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Hi revel! Can we pleaseee get some ironhide crumbs? I need that old man

Sure! 🔞 Mass displaced mech 🌶️

CW: remembered violence and near death experience, delving into his human’s past during bonding

Bonding

Ironhide x Reader

• “Bond with me,” he growls, hips pumping and your mouth opens against his chin, teeth grazing him as you cling to him. How many times has he asked that? Shown you the warm, pulse of his spark and you’d felt it pulling at you. Wanting to touch him, needing it and knowing anything that pure isn’t meant for you. That you shouldn’t, that he deserves better than you. And he shifts over you, spike driving deep as those blue optics stare down at you. Aching to just give in.

• Your fingers hang onto him as he rolls his hips, hunting for that angle that makes you fist his spike in your silken heat. Trying to get a read on you, knowing you’re going to say no. Always do, but there’s something vulnerable in your eyes. Something hungry. “Do it,” You whisper startling a laugh from him, his thrusts faltering. Not exactly romantic and you’re tensing like you expect something awful as he shifts his plating. Claiming what’s his before you can change your mind. Been waiting so long for you.

• Gasping as his spark arcs and finds you, it’s nothing like you expected. He’s everywhere, you’re drowning in him. Bombarded with images and memories of worlds and places you’ve never seen. The heat and chaos of battle. The fear. See yourself how he sees you, scared and defiant. Beautiful. And you panic feeling him seeing you. Seeing your truth and that night you try to keep locked in a dark corner of your mind. Not that. Anything but that, don’t want to remember. To relive that shame.

• Feels your alarm and fear prickling through him as he dives deeper into you. Spark aching as the puzzle that’s you begins to come together. Having to be tough, to rely on no one but yourself because no one’s going to save you. Hating yourself for not regretting what you’d done to survive. Your belief that something’s broken inside you. And he’s cupping the back of your head, settling against you and feeling the frantic beat of your heart. Aching with your pain, watching your slow slide into a life you’d become trapped in.

• He’s making you go back to that night. Remembering the stink of stale alcohol on your boyfriend’s breath as he moves inside you in the abandoned skeleton of the building you both camp in, the place frozen perpetually in mid-construction. Letting him fuck you even though you didn’t love him, never had. It’s just what the two of you do. You let him fuck you, sometimes fuck people for him. You don’t love him, but he’s easy to get along, makes you laugh sometimes. But he’d shot up with product he’d bought from someone new. Even you know you don’t do that, because there’s no telling what it’s cut with. The weight of him on top of you, moving against you. His hands wrapping around your neck. Squeezing. It’s not like he hasn’t roughed you up before when he’s high or talked you into fucking a buyer as a sweetener and they hurt you. There’s no love here, never has been. You just don’t know how to leave. That moment you’d realized he was freaking out, that he wasn’t going to stop, fingers digging into you and you can’t breathe. Bucking under him as he laughs, lost in the drugs and your vision grays at the edges. Not wanting to die like this. Your hand reaching, fumbling and closing on cold metal. A pipe or a bit of rebar, surprisingly heavy as you smash it into his face. Him reeling back with a curse, nose broken. And that wild panic driving you to keep hitting him, because he’s going to punish you for that. Remembering the way his head had snapped back.

• You’re panicking, struggling as he lets you go, hearing you frantic gasps as he rolls you both into your sides and he cradles your head against him. Shifting his plating to sever the connection as you sob and his mouth brushes your forehead. “I’ve got you, darlin.’” Your guilt echoing through him, not that you’d killed that human in self defense, but that you don’t regret it. That a part of you was relieved that you were free. Except you weren’t, felt that fear when you’d realized his older brother had the connections to never stop chasing you. “You’re not a monster. You’re a survivor.” Knows you won’t believe that even as he says it. That you hate yourself too much to trust him completely. It’s not a full bond, feels the ragged edges bothering him as he holds you and lets you cry, grieving yourself not the man you’d killed. And he’s grieving with you, that he didn’t find you sooner. Wasn’t there to protect you from all of this before life had broken you, convinced you not to trust anyone. Made you believe that love is only a word people say because they’re expected to. And you don’t need to believe in love, he can love you enough for both of you until he can figure out how to heal those jagged edges.

Finally added him to the collection

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All the knockout x breakdown x human scenarios remind me of those dads that REALLY dont want a cat, and then a few days later there's a video of the dad and the cat sprawled out fast asleep like: Knockout: "I really want a human :( they would be so fun to experiment on :(" Breakdown: "No dearest absolutely not" --- Breakdown: "I thought you were going to experiment on the human and dispose of them" Knockout: "well, they are more interesting alive and even then *looks at nails* they arent really that interesting" (<- BLUFFING, cannot admit to his husband that he actually quite likes the human, spoils them in secret) --- Breakdown then proceeds to eventually dote on the human even more than knockout does

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It is once again

🌟💖 SELF-INSERT SUNDAY 💖🌟

Today’s question is:

It’s a human holiday and you want to include your new mech friend! How do you include them? What kind of gifts or treats would you get for them?

