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[daconsumarsi]

be  𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴,     not  judgemental.      ©

[daconsumarsi]

@daconsumarsi.

[daconsumarsi]

[daconsumarsi]

there is something so terrible about being left standing in the wake of grief. alana is no stranger to that feeling, the odd way in which life goes on and stands stock still all at once. jack is many things, one of which is simply human ( no matter how he may fight to be more ) and though everyone experiences grief differently, alana intends to help in whatever way he needs, even if it's difficult. she offers a small, crooked smile in response to his question. ' spidey sense, ' she supplies helpfully. at jack's expression, however, she frowns. that's one thing they often don't tell you about grief. it is exhausting. ' i'm not, ' she says earnestly. ' there are easier days and then there... aren't. and i have no intention of telling you how to feel. ' she reaches over to place one hand atop his. ' i do, however, intend to be here. if you'll have me. '

maybe he's not as strong as he was when bella was around. maybe he didn't have to be. jack had been convinced that once his wife passed away, he would be nothing. that, or he would be made of rage and grief, unable to function properly. neither of those happened to be the case - and though that may be because of what he had done to bella ( for bella ), he knew she would want him to accept help. even in his own way. brow raises in alana's direction. they're sat on a stone bench near bella's grave. the day is sunny with a light breeze and no clouds ; bella's favorite kind of day. ' how did you know i was here? ' he questions then, hands crossing on his lap. ' if you're here to tell me everything's going to be okay and it gets easier - don't, ' words are firm, but when jack looks at alana, his features are soft and worn. ' i've heard that enough, '

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@slashaer said: ❛ see? i’m not just a pretty face. ❜ - will @ alana.

alana grins, gaze flickering up to will and back down to what's in front of her again. ' well, ' she says mischievously, ' i don't think that was ever in doubt. ' it seems odd, to smile about something so grotesque, but the file will has brought to her will be invaluable in teaching her next lecture. she sifts through the material, smiling fading into a detached state of contemplation–– a necessity, given the nature of her work, their work, really–– and when she is done, alana fixes him more firmly in her gaze, smiling. this was a case will had worked when he was a homicide detective that another mutual acquaintance, dr. heimlich, had consulted on. she'd needed will's sway to get the file opened up for her students. ' really, thank you. i owe you for this. can i take you out to lunch? '

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for alana to believe anything other than hannibal's innocence, would be, frankly, absurd. she cared about will–– had even developed feelings for him. now, they twisted and soured in her gut. she wishes desperately that he wasn't guilty, but the evidence is there. perhaps, if he had pointed the blame for the ripper's crimes at anyone but hannibal, she would have considered it. but of everyone in the world, alana trusts hannibal perhaps the most. even her own brothers don't know her as he does, and, in turn, she would like to think she knows him quite well, too. perhaps there are things he keeps close to the chest, but she has come to respect that. some old traumas, she is sure, are not worth retreading if the work has already been done. she can certainly speak to that.

she smiles wanly under the warmth of hannibal's gaze, wondering, distantly, how he can possibly be so composed. but then, that has always been his way. so outwardly calm, no matter the storm that might be brewing within. ' you've always been one of those someones, ' she says, fond. even after all these years, there's a humility to him, alana notes with gentle amusement. ' or at any rate, ' she goes on, ' you have been for a long time. '

at the mention of will, she nods her understanding. hannibal has even more reason than she does to be distressed about the whole situation, considering will's attempt on his life. alana still feels responsible, even if only tangentially. she only nods at the offer, following him into his sitting room.

where most times, hannibal believes simply dropping in on someone and their home to be rude, with alana, it was different. not only had hannibal told her she could see him whenever she felt the need to, he also understood that her arriving onto his doorstep meant that she trusted him, that she knew she could confide in him. he was in her good graces, thanks to will practically digging his own grave with his ( very correct ) accusations of doctor lecter. she believed him over will graham, and that gave hannibal some very deep satisfaction. he takes his time in hanging up her coat, straighting the wrinkles before turning back to the woman with a grin. ' no apology needed. in fact, i'm flattered you thought to come to me when you needed someone, ' they don't feel the same, but doctor lecter intends to make alana believe that they do. which is why he adorns a forlorn mask, brows pinched slightly, eyes dropping to the floor as if he felt wounded by the situation. ' yes, i've been thinking about it, myself. about will, ' about how he had sent someone to kill him. how it almost worked, even. intriguing, despite the betrayal he felt. when he looks at alana again, hannibal looks contemplative. ' let's sit down. i'll get you something to drink, '

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@slashaer said: ❛ why are you still here? ❜ - jack

the question makes her heart ache. to jack's credit, he doesn't outright tell her to go–– that's a comfort, anyway. alana likes to think she knows jack well enough to know what he needs, but grief is a funny thing. she knows all too well that loss can make you a stranger to yourself. "because i'm your friend," she says simply. "because i don't want you to be alone right now." he doesn't need to entertain her or pour his heart out. alana is content to sit here with him for as long as he needs. he may not be one to ask for help, but alana gives it freely.

