cyrodiilproblems - Tumblr blog

[cyrodiilproblems]

finding out your neighbour, who hasn't been seen in months, was in fact a mythic dawn cultist and not little red riding hood

[cyrodiilproblems]

bought a mark spell from edgar's discount spells, now there's a guy called mark and he won't go away

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complained to count cheydinhal that the well water tasted funny, he said that just happens sometimes because uhh mages' guild stuff and also please don't go near the boarded-up house that smells like death

[cyrodiilproblems]

nvm it's back

has anyone seen the bloated float lately

[cyrodiilproblems]

has anyone seen the bloated float lately

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it's still last seed but we're getting our big cloaks out already

meanwhile your friend's holidaying in elsweyr and will probably come back looking like they burned in the fires of oblivion

[cyrodiilproblems]

visiting your family tomb to pay your respects and there's a weird guy in black robes suddenly trying to claim he's related to you and please ignore great-aunt camellia she just wanted to stretch her legs

[cyrodiilproblems]

getting your priceless heirloom stolen by bandits but apparently the champion of cyrodiil is busy/awol/a daedra now so you're probably never getting it back

[cyrodiilproblems]

going to your friend's for dinner and it's just three tomatoes, two cobs of corn and an ironwood nut

[cyrodiilproblems]

some idiot calling the guards because "there's an oblivion gate" my dear sir that is a sunset

[cyrodiilproblems]

i swear we only intended to be in mach-na's books for half an hour but now suddenly it's 4E2 somehow

@cyrodiilproblems come back i miss you

[cyrodiilproblems]

when people assume cyrodiil is just the imperial city

[cyrodiilproblems]

when people assume cyrodiil is just the imperial city

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Have you been able to get an interview with High Chancellor Ocato? Surely this would make for good PR! Let us know if you do.

Cyrodiil Problems: Good morning, your Highness. Thank you for the tea.

High Chancellor: I do hope it’s adequate. You will have to forgive me, I don’t know in the slightest who you are.

CP: Oh, we get that a lot. Nobody wants to admit they read the half-baked comedy-satire column in the tabloids.

HC: *surreptitiously sliding something into his waste-paper basket*

CP: It has come to our attention that a lot of people in Cyrodiil do not know very much about you, our new leader. Could you describe yourself in three words?

HC: Um… High Chancellor Ocato?

CP: That’ll do. What is your favourite flavour of sandwich?

HC: I have more important things to form opinions on.

CP: We’ll put down ‘cucumber’. That’ll please our audience. Can you answer the allegations that you are quietly rooting out dissent against the Empire and its leadership?

HC: I’d rather have more questions about sandwiches actually.

CP: Last week a man was arrested in the Talos Plaza for looking like he might have been ‘about to cause trouble’.

HC: If you are referring to the man wearing full Mythic Dawn uniform and shouting about the end of the world, – 

CP: That’s just Tom, he does that. What is going to happen to the Imperial Dragon branding, now that there is no longer a ‘dragonborn’ emperor?

HC: That is a very good question which I hadn’t considered. In fairness I have been preoccupied with quashing the Mythic Dawn remnants, rebuilding an entire province and carrying out erosion control on the new Temple statue. I will make a note of it.

CP: A question from a reader which we do not endorse: how burglable is the Elder Scrolls library?

HC: You will have to excuse me. Something just sounded like a person falling down the chimney.

CP: Thank you for your time, Potato, um, Potentate Ocato.

[cyrodiilproblems]

Are there any problems with the idea of an emperor that isn’t Dragonborn?

well there's the idea that any changes to the status quo means the end of the empire/tradition/life as we know it/the high chancellor's tether. there's the fact that we simply do not know what happens now that the last septim is an oversized brick, without future so-called dragonborn emperors to do all the ritual stuff

but the main problem we've identified is that they might have to change all the legion branding. you know, with the dragon on it. can you imagine the confusion. the cost to taxpayers. the letters to the editor. looking forward to a second, primarily paperwork-related crisis

[cyrodiilproblems]

You ever wonder if Goblins will become civilized like orcs?

if we have to call skyrim a civilisation then we have to call goblins a civilisation that's the rules

[cyrodiilproblems]

when someone steals your sweetroll and none of the guards will believe you