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dont play defense

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Any day now

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it’s just one of those croissant days

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I love women

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a great change and a great way to execute the idea

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So apparently Tumblr ate my original post about this but:

A couple weeks ago I’m going to get lunch and as I open the fridge, my mother attempts to communicate to me that any chicken currently in the fridge is ok for people to eat, because the chicken that was intended for the dog to eat has been used up.

What she actually says is, “That’s human chicken.”

After taking a minute to process all horrible implications of the phrase “human chicken”, I decide to go a different route and hold the tupperware of chicken out to my sister, saying, “Behold, a man!”

This was evidently the wrong choice, as it meant I had to explain to my parents who Diogenes was, thereby cementing the incident in their minds and leading to me, just now, opening the fridge to see the following incredibly cursed image:

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mh computer tryin to say chimichangas I give uP

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Illustration by Sophie Lucido Johnson

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"you gotta play with the cards you're dealt" WRONG. i play pot of greed which lets me draw two additional cards from my deck

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If you care about your local wildlife, you won't let your cat free roam outside. There are ways to allow your cat some outside time that will keep both your cat and the local wildlife safe, if that's something you're set on. Enclosed outside spaces (catio, enclosed patio area, properly fenced-in and cat-proofed backyard) or taking your cat on walks are both great ways to get your cat outside while still keeping your cat and the local ecosystem protected.

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Lakes and graveyards are very similar in that if you detonate a large explosion inside either one a lot of dead bodies come to the surface.

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