cyrillacs13

[cyrillacs13]

Long time no post

Hi tumblr its been a while since I posted here, it doesn't mean that I'm happy during those days more likely I am not in my mood since i think that I lost you and my phone was ruined and one of my post that is supposedly for my birthday is nowhere to be found. Btw I just finished doing my skincare and i really hope na maging pogi na ako im so uglu tumblr baka naman may way ka para maging pogi na ako nakakhiya magpakita ng mukha buti na lang may face mask. Btw im here to share somethings about my current life. start na ng second sem namin grabe ang hirap and ang terror ng mga professor, di naman siguro terror pero mukhang mabab magbigay ng grade kaya extra effort ako para di mawala ang scholarship alam mo naman yun ang inaasahan namin ng pamilya ko. masaya ako kasi may scholarship ako na aabot siguro ng 78-88 thousand a year oo malaking pera siya pero minsan di ko alam kung saan napupunta di naman ako maluho siguro sa pamilya ko lang rin kaya okay lang, ngayon naman medyo may pera pa ako siguro nasa 6k pa tas sana talaga 25 thousand makuha ko this 26 para naman makaipo ipon ako, lagay mo naman dun 25 thousand tumblr plano ko kasi ibigay kay mama yung 5k tas ipunin yung iba gusto ko kasi talagang pumasok sa law school eh alam kong di na kakayanin nila mama yun kaya kailangan kong magipon at isa pa gusto ko sana bumili ng cellphone nag lalag na kasi tong cellphone ko tas minsan kung kailang kailangan namamatay, itong laptop ko naman basag na rin hay nako ang daming kailangan pero tiis tiis muna ganyan talaga ang life. isa pa pala gustong gusto ko na grumaduate medyo pagod na ako at naatat na akong tumulong kina mama syempre they're not getting any younger at basta gusto kong magpagawa ng bahay, gumala magsaya, kasi in this day and age di natin alam kung hanggang kailan pa tayo mabubuhay kaya ang wish ko talaga bigyan pa kaming lahat ng magulang ko ng 100 years na mabuhay pati ikaw tumblr sana di ka pa mawala kasi gusto ko pang iparanas sa kanila ang buhay na maalwan yung tipong we can travel anywhere in the world diba nag saya nun, bati na rin  pala kami ni anne tumblr mga 5-7 years rin kaming di nagpansinan di pa naman sobrang close pero at least diba a life without enemy ang bigat kaya sana makapagtapos rin si Anne ng pag-aaral niya para naman matulungan niya rin si mama si chokoy naman sana tumblr makapasok siya sa UAAP then soon sa PBA syempre para sa amin rin yun, para sa kanya at lalo na para kay papa frustrated na siguro si papa kasi pang ilang generation na wala pa ring robles na pba kaya gagawin ko rin ang makakaya ko para matulungan ang mga kapatid ko kasi ganun naman talaga dapat. ginagawa ko ang lahat ng ito hindi naman para sa akin kundi mas para sa kanila para maexperience naman namin yung buhay na walang susugod at sisigawan si mama dahil may utang, ang lungkot diba o sige yun lang tumblr masaya naman ako ngayon wag ka mag-alala medyo inaatk lang hahaha sige sa susunod ulit!

[cyrillacs13]

My insecurities

How to live a life without looking at the mirror everyday and saying why do i look like this? I am very sad today, is melancholic someone who drinks melancholy as his water? then that is me. I am insecure of everything, what if i am pogi just like others good nose? pearly white teeth? towering height? small face? small lips? white skin? and glass looking face? i don't have any i am so insecure that i wish i have those attributes, i feel like i am so ugly, i am so insecure of my height i am sooooooooo small i hate it i feel like the crowd is eating me every time i go outside my face i hate it i have this big nose i look like a fucking donkey, my face scars? pimple marks? pricks? i have it all. dry ugly hair i got you, huge yellowish teeth? that's me glass looking skin and white complexion? file cannot be found why do i need to feel like this? it is so easy for me to say to other to love themselves to accept all their flaws and imperfection top never be insecure but rather be inspire and continuously improve why it is so hard to apply to myself? Can i just go to a surgeon and make me look like an angel send from above so people will love me because when you don't look good here people don't like you you are nothing and they are probably laughing because we are ugly. i hate it i hate myself and also i am unmotivated i haven't look any materials this week WHY? I don't know i don't have the will and motivation to do i feel so tired i feel so sleepy i feel so ugly i feel nothing, does ending my life would be the solution? i guess not but WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK CAN I DO? I HATE ONLINE CLASS I HATE MYUGLY SLEF, I HATE THIS FUCKING COUNTRY I HATE POVERTY I HATE EVERY FUCKING THING!