I have joked about this before, but for Halloween I’d get them to take the form of a Jurassic Park Jeep, and then dress myself up in a T-Rex costume. 😂 Then we do a trunk-or-treat together so they can see all the cute kids hopped up on sugar. I imagine the mechs wouldn’t have a lot of chances to be around kids, so they’d probably love the attention. I think Hound especially would have a great time. And maybe I could get my hands on some energon treats for him, too.

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Do you think the bots ever find it kinda hilarious how round we get during pregnancy??

ohhhhhhhhh definitely!

I mentioned TFP Starscream seeing us as a ball. Like we're so... round - he knows there's a creature inside of us, but he thought it would more... terrifying - visibly wriggling inside of us like a parasite. Anyway, he prefers it this way (even if he gets creeped out when the baby pushes against the skin)

The ones who find it extremely hilarious are TFA Bumblebee and the Jettwins (and maybe TFP Smokescreen before Ratchet shoots him a glare)

Also IDW Rodimus - it brings him SOOOO much robot serotonin when he sees the human being round - same effects as someone seeing a puppy

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To answer your post about oral, the two I think about CONSTANTLY are Rodimus and Knockout. Like there have been days where I can't focus on anything cuz my mind's so preoccupied. They would be GOOD at it and they would be COCKY about it

I'm actually sorta surprised no one else has said Knockout before you, nonnie. Especially with how horny I think everyone here is for him. Which like.... I get. [*Looks at that one horny drabble the other writers suddenly got when someone mentioned Knockout*](The one with the array modifications, if y'all know you know.)

But Knockout would be a menace because he is such a fragging tease. He loves watching you squirm and unravel under his servos. "It requires a professionals touch after all." With that stupid infuriating smirk he does when he's satisfied like a cybercat that caught a glitchmouse. Could also see Knockout also being into not so private interfacing- No outdoors allspark forbid! Probably not even a nemesis hallway. "Do you have any clue how often those deary desolate hallways are cleaned?" No, but his infirmary? Near always. If you let him, Knockout would pull you into horny nonsense in the infirmary after every time he finishes doing whatever it is he's doing with your frame. Which would be how he's got you lying on the medical table with your spike bottoming out in his throat.

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Random thought..

Do you think when tfs overload in their vehicle modes, it comes out of their windshield things instead of soapy water?? Random freaky Sunday thoughts are getting to me… feel like a rabid animal behind bars atp 😔

- 🫧

Would be funny as fuck if true- But I am under the assumption they have normal windshield fluid in there and it would probably leak out of the cars undercarriage like an oil leak. Same with the flyers.

...

And for G1 Megatron it shoots out of the barrel because that's the funniest possible answer.

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G1 Megatron gun mode vibration (:

ahahhahaha. Put the muzzle in your valve-

Real talk I do genuinely think G1 Megatron would be into some gunplay- like with his cannon like I lightly dabbled on in "Transaction" . But I could also absolutely see him with a partner he's relatively new with and telling them to service his gun model like a spike. To test them a little... (Also not because it gets Megatron off like crazy, don't mind that-)

But Idk are there any freaks that would service Megatron's gun mode like a spike? Putting barrel in your mouth and all? Let me know in the inbox if you're too shy to say it here.

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Offering to eat out Megatron if he lets you go.

A tempting offer, but he doesn't believe you have what it takes to make him feel pleasure. So you offer him the trade again, teasing him about being afraid of losing to a human. He knows your game, but decides to humor you.

Of course, it takes a minute or two to map out what gets him going, having to go by feel alone, given his expression shows nothing.

So you work your magic, i.e. go to town without a care in the world, and eventually, you feel it. The subtle still of his body and squeeze of his valve around your fingers. So, you pull them away, ready to get out of there-

“And where do you think you're going?”

“...Back ho-”

His valve is back on your mouth, and the subtle thirst in his optics speaks volumes. “I'm afraid that isn't possible. After all…you haven't held up your end of the deal.”

Oh.

He was playing that game, huh?

Fine then.

You'd show him.

When he falters from the third overload, you use that as your way of escape, sliding away and making it to the Autobots, who groundbridge everyone back to base.

