cynicalundead

[cynicalundead]

"you don't owe anyone anything" You are a tar pit. Speak for yourself. I personally owe the cafe employees my dishes put away and my friends a listening ear and small scared insects a cup and a gentle trip outside. Hyperindividualism is a rancid infection borne of capitalism and willfully misinterpreted therapyspeak and I will defy it by continuing to be kind regardless of whether or not it benefits me personally

[cynicalundead]

that anon talking about bad therapists enabling toxic individuality reminded me of how my abusive mom would use her therapists' and psychiatrists' words as an excuse to neglect her four disabled children because "she needed to take care of herself". since i was only getting worse mentally in my teens, my parents decided to give me a therapist and a psychiatrist, but i got the same as my mom, so "my" therapists and psychiatrist would then tell me that i needed to be mindful of how bad my mom was struggling as if i didn't know that and as if she didn't still abuse me. incredibly unethical of these three different men to take in the child of one of their clients - we were at least told it was unethical when i studied psych at uni, but i guess they don't care and just want money. or maybe they really do think they can handle it because they got inflated egos. i couldn't be open about my mom with them. i was scared i'd say something and they'd tell my mom and whenever i said something about my mom, they'd ofc make sure i knew how my mom was also mentally ill. idk it's just wild that my mom had been told she should basically abandon her kids to take care of her own mental health i guess. idk what they told her exactly, but you could feel she thought she was standing up for herself by telling me not to come to her when i was having a mental breakdown in high school and just needed my mom to tell me i'd be ok and i was loved. i wonder if these therapists and psychiatrists know how their words will influence other people than the client themselves.

I think part of the problem is that a lot of therapists stay very unaware of their own biases and capacity for reading a situation wrong, which can lead to them both unquestionably supporting an abusive person in the wrong and accusing people suffering due to abuse of being the real problem, depending on their own biased first impression of the person in question. They often don't see themselves as fallible human beings who need to interrogate their own assumptions about the people they treat, they just follow their biased first impressions to their harmful end

[cynicalundead]

when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue

[cynicalundead]

I’d like to throw in the fact that some therapists (usually white women) will enable toxic individualism under the guise of self care. A lifelong friend dumped me via text, AT THE INSTRUCTION OF THEIR THERAPIST, after months of her refusing to speak to me after I expressed being hurt by one of their actions. She told me that her therapist “approved” of her avoidance of me (“protecting her self truth”) and that said therapist had “confirmed” her suspicion that I secretly hated her and had simply chosen to stop “serving” her as some sort of manipulation tactic (I had no such feelings like that whatsoever. I just missed my friend and any attempt I made to talk with her was ignored until I eventually gave up and was left confused and more hurt than before.) She also said that she was instructed by the therapist to block me in every way possible and make sure I had no way to respond in order to “ensure her healing journey.”

No consideration for my feelings at all, or the fact that we had been very close friends for a decade without any major conflict until I said “hey, that kinda hurt. can we talk about it.” A whole relationship gone in a few months thanks to a “professional” feeding a sick ego. But hey, therapists are infallible, right? Obviously I’m the problem here. Pah.

Yeah we as a society need to have a serious conversation about how often toxic or even abusive people go to therapy just to use therapy approved language as a tool of their manipulation without ever, in any capacity, actually questioning or working on their behavior towards others

[cynicalundead]

fallen angel. or fallen drone? fallen zombie? idk

[cynicalundead]

call that regret(evator) the way this took me forever to do 😭

[cynicalundead]

Hi. My name is Lili, I'm also a trans woman. I'm reaching out in good faith because I really really fear you might be heading down a dangerous ideological path by being a trans woman that gives credence to the term 'transandrophobia'

I'm not sure how I could truly convey that you are aligning yourself with terfs and other reactionaries, and these people will toss you in the trash the moment you stop being a useful dancing pony for them. These people will demand that you hate yourself for being a trans woman, they will demand that you agree with them when other trans women are harassed and unpersoned. They will demand that you make yourself small, and it may take years for the psychological toll to fully unravel for you.

Frankly, I was going to just block you, and move on, but you're Miku pfp demanded that I at least try to warn you. Miku is transfeminist, and it's a bit concerning to see someone sporting Her as a pfp and not realize that.

I'll quit rambling, and tbh, I hope I'm wrong. I hope that you are never subjected to the things I described. I would like to be proven wrong about all of them.

be careful though, maybe my message today will make more sense as time goes on.

hi! ill start with the single kind thing i think I can possibly say to u! I was kinda miffed by those condescending anonymous asks, and I'm incredibly grateful that this ask, while condescending, is not anonymous! and thanks for that! shows u have a little conviction, even tho u are wrong.

ill just address your "points" in order. probably easier to read.