[cyrillacs13]

Tito asan ka na?

Noong bata pa ako ang akala ko ay si mama lang at si nanay using ang magkasama sa buhay.

Taong 2008, Fiesta noong oktubre 27, Tumatakbong papasok ng bahay si mama umiiyak, at sumisigaw ng NANAY...NANAY...NANAY... nasa bakuran ako noon 7 taong gulang pero malinaw sa aking gunita ang lahat ng nangyari. Sumakay si mama at nanay sa traysikel ang iyak ni mama ay walang humpay namatay si nanay kinagabihan bago umuwi si mama upang magpasuso kay nicolay, binulungan niya si nany na “ Nay, kung hinihintay mo si NoNOY, Mukhang malabo ko na siyang makita” at doon ko lang nalaman na may kapatid pala si mama doon ako nagsimulang magtanong kay mama at nag kwento naman siya.

Ang huling kita raw nila ay noong siyam na taon pa lang si mama 1988, nag-away daw si lolo at tito at sumama si tito sa isang perya, kahit noong namatay daw si lolo ay hindi daw umuwi si tito at nagpadala lang ng pera,lumipas ang mga panahon nakapagtapos si mama ng highschool gustong mag kolehiyo kahit scholar ay hindi kaya ng paglalabada ni nanay, namasukang katulong si mama sa villamor airbase sa pasay, napunta karenderia siya at nagkakahera, hanggang sa makilala niya si papa ay di niya pa rin nataagpuan ang kanyang kapatid. 

Taong 2014, labing tatlong taong gulang ako at labing isang taong gulang si anne- anne mas  magaling si anne sa facebook kaysa sa akin siya ang may facebook account na mas palagiang ginagamit, pumunta kami sa computer shop isinama namin si mama kasi nagbabakasakali kami na mahanap ang kaniyang kapatid, ngunit wala, may napala naman kami dahil may nahanap kaming mga kamag-anak ni mama gaya nila auntie rose, at auntie leonie, doon tin namin nalaman na may kamag-anak pala si mama malapit sa amin isang baranggay at isang palengke lang si Papa Joaquin,mga pinsan lang ni mama ang nakita namin sa paghahanap.

Lagi naming dinadasal na magkapit ako at ni anne na sana makita namin at masurprise si mama, naghanap at nagtanong-tanong na rin sina mama may nagsabing nasa laguna, nasa pasig at kung saan san pang lugar pero wala.

Tuwing darating ang kaarawan ni mama lagi kong dasal na sana makita na niya ang kapatid niya dahil alam ko iyon ang gusto ni nanay,

Palagi naming hinahanp ni anne  sa lahat ng plataporma sa sosyal medya ang pangalang GONZALO LACSI ipinanganak noong setyembre 6, 1972pati may apelyidong Lacsi tinitingnan namin tinitingnan ko ang mga daliri kung may putol ba dahil yun daw ang pagkakatanda ni mama dahil naaksidente siya noon sa traktora, pero wala pa rin

41 years old na si mama ngayon 32 YEARS na silang di nagkikita, ginawan ko na rin si mama ng facebook account baka sakaling may mag padala ng mensahe pero wala.

Hindi pa rin ako napapagod na hanapin si tito dahil alam ko na mapapasaya nito si mama maski man lang malaman kung saan siya nakatira ay malaking tulong na ito,. Kung pwede lang namin hanapin ni anne dalawa at isurprise si mama ay gagawin namin matagal na mahigit 3 dekada at malaking puwang ang mapupunan hindi lang para kay mama kundi para kay nanay na nasa langit.

MALAKI ANG AKING PAG-ASA NA MAKIKITA KA NG ISA SA AMIN AT MASUSURPRISE NAMIN SI MAMA.

