cylovesrain - Tumblr blog

[cylovesrain]

Posie

To my sweet girl: Maybe mummy will show you this someday. I hope you will know how very loved you are, even as I write this you are only 31 weeks and growing in my body. Throughout my pregnancy, mummy has been stressed, cried multiple tears, been sick, tried not to take medications but sometimes failed. Motherhood is not what I had envisioned for myself. But when I saw you at your 13 week ultrasound, I fell in love and every day as you grow up in my tummy, I love you a little bit more. I know that you are a little baby that is oblivious to what is going on, though you have probably felt the impact of the stress mummy is facing during this time. Sorry babygirl. I know that one day when you grow up and go through your own struggles, you will know that mummy has tried her best. Just like how motherhood has made me realized my mother, though with her flaws and our arguments, is really just a mother who is trying her best. This world is a tough one, and mummy can only do my best to protect you as much as I can. I know you will survive and no matter what you are facing in your life at this moment, I hope that when you read this, you know that there is one person in this world who loves you unconditionally. Your Daddy loves you very much as well. We will always be here for you as long as we are alive. With all my love, Your mama ♥️

[cylovesrain]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[cylovesrain]

I don’t really know how to communicate it but eczema left a mark on me mentally and emotionally. I don’t want to wear anything other than jeans or tights with my skirts or dresses because I don’t want to see my legs - my eczema is not nearly as bad as it used to be but I still see the marks and scars and uneven skin and honestly? It makes me feel ugly. I think that’s one thing that people don’t talk enough about eczema, at least in my experience. Like you experience how it used to look and you remember that. That has definitely stayed with me. You can say that I look healthier, but I don’t think I’ll see the beautiful side of myself. I won’t see the even smooth touchable skin anyone else would have. I won’t have the skin that can have any type of makeup or can endure long amounts of time in the sun. And it hurts. It makes me feel so ugly and it’s ridiculous.

[cylovesrain]

shout out post for anyone with eczema. whether it’s little patches around your body or every fucking where. for the stinging, and the itchiness, and the dryness, and the pain. for anyone who’s ever itched themselves until they’re bleeding; in their sleep, or knowingly but you just don’t care because you’ve got to make it stop. for when it’s so raw and sore that you can barely bend your arm or leg or fingers, for when no amount of cream or moisturizer will soothe it. for every time someone’s told you ‘stop itching, you’re making it worse’. for every time you’ve seen a picture of yourself and all you can focus on are the red patches, the rashes, the dry scaly skin. you’re beautiful

[cylovesrain]

Eczema

A long time has passed without me updating this space...

I chose the subject title above because that's literally ALL my life's been about since my skin condition has worsened from April this year onward.

Everyday has been extremely tough and challenging for me, with the exception of certain days when I feel great and my skin condition is better.

It begun in Jan 2018, when I had both my ROM, planned my Chinese wedding and got my new house (and started a new job at the same time). It begun slowly- on my legs and slowly has now crept up to my upper body. I hope everyday that it never affects my face.

Everyday has been an extreme challenge for me - I have to bathe in cold water daily after work, before work and even on cold days (not many of those in SG, but still) and the weather here just adds to the severity of my condition.

I've told countless of people, some of whom show concern, some of whom are nonchalant and others who just have useless suggestions for me. Perhaps they mean well, but the last thing someone who has tried EVERYTHING THAT SHE CAN TRY needs is a tried before suggestion.

(coconut oil DOES NOT WORK FOR ME)

It has been hard. Being an introvert, I find that this disease makes me more withdrawn, isolated and down.

My family has tried to show support, but many times they've failed - simply because seeing them reminds me that this condition is partly caused by my genetics.

I feel a little crazy sometimes, when I walk down the street and see other girls with perfectly healthy, normal legs that are smooth. White and poreless. Funny as that sounds, but when you have skin like mine - bumpy everywhere and pigmented from scars - you feel a strange anger boiling up in you. Everyday has been very difficult dealing with that anger and bitterness. I don't tell my friends - honestly I don't consider many people my friends anymore, more like people u say hi and bye to.

