cynostra

[cynostra]

Trying out making my own tweets!

[cynostra]

I hate when he gets like that. Feral. Unreachable.

There's a line he crosses—no warning, no signal, no graceful descent. One minute he's slouched across a velvet chair with a curious look etched across his face and the next—He's gone.

Not physically. Physically, he's still there. Still the same frame, the same mess of hair and haphazard posture. But the rest of him? The who of him? Somewhere else. Something else.

It's not the violence I mind. I'm not delicate. I've seen what ghouls are capable of. I've watched some of them rip apart steel like paper. That's not what bothers me.

What bothers me is that I can't see his eyes when he's like that. And I always look for them. Every time.

Those eyes—so fucking irritating in their brightness—are the one thing that anchor him. To here. To now. To me.

And when he goes feral, when his pupils swallow the chartreuse whole and his expression goes blank—not blank like empty, blank like erased—it feels like losing something.

Losing him, maybe. Not that he was even mine.

Fuck off. It's curiosity. Academic interest. Observation for risk mitigation. The truth is he's a fucking genius. When he's not trying to destroy everything around him, he knows how it all works. The tables, the games, the people. He sees it. Understands it. Plays with it like a cat with a dying mouse.

And I love that. I love watching that.

But when it's not him anymore, when the glow in his eyes goes out— it hurts.

And I hate that too. I hate that it hurts. What kind of idiot mourns the dimming of someone else's light?

[cynostra]

Never think twice

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squeezing them like stress balls (6) -> or u can also. put jin across ur forehead like a little fever patch

[cynostra]

….well

idk what i was expecting

alright mr. self-proclaimed licensed psychologist lets hear it my favorite character is leo

you're the spawn of satan- /j

you're sassy, confident, and don't take bullshit from others. you enjoy a good discussion (AHEM argument AHEM) and are probably kinda popular in your school/work place. people may perceive you as a bitch at times, but you just say the things people are too scared to. social anxiety fears you.

[cynostra]

the old me hides while the new me fights. look in my eyes, he’s still in there, right?

[cynostra]

fico-sama<3

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I had a fucking migraine today.

One of those eye-throbbing, nerve-pinching, soul-crushing headaches that makes you want to claw your own skull open just to let the pressure out. I blame the books. The math. That fucking forsaken ledger that never, ever balances the way it's supposed to.

This casino is a miracle. Or a mistake with shitty lighting.

Half the reason we don't go completely under is thanks to that BTH.

He wins. That's the whole story. He wins.

And you'd think—logically—you'd see that. See the win in his face. Some thrill, some ego, some glint of satisfaction when the chips land his way. But no.

He often just looks bored.

Like he didn't break the odds. Like he didn't just bankrupt some cocky aristocrat from Frostheim. Like he's been waiting for the world to catch up to whatever game he's playing in his head.

Those goddamn acid eyes of his. You stare into those eyes after a win and all you see is static. No joy. No gloating. Just that faint shimmer of chartreuse and the vague sense that something else is simmering below the surface.

I don't get it.

He wins, but he doesn't care.

He doesn't care, but he keeps playing.

He keeps playing. Why does he keep playing.

I've tried watching him. Tracking the moment he stops pretending to be interested and starts sabotaging the table out of boredom. It's like chasing fog. No tells. No cues. Just the subtle shift in his posture. The way he blinks slower. The way his eyes lose all their focus and go glassy, reflective. Not dead. Just... somewhere else.

There's something infuriating about a man who wins like breathing and then forgets to exhale.

[cynostra]

He doesn't blink enough. I don't know why that bothers me.

Maybe it's the way he stares through people, like he's waiting for them to implode. Like he's already calculated their expiration date and is just hanging around to see if he's right.

Most people look away. I don't. Not usually, anyway.

It’s not just the color. It's the way his pupils never widen like they're supposed to. Never soften. They stay sharp in every kind of light, like he's not wired for softness. Like even his eyes are on edge. There's no safety in them. No warmth. No shelter.

He once looked at me across the blackjack table after I chewed out one of the dealers for fucking up the count. Didn't say a word. Just leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head, eyes slanted, glinting with something I couldn't place. Not malice. Maybe amusement.

Like he knew something. Like he saw something in me I hadn't even decided to show yet.

I remember that moment more clearly than I remember most names on the payroll.

What kind of idiot remembers a stare better than a name?

Me, apparently. Romeo Scorpius Lucci. Vice-captain. Accountant. Fashion connoisseur. Dumbass.

It's not affection. It's not attraction.

It's just that I want to figure him out. Want to understand why the air around him always feels like something should be burning. Why I'm always counting how many seconds he's looked at me. Why I memorize the exact hue of his irises under casino light and wonder if it changes when he's not in my vicinity.

It's curiosity, that's all. A professional interest. A fixation. Like a headache you don't want to go away.

[cynostra]

Lots of ghouls have eyes you wouldn't exactly call normal, but then again, what the fuck does normal even mean when you're a ghoul? The scale shifts. Tilts. Shatters. Take the captain, for instance. Taiga. That BTH. His eyes are—well, they're not normal. But maybe they are. For a ghoul. For whatever he is when no one's looking.

Not my area. That's more of a Mortkranken problem. Lab coats and blood samples and that PMS—Pompous Mad Scientist—scribbling "fascinating specimen" on a clipboard. I don't give a damn about that. What I find fascinating has nothing to do with pathology.