yes, okay, im a trans girl. yes I think transandrophobia exists or I "lend credence" to the idea or whatever. this is ideology to u? that's interesting. my acknowledgement is less based in any specific theory or ideology, admittedly, and more in observing the world and the people around me. for example, I am close friends, both irl, and online, with quite a few transmascs and men. i can see, with my eyes, the way they are treated. and do you know what I've seen? its every single bit as fucking bad as the way trans women and fems are treated, jerk! and on top of that now they have to worry about attacks from within their own community? from assholes like you? Jesus Christ you people are insufferable!!! i fucking love transmascs! as friends, allies, found family, and a boyfriend now, somehow, im super lucky, and I can fucking see the way they are demonized inside and outside of the queer community. treated as men only when it can be a justification for hurting them and treated as stupid and misguided otherwise. it makes my blood boil knowing that they are subject to this mistreatment, and that people like u don't care. that u sit around and discuss your intersexist exclusionary theories and sneer at your closest allies. that u spend the time writing this ask out to warn me, a non-passing tgirl, of the dangers of the scaaary trans men as if u wouldn't see me as a man if u saw me on the street and didn't know anyway. knowing that u look down on my wonderful and sweet partners for the crime of not presenting the way u do, and not experiencing your exact experience. it DISGUSTS me. YOU disgust me.

i think we're doing good work here! point two!

oh it looks like the second point is just "Jesus Christ how fucking dare u." huh. genuinely tho, how dare u? how dare u act like trans men wanting a term to discuss their own oppression is in any way anything like a TERF? ur the fucking TRF my friend. toss me in the trash? dancing pony? tf are u on about? do u understand that I am not doing this for approval? im doing this bc I think it's right to stand up for people I love and just to be good to people in general! how fucking dare u act like ive been fucking brainwashed by transmascs into showing men the common courtesy u show human beings! the people i talk to now, which includes a fair amount of trans women actually, shithead, are incredibly accepting of me, bc, unlike u, they aren't prejudiced against a massive chunk of trans ppl for existing! they actually respect them! are there bad people on my side of "transandrophobia discourse?" sure! fine! but dawg, your side has fucking soup-mother. your side has plaidos. your side is fine with calling nonbinary people slurs that originated on four chan. your side quashes gnc and intersex transfems voices. your side uses a terminology that inherently acts like intersex people are acceptable collateral damage to ensure that ur oppression is the source of all other oppression in ur own mind. your side is, actually not only far less accepting of transmascs, but it is horrifyingly willing to mistreat transfems. the singular thing u pretend to care about.

and also my personal beliefs used to be closer to yours, back when I was far more stupid and self involved. i fucking got over myself. I had just figured out I was trans. i was lonely and scared and also seventeen, altho I'm only eighteen now. and it still took me less than a week to realize the horseshit ppl like u pedal is horseshit. the fuck's ur excuse?

PLEASE just block me Jesus Christ. i agree. Miku is a transfeminist. as am i. Miku loves trans people. i do as well. i don't think u do. i think u love urself, and the people ur willing to relate to. i think u won't extend compassion beyond that which u can relate to and I think that's a vile disturbing and bigoted way of looking at the world. block me. i hope someday that u become a better person so the person u are now fills u with shame and remorse. and I hope u stay the fuck away from trans men and mascs, altho they're used to being mistreated by other trans ppl now, thanks to shitheads like u. i certainly hope u stay the FUCK away from recently out trans women bc ur poison ideology is most likely to hurt them.

[cynicalundead]

@undeadfvckgirl-base a binary trans person realizing they're nonbinary isnt detransitioning 🫵🏳️‍⚧️

fun little reminder that nonbinary people are trans! this means that a binary trans person realizing theyre nonbinary isn't detransitioning, and a nonbinary person realizing theyre binary trans isn't becoming 'really trans'. being nonbinary isn't a fucking placeholder for a binary gender and if you think so you can go fuck yourself

[cynicalundead]

im obsessed with your use of a kinda meta/sarcastic deconstruction of fantasy/rpg tropes to create an actually compelling universe that both takes itself seriously and gets a bit silly and ironic with it at the same, it's a kind of refreshing angle for worldbuilding where it's not overbearingly serious or brooding and is appropriately lighthearted with it's charmingly dramatic characterizations while also drawing you into their world and their struggles tbh. it's a fresh new interpretation of overused tropes to me. also the festival scene reminds me of the owl housekind of. all of this is positive :3

Thank you so much!!!!!

I would go on about how I set out to do all that, but really it's just sort of a thing that happens when I make this comic. None of it is purposeful, it's just sort of a thing that my brain does, lol.

I want to say it again, thank you for all the praise!! It really does mean a lot to me, especially while the comic is still in the early stages of picking up steam online.

[cynicalundead]

SHE'S MAD AS HELL!!!!

drew it on the phone under the sun btw

[cynicalundead]

all self identified empaths are abusive and/or insufferable, prove me wrong (you cant)

[cynicalundead]

Breaking: Worst person you've ever met runs a mindfulness blog where they talk about healing and being the bigger person and tells everyone they're an empath

[cynicalundead]

So here's what happened on Reddit:

A transmasc posted about how transmascs and trans men are often invisible, how our issues are dismissed, and how resources, especially medical ones, are almost always written with non transmascs in mind. They posted this both to r/Trans and r/lgbt.