I've become a not nice person to be around, and at this point, I don't know how to be sorry for it. I feel bad for my husband, but not really for my family - they don't really seem to acknowledge that they indirectly caused this and my mother makes annoyingly snide comments at times. I know they care, but sometimes people are just flawed and the older my mother gets, I sense that the more demanding side of her is peeking out.

Sometimes I think about what would happen if I hadn't been born, or if I had different parents. But there isn't really a point of what if, and I still have things in this world I look forward to. I hope I can keep holding on - to persevere and that this season will be a temporal one for me.

[cylovesrain]

Partying like it’s 1999.

[cylovesrain]

Your absolute best won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person. Remember that.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[cylovesrain]

24 (almost)

I can’t even remember the last time I wrote in this space. When I was younger (haha that sounds like I’m so old right now) I used to write for others. Now, I’d like to write for myself. So I can look back on what I wrote in the past, and remember how I felt at a certain point in my life. Today is a special day to commemorate, because I finally have GRADUATED!! Yay. It has been a horribly long journey, because I did not take my studies seriously for the first 2 years of studying. It took me longer (than it should’ve) to recognize the painful consequences of my laziness and distraction (because i was depressed). So much has changed (as life always does). I’m married, to a wonderful man who loves and accepts me for who I am. I’m finally starting work as well. These few years have been a rollercoaster for me, and only started to settle down lately in the past 2 years. So many times I wanted to give up, but I knew I could not. As I grow older, the more I realize what’s important and what isn’t. Who is important and who isn’t. I feel like I’ve changed so much at times. In the past, I spent so much precious time on people who never gave me theirs as much. But what I’ve learnt from life is that no matter how we treat people, we can never expect them to treat us the same way. Life, just doesn’t work that way. I’ve learnt to let go-to not cry, to not think too much about the past that used to make me sad. Of course, I am really over it (at least 95%) but there is still that 5% that admittedly, gets to me. Sometimes I like the new me-the me that doesn’t allow herself to shed tears, the me that doesn’t talk to people about how I feel (aside from my husband) because I know that people have their own issues. I only hope that I can learn to take everything in my stride as I embark on this new journey (in married life & in my career) I’m stronger now, I know I am, but perhaps life will push me even further. Only God knows what my maximum limit is. All that said, I know I’m blessed. But the rest of my future is up to me. Maybe one day I’ll look back at this & remember, I’ll feel differently then. To the future!

[cylovesrain]

Fun day out with love @ the cove❤ Finally some real dating time! 🌚💖#precious #iloveyou #poohandpigletadventures

[cylovesrain]

Reunited with my 🐻❤❤😍😍😍 #overlyattached #finallyhome #mylove #notleavingagain LOL 😂

[cylovesrain]

Wish that i was adventuring with you instead❤ Get well soon baby so we can have more adventures together❤ I will miss you so🐻 #throwback #us #poohandpigletadventures #horsebackriding (at Jesters Flat Equestrian Centre)

[cylovesrain]

I see our lives together when i look into your eyes🐻❤ #us #weddings #poohandpigletadventures 💖

[cylovesrain]

Beautiful memories of this place keeps me going when i feel weary & down💕 Never expected to like Margaret river so much but the quietness & peace there turned out to be exactly what my heart needed☺️ Can't wait for our next adventure @expellist 👫#westernaustralia #margaretriver #travels #poohandpigletadventures (at White Elephant Beach Cafe)

[cylovesrain]

Happy 35th monthsary my ❤️ Thank you for the beautiful rose, lunch treat & for surprising me by buying me the cutie i wanted for so long sitting below it🐰 We have our obstacles to get through but we have many more sweet times to come as we enter a life tgt❤ Many more years and monthsaries with u😘 #35monthsoflove💑 #rose #灰兔子🐰#poohandpigletadventures

[cylovesrain]

Every day spent with you is my favourite day❤🐻 #poohandpigletadventures #treasuredmoments #loveyou ☺️

[cylovesrain]

Congrats on your promotion my darling❤ Really proud of you and i'm sure there will be many more achievements to come💪🏻🐻 Always trust in the Lord & draw strength from him whether things are tough or smooth! I love u😘 #我是成功男人背后的女人 😂 #alwaysyrbiggestfan

[cylovesrain]

Sweetie🐶❤ #prettygirl #dogmodel #joybaobao 😍