cynicalalpaca

[cynicalalpaca]

fave synths

[cynicalalpaca]

[cynicalalpaca]

16.03.2011 ⏳ today's timeline

springtime love

[cynicalalpaca]

I feel like chatgpt came around and everyone immediately forgot what they were doing to get stuff done before. like writing centers, extensions, extra help, templates, office hours, beta readers, random generators, and art and writing prompts have all existed for ages. even if you were cheating there's always been sparknotes, photomath, copying, paying someone else to do it, faking that your grandma died, and whatever. all of that stuff is more reliable and doesn't fuck over the planet. and you might actually learn something

[cynicalalpaca]

when i talk shit about golfing, please know that none of it is about mini golf. it could never be about her. she's done nothing wrong in her entire life. god's perfect little putt putt.

[cynicalalpaca]

Today i offer you two of my favorite dragons, tomorrow? Who knows? (I don’t post everyday so i won’t be posting anything tomorrow)

[cynicalalpaca]

Dropped my fucking heart emoticon

∠2

[cynicalalpaca]

Slowpoke Tails - Shed vs Chopped

Okay, so there's something of a discrepancy between how Slowpoke tails are treated by the Pokémon franchise. Initially, it was understood that these are a tasty, unethical luxury item, starting in Gold/Silver/Crystal and mirrored in Heartgold/Soulsilver:

The whole plot here is that Team Rocket has taken the Slowpoke in the Azalea Slowpoke Well and chopped their tails off to sell on the black market. These run for a whopping 1,000,000 PD a pop ($10k in USD).

But then, in later generations, it's said that Slowpoke tails fall off naturally. In fact, they're a crucial part of both Alolan AND Galarian cuisine:

The curry ingredient even sells for a measly 2,200 PD ($22 USD).

So what gives? Why is it a Million-Poké black market item when you can get a package off your local hiker?

Easy. Sweetness.

Slowpoke use their tails to fish for food. Typically, they do this by dipping their tails into the water, then letting the current catch the sweet sap they give off and bring it to hungry Water-types.

When a Slowpoke sheds its tail, it's because the tail's ability to generate sap has dried up. It's no longer useful as fishing bait, so the Slowpoke has to either get rid of the tail, or starve.

Shed Slowpoke tails, the ones commonly available for cooking, aren't sweet in the slightest—they're more like heavily-marbled tuna steaks, somewhere between beef and fish with a lot of fat dripping from them, and a rich umami flavor.

Chopped Slowpoke tails, the kind you find on the black market, are a completely different experience. The meat is more tender, the flavor a lot more delicate, with a sweetness permeating it that's a lot like the honey glaze on a ham.

Naturally, chopped Slowpoke tail then becomes a novel experience. Because you have to take it from a Slowpoke, you can't just find it lying around.

So why, then, is it illegal enough for Rocket to move in on? Why is Slowpoke farming or hunting for those sweet tails not a thing? They still grow them back afterwards, so what's the deal?

The problem with chopping a Slowpoke's tail off is that, even though it regenerates, its body wasn't ready to do so. This can cause a whole lot of complications for the poor thing.

A tail doesn't regenerate from nothing, for starters: every time you cut a tail off unexpectedly, the Slowpoke's body rushes to make a replacement, using up its body's fat reserves. This causes VERY rapid and dangerous weight loss, and a frankly ridiculous amount of stress.

Incorrect cuts can cause deformities, like a tail growing back too short, not being able to make enough sweetness to bait fish Pokémon, or even Espeon-tail syndrome, where the tail splits into two at the end.

And, perhaps most egregiously of all, a cut too high might mean the Slowpoke never regrows its tail at all. If you cut into anything that's not specifically tail tissue, the body will begin the scarring process over the wound, removing the Pokémon's ability to fish and evolve. And while it can learn to survive by fishing manually, like its evolutionary counterpart is required to, oftentimes, Slowpoke will just sit by the water and starve, not realizing that they aren't getting a bite because there's just nothing to bite.

In short: Shed = ethical, chopped = unethical, possibly lethal.

Slowpoke responsibly, guys.

[cynicalalpaca]

wish i could filter every video on youtube with the word iceberg in the title

[cynicalalpaca]

30-Song Guess Your Age Quiz

Fwiw, they thought I was MANY years younger than I am. Just made me feel good all over. 😊

[cynicalalpaca]

there used to be atraight up a proboscis monkey blogging on here

[cynicalalpaca]

[cynicalalpaca]

I dropped my phone and idk what I accidentally tapped but tumblr gave me this error message and it scared me so bad I feel like im in a horror movie and tumblr is screaming and chasing me

[cynicalalpaca]

Me thinking why a whale (big) would eat krill (small) and then I remembered rice (yum)

[cynicalalpaca]

this might be because I’m a family law lawyer and also an old crone who remembers when marriage equality wasn’t a thing (as in, marriage equality only became nation-wide two months before I went to law school), but I have Strong Feelings about the right to marry and all the legal benefits that come with it

like I’m all for living in sin until someone says they don’t want to get married because it’s ~too permanent~ and in the same breath start talking about having kids or buying a house with their significant other. then I turn into a 90-year-old passive-aggressive church grandma who keeps pointedly asking when the wedding is. “yes, a divorce is very sad and stressful, but so is BEING HOMELESS BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT ENTITLED TO EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION OF MARITAL PROPERTY, CAROLINE!”

[cynicalalpaca]

what ppl defending kids on ipads don’t seem to understand is that there are other ways to keep kids occupied. my mom had a whole bag full of little toys and games for me to play with while waiting in lines at disney world. once your kid is like 7 or 8 they can read a book. they can color. or they can literally just sit there and imagine things. i did that a lot as a kid.