[cyrillacs13]

Papa Juaquin

We mourn the death of  papa juaquin, its been six years since the first time we saw you are the first relative of mama that was introduced to us, I was young then and I am very happy to know that my mama has relatives. 2014 when we found out that mama has a relative here in Taguig thank you to Facebook because we were able to reconnect I am not so madaldal around my tito or tita i barely share my notions when you are all around but i always see you as a light of joy to people around you, you always make face and make joke

Since 2014 youre always there for us a new family that we found, kayo tumulong gumawa ng bahay, nagluluto pag binyag, hiraman ng mga plato pag may handaan, hindi niyo kami nakakalimutan imbitahin, isa sa pinaka mamimiss ko ay ang pagbisita mo lagi rito sa amin para makipag usap kay mama, alam mo papa juaquin natutuwa ako pag ganun kasi si mama wala namang kamag-anak eh hindi rin nagfaface-book puro pataya nalang at asikaso sa amin, pag dumadalaw ka nakikita ko saya ni mama at natutuwa ako na may kamag-anak siya na nakakausap.

Kaninang umaga giniding ako ni mama sa mga katagang wala na si tatay bumalik lahat ng alala noong nawala si nanay. Nakita ko ang lungkot kay mama. Pagod man ako kasi 3 oras pa lang ang tulog ko, nagimbal ako at natulala di alam ang gagawin gusto kong umiyak kasi alam ko ang lungkot na bitbit nito kay mama. Salamat Papa Juaquin sa loob ng ilang taong nakapagbigay ka ng saya sa amin at lalo na kay mama. Maayos na Paglalakbay ang hiling ko para sa’yo gabayan mo kami dito sa mundong ibabaw pakisabi kay nanay miss ko na siya tho hindi ko pa naman siya gustong makita kasi maramoi pa akong dapat gawin sa mundo lalo na sa pamilya ko pero alam ko may purpose ang diyos sa iyo papa juaquin! Salamat hanggang sa muli!

[cyrillacs13]

Cyril Unfiltered

 I am currently 19 years 10 months and 7 days old, I was born here in Taguig City, November 13, 2000 yeah that's it I am a Scorpio. I've been wanting to do a blog and just write or type everything that i cannot share with other, and now i am starting it though this account is purposely made for academic purposes but now i am using it for my life blog ( hindi pa ako kumakain kaya kakain muna ako kakalaba ko lang ohhh naglalaba ako ah hahaha kaya kakain muna ako and after that i will continue this, it will be a long story i promised hahaha imagine almost 20 years and take note i have a good memory hhaaha yeah im bragging.

So I am back naligo pa ako btw lets go back to business walang iiyak sa story ko ah hahah

Growing up i knew that i have to wok hard to reach my dreams, I don't have the privilege like others, growing up i saw how difficult life was this place where we still live used to be a dump site this, that's why it is called Creekland and thankfully its is becoming better than before we are one of those people that lives here for lik 19 years already and yeah ever since i was a kid i am living here, this place is 20 years since they started an organization. I have six siblings and i am the eldest, yeah i have to work harder and imagine i am just 19 years old so my sibs are totally young. Growing up our house is not so huge its like a Bahay kubo that under our house are trash and water where mosquitos would multiply and take note it is visible because our floor are just bamboo but as times goes by it gets better but not so hahaha. now lets talk about my childhood we used to go to bukid or farm where in we usually play with kite dance, steal some corn, melon, sugarcane and yeah it was a fun childhood we also used to fish gurami with our bare hand and my papa would scream after, and all those memories are actually takas memories lang because my parents are strict hikain kasi ako or asthmatic that's why its not good for me to get tired or get dry with all my sweat. i studied kindergarten in a community day care center here in creekland my parents are very supportive when it comes to my studies every since probably because I am the first child to study I would join united nations and always have good baon with me i graduated salutatorian and i think its a great start in elementary its quite harder because the school is quite far and yeah i still managed to be in honor list actually i would brag about it hahah I am  very studious and diligent student you can actually count ion one hand the number that i did not make it in class honor most likely because through the years i cant breath becasue of my asthma hahaha, in High school still a great experience still included in honor list and in senior high i graduated with honors in PUP manila now i am taking bachelor in social sciences education a the Philippine normal university actually I don't want to continue this blog this one only because i am having a hard time with how can i not spoil my next blogs and probably i have to end it here and start a new topic

[cyrillacs13]

I will be using this tumblr account to share everything that I want to share and express words that my mouth can’t say!

[cyrillacs13]

 MY DREAM BOARD

    Persistence is one of my key and mantra through all out my journey since I decided entering this institution I know that along the road it will be hard I will encounter a lot of problems and sometimes will measure my patience but I realized that sometimes along the way, it okay to feel tired, burnt out, and fear of falling short or not measuring up but, when I feel all those negative things I don’t let myself get stuck on those situation I always make sure I will stand up, walk gain and fight. We might not meet the expectation of others and our own expectations always remember that it’s not the end of our life we can do better and we can always strive be better than best. Life is full of challenges and we are all fighters so if I lose and not measured up I will always be a warrior that is willing to fight for my dreams and will always be persistent no matter what.