It's just his eyes.

When he's focused��really focused, which is rare—they go sharp. Acidic. Not green, not really. Chartreuse, like the liquor. Bright. That sort of color doesn't belong on a person's face, let alone in their eyes. It looks toxic. Intoxicating. Same difference.

But it's when he's not focused that they're the problem. When he's far away. Distant. Thinking of nothing—or maybe everything—and he's not even here anymore. That's when they scare the shit out of me. Not because they're empty. Because they're animal. Reflective. Like something watching you from the treeline.

We had a class once that mentioned it. A professor droning on about anomaly physiology, and someone brought it up. The glow. "Tapetum lucidum," they called it. The mirror layer behind the retina. The reason cats catch light like glass. Ghouls don't usually have it, but anomalies do.

I wonder if he has it.

Taiga.

That walking catastrophe of a man. Tapetum lucidum.

[cynostra]

heyyy not bad, i actually figured it out

UPCOMING CARD!!!!

Sho's birthday is August 19th!! So of course, that means he gets a tarot card soon! Either tonight or Monday, probably tonight if I were to hazard a guess. I feel like Sho's kind of mysterious--his role in things is a bit quieter, but also we know it's gonna be important to some part of the plot in the long run. . .any guesses about what his card will be?

Jin's tarot card will be the next birthday card, probably in a week or two? Depending on how close they wanna cut it with the episode release. . .as usual the Jin fans suffer because he has too many cards and now they're back to back lol

Character Card: The Eight Of Cups(「聖杯の８の誘惑」  "The Allure Of The Eight Of Cups") Skill: Bike Wielder(「バイクの乗り手」  "Motorcycle Rider") Fully Awakened Skill: Culinary Ghoul(「料理上手なグール」  "Skilled Cook Ghoul") Warding Card: Ace Lost Property(「器用な銀河の落とし物」  "Skillful Galaxy's Lost Property") 'ace' as in 'expert' or 'genius' or 'person who's really good at stuff' lol

There's also a new cosmic bond! As usual, idk who's in these until they come out. . .but based on the timing and the name I'd say Sho and Leo for sure!

Multitalented Delinquent Kaleidoscope (「ハイスペ不良男子万華鏡」 "High-Spec Bad Boy Kaleidoscope")

That's it from me! o7 Oh except for the stats and the reminders!

Gacha is gambling and gambling can be a serious addiction! Support is out there if you struggle with spending on gacha games--there's no shame in recovery! If you decide to spend on this or any gacha please set limits for yourself and keep an eye on your spending--it's easy to overspend when the transactions are digital! Keep to your limits and remember that banners always rerun and you'll have a chance to get any unit you want another day! Save your money for real life things that matter!

It's okay to be ready to move on from something and it's okay to step out into the great unknown to get away from it. Even if you step out into a lower point, sometimes you have to go down to go up. It's scary, I know. It might hurt and that feels awful. But you can do it. You can move forward and find that growth and change. You've gotta take that first step. You don't wanna be in hell, so don't stop there.

Also, eat well!! Eat a nutritionally balanced diet as best as you can it's so important for your physical and mental health and for healing! Look into food banks and resources in your area if you have food struggles! But also make sure you eat food you enjoy--you get the most nutrients if you like what you eat!

Okay enough yapping here're the card stats--have a good night and I'll probably see you again on Monday!

[cynostra]

I found a journal in Lulu's room.

Lotsa pages. Lotsa shit scratched out. The kind of scratching that tears the paper.

Probably doesn't want me reading it. Luckily, I don't give a fuck.

It's tucked away like he thought I wouldn't find it.

Cute. Like I don't know every inch of this place by feel.

Most of it's half-thoughts, notes, yelling. Some words I can't even make out—he pressed too hard, then dragged his pen through them like they'd burn him alive if they stayed.

The parts I can read? Some of them are about me. I think.

Could be about anyone, sure. But who else does he hate and love all in the same breath? Who else calls him Lulu?

Gonna read everything I can. Maybe make some entries of my own.

Haha. That'll make him yell.

[cynostra]

I was thinking about why it hurts when he can't remember. It's not that I mind being forgotten. I mean—I do. Of course I do. But it's not the center of it.

It's not the sting of him blanking on something I said, or missing a date, or calling back a conversation we never had. It's not the loss of myself in his memory that breaks me.

It's the look in his eyes when he realizes he's forgotten. The agony of it. The silence that falls right after, like the moment before a building caves in. The way he covers it with a joke, or a shrug, or some sharp deflection that cuts both of us.

It's the way he knows. The way he feels it. That's what hurts.

Because I'd rather be erased a thousand times than see him carry the weight of losing anyone, anything, again. And I know he does. I see it—how hard he tries to hold onto things. How scared he is when something slips through the cracks.

He doesn't forget because he's careless. He forgets because there’s too much inside him already.

Too much violence. Too much memory. Too many names etched too deep or too shallow to last.

And when he forgets me—or something I said, or something we did—I don't ache because I'm lost. I ache because he is.

[cynostra]

Day 7 🤨

Never seen anyone pointing this out but Kaito just full on bites people LMFAO

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Edward Hart be like:

[cynostra]

The Second Years Study Group

Vote on this post for the third years

[cynostra]

i got bored