[daconsumarsi]

hey yall im sorry ive been radio silent the last few days i uhhhhh had to go to the er fkejbfbriu im okay tho!!! i had food poisoning

[daconsumarsi]

@slashaer said: don’t tell me what to do. - jack

frustration is hot in her chest. she feels her nostrils flare, her jaw clench. she wants to tamp it all down, but instead it bursts forth, if only a little. ' no–– ' she says, ' no, actually, i'm going to. ' alana turns on him, advances. jack is a colleague but he's also a friend. perhaps that's why she finds this all so frustrating; because she knows his heart, knows that his blind spots are an extension of how hard he is on himself. ' you need to realize that not everyone is as strong as you, least of all will graham. '

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when it comes to hannibal, alana finds herself much less reserved–– sometimes to a frankly surprising degree. with most people in her life, even friends, she holds herself very consciously upright. she is calm, good, kind. all of which is expected of her. but hannibal has seen behind the curtain, had known her when she was still young and making bad decisions, still striving to be who she would eventually become. and her poise is still her own–– she is the kind, composed woman she presents herself to be. but she is, too, the hurricane of emotions in hannibal's entryway. it's just that she trusts very few people with the deluge. ' i'm sorry, ' she says, stepping inside, ' i should have called. ' alana shrugs off her coat, hands it to hannibal, only now having the decency to look the slightest bitt sheepish. ' thank you. i just... found myself drowning in my own thoughts and figured you'd understand. maybe you'd be feeling some of the same. '

the ring of the doorbell had been surprising. hannibal wasn't expecting guests tonight, especially not this late, and definitely not after he's already finished dinner. he always had something to offer - wine or coffee or something small, if they were hungry - but being caught off guard was not a feeling hannibal enjoyed. nevertheless, he stands from his seat with a short sigh, straightening the length of his button down before making his way towards the front of his home. brow quirks when he sees alana bloom on the other side of the door, though he hides his curiosity well with a small grin. what could she possibly have to talk about with night covering so much of their city? hannibal continues to silently question her as he steps aside, ushering alana in. ' by all means, come in, ' the doctor bows his head a bit. ' let me take your coat, '

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@killjoysanonymous said: ❛ i’m not sorry. ❜ (abigail)

The words pull a long, slow breath from her as they settle into her mind. Alana would love to believe that Abigail isn't sorry for her actions because they allowed her to survive, but she gets the terrible feeling that it isn't that at all. There are a few things she finds herself wanting to say–– don't say that, you don't mean it; you have to express remorse in court or they'll put you away. All are things she has no business saying. She isn't Abigail's mother, nor her lawyer. Her job isn't to protect Abigail, but to help her understand who she is. The truth, Alana is beginning to find, is not as hopeful as she might have imagined. "All right," she says evenly, perhaps even encouragingly, "let's talk about that. You're not sorry for what?"

[daconsumarsi]

1x6 | Entrée

You had some sessions with him? Yes. Two. Couple years ago. When he was first institutionalized.

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You can’t put her in a room with Nick Boyle’s body. She already has nightmares about him. I’m curious about why.

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@consumare said: ❛ dangerous to be out so late. ❜ - hannibal

' couldn't sleep, ' alana says grimly. a small part of her resents hannibal's concern. it feels patronizing, diminutive. she knows that he's only looking out for her, and that, yes, going out late at night does put her at more of a risk. after all, if she'd gone out the night abel gideon had planned to kill her-- but then that's the whole reason she's here. will had saved her life but taken abigail's. she's furious. she's heartbroken. she still feels indebted to will and in some horrible way sees him as a victim of his own mind rather than the murderer she knows he is. it's maddening. ' i needed to talk to you. '

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@slashaer said: i have absolutely no purpose at all. - will @ alana.

alana exhales a soft laugh. as much as she hates to encourage will's tendency to self-deprecate, his sense of humor, sometimes as brash as it is quiet, is hard to deny. ' now, i hardly think that's fair, ' she says, taking a few steps closer. ' i also don't think it's a good reason to let other people tell you what your purpose should be. ' the addition is gentle. she doesn't want to mother-hen will–– it's just difficult to see the way he doesn't trust himself, doesn't see his value, intrinsic or otherwise.