Do you?”

“I think there’s something bigger than what we can understand…” He paced around the living room as she kept talking. “You can’t deny what’s happening here!” Her desperate attempt to make him come to his senses was driving him crazy.

“Well I’m sorry if I don’t believe that the universe is pairing us, _____!” He was getting irritated, his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose as he took a deep breath.

“Then kiss me and let’s find out if this is real or not!” She raised her voice, annoyed, and Spencer couldn’t take it anymore.

He took the short steps that separated them and crashed his lips on hers, letting out all of his frustrations -and his fears- into an earth shattering kiss. And he couldn’t stop. Her lips were soft and sweet, he was getting lost in them, his tongue seeking entrance, wanting more, craving more. There was an invisible force that pulled them together, his arms wrapped on her waist, holding her against his chest.

_____ gasped on his lips, the sound made him feel dizzy, and when she pulled him closer, tangling her fingers on his curls, he was completely gone. He broke the kiss for a second, looking at her eyes to see if there was even a glimpse of doubt, of regret, but all he saw was the same desire he felt. With a little nod and a soft smile she gave him the permission to keep going, and with a smile of his own, he kissed her again.

His steps stumbled back to the door of his bedroom, his lips never leaving hers, her hands holding him impossibly close and her feet clumsily stepping on his, making him chuckle between kisses. Spencer bumped against his bed, sitting down on it, ______ standing between his thighs.

With a shaky touch he pulled up her sweater, his cold fingers touching her for the first time. His fingertips caressed the softness of her skin, leaving on his wake a path of goosebumps. Carefully he removed the piece of clothing along the shirt that was underneath, exposing her, the cold air hardening her nipples. His eyes dropped to her chest, his breath caught on his throat at the sight of her form. She took his hands on hers, guiding his touch to her breasts. He held his breath as he gently squeezed her flesh, his pupils dilated when he heard her moan for the first time.

He breathed out her name “God, ______…” in a desperate attempt to demonstrate how needy he was, how much he needed her, to feel her, and claim her as his. Her hands cupped Spencer's face, her eyes roaming over his features.

“Are we really doing this?” she asked with a soft whisper, her thumb brushing over Spencer's lips.

“I've never wanted anything as much as I want you right now.” His words were all she needed, tearing down any wall she had put up, leaving behind any fear.

_____ gently pushed him, making him lay on his back. Her hands that were on his face traveled down his chest and stomach, her fingers stopping at the buckle of his belt. Spencer's breath was heavy, his eyes fixed on her every move, and when she got to his erection, his heart almost stopped. With ease she freed him from the restraint of his tight clothes as she kneeled between his thighs. Her lips kissed his length, slowly going up to his tip. Spencer propped himself up on his elbows so he could see her, the sight of her wrapping her lips around him, taking him in on the warmth of her mouth, drove him to the brink of madness.

What _____ was doing to him was the closest he ever felt to heaven. His eyes rolled back in pleasure as the moans kept falling out his lips, uncontrollably. The way her tongue moved on the head of his cock made him tweak and shiver.

“Fuck, ______…” the way her name rolled out his tongue only fueled her to move faster, deeper. His tip pushed against the back of her throat. “Please… Oh, God. Stop, I'm gonna…” He wasn't able to finish what he was saying, his orgasm came like a wave of pleasure that violently washed over him.

He succumbed to the feeling of his release, collapsing on his mattress as he filled _____’s mouth. It took him a second to resuscitate, and when he did, he pulled her up to his lap, kissing her with passion, tasting himself on her lips. In a swift move he turned them around, hovering on top of her as she laid on his bed. Her red hair scattered all over his sheets, the view he had felt almost poetic.

“I've never seen someone as pretty as you…” His voice was a rasp caress. She looked up at him, shy after what she did to him, and he couldn't believe his eyes, maybe the universe was right and he was in the presence of an angel.

His hand on her waist traveled down to her thigh, fingertips brushing on her skin, pulling up her skirt. “Should I stop?” he whispered against her neck, his breath burning her delicate skin.

“Please, don't stop.” Her pleading tone made Spencer lose sense of space and time, all that mattered was her, on his bed, and he wanted to give her everything he had.

His finger hooked on her underwear, pulling it down and out, throwing it somewhere on his bedroom floor. He shed the remains of clothes that were still in his body, he needed to feel her against his skin. He aligned with her, looking to her eyes for permission. _____ pulled him into a hungry kiss, and he buried himself in her warmth. His movements started slowly, afraid to hurt her, to break her, if he was rough she was gonna turn into dust right in front of him, worried she wasn't even real in the first place. She was so wet for him, so welcoming that, in a heartbeat, he forgot his fears and worries.

When her gasps and moans started to grow louder, echoing on his bedroom walls, he grew more erratic, pushing her to ecstasy. Her legs trembled as she lost herself in the haze, her nails digging on his back as she came undone under him. The feeling of her wrapping on him, twitching on his cock made him reach his second orgasm, coming undone in her.

He fell on the mattress beside her, pulling her on a hug, cuddling her with an affection and tenderness he didn't know he had in him.

It took a moment until they were able to speak again, and _____ was the one breaking the silence. “What do you think now? About the way we met?” she asked, gently playing with his hand on hers.

“I think that… Maybe you were right, and this was meant to be.” That response was all she wanted. After that display of affection they both fell asleep on each other's arms, laying on the afterglow of their encounter.

•••

When he woke up the next morning she wasn’t there anymore. The window of his room was wide open, the wind making his curtains dance in the air. As he looked outside, all he could see was a cloudy sky and a raven, standing silently on a branch of a tree outside his building. This couldn't be another trick of the universe, right? She wouldn't just leave him like everyone else does, not after sharing such an amazing night. He hugged his pillow, laying on his side as his eyes were glued to the raven on the tree, the bird looming over him like it knew his deepest secrets.

He could feel the tears building up, his eyes burning, his throat closing up. As a tear rolled down his cheek, he heard the front door opening, and a ray of sun came from the window, as if everything was once more a sick plan to mess with him. Steps echoed down the other room towards his bedroom, and the familiar silhouette stood in the doorframe.

“Good, you're awake. I went to get croissants for breakfast, do you like them?” her angelic voice was music to his ears.

“Yeah, yes.” He mumbled, half awake, but relieved she was still there, with him. _____ walked back to the kitchen, the smell of coffee flooded Spencer's senses, and a smile tugged on his lips.

He was at peace, and when he looked at the tree again, the raven flew away. That's when he understood that the universe always has a plan.

(A special thanks to Yas for this concept, and for giving me the honors of writing it, I love you my gorgeous girl 🫰🏻)