They're glad you're alright, though Arcee questions the shimmer on your lips…

With an easy enough excuse, you're able to dodge a bullet…

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if you say you wanna fuck a transformer but you're only talking about their root mode and not their alt mode, that's fake fan shit /lh

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Hello Boo! It's currently hot as balls where I'm at and my AC sucks ass plus I'm dying of a migraine. May I kindly ask how any mech, I don't care, reacts to hot ass weather? 🥺

Oh, no! I hope the migraine at least eases up soon! I headcanon that they run warm and prefer cooler temperatures so they don’t overheat, so they’d probably not enjoy muggy heat and humidity

Heat

Hound x Reader

• Hair slicked to your neck with sweat, you start to drape an arm out of Hound’s open window and then wince at the heat radiating off of his green plating almost feeling like it’s burning you. Why had you wanted to go for a ride again? His altmode is topless and the sun is just baking you even with the wind tearing at your hair as you slump in his driver’s seat and watch the wheel turn on its own. Only pretending to be driving if you see another car. “I think I’m melting.”

• Given that his seat is getting damp with your sweat? Yeah. You’re melting and the fact that you’re complaining about being too hot? That’s saying something since you’re always shivering in the Ark. “Hang on. Got an idea,” he says, turning onto a familiar road to get under the tree cover and you relax some with the shade. Venting, his fans cycled on as soon as he’d rolled out of the Ark and haven’t cut off yet. Overheating, but he hadn’t been able to deny you when you asked to go for a drive.

• “The lake?” You guess, liking where his processor’s going as he rumbles around you in agreement. Bouncing along the rutted out logging road, as soon as he pulls up to the lake and pops open the door, you slide out and toe off your shoes. Hear the metallic, almost musical sound of him transforming behind you before he’s striding past you and walking into the lake to sit down with a groan. “Won’t you, I don’t know, rust?”

• Laughing as he relaxes in the water only up to his mid chassis, he grins at you. “Sweetspark, I’m not going to rust.” Fans humming trying to cool himself, the cold water’s helping and he’s tempted to lay back and relax. Clearing his vents, he’s aware of you lingering on the shore and when he looks, his engine sputters. Because you’re stripping out of your layers to reveal soft skin and he’s frozen starring at you. “What are you doing?” He manages, voice strained.

• “Apparently skinny dipping,” you say, glancing over and hesitating because he’s just staring, mouth slightly open. He’s never seen you naked or any human most likely, you realize and wonder if that look on his face is the same one you reserve for your sister’s elderly, hairless cat. “You good?” You call out, the gawking making you self conscious. Yeah, you’re pretty sure that’s the same vaguely horrified look you have when that wrinkly cat jumps in your lap wanting to be petted.

• You’re naked. Completely naked. And he’s staring and very aware that he probably shouldn’t be as you frown and wade into the water. Then dive under. Had known humans could swim, but he’s never actually seen it. Tracking your shape under the water, the way you move in it like this is your element. Wholly different from how you move on land. When you surface to tread water, skin wet and hair slicked back, you look more alien than ever. Fascinating as you roll onto your back and everything he’s been curious about, all your secrets are right there on display as he swallows a groan, fans whirring right back on high. Because you have no idea what you’re doing to him.

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I am so disgustingly horny for some of these robots, it's a good thing Transformers aren't real because I would absolutely embarrass myself if I ever came face to face with Optimus, Starscream, Tarn, Cyclonus, et cetera, falling to my knees like "ma'am please let me hit it, please please please, I'll treat you right, please milady couldst thou spare but a crumb of robo-coochie"

.

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For the spike question- Rumble. I NEED to shut his silly ass up so bad, and what better way than to shove a spike down his intake? His size makes it even better, because that means that he's just gonna be gagging and drooling and oh ehm gee he's so annoying I need to throatfuck him until he's dizzy and can't think straight, much less babble 🥴

OH The size difference would be always unless you're also a micro bot. You could be a mini bot and he would still have his work cut out for him. Rumble is also the exact fool who would not back down even if he's clearly out of his league. Of course he can suck a spike! He's no glitch! It's just some oral!

Flash forward to you using Rumbles throat like a spike sleeve with barely audible muffled wet moans and other noises vibrating against your spike. Glossia struggling to keep up and Rumble so fragged out of it he's just letting you to what you want with him. Don't know why but this one made me imagine overloading and he absolutely can't swallow all of it. So it just cuts pink tracks down his chassis and modesty panel before making a puddle on the floor- [*I'm grabbed yet again and forcibly dragged away from the mike while clawing against the floor*]

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Rodimus x reader

MTMTEのラチェットはこういうところで未来を憂いた眼差しで見ててほしい（親切心によるもの）

撮影現場裏のような所でやっている何か。LL版の色の意味知ってた上でやる話じゃないけど、思いついちゃったからには

後ろ姿の子→KindergartenのHot rod

【雑記】

つい先日部屋にやって来ました。かわいいね🔥

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Today’s Subject: TFP Insecticons.