A moderator of r/Trans responded by telling them to “stop bitching.” That’s the word they used. That’s the level of respect trans men get. Transandrophobic by the way, don't call trans men bitches.

The comment was deleted, quietly, after backlash. Then the entire post was removed. When asked why, a mod responded that the post was “playing oppression olympics,” and took the time to go through and dismiss each of the original poster’s points, including saying that trans men being sexually assaulted isn’t “unique to transmascs” and therefore not an issue, and claiming that access to testosterone isn’t any more restricted than access to estrogen, which is a straight-up lie, because T is a tightly controlled substance in most places and E is not.

The original poster was banned for three days.

Then a separate mod made a post saying, “nobody asked us our side of the story,” which is wild because people absolutely did, publicly and repeatedly. Users also started reporting that they’d had supportive comments removed or had been banned after disagreeing with the mods, some of those claims are still unconfirmed, but given the general behavior, it wouldn’t be surprising.

Then r/Trans locked down entirely. No new posts. The conversation was forcibly ended.

Some people posted about it on r/FTM, many of those posts were mass-reported, automatically removed by Reddit’s automod, or quietly buried. Meanwhile, r/lgbt also removed the original post, with no explanation.

One of the r/Trans mods eventually posted an “apology,” which was really just a soft-scrubbed PR post full of noncommittal language and distancing. They said they didn’t mean to call a trans man “a bitch,” they just used it synonymously with “complaining,” and they didn’t think about the implications until later even though the first post was about microaggressions just like the mod committed. They did not apologize for anything else, not for wrongfully banning people, not for accusing a transmasc venting like any other user of playing oppression olympics, nothing at all. They said they’re on break and can’t do anything about it. They said, and I quote, “please don’t be mad at the rest of the team.” even though the rest of the team are just as culpable for not stopping their behavior.

They also added that trans men are “a welcome part of the community” and tried to point at moderation history as proof. Because apparently we should be grateful that people occasionally get banned, every so often, for implying trans men aren't oppressed at all, wow, thanks, that is like below the bare minimum, cool.

The current state of things is: r/Trans has over 600,000 members, and trans men and transmascs were silenced, banned, and told to shut up for bringing up their own oppression. And the subreddit is locked down. There’s a mass exodus happening to the new sub, r/trans4every1, but let’s be real, the damage has already been done.

Now let’s talk about what this actually means.

This is not “just more Tumblr discourse.” This isn’t some random blog saying they don’t like transmascs. This isn’t a Twitter reply guy. This isn’t a niche zine or a spicy personal take. This is a massive trans-focused subreddit with over half a million users. It's easily one of the largest public facing trans community online, maybe even the largest, I've certainly never found a bigger one myself. And the moderation team made it crystal clear: they do not want transmascs to feel safe or welcome there.

This is what transandrophobia looks like on a slightly larger internet scale. When it’s in the hands of people who get to decide who gets heard and who gets deleted.

And for anyone who’s still stuck on “well they apologized” listen: trans men are told all the time that we’re being too loud, too angry, too entitled, too manly, too feminine, too confusing, too “binary,” too "Nonbinary", too much. We’re told that we’re “oppression olympics-ing” just for talking about our lives. And now we're getting banned and locked out of the spaces that claim to represent a huge portion of online trans people.

This isn't just online drama. This is a bellwether. And if it isn’t setting off alarms in your head, it should be.

The way transandrophobia manifests in online spaces absolutely bleeds into real life, into medical gatekeeping, into poor data collection, into the erasure of sexual violence against transmascs, into advocacy groups that write us out of the picture, into educational materials that treat us like footnotes, if they include us at all.

And if you’re sitting there thinking, “well it’s not that deep,” you’re part of the problem.

We need to start being more honest about this: Transandrophobia is real, it is widespread, and it is growing. We need to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt when they’ve shown us they don’t want us in the room.

And frankly?

We need to start making TRFs [Trans Radfems & transmasc-exclusionary feminists alike] deeply uncomfortable being open about their beliefs. We need to make them afraid to be TRFs, the way they’re trying to make us afraid to exist.

The same way we don’t coddle fascists. The same way we don’t tolerate TERFs. We need to stop tiptoeing around transandrophobia.

Because this growing wave of transandrophobia is going to kill people. Full stop.

Protect trans men. Protect transmascs. Protect your siblings; all of them!

Edit because I forgot to add it:

Another thing worth noting is that not only was r/trans deleting and banning any users and posts talking about the situation, they were deleting any posts talking about transmasc issues or transmasc positivity full stop.

Even when those posts had nothing to do with the current issue. They were being silenced. They were being actively erased, in a trans space.

[cynicalundead]

when you talk shit about drug addicts who aren’t “functioning members of society” you are talking shit about disabled people. this is not up for debate.

[cynicalundead]

Thank you, reddit user 🩵

[cynicalundead]

[cynicalundead]

For every post discussing fatphobia on here there are 10 skinny people in the notes who have supposedly been encountered by the nefarious "burger man" who tells people to eat more burgers