                             Honesty is the best policy, yes, it sounds cliché but I believe we must be honest on how we present ourselves on how we act on how we want to be seen, our society have created norms and standards that are undeniably hard to reach especially us youth they keep on comparing us to other generation probably that’s why a lot of people said that I have a strong personality because I do not let myself get pressured just to conform to different and hard to reach standards of our society  I am real, honest, candid to myself and to people around I don’t need to argue on what they going to say what I believe is what’s more important and the notion of people around me that truly knows me as a person no one can destruct us if we know ourselves and honest to it because we have an ace that they can never have and that is our authenticity and uniqueness as an individual.

      Outstanding, I am outstanding not because I am an honor student nor I excel as per other people. I am outstand because I can do things that I want and that could help me be better person and help people around me, we must all find I purpose. Primarily I don’t want to become and educator I want to pursue law and start it by taking political science I don’t know what happened why I did not continue enrolling on the course that have been my dream for a very long time and choose to be an educator it made me outstanding because I am not afraid to fight and try my fate without knowing if ill be happy or not what I just know and see is that “ God has called you to be a teacher” and I will forever lift the torch of excellence truth and justice as a future and as afuture lawyer because  I know, I have a dream, a dreamer is outstanding.

 Eloquent, I am more than just the way I speak, more than just my public speaking skills, I am eloquent because I use my voice when it’s necessary and needed by someone, we must all stand and take actions on the advocacies that are near to our hearts be eloquent, use your voice don’t afraid to make mistakes if you stutter it’s okay its part of learning the art of speaking I did not able to be  a debater if I didn’t stutter if I did not controlled my weak knees, my trembling lips, what I want is to create change to open the eyes of others to teach them and educate them because I know it will give them power I did not lose my hope that someday more will be eloquent and fight their fears to c

                                                                    Conquer the dreams and advocacies that they have.

 Nice, to be nice is to be kind and you can never go wrong with kindness, I learn to understand especially after this term and meeting my college friend that being nice is to be concern with other we don’t know what other people are going thought especially in today’s society that depression is very prone due to different influences around us by just bringing nice and making someone happy you can alleviate the loneliness, overwhelming pressures and uncontrollable doubts that a person has let us cultivate the sense of niceness of people around us and through making them feel important and valuable it’s a good way to encourage them to continue life and always be happy  to conquer their dreams and that they have so always be nice!

       Industrious, we can never do things that we want if we don’t put efforts into it, it’s hard to achieve things without giving effort to it, I value the sense of industriousness as a future educator that I must work hard because it will put my things and my short term and long term plans if I continuously strive to do it on time so there’s no time to procrastinate and always utilize my time into something purposeful and with that I can assure that works done will be better

       X is what I’m finding, or should I say this is what im open for, for new learnings, experience and lessons I know that im a jigsaw puzzle that is not yet complete I have to find each pieces through all out my journey here and in life I am subject to change, vulnerable to mistakes and all the X that I have t find are things that will complete me and will teach me to be the best and complete person that I am in the future I don’t know when will I meet this x and where to find but I know in due times I will acquire it to function completely

        The phoenix is the magazine that I created I named it after the Greek mythological bird that means reborn or rebirth, it always rise from the ashes and made out of lava.

I believe that we must learn to be a phoenix and always phoenixify I know that throughout our life  there’s a lot of things that  will die and us also we will die a lot of times, die because of heartbreak, die from not making your dreams, die from falling short and not measuring up. But I also believe that just like a phoenix we will always rise and live again and dream. We have to conquer 3 things; conquer ourselves, conquer our dreams, and conquer with a purpose. Conquer yourself or know thyself like what they say, if you know your strength and weakness you will never take wrong path so always reflect and evaluate yourself. Next is conquering your dreams, our dreams is a picture of possibility and we should have a strong heart and prepared mind to turn our dreams into reality and that dream will make us truly happy. Last is conquering with a purpose. Why I am here, for whom I am doing this, what made me decide for this know your purpose beyond tradition beyond convention and beyond the image seek for something loftier than yourself because we are here not just to live have a remark that will turn things better that what we have expected.

[cyrillacs13]

How do you balance your spirituality and material self?