Hoooooly shit they activate my pred/prey kink so bad. A lot of it has to do with how they sound- like a cross between a screaming coyote and someone revving a high-powered drill. TFP being set in Nevada just kicks it up a notch.

Imagine getting lost out in one of Nevada’s many deserts- the sun’s setting, you’re dehydrated, you know you need to find a spot to settle in and get a fire going if you’re gonna survive the night. Luckily, you’ve found a cave! You’re a bit too tired and delirious to pay much attention to all the weird deep scratches at the entrance- surely it’s nothing. As you make your way inside, your lack of survival instincts catches up with you. There’s a red, glowing band of light up ahead, accompanied by a metallic clicking sound. Oh, shit. Before you can even move yourself to run, the creature is advancing, and then- it screams.

Will you become some alien monster’s dinner, or will you become a toy for the hive? Oh, I hope it’s the latter.

Guys what is it with dropping fic opening paragraphs in this inbox lately (not that I'm complaining.)

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My human from the pit

You know the "my cat from hell" tv series where the cat whisperer helps all of these "bad/menace/evil" cats and discovers that like 80% of the time they are lacking privacy or enrichment? I love imagining any form of AU or situation where this happens with humans on cybertron, just humans being feral and big robots being sad and then working it out:

--- Human: *keeps running in circles, climbing things they shouldn't climb, repeatedly pushing their body off the ground and back on it?!, jumping in containers of water and flailing about, ect* Cybertronian (Distraught): "I just dont know whats wrong, please tell me they dont have a brain tumor!!!" Another cybertonian, the human whisperer: "See, humans were persistence hunters, meaning they require a certain amount of exercise: not only for entertainment but to stay in shape. I think your homework will be to give them some way of releasing that energy in a safe way " Cut to the human the next week with a comically large exercise room the size of an actual gym with swings, an olympic ropes course, a pool, a rock climbing wall, a vaulting pool, and weights. The person is having a fricking blast The next clip is the cybertonian looking to the camera with the (exhausted, sweaty, but very happy) human slumped in their servos "Thank you human whisperer, me and the human have been on way better terms ever since we took your advice!" --- (In tv dramatic voice) Next time on... my human from the pit Cybertronian: "I dont know why, they keep on finding sharp objects to attack me, squirming, throwing things at me! its like they are possessed!!" Then it shows a clip of the human, yelling profanities, and throwing anything it can lift near it at the cybertronian as they try to pick it up (Its revealed the cybertronian was holding them wrong and moving them too abruptly, the human whisperer teaches them how to move slower and to hold their palm out flat: to which the human just casualy plops themself down)

[this post isnt only for transformers!! i need more reality tv headcanons!!! send them my way if you wish using the #my human from the pit tag! aka my last tag on this post im CONTENT STARVED]

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pervert idea of the night

somehow reader spills energon on themselves while trying to move the large containers. you were meant to help around the base but clearly the bots might have overestimated your capabilities.

resources are scarce as always and the energon too valuable to go to waste, so now what? with a disappointed shake of their helm, the leader orders the rest to get to cleaning and before you know it you got robots larger than life gathered around you, licking your body clean. the whole crew licking you up and down while a pair of servos holds you still by your arms. one of them is going embarrassingly slow while the other purposely bites you in a playful teasing manner and--oh no! your clothes are soaked too, better take them off.

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I can't stop thinking abt that ask a while back where humans put out like.. horny em fields..... I'd love love LOVE something shameless and dirty with that concept, maybe w ur pick of either Roddy, Drift, Sunny and Sides? (or all lol) LOVE ur work btw ❤️

The squeeze of his own servo isn’t enough, not when he can so clearly envision how tight your small human body around be on his spike. Drift knows you would milk him of all his transfluid, sinewy muscle curling and coiling and strangling his spike. It would be all so natural for your body, like you were made to take spike. Primus, he knows you were.

Drift whines, hips wiggling and bucking into his own fist. He can still feel the gentle lick of arousal coming from your minuscule field. So soft and intimate most mechs wouldn’t know unless they were right against you, but Drift knew. He could feel it when he bent close to adjust your form while he was teaching you yoga. He nearly moaned when he first felt it, embarrassingly worked up at just the thought of your body heaving with pleasure. It was like the softest brush against his most sensitive seams, a feather of arousal teasing at his sensors. Would your touch be just as soft? Human intimacy and pleasure so soft and sacred that it ripples across his spinal strut and buckles his joints.

He would bend you in whatever position you wanted, touch places you couldn’t hope to reach on your own, if only you would let him have you. To imitate human sensuality with you. Baptized in your feeble EM field, born into your organic touch like a newbuild. You would make him new, make him sanctified with you. Whether it was pressed to your sweaty, wet flesh in loving embrace or contorted into the most obscene caricature of pain, he would be made holy by you.