Growing up, i spend most of my time in church i go in different churches whether its a catholic church or not. i balance my spirituality and my material self by bringing the two in the context that they are intertwined that i can only perform and successfully acquire what i want  because of the guidance of our lord. my material self is not just my body but also my possession and everything that are corporeal  but all of these would not be vital if without asking guidance from above, from getting assistance tho the one that made everything possible i am forever be grateful for what i have achieve because i know God made it for a purpose, even though I don’t let the opposing them break our argument i still believe that there is a divine being that predetermined everything but of course i do not eliminate the role of my material self that is the agent and tool of our lord to create and fulfill my purpose here in the world like what they say” nasa Diyos ang awa nasa tao ang gawa” we cannot fulfill our lords will if we do not acknowledge the presence of this agent that will continuously strive to be better and find his purpose let us all create a world that believes in his guidance that believes that there are rules because if we do not see things that are loftier that ourselves it will be hard for us to find the real essence of living here.

[cyrillacs13]

In life theres no regrets only lessons

[cyrillacs13]

TARZAN, MOWGLI, AND CYRIL

 Tarzan, Mowgli and I are different people,  grow in different environments, and have different practices. I will use Jean’s Piaget theory of cognitive development to compare and locate myself as opposite of Mowgli and Tarzan.

Sensorimotor stage.

  I grew up in a place where people are talking with me even if I'm not yet speaking or doesn't know any word. They entertain me through actions or gestures that could get my attention and with that I learn to imitate it. Mowgli also have the same experience not with human but rather with wolves that's why  the sensories of the wolves are more obvious with his actions than with human.

PS. not me it's my brother

Preoperational stage

This is one of the most important stage in us because we learn our first step,first word, and even first time going to school. We go outside of our house and interact with people we even become the center of attention for being “bibo” and with that we grow we learn the language and the gestures of the elders and it's one thing that Mowgli doesn't have,he didn't go to school, he wasn't able to interact with humans, and learn to live in the world of his fellow humans.

Concrete operational

The way I think is based on the way I was thought by the people around me, I learned to respect, wear proper clothes, clean my self, and basic life skills in contrast to Mowgli he was taught to bait, to hunt, to fight for survival in the jungle in this case we are thought or we acquire the things or skills that are needed in our environment or in the context that we belong. I don't need to hunt because we have our markets to buy there, Mowgli doesn't care if he have clothes or he doesn't care if it's cold or hot he don't need air-conditioner. We are what the society we belong taught us to become.

Formal operational

I am the person that I am today, because of all the learning and experiences that I had for the past years I manage to make decisions for myself,  I learned to earn to get what I want, I nourished every moment that I have now because I know that I am a masterpiece in the making,we are all masterpieces in the making, I need to find my purpose in this world and I'm on my way in becoming the person that God planned me to become I am destined to be an educator, Mowgli is the catalyst of change for all us to take care of our environment and live the way the life that you have. There's no wrong decision you may learn or you will learn. Learn the difference.

Mowgli and tarzan might be fictional but the lesson that they taught us and we acquired can be applied to be better individuals in this society.

[cyrillacs13]

( photo from Google)

Stop lumad killings! Save lumad schools!

I firmly believe that our indigenous people is the soul of our country. They're our ancestors. They deserve to live in their ancestral land.

In my two years in PUP I will never forget the moment that I had a talk with lumads. These people need our help.

Recently 55 schools were suspended by the department of education because they allegedly not following the curriculum but rather they were thought to be rebels. Hearing the stories of these people made me realize that they don't need to be doubted, that they just want to study and alleviate the poverty that they're experiencing. They are people that are seeking for their rights and I condemn all form of military occupancy in their institution. I believe that one day more people will hear their stories and get moved by it let us support their dreams, give them the right to study, preserve their culture and tradition let them live knowing that someone believe in them because we owe it to them.

I hope that we give them a chance to dream, to study, and be able to have the right because  they are talented Filipinos, they are loving Filipinos, they are Filipinos!

[cyrillacs13]

WE ARE WARRIORS

We are all warriors, finding every peices of puzzle that will complete us, fighting for our dream, and knowing our purpose. Everyone of us is continuously striving to be better than best. We have different battles we need to be resilient to win all of these.

We experience adversities in life, with these we learn, we grow, we become better and we explored something that could put you down or give you proud but in the end the most important thing you've acquired the highest form of need which is self actualization.

In this society we need to locate ourselves find where you stand and stood firm, continue to fight all the battles, thrive and learn because in life there's no regrets only results.